CrazedMama's Diary (finally)

Ok, I'm trying to do way too many things at once! I finally started my new job and it is consistently busy, on top of trying to keep up with my blogs and myspace and whatever else..oh and not to mention, be a mom, LOL! I need an extra 12 hours in they day to get everything done! I havent been around here much but Im still trying to keep on track! As of last Friday i did gain a lb back, but Im not stressin about it. I'm realizing not to count on just the numbers because i can see the loss in my body shape and clothes! I dont know if I will weigh this week or not because its that TOM AGAIN (ugh!). Saturday is the birthday bash. I was hoping to be closer to 30 lbs lost but Ill take what I can get. Hoping atleast a few people will notice the differences! Im sooo excited! Im dying my hair for it..well, it's kind of just a symbolic statement, I guess. Because of everything that has happened to me in the past year and all of the changes I have made in myself on the inside and out. I'm about to turn 30 on April 9 and I'm really freaked out about it, but this is going to be the new me! The color is called Burgundy but it has this awesome purple tint to it that I love! I'm hoping it turns out as good as it looks on the box! I'm naturally blonde and have never dyed my hair this dark before so Im a bit nervous about how it will look, but excited, too!

Still been working out 5 days a week and the weather has started to get nicer out so Ive been taking the kids out to play when it's warm enough and Ive been running with them! i have races with them around the yard. They love it ..and I love it! I love that I can keep up with my 3 1/2 year old but he gets so mad if I win the race, LOL!..and it's that much more exercise for me! It was back to being cold, windy and yucky today so I didnt get to take them out today, but hopefully it will be nice again soon!!
 
I've really been slacking about posting in here! my computer crashed and i lost the link and was too lazy to search for it until today, LOL!....anyway, had fun last weekend, my hair turned out AWESOME! i took a bunch of new pics of me over the weekend and i actually liked my pics! i usually hate my pics! i even posted a bunch of them on my !

Anyway, i was starting to get frustrated because for 2 weeks in a row, i gained a pound each week!..but as of Friday, i lost 3, so i actualy lost the two that i gained and one extra. dont exactly know what happened there but atleast the scale is going the other way again..but it might not be after this very bad easter weekend, lol! I only lost 3 lbs the entire month of march. thats kind of depressing, but im still not ready to give up yet. it is now truly a lifestyle and this has just become part of my day..the eating healthier and working out part. Im moving back with my husband the last weekend of April. I'm excited, but nervous at the same time. My head feels like it's spinning sometimes.

Oh yeah and today is my birthday. I'm now officially THIRTY. i feel so old and...sad, lol. I've been dreading this day for awhile. I am no longer in my twenties anymore. ..im going to go cry in the corner now!
 
Nothing exciting to report. I'm still just bouncing back and forth between 266-268. It's starting to get frustrating. I only lost 3 lbs in march and havent really lost much in april because i keep bouncing back and forth between just a few pounds, like one week ill lose 3 lbs then the next week ill gain a pound and then lose a pound... OMG...it's like the scales is stuck there and wont move, it just keeps bouncing back and forth, lol!

I've been eating pretty good. Ofcourse still have slip ups here and there but nothing that should be stopping me from losing more! A friend of mine burned me a copy of turbo jam and i did that twice last week. I really, really like it so am going to start doing that 3 times a week for a more intense workout and then doing the biggest loser workouts the other 2 days and see if that makes any kind of difference.

I'm moving this weekend, after 9 months my husband and I are moving back in together with our children. Im having some mixed feelings about it..I'm excited but scared at the same time.... I dont plan on quitting my routine after we move back in with him. He knows that I eat completely differently from when we lived together before and he is fine with it and knows I will be making healthier meals now. Ofcourse, he hates it when I call myself fat so he doesnt think i need to lose any (LOL!..whenever he says im not fat, i grab my fat roll and say, "WHAT DO U CALL THIS THEN?")...

I'm trying to stay positive about everything. it just seems like i cant get over this plateau now..but even when the scales doesnt go down i know that i am healthier because im still working out 5 days a week and eating A LOT better than I used to and i know that has a great affect on my health!
 
Hi :)

Are you tracking your calories? I've found that if I don't - my calories start creeping up higher and higher without me noticing them. Also, what about your sodium - that does me in as well.
 
