Cate's Diary

Hi Cate, sorry I haven't gotten back to you sooner. I caught a cold from being stressed out. Looks like we all need to take it easy and focus on ourselves for a while! I don't know your son or your relationship to him at all, but I was really worried that you were trying to put a positive spin on what looked like a bad decision as far as the land he bought. I don't say this to be chastising at all or anything. I come from parents who did not have a shred of impulse control between them, and it took me years to learn not to make decisions when I am upset or otherwise not in a good state. I just didn't have a good model of how normal people make decisions, and so my decisions were sometimes made when I was having strong emotions, and most of those decisions were not balanced and didn't look at the big picture. I have learned that the more upset I get, usually the longer I should wait to figure out what to do about the upsetting thing so I can find some sort of balance and objectivity. So in some ways, I can empathize with your son.

So, I imagine it's a fine line between showing concern and your son feeling like his every move is being watched, but do you have agreements in place to help him if he gets too manic, like taking credit cards away? Does he realize that he needs an objective person, and would he even let you be the objective observer? Could you all go to family therapy and set up some mutually agreed upon boundaries and interventions together? Is your son comfortable with you telling him when you see him acting manic or depressed?

I am so sorry you are going through all this. I hope you and G both take it easy and take good care of each other. Don't worry about the forum and diaries - just please focus on yourself and de-stressing!!
 
Thanks, Marsia, LaMa & Jen.
I have had a much better day today. I am going to concentrate on stressing less. Worrying achieves nothing.
 
Cate sorry I too haven't been on line much as have been a bit hectic . After going through a short period of worrying about my son and I know it's completely different but the worrying is there and I completely relate to you bursting into tears playing golf . But you are right worrying will change nothing and won't make thinks better . I listened to a man today who has Parkinson's and he said the best advice he can give to anyone who is struggling is to live for today as it's what counts and don't worry about the tomorrow as it can change in the blink of an eye . The other piece of advice and one we are not perhsps so good at is to tell the people you love that you do love them .
 
Thanks Petal. Living in the moment is so hard. Not worrying is hard. One thing I am good at is telling the people I love that I love them. They wouldn't doubt my love.
G & I have both been having similar thoughts as we're trying to sleep & have discussed this morning that having sons living in other countries wouldn't be such a bad option. I'll leave this here because it's how I feel at the moment. Not having children would be much less stressful.
We're still doing too much at the club & are about to go do the rubbish.
We need to change things.
 
Just checking in to say I am feeling better this afternoon. G & I did the job we needed to do. It was unpleasant today & we think we'll do it every second week to make it easier. I am going to make myself stop when I start worrying about R. I really love both of our sons and am going to have to learn to worry about them less. G & I need to focus on ourselves a bit more & worry less about everyone else.
I need to do some things to improve my health. Reading about Tru's Arthritis & pain has me thinking I need to do something to lessen mine. I never bother talking about it to my GP or to anyone else really, but I am in constant pain with what I assume is Arthritis. Because I can't take anti-inflammatories I assumed there was no point mentioning it, but I think I'll get in touch with the Arthritis Foundation & see if there is something I can do. It is mostly in my feet and ankles, but also my hands.
Swimming would be wonderful, but with my fragrance & other chemical "sensitivities", I am fearful of trying it again. Yoga or Tai Chi for Arthritis sufferers might be the go. Homework to be done! I need another outlet.
Anyhow, I just wanted to come back & say I feel more positive because I have an action plan.
 
Cate I am pleased you are feeling better . Yes I agree it's hard not to worry and no matter what age your kids are you will always worry .
Hope you find something to sort the arthritis. You might recall a while back I had posted on the same with ankles and feet . They are not so bad right now funnily . Not doing too much different so not sure why .
Assume all your work at the club is volunteer based ? Sounds like you need to start saying no a little more
 
Hi Cate. Glad you are able to separate from the stress and look after yourself! Big hugs, and hope you make some down time for yourself and find a good form of exercise like yoga. I have researched this topic a lot because my mom has such bad hands she can't play guitar anymore from arthritis. Have you looked into an anti-inflammatory diet? Also I think yoga would be great as weight-bearing postures are really supposed to help. I am glad you are going to say NO more to the stuff at the club. It doesn't sound like a supportive place. I hope you guys find a way to carpool or something to another better club eventually. Really happy to hear you are taking better care of yourself!!
 
