Cate's Diary

Thanks, Tru. I think he does see it but he is the sort of person that everyone likes & he gets taken advantage of so often. If you can possibly be too nice.....
Thanks, M2M. It is really frustrating. I just got a call from one of the women to thank me for our sponsorship of their day yesterday. It was actually a lovely call. She has only just come back to playing after injury & she had a day out & got the best score. She was so happy about it. I asked her something about G, who is one of my favourites & she is in hospital very ill with pneumonia. At the end of the call she asked me how we are going & I said not so well & that I will be glad when this tournament is over & she said she was sorry to hear that & wished us both well. I'll call todayto see how she is going & where she is.
Deep breaths.....
 
I would tell G that if he doesn't set a hard deadline and stick to it, you are blocking all phone numbers from offensive people at the club. I would not give him a choice, I would tell him how much stress his wishy washy-ness is causing you and that you have been more than patient with him. If he can't put his foot down you will (as in - that's what I would say if I were you!) Not that I am, but still!!! He is negating all the good you both did in leaving trying to be the good guy for people he has no business trying to impress with his niceness. They don't deserve it, but you guys do! (I have a little steam coming out my ears!!!)
 
Thanks, Marsia. I have had steam coming out my ears all day, alternating with tears. You know, he's not trying to be the good guy, he actually is. He knows how upset I am & angry. I said I didn't feel like going away now as this has ruined the feeling that we were over all this. I have felt depressed today if anything. I have to go get the kids shortly & have them here for a couple of hours. G is taking our older GS to work & calling in to see M to drop something off ( a prize he has scrounged for him). If he comes home & tells me that he has told M that he won't be there next Tuesday things will be better. I shouldn't have to spell it out, but I think I will. He's a really good guy- too good for his own good.
Edit: Before I left to pick the kids up I told him that I want him to tell M tonight when he calls in to get someone else to help on Tuesday & that I am not going to change my mind about how I feel about it. I needed to make it really clear.
 
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I am afraid the only way G will change how he acts around this is when saying "yes" is more trouble than saying " no". So far "no" was trouble (from whiny M) but "yes" only got a sigh from his lovely wife, who then proceeded to be a good sport and back him anyway.
 
You have that very wrong, LaMa. No-one else understands the dynamics in someone else's relationship. I did not just sigh. I don't yell or throw a hissy fit. We would not have the relationship we have if I threw tantrums whenever we disagreed.
I need to offload in here. I appreciate other people's opinions & support & I know that I have that support.
A "compromise" has been offered. It doesn't help that his golfing buddies that he really looks up to apparently thought it was a good idea because M is unwell. I have been outnumbered. I will retreat & lick my wounds. He will not risk our relationship past next Tuesday. I know this.
 
Can you talk to him about how freeing and wonderful it has been to have the time and energy to go do the nice things you have been doing like going on romantic picnics at the beach together instead of volunteering for people who will only rope him in harder if he continues to help? Maybe if there were a positive spin where you show that the new club will be so much better and having the time together instead of shlepping things around for people who are taking advantage of him? Does he realize he is being taken advantage of? Could you coach him to say that they have to help themselves when M gets sick and find their own replacement who isn't G? This would really infuriate me! I think you are doing amazing in not yelling - I would have yelled!!
 
We had a big talk & this will be it. I took some reassuring, but I felt confident in the end. I don't yell. If anyone ever yells at me I shut down.
I feel so much better today. I feel we have cleared the air & will be able to move on after next Tuesday. I will be speaking to his golf buddies as well when I get a chance.
The old golf Club gets left here............
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I bought some non-alcoholic bubbly, in 200ml piccolos, for when I really fancy a wine in March. I didn't bother checking the calories as it is more to have as a backstop or if someone visits & they have a wine. I don't care who knows that I am having a month off, but it will make me feel more sociable.
I had oat sourdough with 1/4 an avocado, 1 boiled egg, some sprouts & a little low-fat mayo & rhubarb chutney for breakfast as I was hungry.
Lunch is going to be fresh Vietnamese spring rolls & dinner is going to be a beef & veg stir-fry.
Exercise has been virtually non-existent, except for some light gardening. This really needs to change.
 
That's great you could resolve this so peacefully. I am still getting over my hothead ways, so give a little bow to you! The food sounds delectable!! And really good idea to prepare a low cal drink to have with people who are over having wine!!
 
Thanks, Marsia. It was a very emotional discussion, but without yelling. I feel very tired today though & will take it easy I think.
 
cate said:
I bought some non-alcoholic bubbly, in 200ml piccolos, for when I really fancy a wine in March. I didn't bother checking the calories as it is more to have as a backstop or if someone visits & they have a wine.
Click to expand...
It´s always good to be prepared.
 
cate said:
Thanks, Marsia. It was a very emotional discussion, but without yelling. I feel very tired today though & will take it easy I think.
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Well done Cate. I know that wasn't an easy thing to do because you love G so much. But I'm glad you explained how you are feeling about this whole thing. Have a nice self-indulgent day for yourself. x
 
Thanks, M2M, LaMa & Em. :grouphug:
I had a lovely, lazy day yesterday but this is becoming the norm. I am being too lazy. I really do need to get active. I'm in my work clothes today & may help G get some wood.
Oats, almond milk, 1/2 a banana & a teaspoon of honey for breakfast.
 
Cate you have had a lot of stress and emotional going on . I like you come and post it all here . I go quiet as you probably guess from my lack of posting.

Your husband reminds me of mine to a degree . I actually had a phone chat with his friend the other day and he told me that my husband is so nice and unable to say no and so trusting that he attracts so many leeches who suck the life out of him . I told him i was glad he was speaking to him about that as I was just weary of it all now and had nothing left to say .

Hope you got out for wood and some gardening . You don't sound lazy to me at all . The weight will unstick when you are bit happier in yourself
 
I hope you are able to get a little gentle exercise in to just lift the stress from your body - I need to do more of that, too. It's really great how you've handled it all, and don't forget to take care of you as well as looking out for G!
 
I had a small break from my diary :grouphug:
We had a really excellent time in Hobart. I danced & danced & had my photo taken with my favourite singers. We were surrounded by wonderful friends & other people out to enjoy their music. We will have to start being a bit more frugal for a while as all this gallivanting is expensive.
We also did lots of walking over the weekend. I was SO stiff when I woke up yesterday! We really enjoyed our time with R & had breakfast with him & his lovely dog yesterday before heading home.
We called into M's house & got the job done re the handicaps for the club. It took about an hour, but it's the last time :)
G has headed out there this morning, feeling sick & anxious, after not getting much sleep. I told him gently that I knew that would happen & that he knows that he should have said no & that it is a valuable lesson.
It's really foggy here this morning & that always affects my Asthma. Summer is coming to a close. It's still getting up to the mid-20s (mid-70's F) during the day.
I'm feeling pretty good, after our weekend. I am determined to really have a go at losing at least a few kilos before we go away. Not drinking alcohol must surely help. I am going to ride my bike every day, with a set minimum just to strengthen my legs a bit. I am also going for a walk every day, once again with a set minimum. I'll do the bike before diaries each day I think.
 
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