Ugggghhhhhh! I am going to scrreeeaaaammmmm!!!!!! So this week I really buckled down and watched what I ate and I changed my workout a little bit. Now I do high intensity cardio for 40 minutes mon, weds and fri, and do low intensity and strength training on tues and thurs. ...and the f'n scale is still STUCK on that number!! I wanted to throw the scales when i weighed this morning. This is getting sooo frustrating!! I'm starting to ask myself, "what's the point?". Am I just going to be stuck at 266??? In march I only lost 3 lbs and april, just been going up and down between the same 3 different numbers. I'm still at 24 lbs lost, i cant even get up to the 25 mark yet!! LOL! This week was also tom so I could still be retaining some water, but damn it!! I feel like I'm bustin my butt for nothing! I know not to rely completely on the scales, but it does get frustrating when it doesnt move for weeks and weeks! I've been at this for almost 4 full months now and so that averages out to 6 lbs a month, which really isnt that much. I know we are supposed to lose it slowly, but not this slowly! I'm gonna do some research and see if I can find some things to change because I dont want to give up, but I feel myself starting to want to just go and eat and eat! I dont want to gain back what I already lost, but this is sooooooo frustrating!

Anyway, I'm moving this weekend..so Im sure that will be some extra exercise for me since the weekends are usually my two days off I'm not looking forward to moving, it's such a pain in the arse..the actual process of moving..but I am excited about being back with my husband though and living in a different town. ..however, I've never been this far away from my mom and I'm a little sad about that..even though it's only an hour and we will see each other on the weekends..it's still kinda sad and I know she's kind of depressed about it.

So, I'm going to be busy, busy this weekend, but atleast I will be getting in some extra exercise!
 
Just a shot in the dark here, but maybe your muscle mass is building up... and that could be a good thing. Absolutely a good thing.
 
I have thought about the muscle mass thing, but geez it's been forever since I've lost anything so now Im ready for the muscles to start buring more fat, haha!

Anyway, I just got moved this past weekend. I finally have my family back the way it should be. I've been so busy trying to get everything unpacked. I just want to snap my fingers and have everything put into place so that we can just relax and enjoy being together!...I did have a few bad days...just eating junk food and kind of not caring. I even THOUGHT about taking a break from exercise for this week, but I didnt let myself talk myself into it, LOL. I knew if I skipped this week then I might not start again, so I have still been working out every day and slowly getting back to eating better. Im not even going to bother weighing myself this week, I'll just wait until next week..I am going to do measurements again this weekend and hopefully that will show some changes! I'll report them when I can!

OH YEAH!..and I have been featured! Go to and I am interviewed on there about weight loss....thats just one more thing to keep me motivated!!
 
Well, I havent weighed yet, Im a little scared but will probably go for it Friday morning. I havent been too bad this week, just havent been so good with getting in my veggies and fruits every day. I havent been really pigging out on anything, in fact, the other night we ordered a pizza and I ate 2 slices and was full. I used to be able to eat 4+ pieces! I've also noticed that I now feel satisfied without having to feel stuffed and sick afterwards! I'm still so busy trying to get everything unpacked and settled. It still feels like there is a lot to get done yet!

I'm trying to stay positive about everything. Im not going to give up and gain back what I already lost. I cant do that! I love coming back to this forum and getting motivation here! Maybe my bad eating last week will end up helping me get over this plateau? Wouldnt that be nice?
 
heyy! nbice to see you posting here again :) sorry to hear the weight isnt coming off but then another positive thing is that from all this exercise youre doing you must have a healthier body - lungs, cardiovascular system etc. keep on going and i bet the scale will suddenly drop all of a sudden - im looking forward to hearing about it xx
 
read through your journal and it's good to see someone so self motivated. sounds like you started by making small(ish) changes and you've been building a healthier lifestyle, but still leaving yourself room to "mess up" sometimes. anyway, seeing that it's worked (and i'd sure as hell say 24 lbs is working) for you gives me a confidence boost when i needed one. and it's good to hear that you fit exercise in around the kids. i have 3 kids as well (ages 5, 3, and 2) and i know it can be hard sometimes. i have to get up (super early) before they do and workout then, and sometimes i try to fit in some more exercise when they nap in the afternoons. it is definately tough... anyway, keep up the good work and good luck!!!
 
