Cate's Diary
- Thread starter Cate
- Start date
jasper1
New member
Morning Cate!!!!
Hope you are feeling better had any good sleep?
Thanks for the picture!!!!!!!I do have the picture now in my head!How much do you weigh in the pic?
Its not a compliment really but even though your face is bigger there you are really still so pretty!you look peacefull!!!if you know what i mean!And your LH!!!!You are so lucky and blessed to have real love in your life!!!You always speak so highly of him!
Hope you are feeling better had any good sleep?
Thanks for the picture!!!!!!!I do have the picture now in my head!How much do you weigh in the pic?
Its not a compliment really but even though your face is bigger there you are really still so pretty!you look peacefull!!!if you know what i mean!And your LH!!!!You are so lucky and blessed to have real love in your life!!!You always speak so highly of him!
Rox2
New member
I'm so glad you felt ready to give us a "before" photo! It's super-interesting to find out where everyone is coming from and an old picture is a quick, yet vivid way to show that. In your before picture, it looks like you're the same person as now in the most important ways- a great attitude, zest for life and a warm spirit.
But wow--- what a difference in your body! You have come SO far! No wonder the hot lesbian girls are after you!
But wow--- what a difference in your body! You have come SO far! No wonder the hot lesbian girls are after you!
Cate
Long term member
Hi Twiist, Thanks for visiting me in my diary. It would take you a long time to catch up with my diary sweets as I'm such a chatterbox! Good to see you re-committing to getting healthy & slim. I find the forum the best therapy for me. It's good to put your feelings out there & I get nothing but encouragement back. Will catch up with your diary later on, xo Cate
Hi Sukanya & thanks for your visit too. I'm glad that you are overcoming your insecurities & have found happiness. Feeling healthy and happy is great! Cheers, Cate.
Hi Jess, you sweetie. You have been feeling down & you are being so lovely to everyone, including me!
Thank you! I do know what you mean about my photo as even though I was big I was happy. I loved that holiday but it was the catalyst to me deciding that I was going to lose weight. My sister feels sad about the fact that I have never felt pretty in my entire life. It's only looking back at some of my old photos that I now see that I was attractive ( I could never say pretty) at various times in my life but never knew it at the time. That is sad really. I am so lucky & blessed to have my LH in my life. I love him much more now that I ever did & I don't want to think about not having with him with me one day. Luck comes into meeting the right person initially so I was also lucky.
I did find it really hard putting that photo on Jess but thank you for encouraging me to do so. We must always look back & take pride on how far we have come. I was 111kg.
You may not feel good at the moment Jess but I want you to know that what you are doing in the forum at the moment is very positive & a great credit to you. Trying to cheer others up, when things are not great yourself is a self-less & loving thing to do. Big hugs to you my friend, xoxo Cate.
Hi Rox & thank you too sweets for these comments- "a great attitude, zest for life and a warm spirit. But wow--- what a difference in your body! You have come SO far!" That is such a lovely compliment! I really struggled to put that photo on but did for a special reason. I was having a lovely time in Vietnam, with my lovely husband, but was so big that it stopped me doing the things I wanted to. There was a significance to that particular photo. I wouldn't swim in front of the others & just stood & watched them having a ball. Later on while they were all drinking & dancing I sneaked off (told my LH first & asked him to come check on me occasionally) & swam on my own in the dark for ages. When I eventually tried to get out of the very buoyant, salty water I couldn't & had to paddle around until someone came out & I asked them to get my LH to come out "just sometime soon" & then he had to help me out.
I don't think I'll ever forget being so big & some of the reactions from the tiny Vietnamese people, but it's time to stop feeling so bad about it & rejoice & enjoy feeling good in my body. I have come a long way & there is no going back. Instead of feeling shame at how I was, I am just going to enjoy my life & my health & be happy. There's no point looking back & the main thing is that I have come such a long way and it is something to be proud of, rather than being ashamed for how I once was. Thanks Rox for the very positive comments, xoxo Cate
Had a good day yesterday but still went over my calories. It's the wine! Almost every night we have 2 glasses of wine each & that's about what I go over by! I
I'm feeling good today, after having 9 hours sleep! I weakened & took 1 x 10mg Phenergan last night.
I have booked us to go over to Melbourne in a couple of weeks, with our grand-daughter, as we promised her a trip to Melbourne Zoo, but had delayed it until we thought she was eating better. She has always been a really fussy eater ( almost scared of food) & some meals can take a couple of hours. I think it has been a real issue & she actually went to a child Psych. I told her that there would be no point going to the zoo as we would be spending way too much time just sitting waiting for her to finish her lunch & she wouldn't get to see many animals. She's much better now, so it's time. We will fly over, stay in an hotel for the night & then go to the zoo first thing, spend most of the day there & fly back that night. She will be so excited! She doesn't know we've booked yet! I haven't booked a hotel yet but will in the next couple of days. I think we'll stay right in the city as that would also be very exciting for her. She's 6 in July & hasn't flown yet.
Time to get on the move. I had better do lots of exercise today to make sure I'm under my cals. No wine would be really smart though! Love to all, xoxo Cate
Hi Sukanya & thanks for your visit too. I'm glad that you are overcoming your insecurities & have found happiness. Feeling healthy and happy is great! Cheers, Cate.
Hi Jess, you sweetie. You have been feeling down & you are being so lovely to everyone, including me!
Thank you! I do know what you mean about my photo as even though I was big I was happy. I loved that holiday but it was the catalyst to me deciding that I was going to lose weight. My sister feels sad about the fact that I have never felt pretty in my entire life. It's only looking back at some of my old photos that I now see that I was attractive ( I could never say pretty) at various times in my life but never knew it at the time. That is sad really. I am so lucky & blessed to have my LH in my life. I love him much more now that I ever did & I don't want to think about not having with him with me one day. Luck comes into meeting the right person initially so I was also lucky. I did find it really hard putting that photo on Jess but thank you for encouraging me to do so. We must always look back & take pride on how far we have come. I was 111kg.
