Dear Carbs: is not you, is me. -A diary of an emotional eater

Amiba

Amiba

New member
Dear carbohydrates and sugars:


I've been unhappy for a long time.
I could blame all my problems on you, but the truth is I am responsible for my own bad habits. I know I run to you every time I feel like I can handle a situation, even when I am just happy and I can't depend on you anymore. We have been together for too long now and I need my own space and time to grow without you. We did share some good moments I'll give you that, but the truth is after a little while I would feel even worse about being with you.. well now I know I can't stay with someone that only pulls me down.
goodbye, dear, I will miss you occasionally but I will be happy knowing that I won't need you anymore.
I hope you find someone you can be happy with as well


....................................................................................................


well hello there!
this is not my first time here.
and certainly, not the first time I try a new diet-exercise routine. The truth is I could write a book with all the attempts I've made through a life time of being chubby. I know many of you can relate and it can be frustrating to feel that you fail each time.
Today I started a new cycle and to celebrate I went to the gym I haven't been to for two months -ashamed- the trainer is fierce to say the least and he gave me one of those talks that we all hate to hear: that I am my own enemy and the one that lets me fail each time. I know he is right, but I always find the right excuse to let myself down. I know the discipline is in me somewhere but I am one of those who start something and never finishes.


you could say it is a good time in my life to start all over.
I am almost done with college which is a huge challenge on itself: four years of dedicating myself to a career is no picnic for me, because like I just said, it takes me an inhuman amount of energy and dedication to accomplish something for that long.
I just recently started working and I am saving every bit of it for an art residence in Europe (I am a visual arts and new media student) Not spending the money is a challenge by itself, let me tell you that. having over 800 bucks on an account and not spending them is something I've never tried before so I am quite proud of me for being able to do that.

so now that I am dedicated to school and to a job, (I am always on time, saving the money etc) it only made sense to pay attention to my body and mind as well. and because diet and exercise starts with the mind I am working hard on letting go all the emotional attachments I have with food. convincing myself that I don't really need that chocolate pop tart or having the courage to get up and go to the gym.


so I am here. once again, feeling emotional and excited at the same time.


yours truly,
Diana

 
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Day one.



So today starts my new regimen. I woke up at 11 AM (goal time was 9 AM but oh well! next time)

12-1 pm: gym
it was paaainful. but I am proud of myself for getting up and going. The trainer is tough and he gave me a reality check. my whole body hurts like crazy but I know it takes time and effort to gain condition.

1:30-2:00 pm Lunch
I came back home and made myself some ''deconstructed'' thai food. instead of noodles or rice I used steamed veggies. I used a little olive oil for the chicken and a bit of light panela cheese to seal the deal.


2:00-5:00 pm work on my thesis

now the tough part comes along. I go to work from 6 to 10:30 pm and that is the time I get the most hungry. the good thing is my job keeps me quite busy and I hardly think about food, but I certainly need to bring a fruit and a granola bar just in case, so I won't end up eating a bag of doritos.
I know I can make it.

I'll come back at night to let you guys know how it is going :D

thank you for reading!


 
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Just stopping by to say good luck! I work a desk job, and I find myself snacking constantly throughout the day, so I wish I had a job where I could stay busy and keep my mind off of food.
 
Laura F said:
Just stopping by to say good luck! I work a desk job, and I find myself snacking constantly throughout the day, so I wish I had a job where I could stay busy and keep my mind off of food.
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Hi Laura, thank you sooo much!


I have a desk job as well! but because I have to file ring orders and I can't make mistakes my mind is set on typing and working hard and I only have one break a day so I don't get to eat.
good luck to you too!
 


Last night was a good first night.
I was hungry most of the day but I figured it had to do with suddenly changing my eating habits all over again and because I've been eating so poorly lately, lots of sugars, carbs, candy.. urgh.

I made myself a slim fast smoothie with fresh strawberries
I didn't drink it all because I didn't get the strawberries mixed well and the texture was bothering me! but I had a 90 calorie granola bar instead.


Today I got up all sore from yesterday's exercise.
I had an all bran with vanilla and fiber to drink, and a quacker granola bar.

I have for lunch the same I prepared yesterday: chicken with mixed veggies in a peanut sauce.

I am still figuring out my snacks, I need to go shopping for groceries but I am going to have an apple or two :)

and for dinner a slim fast.


