Couch POTATO to "MARATHON" HONEY! :)

Live in Today, and the Sorrow goes Away!!!

"This isn't just about weight loss, this is about taking CHARGE of YOUR LIFE!!!"........I love that line from Biggest Loser!!! :beating: Gets me going alright!

So well.....where have I been....hmmm.....!?!?!?! Good Question....

I've been going through some real intense ups and downs emotionally lately...GLAD TO SAY.....I'm making it THROUGH!!!!:biggrinjester:

Well I believe it would be safe to say that it all started about 2 1/2 weeks ago, when I got slapped with a lawsuit from my previous client from when I used to do Home Loans! :eek: Anyway....got served from a person whom I THOUGHT was my friend,....but really what kind of friend FINDS YOU, when no one can seem to find you for some reason, and gives you a LAWSUIT that has nothing pertaining to him.......:banghead:.........why some people are the way they are, I will never know....anyway.....so YEAH, betrayed by someone I know, and Slapped with a lawsuit, that is frivolous and stupid and not my fault....bottom line......: THE FUCKN CLIENT, ENDED UP INVESTING $100,000.00 into FLIPPING the PROPERTY after close of escrow, instead of the $10,000 he wanted to. He kept the investment for 10 months instead of the 1 month he wanted to. He basically lost his ass on this deal, and is mad that he is a dumb ass to invest so much in a depreciating economy,....mind you this was in 2006!! He is saying in the lawsuit that he shouldn't have qualified for the loan....."SHIT MAN, you ain't the ONLY ONE,...our whole damn economy is fucked up because A LOT OF PEOPLE shouldn't have qualified for loans!" I didn't do anything wrong....guidelines were easy! Go FIGURE!!!
.....So Bottom Line: He sold the property for $40,000 more than what he bought it for. He made all his payments on the house on time. He didn't foreclose shit. SOooooo, yup...suing why...?!?!?! Because you didn't make money on your flip, and now you have debt.....hmmmm!?!?!
Bottom Line: NOT MY FAULT!

So yeah.....this happened! I must say,...that at FIRST...I was annoyed, scarred, & frustrated just because this asshole is suing me, the realtor, and both companies, for the price of the property which is $500,000. Honestly, they want the big companies....cause we little BITCHES ain't got shit!!! SO keep dreaming :drool5:....."SHIT, for that matter....why not make it a COOL "MILLI" right?!?! I mean, thinking SMALL there aren't we?!?! ONLY $500,000?!?!?!"!!!!:smilielol5: So yeah....trial is set for like 2010..which will never make it to trial because these large as companies aren't going to let that happen when no one did anything wrong, and INSURANCE is involved! :nopity: So yeah......I FIGURED: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRIPPIN ON....YOU AIN'T GOT SHIT, DIDN'T DO SHIT, and have SHIT TO LOSE......I mean...it's civil on top.....not like they want my FREEDOM either....they just want the COLD HARD MULA$$$$$!!!!!! Better wait for Santa on that one.....:santa:!!! LOL!!!! I started praying, meditating, and reading a lot....and I came to the answer, that sometimes, I feel EMPTY inside, when I forget that this life is more meaningful than we make it, and that there IS A LESSON to be learned out of all of this, out of everyday, out of EVERY encounter, out of every turmoil. LIFE IS DEEPER than we think, deeper than the shit we want to buy, deeper than the LBS, we want to lose.....we have a MISSION in this life! I believe that until we are HELPING OTHERS, we are not completing our missions! I mean, who would create a whole world, a WHOLE Universe so that all the Little Wittle People can only Care about themselves, Help no one, and Accumulate a lot of Crap so they can't share with others!?!?!
THAT SOUNDS HORRIBLE......I came to terms, that LIFE is not about all the crap that I PUT MYSELF DOWN for,....Life is about all the Crap that I forget to thank GOD FOR,....the opportunity, the gift to be "ABLE" to do things for others, and for HIM!!!! So the fear is GONE, the Peace in me has come.....

...Throughout this time as well, REFLECTION PERIOD came:....

I was feeling DOWN on myself, for all of the things in the past that I have set out to do, and have not completely accomplished to do! :( I was feeling like a TORNADO spiraling down, IF IT'S NOT ONE THING, IT'S ANOTHER I tell you!!! I kept thinking well, if I would have done this, and if I would have done that.........and ALL IT CAME DOWN TO was:

ACCOUNTABILITY :

"WHY THE HELL COULDN'T I STAY ACCOUNTABLE in a lot of areas of my LIFE"?!?!?

