Cate's Diary

Hi, Petal :) I don't have a treadmill. I was given one once & really hated it. I may have to bring my exercise bike back inside. It is way too cold out there! My internet isn't great (only 23G total for our phones & internet) so don't watch videos often. I will definitely come up with an alternative for rainy days, but I think that will be a very good raincoat.
Hi, Marsia. They are adorable & very shy. I hear them mostly but we only see them at night unless they are old & ill. I actually hated having a take it easy day, which is funny. I felt really out of sorts & thwarted. I have the sniffles today but feel ok, I'm dressed ready for golf, but not looking forward to it It's not meant to rain today, but will be very wet underfoot. It is also a stroke, not a Stableford, which means you can't pick the ball up if you have too many shots on one hole to score. I'm not going to get there until 9.30 as I'm usually first there but can't get in as I don't have a key. Also, I want to see if anyone else is going to get the fire going as K is away & she & I usually do it.
I don't feel like I belong there. I don't have keys, I don't have a locker (someone took that when I left), I don't have a code to turn off the alarm when we leave (but they still expect me to somehow)....& I keep being told to be careful what I do. Oh, yes we expect you just to run around getting our drinks & yes, we do expect you to do the bar for a big women's golf day coming up, but no, be careful & don't tidy up behind the bar. I feel like I'm persona non grata out there, so I may only stay until the end of the year unless things change. I think it's only a matter of time before I tell them how I feel.
Anyhow. I won't say that yesterday was a fail as I have learned from it. I really need a good long raincoat & I need to exercise in the morning. What was a bigger fail is I didn't ring my older brother for his birthday. Now, that is a fail! I'll do that right now.
Well, that was nice.
We found something to talk about, which was good. Cars. He loves giving me advice as he's my much older brother (8 years) & when he asked me about our holiday I said that it was good, but I could have bought a new car for the same amount & that I was thinking of getting a new car instead of another holiday he told me all about his. I'll keep an eye out for one. A Toyota Aurion. He often tells me stuff about his GK's & daughters & is always surprised that I know about the birthdays etc. I'm friends with both his daughters on FB. I love them to bits.
OK. I had better think about going to golf :(
 
I hope the golf day works out a lot better than you think.

I laughed at your comment about D ‘worrying about the salt later.’ It seems a short term solution to a long term problem, but I understand the appeal of a quick fix.
 
Those petty wrangles about who has keys, who's allowed (!) to tidy behind the bar*, who has a locker, who has the top locker, who gets to park right next to the clubhouse - I'm extrapolating here, I know, but it all sounds so familiar. How are the gender dynamics of the place? Because it sounds like the kind of jockeying for status-markers which comes when the whole (small) group is actually outside the real community power-centre.

* I long ago adopted the watchword Never fight anyone for a job.
 
Hi, Em. My 'golf" day ended up being a lovely day, but not actually a golf day. I got out there & then realised I had forgotten the battery for my buggy. I looked at my old push buggy & considered playing with that, but then thought "I'm out of here". I was singing to the radio as I drove away & felt much, much better.
I walked around our local town. I parked down the bottom of the town & walked up, chatting along the way. When I got home I ate my lunch, changed into my bush gear & then headed off down into the bush. I have done 7,774 steps so far, my hike was 1.8 km, meditated for 6 mins in the middle of the bush, I have kept to within my calories, had one wine, haven't bothered with the bike, kept my sodium down......
I felt SO much better not having stayed out there.
Amy- you just posted. The gender dynamics of the place are atrocious, but the dynamics amongst the women are no better. I agree with you- never fight anyone for a job. I really can't be bothered with all that nonsense. One of the people I caught up with is one of the vets who was quite hurt & feels that he is being looked down on because of his age ( younger men not wanting to play with him) yet is being nagged to do physical volunteer work. The culture out there is going from bad to worse. As he left today he told me to "buck up & don't let them get you down". He's a sweetie!
G has come home quite ill. I think his cold might actually be flu.
 
I love your day playing hooky from the club! Glad you did your own thing and had a happy day out and in the bush!

I have been thinking about power dynamics in women's circles lately as our old school was bad that way, and they are doing very badly and losing families by the droves. Their power move was shaming people who don't all have their group-think. It has been good talking with other people who left that school because it made my social anxiety less realizing that a lot of the tension I felt wasn't me being bad at talking with people, but me not conforming, and their tension because of that.

I hope G gets lots of rest and the flu symptoms pass before they can really take hold!!
 
Cate I Am pleased you drove away too and enjoyed your day . Correct me if I am wrong but I thought you had finished with the club ? Did you go back ?

I don’t have a treadmill either , I used to and I hated it . Bought an aerobic step today mainly for my leg stretches as I can use it around the kitchen now and can do when I please . Daughter bought a balance board too although I don’t like that lol .

A raincoat sounds like the best plan to me and I will be walking in the rain too . :jump:
We will be singing and dancing in the rain .