Thanks, LaMa & for your pm. I really do appreciate it & will investigate a low-histamine/anti-inflammatory diet. I know I have inflammation at the moment as this pain comes & goes. Stress seems to affect it as well, so I really do need to make some drastic changes. You're a sweetie, xoxo

Thanks, Petal. It's the same with me. Maybe I need to track absolutely everything I eat & drink every day & make notes about pain & stiffness for a month or so. All the work we do at the club is voluntary. I can say no, but G has a lot of trouble. I do things to support him mostly, not the club. He's getting better at it, but......I think I am out of sorts with everything at the moment. I can deal with the club & will. Thanks for your support, Petal, xo

Hi, Marsia. Thanks for the big hugs. I have tried to cut down on inflammatory foods, but LaMa's suggestion of a low histamine diet I think may be what I need to try. I know that the things I love to eat will be the things I need to cut out. I have looked into both before & my diet consists mainly of high histamine foods. :( The general club is not a supportive place, but the women to be fair have been very supportive lately. I got quite a few messages & a couple of calls since Wednesday. G & I will have to work out what we will do. I hate indecision. I love how we support one another. I really do appreciate it. Thanks, Marsia, xo

We have had the GK's overnight & I think I would like to spend more time with them. I need to find something that might actually interest them. We are talking about that now. C would be content just playing games on his phone or his brother's computer all day. A (our 19 yr old GS) came with us to Hobart last weekend & we let him drive part of the way back. Last night I picked him up from one of his PT jobs. G & I are going to try to help him to feel more competent with his driving & be able to get his licence. I have never been a good passenger, but I will try. I'm a confident & capable driver so it would be good if I can do this.
Our OS is going to be calling in to see his kids soon on his way to work. I'll take them home around lunchtime probably. I think I might go for a walk with them before I take them home. It would do us all good.
Better get off this laptop. Love to all, xoxo
 
I need to be eating less histamine again, too. My skin is starting to act up. 'S funny: every time I do well on the histamine front for a while my hands heal and I think this it! I'll be off cortisone forever! Then I'll not feel like cooking for a while and everything goes back to where it was :p
 
I have tried researching low histamine diets & end up very confused. Maybe I should see a nutritionist. Do you have any particular sites, LaMa that you could recommend?
I ended up taking the GK's home this morning. When asked what they would like to do they could not come up with anything. When offered all sorts of options, including a movie, a wildlife park, caves, shopping, anything else they could think of, all of which included a minimum drive of 80km return (which I did not mention) they just didn't care, so I gave up.
I picked up their brother at 4.30 & drove him to work. When I told him about the conversation he said "I would have jumped at the chance" & I said he always did.
I rang my sister today & offloaded a lot of my worries about R, without any tears. I had left it until today when I could be more philosophical. She knows me well enough to know that things weren't right.
G just woke up from a nap after golf, so it is time to eat!
 
Hi Cate your grandkids are lucky to have you . Mine don't have real interaction or closeness with their sole surviving grandparent . What ages are your GK that you are trying to entertain. Kids nowadays are funny and can be very laid back so rather than giving them a choice just pick something and go do it .

What kind of foods so far are noted on this anti histamine diet . The problem nowadays is there is so much information about what we can and can't eat , should or should not for all types of ailments then we try to cut the carbs cut the sugars , up the protein the mind just boggles . From the food choices you have told us about here you seem to me to eat a healthy well balanced diet so I hope you can continue with some of what you like .

Hope you find something that works .
Glad you could speak to your sister . Good to have an outlet xo
 
Never give kids more than two options to choose from :p I remember summer vacations where my mom would try and get us kids to plan a day out and it was just hell because either everything or nothing seemed interesting. But if we managed to pick something anyway and just go it would be fun no matter what. Otherwise there´s always the option of letting C explain or even teach you some of his games. It may not interest you as much but it just might help to make him feel noticed and taken seriously in what he does. Kids have to do what adults want so much anyway.
 
I agree not to give up on the grand kids and finding things they like to do. They get in passive mode playing those video games too much (at least we experience this with other families where my kid comes over and they don't even play with her anymore once video games are introduced). So you could help them get out of game play mode and do fun things instead. Or if not, I'll fly over and go to the caves with you. I love caves!

I looked up an anti-inflammatory food list. Wow, that's a lot of off-limit foods. But if it makes you feel better, definitely worth it!
 
