ChefChiTown's Rebirth: I'm Back, BABY!!! (In More Ways Than One)...

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Saaaaweeeet new fancy journal!!! In all honestly I only read page one and the last page (but I read page 34-44 of Jens so I'm all caught up). Glad to see some ol' timers here...
 
"Piss off, you ugly pig!" I love Gordon Ramsey, haha.
 
I work with a very religious woman - a woman who scoffs at you if you say, "Jesus Christ" or "God damnit." She's a very nice woman who genuinely refuses to talk bad about anybody. I have never heard her swear or put anybody down, nor have I heard her with any anger in her voice. Tonight, that changed.

I work in an Assisted Living building, full of elderly men and women. There is a couple that lives in our building and, to be blunt, they are veeeeery demanding - demanding and rude. They think that we (the employees) are their personal slaves and constantly bitch and moan about eeeeeverything. Tonight, this very nice woman I speak of comes walking into the kitchen and goes...

"I've had it. I've absolutely had it with (resident's name here)."

I ask what happened.

"He's so RUDE. I try my best to be nice to him and he continues to be rude for no reason. I'm sick of it. I am SICK of it. I mean, he just...he's...UGH!!! I'm going to swear. I don't swear, but I'm going to swear."

Everybody stops and looks at her, almost egging her on with a "DO IT!!!" look in their eyes.

"Forgive me Lord, but I'm going to swear. (resident's name here) is a...SIGH...he's a BUTTHOLE."

I laughed for like an hour. First of all, I was NOT expecting her to call him a BUTTHOLE. Second of all, I find it hilarious that she asked God for forgiveness, as if she was about to call him a donkey f*cking c*ntsucker or something and then followed that up by calling him something kids in elementary school call each other.
 
Haha, that's awesome.
One time I had gotten 'into it' with some loser in the parking lot of a restaurant I was meeting my mom (who is religious and does not swear at all who I never swear around... ever) at. As we were leaving the same idiot was leaving at the same time as we were walking out and made sure to cut us off as we went. I went to say to my mom "That was the..." I was thinking 'don't say shithead, don't say shithead' so instead I said "F*cker" which is, of course, so much worse!! Whoops!
 
Funny, in her world she really laid into them. Sounds like it was quite the sight to see! Those Blackhawks are CRUSHING it in this second round of the playoffs. I suspect in return you are as well!
 
Well, it's been a few days since I've updated so I figured I would stop in and report my current progress. Just exactly how long has it been? Hmm, let me see here...

:looks at date of last post:

HOLY SHIT!!! I haven't posted since fucking MAY? Of LAST YEAR? I am a piece of shit. Damn.

AAAAANYWHO, here is my current status:

I am fat again. Like, really fucking fat. Like, I haven't seen my penis in a good six months kind of fat. You know, the kind of fat that makes you cry every single time you get naked and get into the shower, overcome by the sheer grossness of your fat, lumpy body? Like, you're so fat that if you accidentally fell into a big puddle of melted cherry popsicles and then knocked some peppercorns on your sticky, red body right before you put on your favorite green hoodie, nearby kids in the neighborhood would be like, "Hey, look at that watermelon. Look at that fat fucking watermelon!!! Jolly Rancher, Jolly Rancher!!!" and then shoot spitballs at you or whatever the hell it is that kids do now-a-days? THAT kind of fat.

But, instead of going overboard (like I usually do), and setting some ridiculous goal for myself which includes an unrealistic diet and exercise plan, I'm going to do something a little different. This time, I'm just going to take it one day at a time. Do I have goals? Yeah, I still do, but I'm going to take it one day at a time.

Oh, holy shit, I almost forgot - Jen and I are married now, HAHAHA. We got married back in October. So, yeah. Sorry, ladies. But, this sad sack of fat is taken.

Anyway, I'm here to get fit and healthy. I did it before and I know I can do it again. I just need to be realistic.
 
A realistic plan Chef? Sounds like a good idea & you do know you can do it. Here's to 2016 being a year of achieving realistic plans! Here's to fit & healthy! Cheers(with water), Cate
 
A big fat watermelon? What?! Were you drinking last night, and I wasn't aware? And you aren't anywhere close to that. haha! Although, I do love watermelon. It's yummy. ;)
 
Ok, DUDE...

So, my parents got Jen and I each a $100 gift card for Christmas (along with some other nice stuff), and I originally wanted to buy Guitar Hero for the Wii U (which was our family gift for Christmas this year), but I eventually decided against it and bought the Wii Fit U and some accessories instead.

I finally hooked it up tonight and took it for a spin. HO-LEE-SHIT. It is HARD, HAHAHAHA

Yes, it has fun little games to trick you into exercising, but it also has an actual yoga "class" of sorts where a trainer teaches you how to do poses and then has you do them yourself. Seriously, man...my legs are KILLING ME right now after doing the BEGINNER yoga poses. Fuck, man, that shit is haaaaard!!!