You may not feel good at the moment Jess but I want you to know that what you are doing in the forum at the moment is very positive & a great credit to you. Trying to cheer others up, when things are not great yourself is a self-less & loving thing to do. Big hugs to you my friend, xoxo Cate.
Hi Rox & thank you too sweets for these comments- "a great attitude, zest for life and a warm spirit. But wow--- what a difference in your body! You have come SO far!" That is such a lovely compliment! I really struggled to put that photo on but did for a special reason. I was having a lovely time in Vietnam, with my lovely husband, but was so big that it stopped me doing the things I wanted to. There was a significance to that particular photo. I wouldn't swim in front of the others & just stood & watched them having a ball. Later on while they were all drinking & dancing I sneaked off (told my LH first & asked him to come check on me occasionally) & swam on my own in the dark for ages. When I eventually tried to get out of the very buoyant, salty water I couldn't & had to paddle around until someone came out & I asked them to get my LH to come out "just sometime soon" & then he had to help me out.
I don't think I'll ever forget being so big & some of the reactions from the tiny Vietnamese people, but it's time to stop feeling so bad about it & rejoice & enjoy feeling good in my body. I have come a long way & there is no going back. Instead of feeling shame at how I was, I am just going to enjoy my life & my health & be happy. There's no point looking back & the main thing is that I have come such a long way and it is something to be proud of, rather than being ashamed for how I once was. Thanks Rox for the very positive comments, xoxo CateHad a good day yesterday but still went over my calories. It's the wine! Almost every night we have 2 glasses of wine each & that's about what I go over by! I
I'm feeling good today, after having 9 hours sleep! I weakened & took 1 x 10mg Phenergan last night.
I have booked us to go over to Melbourne in a couple of weeks, with our grand-daughter, as we promised her a trip to Melbourne Zoo, but had delayed it until we thought she was eating better. She has always been a really fussy eater ( almost scared of food) & some meals can take a couple of hours. I think it has been a real issue & she actually went to a child Psych. I told her that there would be no point going to the zoo as we would be spending way too much time just sitting waiting for her to finish her lunch & she wouldn't get to see many animals. She's much better now, so it's time. We will fly over, stay in an hotel for the night & then go to the zoo first thing, spend most of the day there & fly back that night. She will be so excited! She doesn't know we've booked yet! I haven't booked a hotel yet but will in the next couple of days. I think we'll stay right in the city as that would also be very exciting for her. She's 6 in July & hasn't flown yet.
Time to get on the move. I had better do lots of exercise today to make sure I'm under my cals. No wine would be really smart though! Love to all, xoxo Cate
decisionmaker
New member
AHi Cate!
Your story to Rox about your swimming in Vietnam really rings all my bells, you know? It's sad and something that we absolutely can all relate to. I remember being in Vietnam when I was pretty skinny (84kg) and even then I would get stares and comments all the time about how big I was - I remember being at the airport and a bunch of little kids came and stood in front of me and pointed at my calves, laughing. They wanted to show me that my calf was about as big as their torso! Ah, the pain. It's so important to remember things like that and remind yourself of how free you feel now.
Meanwhile, show those gorgeous legs! Show those gorgeous arms! If I can do it, you can! xxx
How old is your Granddaughter? It makes me sad that little kiddies can have issues with food already... I think it is fantastic that she has already gone to see a child psych about it and that it has gotten much better already. And what an awesome reward, to take her to the Melbourne zoo! I really love Melbourne - I think that if/when we end up back in oz, we'll probably end up there. Or somewhere in Tassie, hehe.
Lots of love to you, Cate. xxx
Your story to Rox about your swimming in Vietnam really rings all my bells, you know? It's sad and something that we absolutely can all relate to. I remember being in Vietnam when I was pretty skinny (84kg) and even then I would get stares and comments all the time about how big I was - I remember being at the airport and a bunch of little kids came and stood in front of me and pointed at my calves, laughing. They wanted to show me that my calf was about as big as their torso! Ah, the pain. It's so important to remember things like that and remind yourself of how free you feel now.
Meanwhile, show those gorgeous legs! Show those gorgeous arms! If I can do it, you can! xxx
How old is your Granddaughter? It makes me sad that little kiddies can have issues with food already... I think it is fantastic that she has already gone to see a child psych about it and that it has gotten much better already. And what an awesome reward, to take her to the Melbourne zoo! I really love Melbourne - I think that if/when we end up back in oz, we'll probably end up there. Or somewhere in Tassie, hehe.
Lots of love to you, Cate. xxx
Cate
Long term member
Hi Joh!
I loved our trip to Vietnam & had been warned by my very large SIL, that children may point & laugh but nothing can really prepare you for the pain. "Ah, the pain." I didn't come back from the trip consciously ashamed of my body but it sure was the catalyst for my weight-loss. It was the not being able to do the things that I wanted to do, like trecking in Sapa, like having to get a jeep, instead of walking to Cat Cat village. Oh the humiliation of needing a seat-belt extension on Vietnam Airlines! I think that was one of the worst experiences, alongside not being able to get back up on the boat in Halong Bay. Oh my, it feels so good that it is now in my past it will not happen again! "It's so important to remember things like that and remind yourself of how free you feel now." So true, sweetie! Every day I try to remind myself.
"Meanwhile, show those gorgeous legs! Show those gorgeous arms! If I can do it, you can! xxx" Haven't done yet sweets. I did try to buy a dress though, but couldn't find one. Maybe next Summer?
"How old is your Granddaughter?" She'll be 6 in July. I think mostly it has been about getting attention. When I ignore her now & say I don't care what she eats, she usually just eats. She does seem to have a thing about texture though. It's quite weird. Sometimes I wonder if it may be best just to let little kids eat what they like & not fuss so much about it. I think we are creating the problem by carrying on so much.
"And what an awesome reward, to take her to the Melbourne zoo!"
Me too!! Melbourne Zoo is a wonderful zoo. We used to go there even before we had kids. It is so much better these days. She will love it!