I am feeling good, I just have to keep focused.

yesterday a girl offered me a chips ahoy cookie. just one, innocent looking cookie. but I knew I´ve been eating cookies non stop my whole life so I politely said no. it felt so good!

on the side, I just want to share something that made me laugh
these two men walked by when I was waiting to cross the street to get to work and one said to the other:

---pretty women, like her----
I couldn't help but smile, laugh a little and say ''thanks!''
it was a much needed confidence boost that's for sure.

aaanyway....
I have to work on my thesis now and get ready for work later on. I'll let you guys know how things work out.

xoxo
Diana

 
Hey Diana, just stopping by to wish you luck on starting your journey again. Congrats on JUST SAYING NO to the cookie!!! Them cookies...worse than drugs!! Plus you got to take your ego boosts where you can - I love gettign little comments on the street from guys...really makes me smile and puts a spring in my step!
 
jjjay said:
Hey Diana, just stopping by to wish you luck on starting your journey again. Congrats on JUST SAYING NO to the cookie!!! Them cookies...worse than drugs!! Plus you got to take your ego boosts where you can - I love gettign little comments on the street from guys...really makes me smile and puts a spring in my step!
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heyy girl! good to see you here! :D

thank you so much for the nice wishes, I am excited to start again.

oh those cookies from hell you got that right ! but I am happy I am not needing it right now. I just remind myself that there is no nutritional value in it whatsoever and I move on.

those compliments are amazing, even if sometimes you know they are just dirty old men, I appreciate what they say LOL!
xoxo!
 
Amiba said:

these two men walked by when I was waiting to cross the street to get to work and one said to the other:

---pretty women, like her----
I couldn't help but smile, laugh a little and say ''thanks!''
it was a much needed confidence boost that's for sure.
Click to expand...

LOVE those moments!! Sometimes it's all you need to totally turn a day around, or make an already good day even better.
 
Hi there, Diana!

I don't know if I've commented before on a diary of yours before, but I just wanted to say good luck on starting anew! I've just recently re-started up a weight-loss diary as well...you know how it goes sometimes. I'm definitely an emotional eater as well, and that just gets harder for me while I'm in school. ><

Also, good luck with finishing up school and saving for that residence!! I'm not quite in my last year of college, but I am going to be doing my thesis next semester, once I finish up my reseach this fall. ^^
 
Sounds like you're doing really well! Congrats on turning down the cookie! I do slim-fast occasionally and like it..Sounds nice with strawberries!!
 
Laura F:
aw yes totally agree!!! it made my day :).



Hanabi:
thank you so much for the good wishes! yes we emotional eaters should stick together because it is no picnic. (or the problem is that it IS a picnic. lol)
and yes I am very excited about the art residence!
good luck with your thesis :3

sunflower:
thank you! it tastes good with strawberries. at least the chocolate flavored one! especially if they are frozen, um yum!
 

Today was a good day!

I felt less hungry and that is a good thing.


I woke up and had a bowl of smart start with a banana but I couldn't finish it! so I just had half.

then I got ready for another day of torture with my sadist trainer who I believe enjoys causing pain. I really believe so! haha but well at least I know he is trying to push me to reach my potential although I tend to get dizzy.. I hope it has to do with not having a good physical condition currently. Also we are doing ''intervals'' which are good for losing weight but hard on the body. I am more used to long- medium- cardio, like spinning.

then I came back- sore, of course- and I made myself a tuna salad with light mayo and a little panela cheese. I had a granola bar as well

then I took a bath and got ready for work.


I only brought water because I forgot my second snack urgh! but I compensate with a whole grain strawberry muffin with cheese and ham for dinner. it was delish! I love those combos.


anyway I am feeling proud of myself, even though it is only day 3 lol! because I know being consistent is my down fall. but I know that if I put my mind into it I can make it happen.


I am tired of being my own enemy, telling myself that I am not attractive enough just because I am chubby. it is ridiculous! anyway...
thank you for reading :D


 
You're doing great! I think your trainer knows the potential in you and is slowly gonna bring it out. You're a tiger, go girl!!!

(A pretty tiger, hehe =P)
 
Shinsplint said:
You're doing great! I think your trainer knows the potential in you and is slowly gonna bring it out. You're a tiger, go girl!!!

(A pretty tiger, hehe =P)
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ahhaha that is so sweet, thank you! yes I know he believes in me :iagree: but bringing it out takes a little time because I am SO out of shape, lol
thank you!
 
baby steps


Today has been a slow day..
my head hurts so much! I believe it has to do with cutting down my calories and eating much less sugar than I used to do. and I know that takes effort, discipline and whatnots, because sugar was my quick ''pick me up'' (I don't some and I hardly drink, food was my drug of choice)

I am not feeling too happy about my weight. I know I am working on doing something about it but still, just not too excited of being me today.

