ChefChiTown's Rebirth: I'm Back, BABY!!! (In More Ways Than One)...

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Do you miss me? :D

Eh, I guess

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:p
 
For those who don't know, my wife is an incredible artist. Being an artist is something she's always wanted to do for a living (and for fun) and, over the years I've known her, she's slowly but surely making progress toward that being a reality for her. Recently, she's been putting in a lot of work drawing but she's also been working really hard on her social media platform. She's been building a website, streamlining her social media pages to her site, etc. She's been working really hard at making her dream a reality and, if I'm being honest, it makes ME happy seeing her doing that.

It also inspires me. To do the same.

I've always wanted to write for a living (and for fun) and seeing my wife putting in all of this effort to chase her dreams has motivated me to do the same. I've been working on a website and trying to figure out how to get all that shit going. It's a slow process and, to be realistic, I have a long way to go before a website would even help me (I mean, you have to actually FINISH a book before you can sell it and make money) but I'm at least taking the first couple of steps toward my ultimate goal of becoming a professional writer.

I've also been working on material. Poetry is something I used to write quite often but I haven't created any of it in a while. Lately, I've been working on some poetry (along with my books) and I've found it quite helpful in curing writer's block. I mean, poetry isn't easy to write (ok, SOME of it is) but it's also a very freeing art form - you can write whatever you want and make it however long you want it to be. A novel is supposed to be an in depth, lengthy story involving complex characters and emotionally vivid scenery. As the author, you are pretty much required to fill in as many blanks as possible by using as much description as humanly possible. Poetry, however, doesn't require such specific imagery - you can paint a picture with fewer words and leave the rest to the reader's imagination. And, I find that quite freeing. It gets my creative juices flowing which, in turn, rids me of writer's block.

On a health-related note:

I need to get my ass back in gear. I've been getting on the treadmill every day so my streak is still going (and I'm super happy about that) but my eating has been a little...umm...unpleasant? Once again, I haven't done HORRIBLE (I mean, I'm still losing weight so obviously I'm still going in the right direction) but I need to get serious again and focus more on eating less calories. Like I said, I'm still losing weight so I'm not upset with myself in any way, shape or form, but when I wake up tomorrow I'm going to start focusing on calorie-counting again. Tonight, I'll have a shitty night and not worry about it, but tomorrow I'm going to be a good boy. Who's a good boy? Are you a good boy? Aww, yes you are, YES YOU ARE!!!

Why, thank you, sir.

raw
 
Day 60 of The Streak

STARTING WEIGHT: 252.4 lbs
Day 30: 237.6 lbs
Day 60: 232.7 lbs

Today is day 60 of The Streak and I've currently lost 19.7 lbs. During the first 30 days I lost 14.8 lbs. During the last 30 days I've lost 4.9 lbs. Big difference, right? Well, the bad news - I didn't lose as much weight as I SHOULD'VE lost. The good news - I know exactly why I didn't lose as much weight during the past 30 days.

1) I drank more than I did during the first 30 days

During the first 30 days I only had alcohol twice. As we all know, consuming alcohol slows your metabolism and pretty much prevents your body from burning excess calories. I did really good during the first 30 days but I drank a total of five times during the past 30 days, all of which were within about a two week period (give or take a few days). During the next 30 days I need to refocus and avoid drinking as much. And, when I do drink I need to avoid clumping days too close together.

Not a tough problem to solve.

2) I didn't run as much

During my streak I am going to be running or getting on the treadmill every single day. I decided to make that my mission rather than say "I am going to RUN every single day..." for two reasons. First, I know myself and I would end up quitting very quickly if I forced myself to run every single day, especially in the beginning. Running is very hard for me and, after a few days in a row, I would need a break. So, if I didn't allow myself some wiggle room with taking a break from running, I would definitely quit. Second, I can't control the weather.

It's December. In Michigan. And, snow has been falling for a while now. Lots of it. There aren't a lot of safe places to go running around here when the weather is like this so I haven't run nearly as much as I did during the first 30 days. Now, some of the blame should fall on my shoulders here - I COULD'VE run a few more days toward the beginning of the month (before all the snow fell) but I didn't. I could've squeezed in another couple of days of running toward the beginning of the month if I'm being honest. However, the snow has been constant and I've had to stick to the treadmill. Realistically, the next 30 days will be more of the same so my game plan is to increase the length of time I get on the treadmill and to increase the speed and intensity at which I walk.

Not a tough problem to solve.

3) I didn't focus on calorie counting

Ok, this one is the main reason my weight loss slowed down the past 30 days. During the first 30 days I focused really hard on counting (most) every calorie I ate. I recorded nearly every single thing I consumed into MyFitnessPal and did my best to pay attention to the number of calories entering my body. However, I severely lacked focus and I KNOW, even though I ended up still losing weight, I overate a lot of the past 30 days.