"I really love Melbourne - I think that if/when we end up back in oz, we'll probably end up there. Or somewhere in Tassie, hehe.
"
We lived in Melb for 15 years and it is a great city to live in, if you want to live in a city. I was 17 when I moved there & did most of my partying etc in Melb. Great place! Now Tassie.......is a fantastic place to bring up kids! That's one of the main reasons we moved here. Our kids were able to be kids, just like our grand-kids are living now.
You have so much more freedom in the country.
"Lots of love to you, Cate. xxx" & to you too sweetie, xoxo Cate
I loved our trip to Vietnam & had been warned by my very large SIL, that children may point & laugh but nothing can really prepare you for the pain. "Ah, the pain." I didn't come back from the trip consciously ashamed of my body but it sure was the catalyst for my weight-loss. It was the not being able to do the things that I wanted to do, like trecking in Sapa, like having to get a jeep, instead of walking to Cat Cat village. Oh the humiliation of needing a seat-belt extension on Vietnam Airlines!
I think that was one of the worst experiences, alongside not being able to get back up on the boat in Halong Bay. Oh my, it feels so good that it is now in my past it will not happen again! "It's so important to remember things like that and remind yourself of how free you feel now." So true, sweetie! Every day I try to remind myself."Meanwhile, show those gorgeous legs! Show those gorgeous arms! If I can do it, you can! xxx" Haven't done yet sweets. I did try to buy a dress though, but couldn't find one. Maybe next Summer?
"How old is your Granddaughter?" She'll be 6 in July. I think mostly it has been about getting attention. When I ignore her now & say I don't care what she eats, she usually just eats. She does seem to have a thing about texture though. It's quite weird. Sometimes I wonder if it may be best just to let little kids eat what they like & not fuss so much about it. I think we are creating the problem by carrying on so much.
"And what an awesome reward, to take her to the Melbourne zoo!"
Me too!! Melbourne Zoo is a wonderful zoo. We used to go there even before we had kids. It is so much better these days. She will love it!
"I really love Melbourne - I think that if/when we end up back in oz, we'll probably end up there. Or somewhere in Tassie, hehe.
We lived in Melb for 15 years and it is a great city to live in, if you want to live in a city. I was 17 when I moved there & did most of my partying etc in Melb. Great place! Now Tassie.......is a fantastic place to bring up kids! That's one of the main reasons we moved here. Our kids were able to be kids, just like our grand-kids are living now.
You have so much more freedom in the country.
"Lots of love to you, Cate. xxx" & to you too sweetie, xoxo Cate
scbibhouse
New member
Hey Cate,
So good to read your diary...chatterbox superb! You are such a caring person, giving good, heartfelt help to many of us! I can so relate to your feelings when you traveled in Vietnam...living as a giant in a land of petites here in China has been an adjustment...not only do I not look like them in my skintone, facial features, height...but also, of course weight! I'm coming down, but their body shape is so different than mine!
Thanks for checking in on my while I was away...I really missed the forum and I'm glad to be back!
Sarah
So good to read your diary...chatterbox superb! You are such a caring person, giving good, heartfelt help to many of us! I can so relate to your feelings when you traveled in Vietnam...living as a giant in a land of petites here in China has been an adjustment...not only do I not look like them in my skintone, facial features, height...but also, of course weight! I'm coming down, but their body shape is so different than mine!
Thanks for checking in on my while I was away...I really missed the forum and I'm glad to be back!
Sarah
Cate
Long term member
I'm glad you're back too Sarah & well done on losing 5lbs while you're away. That is awesome!
I have just arrived home from caddying for my LH at golf. Whoah! It was a 4.5 hr walk & VERY hilly. Tasmania is very hilly/mountainous & where he played today was half way between our home & Cradle Mountain. It was a really good day & while I am a bit stiff & sore already, it was a great walk. I didn't put all of my exercise into MFP, but still have 1090 cals left, with dinner already put in & one glass of wine, which I'm not certain I really want (or need!) I took an avocado & salad sandwich (GF) & a banana & skipped their barbecue, but had a small plate of just salad. I had a great day! Another golf lesson coming up tomorrow. I am so looking forward to it! I love being so active. It really lifts my mood so much & is very much a huge part of my life now. I'm feeling good! I wish I could bottle this feeling & just be able to take a whiff or a swig, when I feel down or flat. Exercise is the key, not eating crap is the key............Life is really good. Sometimes we forget & let the negativity take over, but really life is so bloody good & we should never forget that fact!
Lots of love to all, xoxo Cate
I have just arrived home from caddying for my LH at golf. Whoah! It was a 4.5 hr walk & VERY hilly. Tasmania is very hilly/mountainous & where he played today was half way between our home & Cradle Mountain. It was a really good day & while I am a bit stiff & sore already, it was a great walk. I didn't put all of my exercise into MFP, but still have 1090 cals left, with dinner already put in & one glass of wine, which I'm not certain I really want (or need!) I took an avocado & salad sandwich (GF) & a banana & skipped their barbecue, but had a small plate of just salad. I had a great day! Another golf lesson coming up tomorrow. I am so looking forward to it! I love being so active. It really lifts my mood so much & is very much a huge part of my life now. I'm feeling good! I wish I could bottle this feeling & just be able to take a whiff or a swig, when I feel down or flat. Exercise is the key, not eating crap is the key............Life is really good. Sometimes we forget & let the negativity take over, but really life is so bloody good & we should never forget that fact!
Lots of love to all, xoxo Cate
katehunibun
New member
AHeya Cupcake
I can't believe how much of your diary i have to catch up on.....12 posts since i last read it That is so bad, i am such a shitty friend and you have been my rock this last week. I'm so so sorry
Ok, i am gonna have to comment as i go along.........