Thanks for the comment Sunny! Yeah it can be hard fitting the exercise in around the kids, thankfully mine are content with watching Barney while I work out in the other room, lol..and atleast they arent at the age where they will laugh at mommy jumping around, HAHA (my best friends kids used to do that when she would do tae-bo!). Anyway, I really appreciated your comments, they have given me some more motivation to keep going! This weekend was sooooo bad! It was that T.O.M. again, the kids and I are all sick with colds (or allergies, whatever it is) and I have been eating like a pig all weekend! Im soo mad at myself for it! I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like I needed to throw up from eating so much food! I feel so disgusted with myself! grrrrr!!! I feel like Ive gained back 10 lbs just from this weekend, lol!...So now this week Im really gonna watch what Im eating. I didnt exercise today just because I felt so sick. I can hardly breathe so Im not gonna try and do something that already makes me out of breathe and I was just energy-less this morning. I ended up laying on the couch and kept dozing off for a few minutes here and there. I am feeling more awake now, thankfully. I dont want to skip too many days working out, but I know that when Im sick my body needs rest. Ive been so used to working out every day that today seems odd because I didnt work out today!

Oh yeah..ok, I left out the good part, I finally lost that last pound to put me at the 25 lbs mark (im not even gonna try and weigh myself this week, lol). I also did some measurements and lost another half inch on my waist and half inch on my arms...so I'm getting there, slowly, but surely.

I've still been so busy trying to get the house all set up how we want it. Most of it is done except for straightening up the bedrooms upstairs better and hanging things on the wall up there...I have neglected all of my blogs, including this diary, but hopefully i can get back into it. Im going to try and pick up more hours from my work because we really need the money.

Saturday at 6:40am we are on our way to NYC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm sooo freakin excited! Some of my old friends that I havent seen in years are coming out to hang out. Two of my bestest friends (one from Rhode Island and one from PA) are even getting hotel rooms at our hotel so we can spend all weekend together! We will only be there for 2 days but we are going to cram as much into it as possible! Maybe I'll even post some pics up here from the trip!!

 
i think it's best not to exercise when you're not feeling well, but for me it's easy to skip a day and then another and then another and before i know it i haven't exercised in a LONG time. i'm pretty good at talking myself out of it, so just try not to do that :) congrats on 25lbs-- that's awesome. and have fun in NYC!!!
 
Ok, I've been gone for a little while. I did get way off track for about 2 weeks. Starting out with being sick, then our trip to NY. Then the week after NY I was still feeling sick and had a lot of things to do and just took another week off. I also slacked off on my eating healthy and ended up eating a lot of bad crap! I could feel a big difference just in those 2 weeks. I just felt fat, bloated and disgusting! So yesterday was my day to get back on track with eating and exercising. My husband got a new weight bench so he is helping me with strength training. I love it because he wont let me give up, he pushes me to keep going and keeps saying, "come on baby, you can do it". Hey, I can bench press 100lbs! WOOHOO! I'm already feeling better about myself again like I'm gaining my control back. I haven't weighed myself in awhile, I'm afraid to, but I will probably weigh this Friday just to see where I'm at again. As soon as I post this Im going to start reading posts on this board again to help me with my motivation!

The trip to NY was fun! I think I made up for not working out the week before just in those 2 days we were there cuz all we did was WALK and walk around the city. My legs were sooo sore. The day we left, I was walking around like an old lady...BUT, I was able to keep up with my friends. I used to be the one always lagging behind, but now I could keep up and it feels so good! I'm gonna try to figure out how to post a few pics from our vacation...The first pic is us on the Staten Island Ferry and the second one is up on top of the Empire State Building.
 

Attachments

  • usonferry.jpg
    usonferry.jpg
    33.9 KB · Views: 23
  • usempirekiss.jpg
    usempirekiss.jpg
    45.9 KB · Views: 19
I'm really surprised what missing 2 weeks of workouts can do to my body! I put in Turbo Jam and couldn't even do half of the workout before i felt like I was going to pass out!! So I'm just trying to slowly build back up to where i used to be with my workouts. I decided to weigh myself friday just to see where i stood. I was expecting to have gained atleast 5 lbs, lol..but I LOST 2!! Woah, I was shocked but happy! I'm getting closer and closer to the 30 lb mark and that just motivated me to keep going. It's been difficult to work out every day because of some extra appointments we have had but I'm squeezing them in when I can. I'm getting ready to work in a few minutes, so this will be short and sweet, just wanted to update a little bit when I had the chance!
 