Anyway, I said before that I'm not going to overdo it because that never leads me anywhere good, so my plan is simple - take it one day at a time. As long as I improve each and every day, that's all I care about. However, I still have things I want to do (a routine of sorts) to help get me where I want to be. And, this is what I plan on doing...

EXERCISE

Wii Fit U - 30 minutes per day, Monday - Friday (changing exercises/games each day)
Treadmill - 30 minutes per day, three days per week (I can choose whichever days I please)
Sit-ups and Push-ups - Three days per week (reps will vary depending on my current physical abilities)

Side note: Once my weight falls below 240 lbs I will start running in addition to walking on the treadmill.

DIET

I am not going to follow a strict "low carb" or anything like that. I am also not going to completely eliminate anything from my diet. I am going to eat whatever I want with two rules I will make myself follow:

1) Eat in moderation

I will no longer sit here eating until I feel so full it makes me want to take a nap. I will continue to eat the foods I want, but I will not eat an unnecessary amount. I will not calorie count, but I will remain aware of what I am eating and I will make sure I do not overdo it.

2) Make good choices

If I'm thirsty, I will reach for water, flavored sparkling water or diet pop before I reach for a Pepsi or Hawaiian Punch. If I'm feeling snacky, I will reach for cottage cheese, beef sticks or hard cooked eggs instead of piling a mound of potato chips on my plate or shoveling Ben & Jerry's ice cream into my face hole.

Like I said, I'm not completely eliminating anything from my diet. If I want to have pizza for dinner, I will. I will just make sure to limit myself to two pieces at the most. If I want a Pepsi, I'll have one. I will just make sure to have one small glass and leave it at that. If I want a brownie, I will eat a God damned brownie. I will just make sure that I don't eat those foods every day. And, when I do have those foods, I will have a small amount and nothing more.

WEIGHT / SELF-MONITORING

I am going to weigh myself every Monday using the Wii Fit U. There are plenty of helpful little tools the Wii Fit U has to offer, which I will probably utilize, but I will be weighing myself every Monday. You can set goals for yourself for weight loss on the Wii Fit U and I have done that (my first goal is to lose five pounds in two weeks), so I will use the program to monitor my weight loss as I progress.

When I weighed myself earlier this evening my weight was just over 261 lbs. I won't be happy with my weight until it is down below 215 lbs (which was my weight when I played baseball and was in good shape). I won't say that I don't have a deadline, but I'm also not going to rush it and push myself into quitting. One day at a time.
 
I'm glad to see you back Chi Chi Monkey! Chef Chi Chi Monkey? Monkey Chef? I'll work on it broseph. Welcome back anyway.
 
Nice realistic plan. I'm also a fan of the Wii Fit U, I've been carrying around the little round pedometer for tracking steps/floors and find it's a decent little gimmick to help encourage activities.
Good luck on the trek to 215
 
So, I did the Wii Fit U again and there's a game you play called Core Luge during which you have to sit on the balance board and extend your legs, like you're actually luging (lugeing? I don't know how to spell it). Then, you have to lean back to go faster, as well as lean left and right to turn. Shit, man...my abs are KILLING me. That was sooooo hard. Yes, it's a game, but it SERIOUSLY rocks your core. HAHAHA, that sounded so meathead.

"Do you want to get RIPPED? Do you want your body to look SHREDDED? Well, DO YOU? Yeah, YOU!!! Then get the Wii Fit U. All you gotta do is play a few games and your body will screaming, bro!!! Why? Oh, I'll TELL YOU WHY!!! Because, these games ain't for kids, BROHAM!!! These games are HARD...CORE, YEEEEEEEAH!!! Like, put the kids to bed, bro, because this workout is HARDCORE to the MAX!!! Hey, Nintendo? Super Mario Bros? More like SUPER HARDCORIO...BRO!!!"

Anyway, I did good today. I ate well, got in some exercise, did a bunch of walking at work, you know...the bare minimum, HAHAHA. I'll take it though. Right now I'm just relaxing. Jen is doing the Wii Fit U now. She thought it looked fun and wanted to do it. So, she's giving it a whirl. I'm proud of her. She's doing really good and it makes me happy.

You know what else makes me happy? The tight pants she's wearing right now. She thinks I'm sitting here typing, probably working, but I'm not...I'm staring. Yup, I'm a total perv.
 
Congratulations on your marriage to Jen. I like your plan to take one day at a time, eat sensibly, and exercise. Romance on the diet forum - how sweet! Wishing you lots of success.
 
Wii Luge is a certified ab killer.... that is one long arse luge run to get a few calorie points...
 
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