You are such an awesome person, making the effort to see the good points in your OS's girlfriend, Most mums wouldn't do that. It's lovely of you and i bet your son really appeicates it
I totally agree with what everyone says says about your photo, you do look happy and you ARE pretty
What you said about your LH, loving him more now than you ever have is beautiful. I am the same, Mark and I are so much closer now that ever, i always thought we were great but it just gets better and better over the years. We are truely blessed
My heart melted when i read your story about your holiday and the swim, i can totally see how that would be the moment to flick the switch in your head. I use to have lots of 'i'm too fat for that' and it is so nice not have to deal with that anymore huh. There is no point in feeling 'shame' you had to experience that to get to where you are now. That is one thing i have realised, i had to be that person to get to where i am now.
Ooooh, how exciting going to the zoo I love the zoo, we are hopefully gonna go when we go away for a few days at the end of april I am a total child at the zoo, skipping around like a 5 yr old (even though i was big lol) we took jack to the zoo for the first time when he was about 5 months old and didnt really have a clue about it all but it was an excuse for us to go and i'm so glad you GD is doing better with eating. I have never had to deal with that with Jack, luckly.
I love reading that life is good I know i have spent a week moaning and whinging but i am so luckly, like you, to have a wonderful life. I need to remember that when things get on top of me. You are so right about exercise making us feel better, i just wish i remembered it when i feel rubbish and can't be bothered to go.
Right, i am all caught up now. I should be able to keep up this week. Lets hope i am mentally strong enough to cope with reading diaries. It's a real biggy this week.
I also wanted to say a huge great big thank you for just beeing my constant rock these last few weeks, I really do appreciate your love and support, i just wish i could actually give you a hug in person
I can't believe how much of your diary i have to catch up on.....12 posts since i last read it
That is so bad, i am such a shitty friend and you have been my rock this last week. I'm so so sorry Ok, i am gonna have to comment as i go along.........
You are such an awesome person, making the effort to see the good points in your OS's girlfriend, Most mums wouldn't do that. It's lovely of you and i bet your son really appeicates it
I totally agree with what everyone says says about your photo, you do look happy and you ARE pretty
What you said about your LH, loving him more now than you ever have is beautiful. I am the same, Mark and I are so much closer now that ever, i always thought we were great but it just gets better and better over the years. We are truely blessed
My heart melted when i read your story about your holiday and the swim, i can totally see how that would be the moment to flick the switch in your head. I use to have lots of 'i'm too fat for that' and it is so nice not have to deal with that anymore huh. There is no point in feeling 'shame' you had to experience that to get to where you are now. That is one thing i have realised, i had to be that person to get to where i am now.
Ooooh, how exciting going to the zoo
I love the zoo, we are hopefully gonna go when we go away for a few days at the end of april I am a total child at the zoo, skipping around like a 5 yr old (even though i was big lol) we took jack to the zoo for the first time when he was about 5 months old and didnt really have a clue about it all but it was an excuse for us to go and i'm so glad you GD is doing better with eating. I have never had to deal with that with Jack, luckly.I love reading that life is good
I know i have spent a week moaning and whinging but i am so luckly, like you, to have a wonderful life. I need to remember that when things get on top of me. You are so right about exercise making us feel better, i just wish i remembered it when i feel rubbish and can't be bothered to go. Right, i am all caught up now. I should be able to keep up this week. Lets hope i am mentally strong enough to cope with reading diaries. It's a real biggy this week.
I also wanted to say a huge great big thank you for just beeing my constant rock these last few weeks, I really do appreciate your love and support, i just wish i could actually give you a hug in person
Rox2
New member
You always seem to be so busy! It's crazy!
Thanks fpr sharing your swimming story. It's a big deal for people like us to tell our stories and reveal our hurts and regrets. I think it takes the sting out of the tail (or tale -lol!) of the beast and lets us put it all in perspective. ( I sure felt that way when I finally shared the story of my own moment of ultimate humiliation as a fat woman.)
Most of my own international experience as a fat woman, though, has been strangely nice. I lived for nine years in Burkina Faso (until 2008) and a lot of people there still really admire the "traditional build". I weighed 90 kg and had women asking me how they could get a lovely figure like mine. And there was plenty of male attention. That certainly dried up when I got to France, though!
Your zoo trip sounds like loads of fun. Your granddaughter is really lucky to have such a kind and energetic grandmother!
Thanks fpr sharing your swimming story. It's a big deal for people like us to tell our stories and reveal our hurts and regrets. I think it takes the sting out of the tail (or tale -lol!) of the beast and lets us put it all in perspective. ( I sure felt that way when I finally shared the story of my own moment of ultimate humiliation as a fat woman.)
Most of my own international experience as a fat woman, though, has been strangely nice. I lived for nine years in Burkina Faso (until 2008) and a lot of people there still really admire the "traditional build". I weighed 90 kg and had women asking me how they could get a lovely figure like mine
. And there was plenty of male attention. That certainly dried up when I got to France, though!Your zoo trip sounds like loads of fun. Your granddaughter is really lucky to have such a kind and energetic grandmother!
jasper1
New member
Cate i feel you so much in that story about the swimming and general not doing things you wanted to do,I actually felt pain inside a feeling i havent felt for long.I have some moments like that.They really hurt inside.For me they did.Thanks for sharing and reminding me aswell...YOu have really come far aswell and i am happy for you!
Things may be a bit shitty for me but that doesnt mean i cant see the positive in other peoples stories and diary!You are always sweet to me saying lovely things!Thank you so much!
Things may be a bit shitty for me but that doesnt mean i cant see the positive in other peoples stories and diary!You are always sweet to me saying lovely things!Thank you so much!