But despite that I am not jumping into junk food's arms.
I had a low fat, low sugar, high in fiber whole grain muffin with strawberries with a little low fat cream cheese and half a low fat-low sugar yogurt. I was stuffed for about 3 hours (I got up late, woops)

for lunch I am having a salad with tuna (water, not oil) with low fat mayo on top, some seeds and a little panela cheese.

because yesterday I succumbed to an additional snack (a 90 calorie rice treat, but still) today I am not having a carb snack at work, only a fruit,
and waiting for a yogurt and a fruit for dinner as well. I know I shouldn't be so hard on myself as it is only week one, but I want to truly work on consuming less calories.. I know I already am, considering I cut down the following from my life, which were some of my favorite guilty pleasures:


-takes a deep breath-

The list of DOOM:

Arizona's green tea with honey (200+ cal, all sugar)
pop tarts (400 cal! 35 carbs, saturated fats)
french fries (490+ cal, 64 carbs! )
burgers (not often but still, 400+ cal)
chocolate covered pretzels (up to 90 cal each.. I had a whole bag)
ben and jerry's ice cream (280+ cal 32 carbs a portion.. I had up to three)
popcorn (oil based at the movies, 55 cals a cup, up to 5 or 6 cups.
creppes (370+ cals, all carbs and sugar)
chips ahoy (160 cal and 21 carbs per serving, I had up to 3 or 4
milky way bar ( 104 cals, sat fat, sugars etc)
cheesecake (100+ cals, sugar, sat fat, refined carbs)

also:
fried sushi, gouda cheese, beer, chips... just to name a few!




OH GOD. I got tired and full just by writing it all down! I guess I should feel prouder about myself for letting it all go. Also it makes me feel amazed by the fact I am not 400 pounds by now! and certainly, the importance of portion control I am one of those who grabs a bag and doesn't put it down until it is empty.. which I know it is terrible. If only I learned that I could have a cookie or a bit of ice cream by restraining myself and adding a little exercise to my life, things would have been sooo different. but I know that today is the only day that matters ( I feel like in an AA meeting)

You know what's funny? while I am writing about my old eating habits I am having my tuna salad and I left half of it. I feel FULL. and because I feel full I am not eating anymore, until I am hungry again.. which is totally unexpected from me but I know it will help a lot with the losing weight process.


I am back to adding what I eat to my calorie count account. I read it is easier to lead a healthier life and eat less when you count. I don't want to obsess over it but it allows me to determine if I want to add the calories in a random, unhealthy matter like cookies or ice cream, or I want to add them through something that will improve my health.
I am also back to my multivitamin. (centrum performance) I know Sheldon (big bang theory lol) said that they are quite useless but I am doing it anyway. you never know!

I already noticed that my nails are stronger and not as flaky and transparent as they used to be and I do feel a little better.
the work out is still hard.. yesterday was my second day at the gym and I felt like fainting, again! but I do hope that after a couple of weeks things will be better for me. also I want to add a little walking on the days I don't go to the gym so my week would look something like this:

Monday : 1 hour at the gym (20/30 min intervals on the eliptical, 30 min of repetitions, swiss ball and ab work)
Tuesday: 30 min walking
wednesday: 1 hour at the gym
Thursday: 30 min walking
Friday: 1 hour at the gym
Saturday: Yoga
Sunday: Free

I am still not ready to add a ''cheat day'' I believe I have to be on the diet and exercise for at least a month and see how I am feeling and doing in order to incorporate one. do you guys have one and how does it work for you?

wee long post!
thanks for reading!



 
Heya and welcome back! Cheat days, well in the past I did have cheat days but they turned into cheat weeks then months lol and I kept promising "i'll make it up". This time round, after joining the forum, I have decided to go cold turkey on the things that I love for at least a month. (I managed to give up chocolate for a whole 6months in the past, I remember the cravings went away and it wasn't an issue. Until I was dumped and ate a whole packet of jaffacakes lol). I'll be staying cold turkey for a month and when I also see results I'll relax a little bit. After all, this change has to be permanent and I DO love my food. There has to be compromise but if you're like me, and LOSE CONTROL, then mebe its time for "Rehab Chocolate". GL and keep us updated! :)
 
Oh man, chocolate covered pretzels.... a HUGE weakness of mine! I don't eat them often (thank goodness) but when I do, I go big. I can't comment on the cheat day because I haven't quite gotten the whole "cutting back" thing down just yet, so I have a LOT of cheat days. I can say I do not recommend that, haha.

And on a random note, I was reading an article today about Sheldon being very popular (I don't watch the show) so I was happy to see a reference to him!
 
Hey Rouge!

haha I am afraid it could be the same with me. I am working on my self control and currently I've been able to do so.. but I think cheat days could ruin it for me.
LOL where can I join this rehab chocolate place? because I would certainly be in it!
awww I will! I promise I'll keep you guys posted as often as I can. this really helps me stay focused.
xoxo!

...............................

Laura,

oh those darn chocolate covered pretzels are delish! I hate that they sell them at seven eleven. but I hardly go there anymore so I am not succumbing to temptation any time soon I hope.
haha well I am afraid that would happen to me, giving myself more and more cheat days.
I adore Sheldon, he is too funny! as a big geek myself I am a fan of the series, didn't know it was that famous. guess there are more geeks out there than I thought!
 
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