I need to regain my focus and start recording everything again. It keeps me honest. And, I need that honesty when I'm trying to lose weight.

The only difficult part about fixing this problem is going to be shaking off that "Holiday Mentality" where it's easy to go, "Oh, it's ok if I eat shitty today...it's the HOLIDAYS!!!" I know myself all too well and I know that will continue to be a struggle until after the New Year. So, my game plan to fix this is to TRY and do my best for the next two weeks. Christmas is just over a week away and New Years is the weekend after that. If I can get through the next two weeks and at least lose SOMETHING I'll be happy. Hopefully, trying my best to stay within a realistically acceptable calorie range, paired with cutting back on drinking and increasing the intensity of my cardio, I will get through the holidays and lose a couple more pounds.

A little bit tougher of a problem to solve, but a solvable problem none-the-less.

Overall, I'm happy though. I know I'm not going to lose 10-plus pounds every single month so I'm not too upset with 'only' losing a little over four pounds this past 30 days. By comparison, I didn't do as well as I did during my first 30 days but I still did good. My goal is to lose weight and that's exactly what I did. So, I'm not upset with myself. I'm still going in the right direction and that's all I can ask of myself.
 
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I think if any of us can get through Christmas & New Year losing something( other than our sanity) then we are doing very well. That's a good goal in itself!
 
I've been pretty lacking when it comes to browsing the forum lately and, in all honesty, it will probably be another week before I get back into the right mindset. So, I'll catch up on messages and journals a bit later. However, I'm sitting here watching TV with my kid and I just had to say something...

Dear Son,

I understand you are nine years old and get excited by things an adult normally wouldn't. I also understand you are at the age where you are attempting to form some sort of bond with your parents, much of which is based on having things in common with them..like being entertained by the same television shows. HOWEVER, when you sit here and narrate every single fucking thing that is happening on the TV it does nothing but make me want to hang myself. I am literally watching the same fucking thing that you are watching. The constant narration is completely unneeded.

"Chef, Chef, CHEF!!! The guy. The guy, he...he slipped on the floor and now he can't get up. GASP!!! Now the other guys are coming into the room!!! Where are they going? Are they helping him? OH!!! They're helping him!!! Chef, CHEF!!! They're HELPING HIM!!! And, now...and, now...and, now he's getting up. Chef, he's getting up. And, he's OK!!! Chef, he's ok!!! Look!!! And, his friends helped him. Are they his friends? Chef, who are those people? HE HE HE, his shirt is funny. It's yellow. Everyone else's is black. That's funny. Isn't that funny, Chef? HE HE HE!!! GASP!!! Who's that? Now someone else is in the room. Is he their dad? Are they all friends? Are they bad guys? Or good guys? Chef...Chef...Chef...I think...Chef...I think...I think...I think they're friends. Right? That guy is their dad, right? He's talking to them now. What's he saying? What are they doing? Chef, are they friends?"

All of that in 15 seconds. And, it's constant. Literally...CONSTANT.
 
Well, December did NOT go according to plan. I did great the first leg of this journey, the second leg of the journey went "Eh, alright I guess" but the entire month of December was just a big old "fuck you" to what I wanted to accomplish. I was lazy. Pure and simple. Lazy. I made excuses, claimed that every shitty thing I ate or drank was ok because it was "the holidays" and I just didn't try very hard. However, the holidays are over and now I have ZERO excuse to fall back on so I'm optimistic the next leg of my journey will be much better than the last.

I honestly haven't done much looking at other people's journals for a while so I think over the next few days I'll be doing my best to catch up. That's one thing I find very underrated when it comes to my success at losing weight - other people. Yes, it's nice to get the pat on the back or words of encouragement when they're needed, but it's also very rewarding to show other people you care about them too. It also makes you feel responsible for them in a way which keeps you focused and motivated like, "I can't let them down - they need me."

Anyway, I'm just going to do my best to stay focused on continuing my streak and eating right. That simple.
 
Sorry December was a flop - was it at least a delicious flop? Put it in the fuck pile and move on now - you seem super motivated now and that's what matters :)
 
Thanks, guys.

So, I've put in some thought and I've made a decision in regard to something very important in my life. I've decided to become a woman. I've spent the last 35 years trapped inside a man's body and I'm done hiding. If Bruce Jenner can get boobs...so can I. Ok, not really, but in all seriousness I am going to dedicate this year to my family, more specifically my wife and kids.

No, that is not some lame New Year's Resolution - it's something that needs to be done - something I want to do.