I like this site: 10 Signs You Have Histamine Intolerance | Healing Histamine The woman who made it died a couple of months back but her general approach (don´t cut out everything, try to find a balance instead) really resonates with me. The big things are restricting processed foods (shouldn´t be too hard for you), cured/smoked meats and fish, aged and moldy cheeses, nuts, and alcohol. Doesn´t mean you can´t have any, you just have to adjust the amounts to how you´re doing overall at the time. Add: plenty of fresh herbs, fruits, and veggies (maybe not insane amounts of citrus fruits, tomatoes, and spinach). I react strongly to anything fermented (like sauerkraut) but most people don´t. Also add: plenty of water, sleep, preferably at regular times, relaxation, gentle exercise (especially endurance), fresh air, and people who´ll love and support you no matter what. Ok, that last one´s not based on science but I´m sure it helps lower stress levels anyway :p
 
Thank you, Petal. I have chosen 2 things( ten-pin bowling & a golf driving range), but they would be more fun with G & he's playing golf both days next weekend, so I'll shelve them until we both can go.
I may just take them to Tasmania Zoo next w/e. I was curious to know what they might like to do, even if I didn't want to do it. They're
..........& this is where I got to yesterday & must have been distracted!
They are 12 (E) & 10 (C). E starts high school next year & is at that age where she is no longer really a child & is on the cusp of being a young woman. At her age, I was definitely still a child. She has a lot on her shoulders with her mother. C is definitely still a child but is very uncommunicative & it is hard to engage him. He tunes out to almost everything. I'm glad there was not the technology around when I was a kid.
Re: anti-histamine food- I love most of the high histamine foods- aged cheese, nuts, anything pickled, wine.....

Hi, LaMa. I was just curious to know if there was anything that they actually would want to do if given the option. I couldn't even pretend to be interested in playing C's game. He knows that I don't like playing computer or phone games. I don't play cards or board games either. I have never liked them much at all. He plays on his phone almost all of his spare time at his mother's as well & even if they are booked for dinner at a restaurant he has been allowed to sit in the car playing his game, rather than create a scene. He really throws some serious tantrums. It would be good to get him playing sport as he also seems to have boundless energy & is very lean. When he is not playing on his phone he fidgets & moves constantly. I do communicate with him & can get his attention & would love to find something active that he could do & I could take him. I'll keep thinking.
Re: high histamine foods. I have at least 1 hot lemon drink every night & have been eating more oranges in the last year. I LOVE citrus fruit. I love vinegar & eat lots of pickled things, love nuts & also love my wine. I don't eat much tomato, but do eat lots of spinach. I have eaten more cabbage lately. I think that is why I have not seriously gone into low histamine eating. I eat lots of high histamine foods! EEK.
LaMaria said:
Also add: plenty of water, sleep, preferably at regular times, relaxation, gentle exercise (especially endurance), fresh air, and people who´ll love and support you no matter what. Ok, that last one´s not based on science but I´m sure it helps lower stress levels anyway :p
Click to expand...
This bit is much easier to try to follow. I'm feeling much more relaxed today after a day at home. I actually slept through the night last night.

I just got a call from a woman who I am meant to be playing with in a golf comp tomorrow & she has injured herself in her garden & can't play. It is not possible to get anyone else to play in her place as you had to have qualified. I just rang to cancel us. So now I can have another day at home & we can plant out our tomatoes. G was going to caddy for me. I don't mind not playing. Knowing him he'll still want to go to town to shop for the tournament on the 29th. Hopefully, he won't! If we do go I'll get a haircut.

Time to do some housework as it's G's birthday on Friday & his brother, SIL, 2 sisters & a BIL are coming for lunch & D & the kids are coming up for dinner. I have a GF lemon meringue cheesecake ordered from someone D works with. He & his wife make sensational cheesecakes & I ordered one once before for my birthday. Apparently, they had never made a lemon meringue one before. It was scrumptious.
 
Thanks, Marsia. I have had a really good day. I'll come back tomorrow morning & tell you about it, but will put a reminder for myself-
Message to R, so nervous about it!
Gardening- rearranged decking & now have a potting area,
Don't have to go anywhere tomorrow. Yay!
Had a very healthy eating day again today, but only 1 FD this week again.
Being more conscious of being kind & gentle with myself.
xoxo Cate
 
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