Crazy's diary, here we go

Thanks Trusylver & Karl, really lovely to see you both with your support. Given me a boost this morning.

I made my target and got my first whole stone off me 14LBS feeling great and trimmer to say the least. The walking and pilates is doing me the world of good. The next 14lbs don't seem half as daunting. This diary has helped no end.

WEEK 7 - 05/07/09-11/07/09 - ENDED WK 6 (156.0) - LOSS 5.2lbs
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05/07/09 - 156.4LBS (+0.4LBS) 15 mins home bike, 20 mins pilates.
06/07/09 - 156.4LBS (0) 2 x 30 minute walks
07/07/09 - 157.2LBS +0.8 LBS 2 x 30 min walk
08/07/09 - 156.4lbs (-0.8LBS) 2 X 30 min walk
09/07/09 - 155.4LBS (-1LB)
10/07/09 - 155.4LBS - 20 min swim - 30 min walk.
11/07/09 - 154.6LBS so pleased, my first stone off.

Just got to learn how not to celebrate with an over the top food intake as Im really enjoying eating less and feeling better all round. I can pile pounds back on in days if Im not careful.

WEEK 8 12/07/09-18/07/09 - ENDED WK 7 (154.6) - LOSS 1.4LBS

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WEEK 8 12/07/09-18/07/09 - ENDED WK 7 (154.6) - LOSS 1.4LBS
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12/7/09 - 155.4LBS +0.8LBS (not a good eating day today)
 
WEEK 8 12/07/09-18/07/09 - ENDED WK 7 (154.6) - LOSS 1.4LBS
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12/7/09 - 155.4LBS +0.8LBS (not a good eating day today)
13/7/09 - 156.0 +0.6 LBS


Ok, 1 day of not eating well and 1 day of having slightly over and I put over a pound on in weight, I know some people are not kean on weighing every day but if I didnt right now, what would happen, would I realise the effects my eating has so quickly, probably not, its how I put 5lbs on the other week, not monitoring, learning and keeping track. I need to do this to set me up long term. When my internet connection works properly I will use this site more often, feeling annoyed with myself today and need to rid the emotion before another crap day builds up.

My goal this week is to stick to my healthy eating (which Im not hungry on), and give up diet coke (been saying it for months) I know Im addicted, and I think its creating all kinds of problems, I drink way too much.
 
WEEK 8 12/07/09-18/07/09 - ENDED WK 7 (154.6) - LOSS 1.4LBS
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12/7/09 - 155.4LBS +0.8LBS (not a good eating day today)
13/7/09 - 156.0 +0.6 LBS
18/07/09 - 154.8 -1.2LBS

WEEK 8 ENDED +0.2 increase. Not been on line for numerous reasons and really felt the difference. Im back and hopefully to stay and offer a bit more time on here.

WEEK 9 19/07/09-25/07/09 - ENDED WK 8 (154.8) +0.2 INCREASE (OUCH)
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22/07/09 - 156.4 (+1.8LBS) PIZZE HUT YESTERDAY, GREEDY ME AGAIN.

My goal now is to stay right on track until Saturday and pull this weight back to how it was last Saturday or less.

1 x shake 223, 2 x treats 198, 1 x shake 213, for tea, jacket spud, salad, not decided on the filling. 2 apples for snacks to.
 
WEEK 9 19/07/09-25/07/09 - ENDED WK 8 (154.8) +0.2 INCREASE (OUCH)
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22/07/09 - 156.4 (+1.8LBS) PIZZE HUT YESTERDAY, GREEDY ME AGAIN.
24/07/09 - 156.8 (+0.4)

I have clearly gone off the boil, its typical when I am concentrating on other stuff which I have a few things going right now.

Get my head in order, get my head in order. I can see week 9 ending in a weight increase of at least 2lbs. I will get back on track, no two ways there.
 