So, from this day forward I am going to do my best to make each and every day about my wife and kids, not myself. They deserve a better husband and a better dad - I've made improvement recently but I still have a lot work to do - so I'm dedicating this year to being the best husband and father I can be.

How will I do that?

I'll do more of what my wife wants. I will avoid doing things that she doesn't like. I will be more romantic (how I used to be). I will be more respectful of her thoughts and feelings, and make necessary sacrifices to make sure I am no longer a cause of any of her hurt.

What will I do with the kids?

Spend more time with them. Take little one day trips with them. Little stuff. The kids are fairly easy. It's just about DOING more with them.

I've just realized that I am the root of a lot of my family's tension and, although it will require a lot of sacrifice from me, this needs to happen. So, it WILL happen.
 
Hi Chef,

Isn't it weird how losing weight is kind of tied in to making everything else right in your life? When you start to lose weight and feel better about yourself, you look around and see other parts of yourself you want to improve too. I think all we want is to be the best person we can be- physically and mentally. Sounds like you are on a the right path. True happiness is just around the corner. I am really glad for you, Jen and the kids. If you are truly happy it will affect all the people in your life.
 
Hi Chef. You haven't seemed happy with life for a while & it's good that you have recognised that some things need to change. I hope 2017 will be a much better year for you, Jen & the kids xo Cate
 
Hi Chef,

Isn't it weird how losing weight is kind of tied in to making everything else right in your life? When you start to lose weight and feel better about yourself, you look around and see other parts of yourself you want to improve too. I think all we want is to be the best person we can be- physically and mentally. Sounds like you are on a the right path. True happiness is just around the corner. I am really glad for you, Jen and the kids. If you are truly happy it will affect all the people in your life.

It's weird, but there's a part of me that feels better about myself when I lose weight but there's also a part of me that feels worse. I feel better physical for obvious reasons and I feel better, to a certain degree, mentally...but there's always that sad realization of "Why didn't I do this before? I have wasted sooooo much time. Things could've been sooooo different." And, that makes me feel worse.

I don't know, it's just weird. Overall though, I feel better. There's just that one little part of me that continues to beat myself up.

Hi Chef. You haven't seemed happy with life for a while & it's good that you have recognised that some things need to change. I hope 2017 will be a much better year for you, Jen & the kids xo Cate

Yeah, I haven't been happy since, oooooh...PFFT...hey, honey? When was it that we got married?

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j/k

Yeah, that sounds like me.

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It's weird, but there's a part of me that feels better about myself when I lose weight but there's also a part of me that feels worse. I feel better physical for obvious reasons and I feel better, to a certain degree, mentally...but there's always that sad realization of "Why didn't I do this before? I have wasted sooooo much time. Things could've been sooooo different." And, that makes me feel worse.

I don't know, it's just weird. Overall though, I feel better. There's just that one little part of me that continues to beat myself up.



Yeah, I haven't been happy since, oooooh...PFFT...hey, honey? When was it that we got married?

I hear you. It is a little sad. Hell I waited 49 years to finally get it through my head- talk about wasted time. That being said we can't look back we can only look ahead. I have always been of the mindset that things happen for a reason. We don't know why and it isn't until maybe years later we realize why things happened like they did. Then we see the series of events that maybe shaped the people we are today.

We only have one life. I just made the decision at 49 that whatever time I had left was not going to be spent stuffing my face full of food and feeling horrible afterwards. Life is way too short not to be as happy as we can be. Being fat did not make me happy so it was time to do something about it.

You are still a young guy. You still have your whole life ahead of you. You have a great wife and great kids. Embrace that! Don't let it go.

You are on your way to getting rid of the weight. Once you do- it will change you. Believe me it will change who you are. It may make you smile more? It may make you happier? It isn't the be all and end all of total happiness but it helps. You are on the right path!
 
As cowboy said-"You are on your way to getting rid of the weight. Once you do- it will change you. Believe me it will change who you are. It may make you smile more? It may make you happier? It isn't the be all and end all of total happiness but it helps. You are on the right path!"
I agree. It's what you do from now on Chef that matters.
 
Just wanted to stop in and throw some support your way. You've got some noble goals for 2017, and it shows a lot of strength to say what you said out loud.
 
I hear you Chef. I have those thoughts on a very regular basis. If I trained like I do now, I could have been a better baseball player in University. If I treated my fiance better during that rough patch, we wouldn't be struggling so much now. If I didn't eat that whole box of chocolates last night, I wouldn't be spending so much time in the bathroom today ... haha. "What ifs" always mess with your head and I don't think there is a way around it other than trying to focus on moving forward and not repeating the mistakes.
 
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