Derrick's ongoing journey

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Just got back from they gym and lunch.
I walked/jogged 2.30 miles in about 30 minutes. Was mostly focused on getting 20 continuous minutes in my heart rate zone of 140 to 185. Mission accomplished.

Then I went to Panera Bread and had a chicken cobb salad. Seemed like a pretty healthy salad but it turns out it was 500 calories. Tons of protein though, just a little high on the fat grams too. So far I've had less than 1000 calories today. I'm shooting for 2000 to 2400 calories today.
 
I finished yesterday very well. I managed to eat less than 2000 calories and drink lots of water. Only one beer, a mich ultra.

This morning I was somewhat surprised to be down to 214 already. I'll take it. I do remember in the past whenever I would eat and exercise exceptionally well after months of not doing so, I would often lose 3 to 5 lbs the first week. That would be great if the first week of 2010 turns out that way.

Today I had one hour of intense personal training at 9am. I stretched a lot before and after. Feeling good right now. My eating was pretty good too.

8am - Power Sandwhich at Panera, 1 small cup of coffee with a little half & half, skim milk and 3 equals
9am - PT for one hour
11am - MyoPlex Lite
3pm - Chicken Noodle soup with low fat chips
5pm - FiberOne bar

I'll probably finish up with another MyoPlex Lite. This is definitely on the light side for my size but I want to get back into weight loss mode as quickly as possible.
 
Sunday, Jan 3rd turned out to be a rest day.

Monday, Jan 4th (yesterday) started out at 6am with personal training again. I hate it so much that I love it to death. It is seriously intense stuff. In one hour I am burning 900 calories according to my watch. Those are cardio like numbers! If I don't gain some serious muscle after 24 of these workouts then I guess I need to go on roids or something. LOL My abs feel like they are torn, my shoulders, chest and tris are very sore and my legs are so sore and weak that I can barely walk. Sitting down is funny to watch.

Eating was pretty good again yesterday but I did break down and have some tostitos and salsa last night because a tostitos commercial came on during the Fiesta Bowl. :toetap05:

Today is cardio day. Probably treadmill or stationary bike.

Yesterday I was googling for some triathlon training camps. I found one in San Diego that sounds awesome but I just don't know if I am physically ready for it yet. It is only a month away and I am not up to running even 3 continuous miles yet. I am feeling stronger and smarter than ever but not yet feeling like my cardio is back to where it was 6 months ago. Maybe the triathlon camp will have to wait until next year.
 
Nice eating there Derrick! Damn tostitos commercial!! haha...Subliminal Messages Galore!! The pizza ones always get me!

Those camps you are talking about sound COOL!!! :D!!! :cheers2:!, but I hear ya on the workout level backing up to 6 months ago! I feel you!!! Way to go on those early morning Killer Sessions!!! ...I don't think you'll be needing the "Roids!" ;)!! hahah!!

Grrrrr...Get em TIGER!! :reddevil:!!!
 
Just got off the treadmill. Just did a brisk walk at variable inclines to burn some calories and loosen up my leg and butt muscles. Went for 40 minutes and burned just at 400 calories. Then I stretched, of course. Time for dinner soon. I'll probably have a small steak and chicken breast with a baked potato and a salad.
 
Hey Derrick awesome work outs!! I know what you mean about it hurting when you sit down! You should be grateful you get stand while you pee! I would love a personal trainer to really push me for all I have - maybe I'll ask for it as a wedding gift the month before the big day. Are you going to show progress pics? I bet you now and one after the 24 sessions would be really something to see - even just do it for yourself. Keep it up!
 
Nice Dinner! At first I was thinking "Hmm two types of Meat/Chicken at dinner together? Then I thought...."WAIT ALTA, you do that allllllll the time if you go to a buffet or something and pile, the roast, the chicken, and the steak on there or something. What are you talking about, it's not that unheard of. hahah!"

...Forgot! ;)!
 
I haven't done progress pics since last summer because it has been nothing but regress ever since. I'll have my wife take some photos of me this week but I may wait until I have some actual progress to post any of the pics.

I actually ended up getting steak and shrimp last night with a baked potato and a salad. My friend came out to the farm I'm working at (he works out here sometimes also) and we ended up drinking too much. It's embarrasing to say but I ended up having 6 shots worth of captain morgan and 4 mich ultras. So 10 drinks worth last night. :ack2: I seriously need to stop doing that. I will never lose weight if I keep drinking that much. I need to cut it down to no more than twice per week and only two or three drinks.

