Darcie's diary to happiness

dragonlover

New member
Okay here goes nothing...I have finally decided to start a diary to see if it helps with my motavation at all. I started my journey of weight gain about 12 years ago when I got pregnant with my first kid. I didn't gain alot while pregnant and I lost it all right after. Two months after my son was born I hit a bout of depression brought on by a move out of my hometown and away from all of my family and friends.
11 years, 5 kids,a divorce, and a love of food later I finally decided that it was time for me to make a change in my life.I had gained over 70 pounds. I started thinking more about my weight around this time last year. I chose not to go on a "diet" or a plan of any kind because I wanted the change I made to be a lifetime change and not a quick fix. I didn't really do much to begin with. I started to pay more attention to what I was eating and how much I was eating and when I was eating. I really learned alot about my behaviors by doing this and realized that my eating habits suck!!:eek: I eat when I am hungry. I eat when I am bored. I eat when I watch T.V. I eat when the kids eat. I eat even when I am not hungry(do you see a pattern here?!:rolleyes: )
So the first change I made was to start to drink more water and to cut down on my soda consumption. I now drink maybe one soda a week. Maybe. I started taking daily vitamins next. Just those two small changes were enough to make me notice a difference in the way I felt everyday. I then decided it was time to go with something a bit bigger! I quit eating ice cream:( everyday! When I say everyday I guess I should also say how much I LOVE ice cream. I ate it at least twice a day sometimes more depending on my mood. And of course it wasn't like a bite or two it was a scoop or two twice a day:eek: . Oh I still eat it but now it is like once a week and it is A SCOOP no more!
I never bought a scale for my home because I was afraid that I would become obsessed with my weight and would let it turn to unhealthy practices if I did. The first time I realized that my jeans were getting loose and that I might be able to fit in a smaller size was the first time in a long time that I felt good about myself. In June 2006 I wore a size 22 in womens jeans. Today I wear a 16 in juniors!:p
Since last June I have lost almost 35 pounds. I love how I feel. I love the looks and comments from people I haven't seen in a while. I love the smaller clothes and being able to go shopping for the smaller sizes.
Now we get to today. I haven't had any real loss in weeks. I gain a few. I lose a few. I really hate these 5 pounds that keep trying to stick around:mad: . I am losing any motavation I had toward this journey. I have tried to keep my goals small. My first goal was to feel better about myself. I have achieved that goal and maintained it. My second goal is to change my eating habits. I have done ok with this one. I have started eating smaller portions and stopped eating the fried foods that I like to eat! My goal for my weight loss is to be down to 175 by the end of the year. I am having a hard time with this one. I want to achieve this goal but my motivation is disappearing. I finally broke down and bought a scale for my house and have tried not to step on it everyday and to not let the days I have gained weight bring me down but somedays it is hard.
I am determined to get back on track and get where I want to be in life! My lifetime weight-loss goal is to be back down to 140 pounds. I will be happy with 150 too!;)
 
Nice to see you starting a diary :)

and good to see you're not denying yourself some of your favorites -that makes ita lot easier to stay on track...

Much success on your continued journey, you've done fantsstically so far... and can't wait to read more about you :)
 
Thanks Mal! I am hoping that I will find the words of encouragement that I am missing by writing in this diary. If nothing else I will get the chance to vent my frustrations about weight-loss!;)
 
This morning while getting dressed I was standing in front of the mirror talking to myself(I do this alot;) !) about how my clothes were fitting when my 5 year old son came up to me and said "mom I like you fat because you are squishy".:confused: Now normally having someone tell me I am squishy would make me feel bad but coming from a little boy whom I love more than life I took that as the best compliment I have recieved in a while! Back to the clothes issue. Really I don't think I look that bad today my comment to myself really has to do with being 5'2" and wanting to be 5'6" with long legs!:D And that is just so I could look good in a dress!!
 
I just got back from lunch and I have now decided that going to lunch with my friend is a really bad idea. I don't normally go out to lunch on my lunch break I normally go home eat something healthy, play with the dog, enjoy my quiet time. But today my best friend called and asked to go out to lunch.........I knew this was a bad idea from the beginning since the last two days I have been doing REALLY good with my portion control and I knew going out would involve getting something really bad. Boy was I right. I ordered the chicken burger and fries from the best little diner in town. Now I wasn't quite as bad as I could have been. I didn't eat it all and I said no to the fresh strawberry pie! Anyways after lunch I told my friend that going out to eat was going to have to be a no go from now on and she could just come to my house for lunch and play with the dog instead!
 
playing with a dog always sounds liek a good option for lunch :)
but sounds like you did well.. nothing to feel bad about - youo live in the real world and have to make the best choices you can... living on carrot sticks can be pretty boring :D the trick I beleive, is to not go overboard which you didnt :D

good job!!
 
