Thank you guys for all the posts. I must say I will get back to them each, but was feeling kinda down today.
It started in the morning before bootcamp, and then left, after my 1 hour walk, and then came back,..and then left after my 20 min walk...and right now I'm good.
It's just one of those days! All these
signs everywhere I look.
Anyway, to keep it short and sweet! I am definitely
SUPPORTING my goals these days. I am consistent like crazy, track everthing with my weight watchers points, drink the vitamins, chug the water, and work out like crazy!
Yesterday ontop of the 1 hour bootcamp, the 1 hour walk, I did 2 hours of bouncing on this stability ball and punching and all kinds of stuff. I woke up this morning with a
SORE ASS!! I'm fighting for it
daily. Moment by moment.
I did find that I was snacking a lot yesterday, though they were within my points considering how much I worked out. Still healthy snacks, but I was eating to push something away because I wasn't even hungry. Maybe fear? ..maybe a lot of things ...
Today, the same routine,...except for the stability ball activities and one more 20 min. walk. Really not wanting to go to a business mixer when I am in these quiet pensive moods,
BUT, it will help my repore and help my business. So I am going to slap a smile on and be jolly!
Things that derailed me into sadness today:
-Realized that I've quit many times in the past on my workout goals
-Saw the cellulite in my arms as I sweat like a horse in bootcamp doing pushups
-Seemed like such a long journey
-Compared the other people's progress to where they just started in bootcamp
-Endless journey
-sad that I regained a large portion of my weight back even though I'm fighting for it
-Saw the excitement in my trainer's eye's and voice when he talked about this hot woman he is dating who flew in
-Saw how HOT she is from a distance and made me wonder if
that is what you have to look like to maintain an interest of that intesity in the relationship between two people
-Remembered how my hot girl friend right now caught her bf jacking off to her
really really hot friend with fake boobs from facebook pics.

(she is going through some shit right now)
-Remembered everything I have been through these 28 years
-Remembered how me and my mom would even make jokes about me being born at 10lbs and almost walking out the hospital I was that heavy
-Had fear leap over into if I do not reach the fitness goal, will I be able to reach the public speaking motivation speaker goals I have for myself,...
-Leaped into unemployment benefits and whether or not they will be able to be extened
-Put more pressure on the fact that my Hypnotherapy business and speaking career have to evolve FAST!!!!
--...and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
...
So, there. It's out! LOL!
I feel better! Things I am happy about:
-I've done this once, I can do it again
-This is just a journey
-I have been happy my entire life regardless of my weight
-I ran a marathon for crying out loud
-I have someone who loves me
-I have someone I love
-I have lots of friends
-I have started building my private practice next month-in celebation of 1 year officially!
-I hold speaking engagements now every 6-8 weeks with about 15 people each time.
-I can speak in public
-People tell me I inspire them, which humbles me because I am so
still on this never ending journey
-I have my private space, I call home. All mine.
-I have limitless ideas and imagination!
-I have determination
-I have heart
-I have a whole lot of things some people could only wish to ever have....
I am grateful. I am BREATHING. I am bringing myself back out of the spiral of negative webs in the tangled place I call my mind. It's ok.