My lower back is really stiff and sore today. I am sure I aggrevated my disk during my pt session on Monday. We were tossing this heavy squishy ball and he told me I was doing the first set wrong, bending my back too much. I'm sure that's what did it. Hopefully I will be recovered by Friday morning when I have my next pt session.

Snow is on the way. Not much but maybe 3 to 5 inches. I'm going to go out bowhunting one last time this afternoon. The deer are really hitting our food plots lately and I'm sure they will today with the snow on the way. I don't expect to get one. I've been doing this for 20 years and have still never shot a buck with my bow. But I'm going to keep trying...and freeze my butt off in the process.
 
Good luck out there today! Hopefully you catch yourself some nice meat to feast on for the next couple months! I love deer meat and moose.
 
Just got back from hunting. It was an awesome hunt with the snow coming down and deer pouring out into the field but once again I did not get a buck. I did see "my buck" though. He is "my buck" because I have hit him twice and he has gotten away both times. I shot him last year in the shoulder with my bow and again this year in the same shoulder. Unbelievably he lived both times. The arrow never penetrated into his chest. I guess he has a very thick shoulder blade. We named him "steel shoulders." Tonight, he appeared to be perfectly fine. Walking just like normal and eating like a pig. He was too far to shoot. Oh well, he should be even bigger next year.

That's all for now. Hope you all enjoyed the deer story. :D
 
Went and did 25 minutes on the eliptical last night just to get some time in the heart rate zone and loosen my stiff lower back. Felt pretty good but didn't sleep much last night. Woke up this morning at 5am after getting maybe 2 hours of sleep. Went and did personal training this morning at 6. Was a fairly easy PT session because we avoided any leg or bending exercises. Instead we lifted kind of heavy, hitting back, bis and finished up with a bunch of pushups to failure...3 times.
 
Happy New Year!!

Hope you had a great holiday and a great New Year :)

Good to see that you're still here and into getting to where you want to be!!

Good hunting Derrick :) I haven't had deer meat in soooo long.
 
Just a quick update since I haven't posted in 5 days. Last weekend I did bike for 20 minutes and run for 10 minutes as well as some walking. Felt pretty good. I was unable to do PT on Monday morning due to a Symposium I had to attend at the University of Illinois. Instead I did cardio on Tuesday morning and PT on Wednesday morning (yesterday). Yesterday was fairly hard but not too bad. A lot of focus on obliques and other core exercises, as well as a lot of chest exercises. I'm pretty sore right now. No exercise today, no equipment nearby and too cold outside. No weight loss or gain to report. Still sticking with it though.
 
This morning I swam for 20 minutes and did the eliptical for 20 minutes. I also stretched for 20 minutes. My eating has been pretty good. Not perfect but good enough to cause weight loss. The only problem is I am not losing weight.

While it may be hard to convince people who aren't familiar with the unwanted side effects of psychiatric meds, I am 100% convinced myself that they are 100% to blame right now. I've mentioned it before but I'll say it again, from May of 2008 to July of 2009 I lost weight in 13 of those 15 months. As soon as I went back on medication I have gained weight in 6 of the last 7 months. Taking 3 months off did not help but 4 of those 7 months I have exercised hard and ate healthy enough to at least maintain my weight. Instead I am putting on 2 to 5 pounds per month.

Frustrated is not even the right word. I could go on a long winded cussing rant here but I won't. I am supposed to go to an outpatient study for a few days to help figure out exactly what's going on. Basically I either have bipolar disorder, post traumatic stress disorder or a paranoid personality disorder. They need to know which one for sure so they know how to treat it. If it's the last of the three, then the meds are only making things worse and I'll need to go off them right away. Fun stuff.
 
So today was my first day of group therapy. I was dreading it because I thought it was supposed to be 6 hours long. As it turns out, it is only 3 hours long. However, I am supposed to go 3 times per week for a month.

It actually went quite well today. I was in a group of 7 and there was another guy in the group who shared some similiarities with me. We actually had the rest of the group laughing quite a bit so that was uplifting. At one point, and Alta will like this one, the group leader did some hypnotherapy relaxation techniques with us. One of the guys confessed afterwards that he was worried because there was a loud ticking clock in the room. He said something like, "I thought Derrick and Tom had to be going nuts." :smilielol5: I admitted that I heard it and was annoyed but after a few minutes into relaxation I forgot all about it. :D It was also comforting to hear several others who are struggling with weight gain since going on meds.