WEEK 9 19/07/09-25/07/09 - ENDED WK 8 (154.8) +0.2 INCREASE (OUCH)
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22/07/09 - 156.4 (+1.8LBS) PIZZE HUT YESTERDAY, GREEDY ME AGAIN.
24/07/09 - 156.8 (+0.4)
27/07/09 - 157.6 (+0.8)

WEEK 9 ENDED 157.6 +2.8LBS INCREASE

WEEK 10 - 26/07/09 - 1/08/09 - START WEIGHT 157.2
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27/07/09 - 157.2 (-0.4LBS)
28/07/09 - 157.2 (0)

I seem to have lost all motivation and that makes me really cross with myself and typical of me to just keep making things worse. I need to get the resolve again to get moving and keep going, Ive still around 17lbs to lose and although I am really pleased with what I lost, I know that if I dont get back on track, I will lose it big time and the lot will go back on. I have been concentrating on other stuff too much and knocked it on the head, I have a realistic goal of losing this weight by December and getting fit in the meantime.

My goal by Saturday is to get to 155lbs if at all possible.
 
You've been doing so well, it's ok to take a small break every now and then but don't lose your resolve. Hope the motivation comes back to you soon! You can do it :)
 
Hello my friend, I fall and get back up more often than I'd like to admit...

You can do this. Take a deep breath and get back in.
 
Aero & Karl

Thanks so much, I am now around 5lbs heavier than I was.

Karl, you are right take a deep breath and get back on.

To come on here and find that support from you makes an amazing difference. I lost it, I stopped weighing, stopped monitoring and did what I do best. The main thing is I'm here again and I WILL get to my goal weight and learn somehow to stay on track and in control.

Aero, thanks so much, you are of course right, we are only human and sometimes go off the boil and let things slip, support is just about acceptance and moving forward and I intend to do that starting from today.


WEEK 11 - 2/8/09 - 8/8/09 - START WEIGHT 159 - WK 10 ENDED (+1.8LBS)
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Starting this fresh and wonderful morning after a bloody great weekend and night out with some lovely friends, really motivated now after having a full monte curry last night (yikes).

One x shake 223 calls, 1 x apple 45 cals
 
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WEEK 11 - 2/8/09 - 8/8/09 - START WEIGHT 159 - WK 10 ENDED (+1.8LBS)
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02/08/09 - 159.0
03/08/09 - 159.6 (+6)
05/08/09 - 159.6

I actually feel like Im starting all over again but trying so hard to see the positive of losing the other 9lbs rather than just seeing the negative piling around 5lbs back on. I must emotionally eat and this is something I have to get my head around. I have some more abnormal blood tests which I need to get to the doctor about.

If this is what I think it is then loss of weight is the best thing all round yet when I feel down, I eat like a pig and crave sweet things. Ok Ive only got 20lbs to lose but 20lbs on our joints is a hell of a lot when it could do to not be there. Just letting off steam as Ive got angry with myself for feeling sorry for myself which is unlike me and is effecting those around me. I will try harder, come on girl life ain't all that bad and plenty others much worse off than me.

I will get fit and get slim.
 
Morning cyberspace and thanks Karl, I will no two ways there, I never give up on anything.

WEEK 11 - 2/8/09 - 8/8/09 - START WEIGHT 159 - WK 10 ENDED (+1.8LBS)
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02/08/09 - 159.0
03/08/09 - 159.6 (+0.6)
05/08/09 - 159.6
06/08/09 - 158.8 (-0.8)

Ok, been on the scales and lost a bit and didn't deserve to really. If anyone is like me, I find the same routine every day hard, I struggle to stick to the same eating plan too long term although I did well with the last one. My main focus has to be on smaller portions and saying no to binging. Sat at my desk all day, phones crazy, eating in between seems like the norm. It shouldn't be or I should have healthy snacks. I have very so easily got back into bad habits.

Food intake for today: This is another area where I fall, if I don't plan my day, I fall by the wayside, feel like a child that needs discipline.

1 nice bowl of cereal, skimmed milk. 1 x wholemeal ham and cheese sandwich (thin slices) 1 x apple, 2 x digestive biscuits. That should do me for work. For tea Sausage casserole (low fat version), rice and carrots, all lower quantities (will start using a smaller plate).
 
Do I really need to keep on being honest with myself.