Cate
Long term member
Kate- You are such a darling! I wish we could have a hug in person too! I think we will one day. Our friendship & support is very mutual & I'm sure I appreciate yours just as much. It is a real pleasure getting to know you & being able to help you to see what we see. I also think that I see similarities between you & the younger me. I can't get over how sensational you look in that new dress. WOW!!!! It's only now looking back at old photos of me that I see that I was once quite attractive. It's sad that I didn't know it at the time but I won't dwell on that as there's no point, except to try to make sure that I don't continue to look at myself and my body in a negative way. I am proud of what I have done to get to this day. We all should be. I had typed a reply to your post yesterday but must have forgotten to submit it- not the first time! I'll be with you in spirit when you go for this interview tomorrow and mine will be the strong voice in your head saying " Go get it Kate! This is YOUR job!" Love you too sweetie, xoxo Cate
Rox- I feel busy but when people ask me what I do with my life (because I'm not in paid employment) it's hard to say exactly. It doesn't sound very exciting or busy but I love my life. It feels rich & full & I'm very happy with it. Like everyone, I would probably like to have some extra money but that's not as important as being happy & healthy.
You're right- it is a big deal to share our humiliating fat stories but it is also a release. I haven't told many people about it. Your experience of being admired in Burkina Faso as a "traditionally built" woman, reminded me of Alexander McCall Smith's character in The # 1 Ladies Detective Agency series of books, Mme Ramotswe, who is described in those very same words. I love those books & have read them all! I don't think I had any pleasant fat woman experiences myself! Perhaps in Africa I would have! I laughed when you said the male attention dried up in France. I'm sure you couldn't say that these days! It does seem there is way more pressure on women in France to be ultra-thin & well dressed etc. I think I would be considered an absolute dag in France & feel conspicuously unfashionable! I sometimes wonder if I will ever get around to going to France or any part of Europe. I really struggle (allergic/asthma) with cigarette smoke & perfume & imagine France to have lots of both. Thanks once again Rox for your lovely compliments, xoxo Cate
Jess- I think you are very sweet & kind. I won't ever experience that feeling again as I won't let myself get back to being that size & having so little self-esteem. I hid my pain & humiliation fairly well but I did not love myself. I hid behind my fat. Never again! I am proud of how far I have come & I feel the best about myself that I ever have. You are so young sweetie & you have a great life ahead of you. Don't let fear and lack of confidence in your own abilities stand in your way. I can't go back to when I was young & change the way I thought about myself but you can. You are very pretty (YES YOU ARE!) and are kind and generous. I know that you are going through a very rough time, but even so you are being kind & sweet & encouraging to us all. Good things will come your way Jess but stop thinking that you are jinxed. You are not. You deserve happiness. You must be kinder to yourself and learn to truly love yourself. You're a sweetie!! Eat as healthy as you possibly can & get out and enjoy the sunshine whenever you can Jess. Life is good. It will get better for you. Lots of love sweetie, xoxoxo Cate
Golf lesson yesterday- Ouch! I injured both my elbows! I jarred my muscles by not gripping the club right apparently & had to really ease off. I just read back over my Sunday night's post. Whoah! I was high on life then! I'm not feeling quite so chipper today but feel pretty good, albeit a tad sore. We also fitted in a quick trip to 'town' yesterday (120km return) to pick up some golf trophies & had a nice lunch at a little 'hippy' vegetarian cafe. I had a vegetable bake on GF toast. Beautiful! I haven't been eating much meat the last week & feel lighter. I haven't weighed though. I'm a much healthier eater if I don't know what I weigh. Crazy I know!
OK- enough rabbiting on. Lots of love to all, xoxo Cate
PS Books- If you can, get a hold of Honey Brown's books. She is an Australian author. I have signed copies of each, thanks to my YS meeting her at her latest book launch. Her first is called Red Queen, her 2nd The Good Daughter & her latest After The Darkness. She is a brilliant writer. They are very suspenseful & exciting reads! It's funny but my sister & I are both 'friends' with her on FB & it's an absolute thrill when she makes comments on some of my posts. I am a HUGE fan of her writing!
Our friendship & support is very mutual & I'm sure I appreciate yours just as much. It is a real pleasure getting to know you & being able to help you to see what we see. I also think that I see similarities between you & the younger me. I can't get over how sensational you look in that new dress. WOW!!!! It's only now looking back at old photos of me that I see that I was once quite attractive. It's sad that I didn't know it at the time but I won't dwell on that as there's no point, except to try to make sure that I don't continue to look at myself and my body in a negative way. I am proud of what I have done to get to this day. We all should be. I had typed a reply to your post yesterday but must have forgotten to submit it- not the first time! I'll be with you in spirit when you go for this interview tomorrow and mine will be the strong voice in your head saying " Go get it Kate! This is YOUR job!" Love you too sweetie, xoxo CateRox- I feel busy but when people ask me what I do with my life (because I'm not in paid employment) it's hard to say exactly. It doesn't sound very exciting or busy but I love my life. It feels rich & full & I'm very happy with it. Like everyone, I would probably like to have some extra money but that's not as important as being happy & healthy.
You're right- it is a big deal to share our humiliating fat stories but it is also a release. I haven't told many people about it. Your experience of being admired in Burkina Faso as a "traditionally built" woman, reminded me of Alexander McCall Smith's character in The # 1 Ladies Detective Agency series of books, Mme Ramotswe, who is described in those very same words. I love those books & have read them all! I don't think I had any pleasant fat woman experiences myself! Perhaps in Africa I would have! I laughed when you said the male attention dried up in France. I'm sure you couldn't say that these days! It does seem there is way more pressure on women in France to be ultra-thin & well dressed etc. I think I would be considered an absolute dag in France & feel conspicuously unfashionable! I sometimes wonder if I will ever get around to going to France or any part of Europe. I really struggle (allergic/asthma) with cigarette smoke & perfume & imagine France to have lots of both. Thanks once again Rox for your lovely compliments, xoxo Cate
Jess- I think you are very sweet & kind. I won't ever experience that feeling again as I won't let myself get back to being that size & having so little self-esteem. I hid my pain & humiliation fairly well but I did not love myself. I hid behind my fat. Never again! I am proud of how far I have come & I feel the best about myself that I ever have. You are so young sweetie & you have a great life ahead of you. Don't let fear and lack of confidence in your own abilities stand in your way. I can't go back to when I was young & change the way I thought about myself but you can. You are very pretty (YES YOU ARE!) and are kind and generous. I know that you are going through a very rough time, but even so you are being kind & sweet & encouraging to us all. Good things will come your way Jess but stop thinking that you are jinxed. You are not. You deserve happiness. You must be kinder to yourself and learn to truly love yourself. You're a sweetie!! Eat as healthy as you possibly can & get out and enjoy the sunshine whenever you can Jess. Life is good. It will get better for you. Lots of love sweetie, xoxoxo Cate
Golf lesson yesterday- Ouch! I injured both my elbows! I jarred my muscles by not gripping the club right apparently & had to really ease off. I just read back over my Sunday night's post. Whoah! I was high on life then! I'm not feeling quite so chipper today but feel pretty good, albeit a tad sore. We also fitted in a quick trip to 'town' yesterday (120km return) to pick up some golf trophies & had a nice lunch at a little 'hippy' vegetarian cafe. I had a vegetable bake on GF toast. Beautiful! I haven't been eating much meat the last week & feel lighter. I haven't weighed though. I'm a much healthier eater if I don't know what I weigh. Crazy I know!