I already felt better tonight. My wife was feeling tired with the pregnancy and all so I had my daughter all to myself tonight. After playing, eating, bathing, and brushing teeth it was bed time...which is still going on as I type, she keeps getting up and busting out another stall tactic. :toetap05:

My weight this morning was 216.0 and 25% body fat according to Tanita. So only 1 lb heavier since New Years and only 2 lbs heavier since November 30th when I started working out again. Obviously I want to be losing weight but I am thankful that my weight gain has slowed down. Next time I go to my doctor I am going to ask her to start me on the last resort med she claims is 100% weight neutral.

I haven't worked out since Saturday morning. My PT session was cancelled on Monday because my trainer is sick. I'm hoping to get some exercise in tomorrow morning before going back to group therapy.
 
Nothing too exciting to report but I did weigh only 214.5 this morning so that is a good sign. I was 214.0 on November 30th and 215.5 on January 1st. So I guess this means my weight gain has stopped for the most part. I am hoping my body will slowly get used to the medicine I'm taking and hopefully allow me to start losing weight again. To be honest, if I could just get down to 213.5 by the end of this month, I will feel pretty good about things. Two pounds per month is definitely a slow start but it sure beats going the other direction.
 
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Yesterday afternoon I walked 35 minutes on the treadmill, keeping my heart rate right around 145 to 150 the entire time. Then I swam 400 yards, mostly as a cool down. I got really hungry afterwards and started snacking on everything I could get my hands on. I stopped myself before it got out of hand.

This morning my PT had to cancel on me because he was sick. I was up already so I went to the gym anyway. I did some pushups, pullups, ab exercises and walked for 25 minutes on the treadmill. In total I kept my heart rate above 140 for 30 minutes.

I ate pretty good today. Had about 2000 to 2300 calories.
 
Two posts in the same night. I don't do this very often. I went to group therapy Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday (today). I think I did a better job of helping others than I did figuring out anything about myself. I guess that's a good thing from a "helping others point of view" but I really need to get to the bottom of what's going on with me. My psychiatrist is really unsure between bipolar and post traumatic stress disorder. She wants me to attend this program in the hopes that I will uncover something that may tip us off.

There are times when I'm certain it's bipolar then there are times when I think it may be PTSD afterall. Then there are times when I think nothing is fucking wrong with me at all. However, my family and my psychiatrist say otherwise and because I am cursed with an open mind (sarcasm) I continue to entertain any and all suggestions.

Basically my main problem is sensitivity to obnoxious noises. For example, a barking dog, a loud car (especially ricers or diesel trucks), construction, etc. No sane human being actually enjoys these noises but I absolutely hate them. As soon as I hear them I am ruined for hours. One damn ricer driving by my house at night can ruin my night. I become filled with anger but I don't want anyone to see that so instead I get really quiet and withdrawn. Even the simplest of tasks become very difficult. According to my wife, it basically looks like I suddenly become emotionless. This is the part that is suggestive of PTSD.

However, I can also become obsessive compulisve as well as worry so much or dwell so much to the point of paranoyia. I do have episodes every so often that are somewhat suggestive of mania but I'm not entirely convinced. Most manic episodes involve being promiscuous, which I'm not. I certainly enjoy sex as much as any other male my age but it has never been uncontrollable and I've never cheated on my wife or even came close for that matter. Then again, not all mania envolves sex and I do sometimes have some of the other symptoms of mania. I sometimes wonder if the 58 lbs I lost from May 2008 to May 2009 was just one long manic episode. I did feel like I could do anything and I was on top of the world. Finally, I have been suffering depressive episodes off and on since I was 15. These are the symptoms that are suggestive of BD.

All of this means I rarely ever sleep through the night without waking up at least a half dozen times. I long for good sleep but it has been nearly unattainable for the past two years. Most of the medication I have tried does make me tired but not the right kind of tired. I usually don't get good sleep until the last few hours of the night and I'm usually tired most of the day. My energy levels are usually very low also. On top of these undesirable side effects, the biggest one of all is weight gain. Nearly all of the BD medications cause moderate weight gain. So the trick is finding the right dosage that will deminish the symptoms without making me too tired, taking away my energy or causing me to gain weight.

Add alcohol to the mix and getting control of these symptoms can become impossible. I don't think I am an alcoholic but I will admit that I often use it to self medicate. So for now, I am not drinking while I am attending the outpatient program. If and when I drink again, I am going to keep it to a minimum of one night per week and no more than three or four drinks. If my mind still doesn't like that, I guess I'll have to add alcohol to the list of things I've had to quit in my life.

Well, time to try and go get some broken sleep.
 
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