...WELL.....here is my answer:.....I COULDN'T STAY accountable to MYSELF, because I wasn't living in the Present! I find that I reflected on my whole life back, since childhood, and this and that....and YUP....my whole life....I've been so overwhelmed with what I have to do tomorrow, what I want to do next week, next month, this year, this quarter, this that.... that I was not putting enough ATTENTION on "TODAY"! So, what happens when you don't put enough attention on TODAY?!?!?! WELL, you get OVERWHELMED by TOMORROW's TASKS and GOALS!

...that was my issue: I've always been too focused on the WHOLE PICTURE of what I want to accomplish, that the LONGING for Tomorrow to come already was OFTEN TIMES overwhelming me with the FRUSTRATION of being STUCK in today still!!! Do you get me....?!?! I've realized now that it's the BEAUTY of the DAILY STEPS, the enjoyment of TODAY and only TODAY, that really allow us to be FREE and ENJOY and LOVE :beating" the PRESENT TIMES, including ourself today! ALL however many lbs of US!!!

For example, last night: I was taking a nightly walk with my boyfriend, and we were talking about his friends whom he is going to hook up with this one music artist he knows, so that she could get a slot to sing in some song he is producing. Since she is his friend's girlfriend and is moving out here from Pennsylvania he wanted to do what he could for him. We were talking about her, and he mentioned that she wasn't very pretty but that she was semi "HOT".....(mind you she was the topless singing girl, while they went to Burning Man,...and now his friend is all in love with her, and she is hopping states over after like a month of seeing each other...LOL).

...The statement didn't bother me at FIRST....then as we continued walking I started to feel annoyed.....not at him, not at her, not at what he said,.....but AT ME!!! I was feeling annoyed because the past 3 days before that I had "CHOSE" to eat unhealthy, drink, and NOT exercise. I "chose" this....yet I "want" to be THIN & FIT. I was beating myself down on the past three days, because I WANTED TO BE "HOT" too.....not tomorrow...but RIGHT NOW....so you see,...as we walked.....I didn't say all this OUT LOUD, but the turmoils in my head were going on. At first I thought it was Jealousy or something, and then I thought Noooo....I'm not jealous in that sense.....and I gave it a COLD HARD CORE THOUGHT! I realized that I was beating myself DOWN for something that was GONE.....YESTERDAY was GONE....and then I was beating myself down because I wanted TOMORROW'S results, TODAY! As we walked, I realized what I was doing....ONCE AGAIN...not allowing myself to live in TODAY.....today, I had walked 3 miles, Today I had ate healthy, today I had logged it all in, today I had read, today, I HAD felt good! What the hell happened to all those happy feelings the minute someone brings up what I WANT for the future, NOW?!?!

...I stopped myself right there, and I realized that "LIVING IN TODAY, is the BEST GIFT OF GRATITUDE and ACCOMPLISHMENT that you could give yourself"......tomorrow's will keep coming, but if we don't handle TODAY, FIRST, we will have an accumulation of WASTED Yesterday's, that will give us a CRAPPY TOMORROW, and FRUSTRATION for SORROW!!!

So with all that being said......THAT's why I have been so quiet lately....and SORRY FOR BEING SO LONG!!! Just had to get all of that off my chest.....

I'm gonna love the day, I can print all of this out and remember the craziness that is in my head, and call it.....

"THE STORY OF MY LIFE!"..............:beating:............TODAY has been a GREAT DAY!
 
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Alta,
In Yoga, it's all about being present. And also, the main question we're supposed to ask is "How can I serve [the universe]?" Your post reminded me :) :grouphug:

Losing weight and being hot is a long, slow process. Beauty is in the mind of the beholder, fo sheezy, and we all think you're beautiful on here, let me tell you! Here's a personal note: lately, in the past year, I get compliments left and right from people telling me I'm attractive or have a nice body. This never happened much at all until just recently, after I pretty much dedicated my life to exercise. And it is a weird adjustment. Not EVERYONE thinks nice things about my appearance, I'm just saying that I hear lots of nice things on a regular basis. Being called "hot" by random people, when you're not used to it, is very very weird and uncomfortable. Because the mind still says "I can't be hot, they are lying," whatever. So even if a magic Genie came and made your body "perfect," you wouldn't believe it right away. Also, lots of people hide behind their "fat" and sabotage their efforts because they don't feel worthy. This is fucked up, but true, and it can take years or a lifetime to get over. I have lots of experience with unworthiness and self sabotage! And what the hell worked for me? Focusing on fitness and accomplishments. The "hot body" seemed to just come along for the ride as I strived to be a faster racer, a better Yogi, a more controlled kickboxer, and hell! a sexier belly dancer :) The self esteem was hard to just build up on my own. I had to put my energy to making myself proud. And YOU are there......just don't fucking give up, OK? Cheez! :rolleyes:
 
Curvie Girlie said:
Alta,
In Yoga, it's all about being present. And also, the main question we're supposed to ask is "How can I serve [the universe]?" Your post reminded me :) :grouphug:

Losing weight and being hot is a long, slow process. Beauty is in the mind of the beholder, fo sheezy, and we all think you're beautiful on here, let me tell you! Here's a personal note: lately, in the past year, I get compliments left and right from people telling me I'm attractive or have a nice body. This never happened much at all until just recently, after I pretty much dedicated my life to exercise. And it is a weird adjustment. Not EVERYONE thinks nice things about my appearance, I'm just saying that I hear lots of nice things on a regular basis. Being called "hot" by random people, when you're not used to it, is very very weird and uncomfortable. Because the mind still says "I can't be hot, they are lying," whatever. So even if a magic Genie came and made your body "perfect," you wouldn't believe it right away. Also, lots of people hide behind their "fat" and sabotage their efforts because they don't feel worthy. This is fucked up, but true, and it can take years or a lifetime to get over. I have lots of experience with unworthiness and self sabotage! And what the hell worked for me? Focusing on fitness and accomplishments. The "hot body" seemed to just come along for the ride as I strived to be a faster racer, a better Yogi, a more controlled kickboxer, and hell! a sexier belly dancer :) The self esteem was hard to just build up on my own. I had to put my energy to making myself proud. And YOU are there......just don't fucking give up, OK? Cheez! :rolleyes:
Click to expand...
I fit the profile exactly of what you said.....it is a struggle...and I do feel like you said, that it's gonna take time to unravel the "UNWORTHINESS" feeling, and the denial and all the negative emotions that were attached to my body image. I think a lot of times that I would too mask myself, under fat, so that I could weed out the "FAKE" people. The ones that didn't really love me....really want to be my friend cause of me inside, not outside....
I'm aware now at least! Now I feel I do deserve it.....I am not trying to mask myself anymore either.....it just takes time and effort! :grouphug:...and GOOD PEOPLE by your side to help you along the way!
 
Alta818 said:
I think a lot of times that I would too mask myself, under fat, so that I could weed out the "FAKE" people. The ones that didn't really love me....really want to be my friend cause of me inside, not outside....
Click to expand...

A LOT of people do this. I used to be a "social-path", putting myself out there to meet and connect with new people. It got tiresome because most of those situations involved alcohol and people are over-friendly when drunk, and may never call you to hang out again! And I mean as a buddy, not as a date. Then you realize that the person you thought you had a connection with turned out to be not so damn cool as you thought! Anyway, I'm in a weird mode where I am my own best friend because I'm loving me from the inside, OUT. And the only people I kick it with are really, really close, good buddies I can trust. I'll probably get out of this phase eventually, but it is GOOD for my soul, right now.

You have a beautiful personality. Any time you spend doubting your attractiveness or lovingness is a WASTE and a SHAME! But you lack discipline! LOL!!!! :rotflmao: Think of Samurai! :boxing: Make yourself a hard schedule and stick to it! You will reap much rewarding satisfaction! Guaranteed! LOL! :p
 
I also just want to say...thank YOU all who drop in on me....Jz, Trops, MJ, Val, Paula, Sam, Airmanwifey....Thank you all......!!!!!

....Also, I have decided that I needed to change my eating style as this is annoying and frustrating to not be accelerating anywhere. So, with a lot of research done, I decided that I am going to launch my body into Ketosis, and give this another whirlwind at it! I have 4 weeks, to do something, and I challenged myself to CHANGE and get some results b4 Vegas!