OK- enough rabbiting on. Lots of love to all, xoxo Cate
PS Books- If you can, get a hold of Honey Brown's books. She is an Australian author. I have signed copies of each, thanks to my YS meeting her at her latest book launch. Her first is called Red Queen, her 2nd The Good Daughter & her latest After The Darkness. She is a brilliant writer. They are very suspenseful & exciting reads! It's funny but my sister & I are both 'friends' with her on FB & it's an absolute thrill when she makes comments on some of my posts. I am a HUGE fan of her writing!
Cate
Long term member
Yesterday- Had a lovely day home with my LH. It was a lovely, sunny day. We took the dogs for a walk, read, cooked, had a barbecue lunch, I rode the stationary bike, shared a bottle of wine, had a nice dinner & had a relaxing & happy day.
Today- I was in a rush as my Tai Chi class got changed to a combined earlier one (10am) and then I took Mum to lunch, did shopping & am back home again but aching all over for some reason. My neck, back & shoulders feel inflamed. We were meant to go out tonight with friends for Chinese, but neither of us feel like it so I have rung & cancelled. I'll be happy to stay at home & relax. I'll take some pain killers soon I think.
Weight- I weighed this morning & am 80kg. I thought I may have dropped down to 79, but I'm not upset about it. I know that if I didn't have any wine for 2 weeks I would.
Kate- Thinking of Kate & her interview! GO KATE!!!!
Tai Chi- It's funny how things change & we fight the change. My teacher is discontinuing my Wed. class, due to a reduction in numbers. She has given me the option of doing an 11am class on a Tuesday in the hall, rather than her bungalow or joining the Wed 10am much more advanced class. There are pluses & minuses for both, but I have decided I am going to join the Tues class. My LH plays golf on Tuesdays so we could travel together & I could have lunch in town, either with class members or my Mum. Wednesday is women's golf day & I am being asked by many of them to come join them. This will give me the option of doing so if I want to. I am seriously thinking about joining up. I have always been a bit allergic to groups of women but there are many there who are absolutely lovely & have been very warm & welcoming toward me. Like any group I can steer clear of the ones I don't like. There is only 2 really.
Reward- I am going to book our overseas trip when I get to 75kg. We will cash in some of my LH's super but what an incentive!
I almost turned the computer off, without posting this as my sister rang. One of the members of her allergy group is really struggling badly(rang her 4 times yesterday) & they fear she has committed suicide as it has been on the news in Melb. that a woman her age & from the same suburb has done so. I'm glad that H can ring me when she is really worried about anything as we both seem to be able to lift the other up. We are seeing one another in 2 weeks time again when we take our GD over to the zoo.
Bye for now, xoxo Cate
Today- I was in a rush as my Tai Chi class got changed to a combined earlier one (10am) and then I took Mum to lunch, did shopping & am back home again but aching all over for some reason. My neck, back & shoulders feel inflamed. We were meant to go out tonight with friends for Chinese, but neither of us feel like it so I have rung & cancelled. I'll be happy to stay at home & relax. I'll take some pain killers soon I think.
Weight- I weighed this morning & am 80kg. I thought I may have dropped down to 79, but I'm not upset about it. I know that if I didn't have any wine for 2 weeks I would.
Kate- Thinking of Kate & her interview! GO KATE!!!!
Tai Chi- It's funny how things change & we fight the change. My teacher is discontinuing my Wed. class, due to a reduction in numbers. She has given me the option of doing an 11am class on a Tuesday in the hall, rather than her bungalow or joining the Wed 10am much more advanced class. There are pluses & minuses for both, but I have decided I am going to join the Tues class. My LH plays golf on Tuesdays so we could travel together & I could have lunch in town, either with class members or my Mum. Wednesday is women's golf day & I am being asked by many of them to come join them. This will give me the option of doing so if I want to. I am seriously thinking about joining up. I have always been a bit allergic to groups of women but there are many there who are absolutely lovely & have been very warm & welcoming toward me. Like any group I can steer clear of the ones I don't like. There is only 2 really.
Reward- I am going to book our overseas trip when I get to 75kg. We will cash in some of my LH's super but what an incentive!
I almost turned the computer off, without posting this as my sister rang. One of the members of her allergy group is really struggling badly(rang her 4 times yesterday) & they fear she has committed suicide as it has been on the news in Melb. that a woman her age & from the same suburb has done so. I'm glad that H can ring me when she is really worried about anything as we both seem to be able to lift the other up. We are seeing one another in 2 weeks time again when we take our GD over to the zoo.
Bye for now, xoxo Cate
scbibhouse
New member
Hey Cate,
Sounds like you had a great day with your LH...I am having one today with mine...and where pray tell are you planning to go for your 'reward' trip? I love that type of reward! So much better than food...without the guilt!
I hope your sister's friend is alright...either here or in a better place.
Thinking of you!