Ok here goes, yesterday I eat like a pig, started off with all good intentions and then let rip at work, chocolate crisps sweets, once started I cannot stop. Why is that. When I eat healthy and drink water all day, I stick to it and then go off the boil. I know this is what a lot of us do but each day I work up the resolve to get back to how I was a couple of weeks ago and then there are temptations at work, how to say no?.

I do have some health worries which I hope may turn out to be not as serious as I thought, I am a natural worrier over health and do my own head it. I know the best thing is to get my body and mind fit but getting started? what happened to the disciplined me. I'm not giving up and not going away from this forum. I need to write down daily what and why I am doing things.

WEEK 11 - 2/8/09 - 8/8/09 - START WEIGHT 159 - WK 10 ENDED (+1.8LBS)
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02/08/09 - 159.0
03/08/09 - 159.6 (+0.6)
05/08/09 - 159.6
06/08/09 - 158.8 (-0.8)
07/08/09 - 159.2 (+0.4)

Ok, to eat today, Im going to start with a banana for breakfast and a small bowl of cereal. I have some leafy salad with feta and grapes for lunch, small bowl. I will take 2 x apples and 2 x plain biscuits for snack time. Jacket and low fat filling for tea. I will drink water today and have to learn to knock the diet coke on the head. Why is it I stopped boozing a long time ago and now hooked on diet coke.

I read before not sure if it was this forum that people who say they have an addictive personality is one of the most destructive things they can say, they are right, its crap, yes we have emotional issues and bad habits but addictive personality is this just an excuse. We can all learn how to do things and all learn new ways. We don't need to give ourselves a ticket to acceptance.

Offload over, come on girl, sort it out and stay focused, just for today.
 
CRAZYMAIZY said:
I read before not sure if it was this forum that people who say they have an addictive personality is one of the most destructive things they can say, they are right, its crap, yes we have emotional issues and bad habits but addictive personality is this just an excuse. We can all learn how to do things and all learn new ways. We don't need to give ourselves a ticket to acceptance.
Click to expand...

I will politely disagree, but my take on it is a little bit different.

Admitting that I have an addictive personality, is my way accepting that I need to work harder on breaking bad habits than some people may need to. It is also my way of staying aware of the dangers inherent in substances (food, drugs, alcohol), and the behavior patterns that will lead down the wrong road for me.

Note: I am not making an excuse for my actions, on the contrary, I am using that admission as a means to set me free from those actions because know what road they lead to. By accepting the personal flaw in my psyche, I can see my weak point and address it directly, either by turning it into a strength, or finding a better way to ignore it or...

This struck a chord with me to a degree because I have overcome addictions in my own life (cigarettes), and am treating food as an addiction on some levels. I also come from a family of alcoholics and drug addicts, as did my wife.

I do get what you are saying, it's just that there is another way to look at it that is working for me. To some degree it is as simple as looking at someone in my own family and asking myself if I want to go down their road. Most of the time the answer is no!
 
CRAZYMAIZY said:
I know the best thing is to get my body and mind fit but getting started? what happened to the disciplined me.
Click to expand...

girl, this is what i ask myself all day everyday! there's a time i was doing perfect week after week eating right and exercising right i was so focussed i almost couldn't believe it....then i don't know what happened little by little things started falling apart, then it all lead to the recent binge i had and all i kept asking myself was WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DISCIPLINED ME? where did that part of me go?

otherwise i hope that things have been good with you? thanks for stopping by my diary, i couldn't face the weigh everyday club since i started piling on the pounds like crazy during my binge...in fact i dissappeared from the forum altogether for like 2 weeks which was a sign that told me that things were really bad. i won't let that happen again...i've noticed that many people will join the forum with lots of energy and excitement then after a while fade off and completely fall off the radar. i've told myself i can't let that happen to me because if i ever leave then i'll be alone in the journey and i couldn't handle that.

anyway, sorry to rant on...hope all's been good with you, lets keep on fighting this thing, and one day we'll all get where we wanna be xoxo
 
reluctantcabbie said:
Note: I am not making an excuse for my actions, on the contrary, I am using that admission as a means to set me free from those actions because know what road they lead to. By accepting the personal flaw in my psyche, I can see my weak point and address it directly, either by turning it into a strength, or finding a better way to ignore it or...

