Cate's Diary

G says thank you, Cowboy :)

I played golf in a group yesterday, with the woman I was mostly competing against in the championships(R), who is about my standard & one of our better players(A), who is our captain. I think we dragged her game down. We don't take it seriously & she really does. Not to worry. I won Div 2 with a poor score & R was RU. I escaped after presentation & excused myself from a meeting to get home & spend some time with G on his birthday. We then went out to 8-ball last night & had a win & a pleasant evening, followed by a good night's sleep. It was quite hot playing yesterday, but I drank lots of water & plastered myself in sunscreen.

I had a really good day, food-wise & exercise-wise(13,036 steps) & nothing to eat after dinner at all.

I had better get going. I have no energy today. I have some paperwork to try to sort out from the vets golf, that bamboozled me on Tuesday *sigh*
 
Thanks Hana. 2 nights in a row now, not having anything after dinner. Now, like you, if I could just have some wine-free days.........:eek:
I agree LaMa. I'm competitive too, but mostly with myself. I want to get better at golf, but just being out there playing in the fresh air & amongst the beautiful scenery is my biggest joy.

I know that I am struggling with a low level of depression & anxiety at the moment. I am trying to shake it. I wake up that way. First time in the morning is when I do the forum & I have been really struggling to think of the right thing to say lately. I'm glad everyone is being so supportive of one another.

I sorted out the paperwork yesterday, with G's help. My brain just does not work well, when I am feeling stressed. I really wish I didn't have this Vets secretary/treasurer's job.If I give it away then G will then have to do it, so I need to get over it. I will try to make it easier for myself (& the next person who does it). It is more complicated than it needs to be. (G's operation is in 2 weeks from next Wednesday). I'm telling everyone that we are not worried!

D & the kids are coming up for dinner tonight. That will be nice. We thought that we weren't going to see the kids on Christmas day, but apparently they will be staying on Christmas night. I'll organise it so that there is no cooking to do as G will be recuperating. He will still have a catheter then I think as well. Poor thing. It will be lovely to have our sons & grandkids here on Christmas night :beating:
Better scoot!
 
cate said:
I know that I am struggling with a low level of depression & anxiety at the moment. I am trying to shake it. I wake up that way. First time in the morning is when I do the forum & I have been really struggling to think of the right thing to say lately. I'm glad everyone is being so supportive of one another.
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Your presence here is always very welcome and very positive but you don´t have any obligation to shoulder the load for everyone. It´s fine to just read along and take away some things for yourself for a change :grouphug:

cate said:
I sorted out the paperwork yesterday, with G's help. My brain just does not work well, when I am feeling stressed. I really wish I didn't have this Vets secretary/treasurer's job.If I give it away then G will then have to do it, so I need to get over it.
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No he doesn´t. Right now is the perfect time to throw everything down and say your overwhelmed, which is actually a true thing. G is getting surgery in two weeks and will likely be busy recuperating for weeks; anyone who expects him to take over the books right now needs their head examined and has no moral standing on anything, ever anymore. :grouphug:

It´s normal to feel the way you´re feeling right now. Be kind to yourself, go for walkies, take your allergy medication and let everyone else go to hell for a while. You´re not Atlas; the world won´t fall apart if you stop holding it up.
 
cate said:
I know that I am struggling with a low level of depression & anxiety at the moment. I am trying to shake it. I wake up that way. First time in the morning is when I do the forum & I have been really struggling to think of the right thing to say lately. I'm glad everyone is being so supportive of one another.
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At least you know you're dealing with it. That's actually a good thing. Many people don't even realize they're getting depressed or starting to feel anxious. Knowing is a sign that it hasn't completely overwhelmed you and taken control...which is a good thing.

Being someone who has suffered severe depression before the only advice I can offer is this - just do what makes you happy. Even if it's stupid. Even the little things. Golf, being outside, relaxing with the family, putting bags of dog poop on your neighbor's porch and lighting them on fire, running behind the bushes while you watch them stomp it out with their bare feet, whatever it is - just do it.
 
Thank you LaMa. I'm feeling very overwhelmed at the moment & being shown some kindness has me in tears. I had planned on having today at home to re-charge my batteries & get the ironing done etc as we are going away on Monday for a few days(Mum's wake). This morning G got a text from the barmaid to say she couldn't work today. They have their championships on all weekend & I was going out with him tomorrow to work behind the bar. He texted her back to ask if she could work tomorrow instead & she said she couldn't. I think he realised how I was feeling this morning & said they would be right today & that the others can pitch in. I am so relieved that I don't have to go out there today. I'll get the ironing done soon & the dishes & then get outside! I do need to pull right back from the golf club. It's not easy. Thanks again LaMa xoxo

Thank you, Chef. Knowing that you are getting depressed can be both a good & bad thing as you know. I need to tell myself every time that it will pass.I know I need to take those steps to make sure it passes quicker. You are so right. I need to get outside. You start to feel that everything is piling in on top of you & the weight of the world is literally on your shoulders. I appreciate the support from my forum friends. Most of the people I know here have no idea how I really feel. I'm glad that I am part of a community who really cares.

I had better get off this computer & get some things done & then I will feel slightly organised & then I can go get some fresh air. It is a beautiful day!
 
Take care of yourself Cate... i agree with LaMa nows a good time to take a step back and prioritise what you need xx
 
Thank you, Katy. G didn't get home until 5.30 & said almost the same thing. It is time that we both stepped back. Unfortunately, our time on Committee does not run out(unless we resign) until the next AGM, October 2017. We can, however, start drawing back & we will have to.

I was really down this morning & I ended up having a really positive day. Sure, I had a bit of a cry early on, but I ate well ( just a salad for lunch & an apple), I listened to lots of music, I exercised (danced even), did some gardening, some shed tidying, did the dishes, the ironing, checked in our flights, had a quick visit from D (our older son), read almost the entire Melbourne Age (Katy will understand what that means) & am now having a glass of red wine. All in all, not a bad day at all. I just have to push myself through down days. Wallowing does not help me one little bit.

Lots of love folks, lots of love, because that's what we all deserve-
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I woke up feeling brighter this morning. I am heading off with G to the golf club but will have time to kill in the middle of the day. I may do some shopping for the club and I may go for a walk around the river.
 
Hey Cate - I'm glad to hear that you had a more productive, positive day (especially the red wine!). It's important to be able to talk about how you're feeling and all of us are always here for you to offload. Sometimes just doing that can be helpful! Lots of hugs - you can't pour from an empty cup my lovely, keep focusing on what is good for CATE. Not for everyone else all the time <3
 
Thanks Hana. You're a honey, xoxo I'm at Melbourne airport at the moment, with G & our older son, D & waiting for our younger son's plane to arrive & then it's road trip time! Feeling good about it now we're on the move. I love having special family time with our boys :beating:
I know Chef. Word porn! It has really good stuff on it(Facebook page)
I won't be checking up on diaries until Thursday. Love you guys xoxo
 
cate said:
Thanks Hana. You're a honey, xoxo I'm at Melbourne airport at the moment, with G & our older son, D & waiting for our younger son's plane to arrive & then it's road trip time! Feeling good about it now we're on the move. I love having special family time with our boys :beating:
I know Chef. Word porn! It has really good stuff on it(Facebook page)
I won't be checking up on diaries until Thursday. Love you guys xoxo
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Have fun, Cate.
 
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