Sarah
Sounds like you had a great day with your LH...I am having one today with mine...and where pray tell are you planning to go for your 'reward' trip? I love that type of reward! So much better than food...without the guilt!
I hope your sister's friend is alright...either here or in a better place.
Thinking of you!
Sarah
Cate
Long term member
Hi Sarah, The Greek Islands!! I turn 60 May 2013 & we are either going to Italy & the GI or Africa, but GI are looking to be the favourite destination at this stage. So much world to see! Unless I miraculously become filthy rich I'm not going to see much of it! Oh well. It's not like I have had a bad life or anything. I do want to see as much as I can though & milestone birthdays are a great excuse! Cheers, Cate.
Cate
Long term member
Didn't have a good eating day today for some reason & feel dreadful. I didn't plan & what i did eat hasn't agreed with me. I had bought some dips & some smoked mussels & they were all to agressively flavoured for me. Have felt quite out of sorts for most of the day. I'm sitting here feeling bloated & disgusted! I did exercise- rode my bike twice & took the dogs for a walk. I actually don't feel well. 
Tomorrow is another day though & hopefully I'll wake up, fighting fit! We're spending the day with both our sons(playing golf am) & the grand-kids in the afternoon & our YS's GF.
Love to all xoxo Cate
Tomorrow is another day though & hopefully I'll wake up, fighting fit! We're spending the day with both our sons(playing golf am) & the grand-kids in the afternoon & our YS's GF.
Love to all xoxo Cate
Cate
Long term member
Found this article this morning & thought I might share it. Still feeling a bit out of sorts & was looking for some inspiration. Much love to all, Cate.
Tips on how to bounce back from the tough times!
1. Accept what is.You’ve got a bad situation in front of you and it’s time to become completely honest with yourself and really see what is happening. No more denial or wishful thinking that it will get better. Take away all the emotion from it, identify the problem, and accept that it is reality.
2. Firmly grasp the reality that change is a part of life.
You struggle against change. You expend a lot of energy making sure that change doesn’t happen in your life. Save your energy for better things and accept that change truly is a normal part of life. Expect it.
3. Learn to be an optimist.
Optimism and pessimism are ways you explain why things happen to you. Being optimistic allows you to bounce back because it helps you focus on the positive and not predict the negative.
4. Learn to be self-compassionate.
Be kind to yourself (stop the inner criticism), remember that, as a part of the human race, we’re all flawed in some way and apt to make mistakes, and practice mindfulness.
5. Learn to let things go.
Grasping tightly to a belief, behavior, or material thing only drains your energy and narrows your focus onto that thing. In order to be resilient, you need flexibility and openness to options and opportunities.
6. Gather your posse.
Having friends and family who are close enough to rally around you in an emergency is essential. Make sure you have a good, stable posse at your disposal.
7. Even the darkest cloud can have a silver lining.
Always look for the lessons and gifts in adversity. .
8. Believe in post-traumatic growth.
When faced with trauma, a small number of people develop Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, the majority of people bounce back naturally after a month or so, and the remaining people actually grow and benefit from the experience. How? The basics are being optimistic and looking for the lessons in their lives. Give it a try.
9. Find a mentor.
Researchers in childhood resilience know that the presence of only one caring adult in a child’s life can make all the difference. It can for you, too. Find someone you admire and trust and use them for guidance and loving support.
10. Remember that there is always more than one way to see a situation.
Although the problem in front of you may look dire, ask yourself if there is another way to look at it. Might it actually open up opportunities for you? Is it as big a problem as you think it is or are you magnifying it unnecessarily?
11. Think about kaleidoscopes.
When you look through a kaleidoscope, you see a beautiful pattern. It’s so pretty, you may not want to change it. But, eventually, you have to turn the dial. Suddenly there is a chaotic jumble in front of your eyes but then, magically, another beautiful pattern emerges. Life can be like this, too. So remember when things are jumbled in your life that they may be actually forming a brand new, beautiful image.
12. Give yourself a break.
It’s important to refresh both your body and mind. Remember to take physical breaks now and then. And remember that it’s okay to distract yourself from mental and emotional experiences like grief and rumination, too. Take a break.
13. Remember that you already are resilient.
As mentioned in #8 above, most people are naturally resilient and you are probably one of them. Just because you struggle for a bit doesn’t mean you’re not resilient. It means you’re human.
14. Common humanity.
Remember that you are a part of the human species and therefore quite likely to have some flaws and make mistakes. But everyone does. You are not alone in your experience of struggling with external or internal adversity.
15. You don’t have to like it.
You know what? Sometimes things really do suck. So, just because you need to be resilient doesn’t mean you have to like the situation you’re in. You can be accepting, open, and flexible without having to say that you like your current circumstances.
16. Look up.
Do you find that you keep your eyes to the ground a lot? Do something different – look up! You might see something you’ve never seen before.
17. Simply notice.
Feeling bad? Okay, but you don’t have to buy into your emotions. Just notice them. And withhold judgment about them or yourself.
18. Commit random acts of kindness.
Helping others generates positive emotions within you which then helps to expand your sense of possibilities in the world. Problem-solving a situation becomes much easier and you’ll find that positive emotions help exponentially with your ability to bounce back.
Tips on how to bounce back from the tough times!
1. Accept what is.You’ve got a bad situation in front of you and it’s time to become completely honest with yourself and really see what is happening. No more denial or wishful thinking that it will get better. Take away all the emotion from it, identify the problem, and accept that it is reality.
2. Firmly grasp the reality that change is a part of life.
You struggle against change. You expend a lot of energy making sure that change doesn’t happen in your life. Save your energy for better things and accept that change truly is a normal part of life. Expect it.
3. Learn to be an optimist.
Optimism and pessimism are ways you explain why things happen to you. Being optimistic allows you to bounce back because it helps you focus on the positive and not predict the negative.
4. Learn to be self-compassionate.
Be kind to yourself (stop the inner criticism), remember that, as a part of the human race, we’re all flawed in some way and apt to make mistakes, and practice mindfulness.
