An EPIPHANY!!!! ATTITUDE of GRATITUDE~~!!!
Sooooorrry SOOOO LONG.....I JUST NEVER want to FORGET this FEELING!!!
So let me tell ALL of you.......YESTERDAY.......was a very EMOTIONAL day me
....Well to START off my day....My boyfriend has a friend who.....works for BURBERRY and he used to sell my bf these purses in HUGE DISCOUNT BULK brand new and all, and he would RESELL them at HUGE discount as well, just because he had a hook up ...WHY NOT right?!?!!!.....I'm REALLY not the type of person that would NORMALLY go out and BUY one of these EXPENSIVE things but hey....when HE WAS giving them to me....I GREW to like them....
...so yeah...in the morning....he said he was going to get a shipment for that night and that this $2000 bag was COMING IN IT....meaning HE got it for waaaay cheaper....i don't think too cheap but WAY cheaper!!! ANYWAY I saw the DEVIL HORNS
come OUT of me with GREED....and I REEEEALLLY wanted it, which shouldn't be THAT bad, but I HAVE TONS OF THEM!!!! Anway.....
ThEN....my mom came to have LUNCH with me....and she STAYED chatting it up with me laughing and all for a couple HOURS...which was so fun!!!
MY day is GOING fassst...and GREAT....she leaves....and I GET A CALL.....from the DOCTOR's OFFICE.....I WAS supposed to have gone THAT morning to an appointment to GET MY TEST RESULTS from ANOTHER COPOSCOPY, after I ALREADY had a CERVICAL LEEP done on me to REMOVE CERVICAL CANCER cells...........well WHAT THAT means in SIMPLE terms is.......since I DON'T even UNDERSTAND what that means OR EVEN if I SPELLED it right....regardless......about 8 months ago....they FOUND a SUPER HIGH grade of CERVICAL CANCER cells....so I HAD A COPOSCOPY....where they take HUGE CHUNKS from inside your cervix area and basically do a BIOPSY....well they WERE HIGH GRADE meaning if I let it go on a bit further they could progress into a REAL CANCER....soooo I GOT THE PROCEDURE done....a LEEP or something, that is supposed to REMOVE the cancer cells in the cervix by ....and WHALA......SUPPOSEDLY I was done.....
8 months later.....a PAP SMEAR....and HIGH GRADE CANCER CELLS again......like WTF? I ALREADY did this......
.........MAKES me SICK!!!
So this was AROUND FEB. 14......SO I decided to take NATURE into my OWN hands and AVOID the DOCTOR...because if ANYONE has EVER seen the documentary or READ the book..."THE SECRET"...you know that THERE WAS a WOMAN in there who "HEALED" herself from BREAST CANCER in 3 MONTHS.....with the POWER and LAW of ATTRACTION...you ARE what you ATTRACT and SHE BELIEVED and FELT HEALTHY...BETTER than LIFE...so she did not ALLOW negativity in HER LIFE and I DECIDED what CAN I LOOSE if I TRY AND believe in ME AND GOD and CURE and HEAL MYSELF!!!!.....NOTHING...SO I did IT....and STARTED my HEALING PROCESS!
So in March, I prayed and GOD TOLD ME...that I COULD DO IT...I thought of all the things that JESUS overcame, all the things and CANCERS that LANCE ARMSTRONG overcome...and MINE seemed sooooo SMALL.....so I SAID I COULD DO IT.......and I PROMISED to GOD.......that I WAS GOING TO SHOW HIM I DESERVED TO BE HEALED from INSIDE OUT.....and I WAS NOT only GOING to show him ONCE but EVERYDAY that I AM THANKFUL for my healing.........though I STILL HAD TO GET ANOTHER COPOSCOPY.......and ....
That is the DAY......I GOT OFF MY COUCH.....and ACTED like a HEALED healthy PERSON....and what do HEALTHY people do who ARE GRATEFUL to have their LIVES BACK.......in WHOLE.....theyyyyy RUNNNNNNN!!! and KEEEEP running.....
.........and that is what I DID.....everyday...that I RAN FURTHER.....I Looooooooved IT.....I WAS NOT POWERED BY ME......