So.....as of TODAY: For Induction Phase-14 days (but I'm shooting for 30 days)--
------No alcohol
------Carb content to 10-12 grams
------No salt, No sugar, No white flours
------Consistency
------Logging it in
------Tons of water
------Exercise Daily (something, at least walk at night)

Last time, I did this for 5 days and I lost 5 lbs....and I got "SHY" of Success and figured this is too easy, let me complicate my life a bit, and QUIT! :banghead: So yeah,...in the efforts of change....I'm doing it and sticking to it! Let's see what happens......
 
WOW!

In Steve's diary he mentioned something I never heard before: refeeding. I am going to research this, maybe it might work for the both of us......haha, but I'm pretty sure one has to be dieting for it to work--and I don't really diet! HAHA! WHoooops
 
Curvie Girlie said:
A LOT of people do this. I used to be a "social-path", putting myself out there to meet and connect with new people. It got tiresome because most of those situations involved alcohol and people are over-friendly when drunk, and may never call you to hang out again! And I mean as a buddy, not as a date. Then you realize that the person you thought you had a connection with turned out to be not so damn cool as you thought! Anyway, I'm in a weird mode where I am my own best friend because I'm loving me from the inside, OUT. And the only people I kick it with are really, really close, good buddies I can trust. I'll probably get out of this phase eventually, but it is GOOD for my soul, right now.

You have a beautiful personality. Any time you spend doubting your attractiveness or lovingness is a WASTE and a SHAME! But you lack discipline! LOL!!!! :rotflmao: Think of Samurai! :boxing: Make yourself a hard schedule and stick to it! You will reap much rewarding satisfaction! Guaranteed! LOL! :p
Click to expand...


I totally agree!!! I have kept putting myself out there, usually at bars or clubs, where there IS alcohol involved... People are overly friendly when they are drunk, naturally, myself included.... I want to meet people who like me for me, when alcohol isn't involved... I'm (very slowly) starting to realize that the way I view myself isn't AT ALL the way anyone else views me. Lots of people think I'm so awesome and I just can't seem to agree in my head. I think a lot of it has to do with the way I spent the first 20 or so years of my life. I spent so many years trying to hide myself that now that pretty much the real me is out now, and people love it, and sometimes I don't know how to handle it.... In my head I have to let GO of the past. I'm not the same fat-closeted-badhair-badskin-braces-cokebottleglasses-not in the church-alcoholic mothered person I was when I was younger. I've grown, I've flourished, and I have a lot to offer. It's hard to own it everyday but I'm sure working on it :) Sorry to hijack this thread but that felt really good to type out :sifone::coolgleamA::conehead::pumpkin::D

I love you Alta. Your one of the sweetest, funniest, coolest people on here. I'm sorry you've been struggling lately emotionally. You CAN do anything you set your mind to. You deserve to be happy and WE deserve to be successful. Success isn't for someone else, it's for US. We just have to remember to believe in US. We can do it ;)

-Sam
 
Thank You Sam!!!! To you as well!!!! :Angel_anim:....

You stated that so beautifully........SUCCESS IS FOR US!!!! WE CAN AND DO DESERVE IT!!!! :drool5:
 
Awww this is some WARM HEARTED SHIT right here :beating: Looks like Sam, you and I have all come a long way emotionally, like lots on here--and I agree with him that you are SOLID GOLD and glad I "met" you on here :hug2:
 
ewww, ketosis breath :p

Careful with that, especially when you decide to come off it ... Sure you researched it thoroughly though! :waving:
 
sammyboy24 said:
Your one of the sweetest, funniest, coolest people on here.
-Sam
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:iagree:


Curvie Girlie said:
you are SOLID GOLD and glad I "met" you on here :hug2:
Click to expand...


:iagree:


Ankebuzz said:
ewww, ketosis breath :p

Careful with that, especially when you decide to come off it ... Sure you researched it thoroughly though! :waving:
Click to expand...

:iagree:




Alta, you got some smart friends on here. :waving:

Think real hard about the ketosis thing. What is your reason for it? Are you trying to make a life change or do a quick start? Is this something that will help you be healthy and strong or drop some pounds quick, but temporary?





One more thing. You ARE Hot. Not going to be hot, but are, inside and out.
 
Trops is on target as usual!!! You are HOT, inside and out. You make this place, and I'm positive of this as well, your world, a better place to be. More beautiful, and full of hope and optimism!!! YOU ROCK WOMAN!!! :)
 
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