5. Learn to let things go.
Grasping tightly to a belief, behavior, or material thing only drains your energy and narrows your focus onto that thing. In order to be resilient, you need flexibility and openness to options and opportunities.
6. Gather your posse.
Having friends and family who are close enough to rally around you in an emergency is essential. Make sure you have a good, stable posse at your disposal.
7. Even the darkest cloud can have a silver lining.
Always look for the lessons and gifts in adversity. .
8. Believe in post-traumatic growth.
When faced with trauma, a small number of people develop Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, the majority of people bounce back naturally after a month or so, and the remaining people actually grow and benefit from the experience. How? The basics are being optimistic and looking for the lessons in their lives. Give it a try.
9. Find a mentor.
Researchers in childhood resilience know that the presence of only one caring adult in a child’s life can make all the difference. It can for you, too. Find someone you admire and trust and use them for guidance and loving support.
10. Remember that there is always more than one way to see a situation.
Although the problem in front of you may look dire, ask yourself if there is another way to look at it. Might it actually open up opportunities for you? Is it as big a problem as you think it is or are you magnifying it unnecessarily?
11. Think about kaleidoscopes.
When you look through a kaleidoscope, you see a beautiful pattern. It’s so pretty, you may not want to change it. But, eventually, you have to turn the dial. Suddenly there is a chaotic jumble in front of your eyes but then, magically, another beautiful pattern emerges. Life can be like this, too. So remember when things are jumbled in your life that they may be actually forming a brand new, beautiful image.
12. Give yourself a break.
It’s important to refresh both your body and mind. Remember to take physical breaks now and then. And remember that it’s okay to distract yourself from mental and emotional experiences like grief and rumination, too. Take a break.
13. Remember that you already are resilient.
As mentioned in #8 above, most people are naturally resilient and you are probably one of them. Just because you struggle for a bit doesn’t mean you’re not resilient. It means you’re human.
14. Common humanity.
Remember that you are a part of the human species and therefore quite likely to have some flaws and make mistakes. But everyone does. You are not alone in your experience of struggling with external or internal adversity.
15. You don’t have to like it.
You know what? Sometimes things really do suck. So, just because you need to be resilient doesn’t mean you have to like the situation you’re in. You can be accepting, open, and flexible without having to say that you like your current circumstances.
16. Look up.
Do you find that you keep your eyes to the ground a lot? Do something different – look up! You might see something you’ve never seen before.
17. Simply notice.
Feeling bad? Okay, but you don’t have to buy into your emotions. Just notice them. And withhold judgment about them or yourself.
18. Commit random acts of kindness.
Helping others generates positive emotions within you which then helps to expand your sense of possibilities in the world. Problem-solving a situation becomes much easier and you’ll find that positive emotions help exponentially with your ability to bounce back.
Cate
Long term member
I had a lovely day yesterday with my LH, OS & YS. The 4 of us played 9 holes of golf & then we picked up my YS's GF & our OS picked up his 3 kids & we went back to our place for a late lunch. We also had a quick visit from my favourite SIL & BIL & one of our nephews & his wife & kids. It was a delightful day!
I loved my first game of golf- I played some really good shots & some very ordinary shots but no woeful ones. My sons were very encouraging.
We didn't over-eat at all & I only had 2 glasses of wine. Pretty good for a social day with our family!
I had cereal this morning with soy milk, just for a change & added a banana & then some rhubarb. Tell me folks- how do you enjoy cereal? To me it's pig food!
Lots of love to all, xoxo Cate
I loved my first game of golf- I played some really good shots & some very ordinary shots but no woeful ones. My sons were very encouraging.
We didn't over-eat at all & I only had 2 glasses of wine. Pretty good for a social day with our family!
I had cereal this morning with soy milk, just for a change & added a banana & then some rhubarb. Tell me folks- how do you enjoy cereal? To me it's pig food!
Lots of love to all, xoxo Cate
Cate
Long term member
My wheels came off the track yesterday at the dangerous time for me- mid afternoon! I snacked on gluten-free choc chip bikkies & 4 squares of chocolate & a Weiss mango bar & stopped myself in the nick of time before a total disaster. Last night I ate a very healthy fish lasagne with a big healthy salad. I felt out of control for a while but was able to limit the damage. Went about 350 cals over the 1420- didn't do any exercise either so that didn't help. I didn't feel bad or anything but had got derailed by my Mum, who confused things & thought I was taking her out for lunch, not morning tea. I ended up in town for about 4.5 hrs, instead of the couple max, I thought it was going to be.
Oh well. Today is another day. We are going out for lunch with my MIL today as we didn't spend Good Friday with her, which she expects us to do every year. GF with our 2 sons was just lovely!!!
It's a dreary day today- very overcast & quite chilly. While most of you are coming out of Winter & into Spring, we are the opposite of course. It got down to 6oC last night & we have re-lit the wood heater. It's a beauty- a free-standing dual cook-top, Lopi Endeavour, made in Washington & designed to withstand US Winters. It warms up our whole living/dining/kitchen area. It's very cosy sitting in front of the heater. I'll have to make sure that I don't spend too much time sitting in my chair in front of it!!
I had better have a look about at everyone's diaries. Most people take a break from the forum over the w/e, especially celebrations.
Love to all, xoxo Cate
Oh well. Today is another day. We are going out for lunch with my MIL today as we didn't spend Good Friday with her, which she expects us to do every year. GF with our 2 sons was just lovely!!!
It's a dreary day today- very overcast & quite chilly. While most of you are coming out of Winter & into Spring, we are the opposite of course. It got down to 6oC last night & we have re-lit the wood heater. It's a beauty- a free-standing dual cook-top, Lopi Endeavour, made in Washington & designed to withstand US Winters. It warms up our whole living/dining/kitchen area. It's very cosy sitting in front of the heater. I'll have to make sure that I don't spend too much time sitting in my chair in front of it!!
I had better have a look about at everyone's diaries. Most people take a break from the forum over the w/e, especially celebrations.
Love to all, xoxo Cate