This struck a chord with me to a degree because I have overcome addictions in my own life (cigarettes), and am treating food as an addiction on some levels. I also come from a family of alcoholics and drug addicts, as did my wife.

I do get what you are saying, it's just that there is another way to look at it that is working for me. To some degree it is as simple as looking at someone in my own family and asking myself if I want to go down their road. Most of the time the answer is no!
Click to expand...

Karl

Thanks for the response, I get totally what you are saying. Having overcome an alcohol addiction, totally free and clean from fags and booze, I thought exactly the same way as you, probably still do deep down. I was having a rant feeling sorry for myself. Accepting our flaws and knowing that there are strict actions I need to take are not coming forth overnight. I said I would work on my issues one by one and that is what I will continue to do.

I kind of always knew that my eating wasnt normal (all or nothing) a bit like booze, rarely a safe in between which is something I find hard to cope with. I've seen what alcoholism can do first hand with close family members so with that substance I'm pleased with my acceptance and glad to get rid. I feel on the whole, great, strong and in total control.

I want to learn how to get to an acceptable level of comfort with my eating, I seriously know that I eat poorly through emotional and stressful times. Maybe its going to be tough knowing my personality BUT there is no harm striving for improvement. Thanks Karl, I am working things out.
 
cherrygarcia said:
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DISCIPLINED ME? where did that part of me go?
Click to expand...

Hi Cherry

Thanks for that, I am starting to embrace this forum a little more now and I hope to tackle this issue just as I tackled my other issue which I am thrilled about.

I know exactly how you feel and what you said above really hit home with me. Its almost like there are two sides to my personality, I have this straight forward disciplined side which is in total control and then have this side to me which says sod it, im off on a bender. As you know there are no other things I turn to now for my benders so food seems to be taking a real battering right now. Its the same with the gym, I go full on and then back off, I just am not sure how to get the level in between - ness that others seem to have in their lives.

You inspire me greatly, you are determined and focused and I hope sincerely you don't let anything make you slide too much. You can never go back to square one Cherry once we accept there is an issue. Acceptance means we are moving in the right direction.
 
And 3rd post for the day on my diary, I shall stop waffling soon.

WEEK 11 - 2/8/09 - 8/8/09 - START WEIGHT 159 - WK 10 ENDED (+1.8LBS)
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02/08/09 - 159.0
03/08/09 - 159.6 (+6)
05/08/09 - 159.6 (15 minutes exercise bike & 50 min walk
06/08/09 - 158.8 (-0.8)
08/08/09 - 157.8 (-1)

So I lost 1.2lbs overall which is absolulely amazing considering I had no consideration or thought whatsoever over the fact that not only do I want to get this weight off, I pretty much need to.

So pretty pleased I suppose and shall start afresh with a clear head a bit of resolve with the help of the good folk here.

WEEK 12 - 09/08/09 - 15/08/09 - Start weight 157.8 (loss 1.2 in wk 11)
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WEEK 12 - 09/08/09 - 15/08/09 - Start weight 157.8 (loss 1.2 in wk 11)
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Week 12 ended on 161lbs so I managed to put on 3.2lbs, have been away for a few days and decided it was a green light to eat what I wanted, you know just because I could. This is where I cannot weigh up why I have no control, why I cannot just eat sensible small portions and have a nice little treat each day, no I have to eat a whole large bag of onion rings, twice over and tons of chocolate bars and that is just when I got back. Cakes and lovely meals whilst away but really stuffed my face.

I will keep on trying and learning and going to try something new today and hopefully for a few weeks if I stick it out. This is going to be more like portion control rather than 'dieting'.

WEEK 13 - 16/08/09-22/08/09 (WEEK 12 ENDED 161) + 3.2lbs
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17/08/2009 - 162 (+1LBS) another 1 on, here we go again.


Breakfast, 3 x weetabix, skimmed milk and sweetener.
Lunch, rocket leaves, feta cheese 100g, grapes & mixed bean salad.
Tea, 2 x chicken legs, carrots, half a jacket.
Snacks - 1 small chocolate bar, 2 x apples, handful of carrot batons & a few sweet pickled onions. I will pack it now for lunch and that is that.
 
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