Cate's Diary


Yesterday- Had our GD for the day as she has a bad cold & her Mum had to work & so did her Dad. We went in & picked her up, after doing some shopping & visiting Mum. I propped her in G's comfy chair (not mine as she always has smelly hair) with a rug & some books & spoiled her for the day. We then got C off the bus & had D & the 3 GK's for an early dinner. Lovely day, but a total change of plans.

Today- We are doing what we were going to do yesterday. We are going up the NW coast & visiting a younger friend of mine, who has gone through all of her son's clothes& has 3 bags of clothes & a bag of shoes for our younger GS, C. He is growing like crazy & is almost as tall as his sister. This friend of mine ONLY buys expensive brands, so it should be a real treat. D can never afford expensive clothes for his kids. He works full-time but pays a heap in maintenance to his ex, although he has the kids 3 nights a week & pays for all of A's schooling. She has a job & now has a live-in BF who works. He has also paid her out of the house & she hasn't declared that she has the money. Because she is the kids' Mum he doesn't want her getting into financial strife.

I'm looking forward to the day. I think we'll have a seafood lunch by the sea & maybe visit an older friend on our way home.

Love to all, xoxo Cate
 
I played golf after work today cate. I finished birdie, eagle on the last two holes and shot an even par 72. I switched back to an old set of irons and old driver. It was a great switch for me. Classic 80s forged irons. High quality clubs.
 
I'm having an attack of the "can't be bothered"'s. Have had a good day, followed by a bad day. It happens. I'll be back when I can have something positive to say(maybe later today?) xo Cate
 
I can't ignore it any more. I'm having a day of tears. I have. been hoping the black dog of depression would go away but it can no longer be ignored. My usual strategies are not working! I hate this. It's cruel.


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I had a miserable day, but am feeling better able to cope, after having a good cry (or 2 or 3). I have been trying to pretend I'm coping OK, but the truth is I'm not really. I was really disappointed about something(it would sound unimportant & trite if I told you) but when our YS said "Sorry Mum, I'll make it up to you" in a message, it was like he had got some inkling of how down I was & I just crumbled. Luckily he really doesn't know how down I was feeling, as the last thing I want is for him to feel worse.
I'll be OK. Just having a down time at the moment. They usually pass. I'll really have to try hard to get myself out of it.
 
Slap!! I know, doesn't always work but I know the feels. Life is hard sometimes and it gets us down. I'm sorry it's smacking you hard this week. Big hugs. It gets better. Ebbs and flows and such. Embrace the ups and the downs. You get to experience them in all their glory and that's the good part, you are feeling them. Some people don't feel them, or don't live Through it. This is life. We get one to live, and we have to appreciate the highs and the lows. We write about it, we learn from it and we appreciate it when we reminisce on it later. Love you Cate!
 
Sorry cate, let me know if there's anything I can do to help. I've battled it myself so I know how it is. Sometimes I have a need to "get small." That is, to draw inwards not really going out or being around many people and have some alone time to sort through things and put it all in perspective. Sometimes the various elements of life get overwhelming when we're fighting a fire on all sides of the mountain. Over time I've noticed my highs and lows moderating (not as low for not as long) and I enjoy the middle of the road time. Hang in there and let me know if I can help.
 
KP. I know. I usually do really enjoy the middle bits & they are there most of the time these days. A slap would never work with me, but a bit of love sure does. Sometimes I feel like I have too much of that, but it's much better than the opposite. I think I needed the good bawl yesterday & writing about it helps. I was typing through tears in the first post & knew that I would get support by typing in here. Thank you KP. I know you're battling too. We all have different ways of coping or not coping xo Cate

Bug- You're very sweet. My highs and lows have moderated too. Your analogy with the fire on all sides of the mountain was a good one. This has been building up for a while & it took a disappointment, which was not major really, in the greater scheme of things, to just tip me over the edge. I simply can't take anti-depressants as I really suffer from too many side-effects & I know what a counsellor would say to me so I just have to do this myself. I really appreciate your offer of help. I think it's incredibly sweet & caring. Thank you, xo Cate

I feel a little tired after my exhausting down day, but also a little stronger emotionally. I think I was putting too much emotional importance on something & then when it didn't work out I felt personal disappointment, instead of trying to find the positive aspect that our younger son is trying to sort his life out, which is way more important. It involved going away for 2 weeks with both our sons to the Australian 8-Ball titles & I knew his heart wasn't in it, even though he made the state team easily. I don't think I would have gone away if I had known he wasn't going to go. Now my heart isn't in it. With any luck, G will get asked to play in the Masters & then it will feel worthwhile. A few have to be unable to go for that to happen. I had paid to go away when both our sons made the team & before G tried out for the Masters(to take pressure off him-ha ha). The best laid plans of mice & men......& mothers! Our older son does not need us much emotionally & we would have been better able to help him by staying at home (to feed his chooks & goat) & maybe have the kids for a day or two!

Have to go. Will pop back later & read diaries. Thanks for your support & love xoxo Cate
 
Thanks Mystic. That's life!
Had a good day today! It was a very positive day in more ways than one, but mostly I was able to rationalise things & see the positive side. I feel reflective, but mostly grateful for what I have xoxo Cate
 
I'm glad you were able to turn the corner. It's often our own perspective which tints the light that we shed on our situation. Sometimes we have to step back and sort through that perspective to find a different angle to view it from.

I use the old analogy about the glass. Some people the glass is half empty, some the glass is half full. I've gotten to a point in life that I'm just glad there's a glass.
 
BugDude said:
I'm glad you were able to turn the corner. It's often our own perspective which tints the light that we shed on our situation. Sometimes we have to step back and sort through that perspective to find a different angle to view it from.

I use the old analogy about the glass. Some people the glass is half empty, some the glass is half full. I've gotten to a point in life that I'm just glad there's a glass.
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Some people assume its water in my glass...they would be wrong. It's wine. It's always wine.

Glad you are coming out of the fog. I've said it before, nothing better then a good cry. I think there is scientific evidence out there that when you cry you secrete your demons. Or something like that.
 
I'm glad I have friends in the WLF with a quirky perspective on life. I mean that in the nicest possible way! I'm grateful for the glass too Bug & when it has wine it, even better KP! Love you guys!
 
kaplooie said:
Some people assume its water in my glass...they would be wrong. It's wine. It's always wine.

Glad you are coming out of the fog. I've said it before, nothing better then a good cry. I think there is scientific evidence out there that when you cry you secrete your demons. Or something like that.
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The comedian Ron White said, "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Then find someone who life handed vodka and have a party!!!"
 
Bug & KP- thanks for making me laugh!
I have settled down (up?) again thank goodness & will keep a good eye on myself. Focussing on losing some weight would help, if I could just get my mojo working again. I think it's a Winter thing (S.A.D) & I just have to get outside more & think less. Sounds simple.
xoxo Cate
 
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