Yesterday morning I decided to walk to work. Now it is not very far and only took 20 minutes but the weather was so beautiful and I haven't really been doing alot of exercise. Anyways by the time I got to work I felt great and really just had a good day. This morning I debated with myself whether or not to walk and decided to drive instead. I don't feel as good this morning:mad: I think I will have to get out of my office and just walk around the block a few times or something in hopes of getting that good feeling back. I would walk to work everyday if I didn't have to leave to take the kids to afterschool activities. I am looking forward to summer vacation so I can get more walking in. I have been thinking of buying a bike so that on the days I can't really walk to work due to time constraints I can just ride a bike and make it back home in about 5 minutes. I haven't owned a bike since I was a kid so finding one that will suit my needs is really out of my league but I will manage. I am also sure that once I have the bike I will want to take a more scenic route to work!!:)
 
I went to my local Wal-mart yesterday and bought a grill. It is just one if those little table-top kind but I thought it would be a nice change for me and the kids to have grilled hamburgers and chicken. When I got home I pulled the grill and instuctions for putting it together out of the box and read the instuctions. It didn't look to hard so I told the kids that dinner was going to be grilled. They of course got all excited because they think grilled food is the best. Two hours later I was still on step 4:confused: I couldn't do it! I felt like I needed to go back to school or something it was just kicking my butt! Needless to say we didn't have grilled burgers for dinner and I am not as "cool" in my kids eyes anymore because mom wasn't smart enough to put together a grill:rolleyes: . That is okay I will just get find someone who took grill building101 to put it together for me someone like my dad:p
 
So my weekend wasn't the greatest when it came to self control:mad: My kids had a birthday party to go to on saturday and I told myself all the way there that I wasn't eating anything. I knew we were going to be there for a couple of hours so I made sure to eat before we went so that I wasn't hungry. I did really good with the snacks laid out on the table I didn't touch a single one. Then it was time for cake:( I knew better than to even go anywhere near the kitchen. I knew that the cake would draw me in and I was right. I had a piece and of course had the ice cream too. I was really angry with myself for having no self control over this because I knew that when we got home I would start munching on all sorts of things I shouldn't eat and that is exactly what I did.:mad: I finally went to bed two hours earlier than I normally do just so I would stop eating. I woke up on Sunday in a better frame of mind and really did good with my portion control and I stayed away from things like cake!
 
so enquiring minds want to know - did you progress past step 4 with the grill? ar we having yummy grilled burgers ? :D I probably wouldnt have gotten past step 2 :)
 
:cry: no mal I am still on step 4. I have given up hope on ever having any grilled chicken! I was hoping to get it done this last weekend but time has a away of running away! It is my goal to get it done this week one way or another!
 
I am hopelessly inept when it comes to putting together things -I've been known to reduce ikea furniture to kindling :) I'm sure there's a handyman or some local person that can figure it out.. and it's not you if you can't :)
 
Last night I was in kind of a weird depressed mood when my Schwan's man showed up at my door. Now I usually am really good about not buying anything rich and fattening from them not only because it is bad for my weight loss but the price. Anyways being depressed I immediately turned the catalog to the ice cream pages when he asked what I wanted to order. I kept telling myself that I had to stay away from the really rich stuff and only get something from the live smart categories. :) Well I did!! I got some wonderful triple lemon yogurt that has only 130 cal. in a half a cup and only 3 gram of fat. I figure it will also be good to add a scoop to my smoothies when I make them.

Grill update: still not past step 5:drooling: I feel so dumb!!
 
/me googles grill instructions :)
/me is utterly useless :D

think of how tasty those hamburgers will be and toasty marshmallows :)

maybe hav ethe kids attempt to set it up?
 
/me googles grill instructions :)
/me is utterly useless :D

think of how tasty those hamburgers will be and toasty marshmallows :)

maybe hav ethe kids attempt to set it up?

I might have to let the kids have a go at it. My oldest is only 11 but he has more than once let me know I am not the smartest mom on the block:rolleyes: One day he will learn that mom is alot smarter than he thinks though! Now my 5 year old will look at this grill from his point of view which would be something like take it back to the store mom and just buy the one already put together! I do like his logic!
 
I saw in the challenges a challenge to bike to work this week so I have decided to go buy one after work today and bike the rest of the week. I will however be smart enough to buy one pre assembled or I would never get to work!:rolleyes:
 
I am sure that you have all heard "its like riding a bike you never forget":rolleyes: well I went out and bought a bike yesterday and I have to tell you when you haven't been on one in over ten years it is real easy to forget how to ride! My son just kept rolling his eyes at my while watching me shakingly ride it around the driveway. He finally asked if I had ever been on a bike before. I told him that wasn't very encouraging and he should try saying something nice instead. He said I shouldn't ride my bike to work because I would kill myself before I ever made it a couple of blocks:rofl: he really thinks he is funny........I don't think so.
 
I stood on my scales this morning and I weighed in at 206!!:jump: I have decided that I won't change my ticker until I can maintain the loss for a couple of more days just to make sure that those two pounds are really gone! I have really been having a hard time with losing lately. I am crossong my fingers that they are gone for good!!
 
I stood on the scales again this morning and this time it read 205.9!!! I am so happy about this!! I am aiming for 199 by the end of June. I don't want to push it any or I will just gain it all back in a flash so I will just continue with my pilates and walking and maybe add in the bike riding if I can get better balance!:rolleyes:
 
Funny I asked someone that question the other day - because I am tempted to buy a bike - the stationary bike is just so damn boring -I need to go somewhere - and not be a hamster on a wheel - but with my skill and agility and well - lack of aerobic fitness I'd need to cart a crash cart behind me and wrap myself in bubble wrap :D So is riding a bike still easy? :D

I wonder if your son would appreciate being put up for adoption :) let's see if he's still mr chucklehead then? :D Rotten kid :D

Well done though for getting the bike and relearning how to ride, I'm super impressed :D
 
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