I WAS POWERED by "GOD".....and then I DID IT AGAIN.....ran 4.5 miles, 2 days LATER 9 MILES.....because I BELIEVED with all MY HEART that I AM HEALED ALREADY and I DO NOT NEED a DOCTOR to TELL me...I"LL SHOW you with my RUNNING!!! THAT's where the MARATHON motivation came from!!!
ANOTHER thing that helped me stay SOOOO grateful was that ...the REALITY is THOUGH WE WANT our parents to be WITH US our WHOLE lives....they most LIKELY WON"T be......and my MOM has health complications sometimes....and I HAVE A SMALL brother about to be 3 years old.....I AM 25 right NOW....and the REAL HARSH truth is that IF something HAPPENS to HER .....ROMAN my lil man......WOULD BE ALL MINE......it's HARD to SWALLOW the thought......and THEN .....how COULD I BE SICK...or NOT HEALTHY....or OVERWEIGHT....and NOT BE ABLE to take care of HIM, play WITH HIM....and THEN....I ALSO VOWED to myself.....
THAT I was ALREADY a "CHANGED PERSON" and would NOT LET negative KEEP ME DOWN.....and I WAS GOING TO BE AROUND for EVERYONE....and HEALTHIER than LIFE.....could ever BE and HEALTHIER than I HAVE EVER BEEN!!!!
....LONG STORY SHORT: the doctor called YESTERDAY in the late afternoon and TOLD me my RESULTS from the COPOSCOPY.....that I PROLONGED to go to do for 3 months because WHO CARES....I FELT HEALTHY and could do A LOT...soooo....ALL IN ALL they came back ABSOLUTELY NORMAL.....no HIGH GRADE....no NEED FOR moreeeee PROCEDURES....and I AM HEALED..!!
THE feeling of HAPPINESS and JOY and SADNESS...that I HAD forgot amidst the JOURNEY my TRUUUUUUUUE motivation for RUNNING and EXERCISING was NOT to LOOOOOOOSE WEIGHT.....but to SHOW GOD that I AM DESERVING enough to BE HEALED and as a HEALED person.....
I AM GRATEFUL for my body and THE LIFE that HE GAVE back to me worry FREE.....I COULD not STOP crying out Sadness....because I FELT GUILTYYYYYY that I HAD become VAIN...and ONLY thought about LOOOOKING GOOD and NO WONDER I lost MOTIVATION....because LOOKING GOOD means NOTHING in the LONG RUN if you aren't HEALTHY INSIDE and IT HURT, because I FELT LIKE a HYPOCRITE for FORGETTING about MY GRATITUDE for LIFE itself and the FACT that I HAD STOPPED thanking GOD by SHOWING him that I AMMMMM CAPABLE of being an ATHLETE...like LANCE ARMSTRONG...lol, yet HE "GOD" never LET ME DOWN....and HEALED me AMIDST my detour in FAITH and forgetfulness of TRUE MOTIVATIONS...!!!
........BUT LIKE I SAID......SORRY for this BEING SO long.....but IT WAS SO important to me....because I FOUND MY SPARK again
....and WHAT MOTIVATED me more than LIFE........ATTITUDE of GRATITUDE......!!!! andddddd I LOVE YOU ALLLLLLL for REELING me BACK in when I FEEL LOST!!!
................
THANK YOU
EXERCISE yesterday: 4.5 miles RUN at the park
EXERCIST this morning: 1hour of BALL PILATES.....more to come!!!
NO yoga yesterday........went to dinner.....had LOTS of thoughts to talk about.......and SANGRIA went with those thoughts ...lol......and I DID GET THE BAG after all......but it was FUNNY because I WAS so happy when I GOT home and sooo grateful for THE ONES I HAD already that I DIDN"T care if I GOT IT or NOT......butttttt I DID END up getting it.....and HE didn't give it to me til waaaaay LATER that night....SO I FELT good about MYSELF and DIDN"T feel VAIN and FELT grateful, but IT TURNED out to be meant for me anyway!!!
105 degree YOGA 
............HAHAHA............I've thought THE SAME thing........YOU big CRY BABY 
..........noooo I"M justttt KIDDING.....lol.......but YEAH....some DRINKS could do that......WATERWORKS show.....hey....BUT at least we'll be @ a SHOW!!! 