Ok, not a whole lot to post this week. Nothing exciting has really happened since I last posted. I've been doing good with keeping up with my workouts and am able to do more and more each day. I didnt do TOO bad this weekend. It wasnt great but could have been a lot worse. I'm going to weigh myself again this Friday and see where I am again. Ive been doing this since Jan 1 and I know they say to take it slow, but geez it seems like it's taking forever! I know part of it is my fault because of so many cheats and screw ups, but I'm still not ready to give up!
 
as long as you don't fall off the horse completely - occassional slip ups are gong to happen - just keep going forward and those slip ups will lessen.. :D
 
Thanks Mal for the comment! I haven't fallen off complately yet but feel like I'm just barely hanging on! I'm trying to hard not to fall off completely but it's been such a struggle. Last week I was having a hard time with my appetite. I just wanted to eat everything in sight!..but I didnt let myself binge or eat so much that I felt sick afterwards. I got over that. I'm still working out 5 days a week but feel like I need something new. I was thinking about trying carmen electra's strip aerobics, heh heh. I love her and think it would be fun! I'm thinking about starting a challenge for me and my blog readers. I may post something about it in there today or tomorrow. I'll post the link again at the end of this post. I know I need to get back to being completely serious about this. The weekends still kick my butt and I need to figure out how to get over that hurdle! It's my head that's always the problem! lol...cuz I dont have enough will power on the weekends. It's like i give myself slack because it's the weekend and I shouldnt! I guess I need to really sit down and look over my motivations again and really have a little talk with myself and get myself back into gear! I also cant let my husband be a bad influence on me in the food department anymore! Ok, here's the link again:
 
I just copy and pasted this from my weight loss blog..cuz i was going to write pretty much the same thing in here, lol....this was from Friday

So after I had that little talk with myself I kind of got my butt back in gear. Did really good for the rest of the week eating wise and worked out every day. There were many times that my husband and kids were eating junk food and it looked good, but I didn't touch it! I decided to weigh myself this morning to see where I stood and I'm back UP another f'n 3 pounds. I literally cried when I saw that..and then I threw my scale (yes, I do have a bad temper). I can't believe it. I mean even though I haven't been doing the BEST lately I am doing sooo much better than how i used to be. I mean I used to just eat and eat and eat whatever I wanted and never exercised...and even when I'm eating badly now it's not nearly as bad as it used to be and I'm still working out 4-5 days a week. I've been stuck at this stupid same weight since April! I'm just at a loss now. (but not literally, unfortunately). When I first saw the number, I cried and then was about to say "screw it" and just go back to how I used to be instead of stressing about it, but I can't do that. I know I feel a lot better and I know not to just depend on the number on the scales, but damn it's frustrating when the numbers don't go down...at all!!!! ... Another problem is my depression. I weened myself off of my anti-depressant for 2 reasons. One was because it was too much of a hassle to have to go to the doctor every time I needed a refill..and the place I got it from before made me go talk to a psychiatrist on top of the check ups..and I don't think I need a psychiatrist! I'm depressed, I'm not a lunatic. ..and another reason is because I knew I was feeling better due to my weight loss and wanted to see if I could control my depression. It's not going so good. I think that was part of my problem last week and the beginning of this week. My depression is coming back. I'm emotional all the time, my mood swings are crazy. I hate it. It's so difficult for ME to be able to get to the doctor because of the kids. My husband can't take off of work. We have no one to watch the kids except my mother in law and she works 2nd shift. My 3 1/2 year old has to go to Speech Therapy every week. I need new glasses and can't even get to the doctor for that! I really think I need to get back on my anti-depressant but I'm going to try my hardest to control it on my own and not let it control me. Anyway, once I started eating better this week and really putting my all into my workouts I started to feel better about myself and then this morning brought me right back down! I want sooo badly to just go stuff my face, but I'm not going to. For breakfast I had 2 multi-grain waffles with sugar free syrup and a glass of skim milk and ive had 2 bottles of water so far today. Now I have to get ready to take my son to therapy then have lunch, then work. Then after work my husband and I are going out to see one of his friends perform so we are going to be in a rush as soon as I'm off of work and are planning on just picking up fast food on the way there...I'm going to make sure I made a healthy choice though. Im going to really, really challenge myself this weekend to be good..and I'm staying away from the scales for a long time......

OK...now my update since Friday: I did pretty decent over the weekend. I did order a grilled chicken sandwich from MCD's friday night and omg i wanted to puke. Im very picky about fast food chicken. The first bite of it was a bite of nasty gross fat. I only ended up eating half of the chicken...i ate the lettue and bread and half of my french fries. Ack. Just thinking about that chicken makes me want to gag now, lol!...Ive decided that I'm only going to weigh myself once a month. The numbers stress me out too much.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top