Glad you caught up with your brother . How strange as mine just phoned me too . Had not spoken in about 4 Months as he always too busy . Good luck with the car shopping Cate
 
Hi, M. That is funny. It did feel like playing hooky. It showed me how much more I enjoy my life away from the club. You know I was never one for being part of a group even when I was at school. I talked to a woman yesterday who I thought was super confident & part of the "ladies that lunch" in the town & she & I had such a heart to heart & I saw her as being very similar to me. She said as much. I love the chats I have with people about the town that I really like. I don't need to belong to a group. I'm ok.
G is a little better this morning. I dosed him up last night. You should have seen him shuddering with every sip of his hot lemon drink! I have one or 2 every night, exactly the same.

Hi, Petal. Oh, dear. Yes. I went back to the club! :blush5: I honestly thought I would be able to play each week & not worry about the place. I had missed playing golf regularly. Most of the women had been in touch & said they missed me & wanted me back, but the reality is nothing has changed. The reality is I feel less comfortable than when I left. I know some of them are glad to have me back, but I sense some feel a bit of animosity at my having left in the first place. Without G there it probably feels worse. He is really happy at his new club & I am really happy for him. The women there I really get along well with, but it's too far to travel to.
An aerobic stepper? I just looked them up. I tried doing steps when Tru issued the August challenge but tried on our existing steps, which are not good for it. That's why I didn't join. Maybe I should get one. I think I need to go back to the EP & ask her.
I looked at raincoats yesterday. I want a light one that works & is not too expensive. Could be tricky to find.
I hadn't spoken to my brother for months either. It was nice. I won't rush into the car shopping. I think I'll start looking in 2020.

I had better get moving. I have this CT scan today & am fasting. I woke up really hungry, which is unusual. I actually packed a hospital bag yesterday & put it in the car, after talking to J (the friend in a shop). We agreed that our husbands wouldn't have a clue where anything is. I'll play around with it & make it so I don't have to bring stuff out when we go away for weekends. It's got too much in it at the moment & I don't have duplicates of everything. I'm feeling a little bit scared about this aorta. Fingers crossed!
 
Cate said:
... My 'golf" day ended up being a lovely day, but not actually a golf day. ... I was singing to the radio as I drove away & felt much, much better.
Click to expand...
That sound a pretty strong signal. I expect you don't want to "desert" the nice older chap who said "Don't let them get you down", but in the end, if you feel better not going,... well, there it is.
Best wishes for the scan and the results!
 
Cate
I hope the scan goes well . Will think of you .
I'm sorry things did not improve at the club. I think you will find where there is a clique of women they seldom do. I'm like you better with one on ones .

I did my physio exercises on the new step last night holding onto back of a high chair for balance and it was so so much easier than the stairs in the house. I also did a few steps just for exercise and it's good because you can get your whole foot on it .
 
Thanks, Amy. Yes. All the signs tell me that I'm better off away from the club. The nice older chap is disheartened with the general club as he is being taken for granted. It's all a bit complicated. We are still friends with most of the older players. They understand why we left.
I don't know how long it will be before I get the results of the scan. I think the cardio said he would see me again in 2 months, but if the aneurysm has grown much he will probably call me in sooner. No news is good news, right?
Thanks, Petal. There are too many different groups at the club, each of which has their own clique. It's not my scene at all. I think that I thought I could go back there & just play golf with the women & not get involved, but the culture there is not a healthy one. My husband, on the other hand, has joined a club with a very healthy culture. He had 3 different people ring him up last night congratulating him on his win yesterday. That just would not happen at the local club. It is so, so different. It's how life should be.
Today has felt like a write-off. I'll come back tomorrow & report on my day I think.
 
Hey Cate, sure hope your scan comes back well, I am no medical expert but nothing to do with an aneurysm sounds good...

I have to say you and TM have shaken my vision of Mick, Crocodile, Dundee. I always thought of him as a kind of super hero who defended the downtrodden, perhaps not learned in the ways of civilization, but not "narrow minded". An important difference between him and the Rambo like characters in other movies at the time was that Mick never killed anyone, and acted only in his or others defense, not out of revenge. Anyway since he's not real I guess we can all have our own interpretations.

Hope all works out with the clubs, cliques are no fun. I am not a joiner, not a member of any clubs, or cliques (that I know of anyway).
 
Hi Cate! Would you want to ring the cardiologist's office and ask them to call you with the results of the test either way when they come in? I really hope the results are good.

With G's club, could you just go on the days he goes or do the women's teams play different days or something like that? Would G drive you there sometimes and he could just meet up with friends there to socialize while you play with the women? I am glad you are going to spend less time at your current club. They sound like pretty close minded people who can be rude at times. My social anxiety is way less now that my kid is in a nice school where the parents aren't competitive and in cliques. I didn't realize that having trouble talking to other moms was also because of who I was trying to relate to, and them not being anything like me.
 
@alligatorob -Thank you. I sure hope it comes back well too. Unfortunately, an aneurysm in your ascending aorta is "probably one of the worst places to have one", according to a friend's husband ( a GP) that I bumped into yesterday. I knew that, but the look on his face was not good. I have known about this for 4 & 1/2 years, but I honestly try not to dwell on it. The hardest thing is to get my sodium intake right down, but this latest scare has me being very vigilant. My BP has come right down with the new meds. The Crocodile Dundee films were fun & his character was fun & harmless. They did wonders for Australian tourism. I think people were more like him once. I know lots of characters, who are laid back & laconic.
@Marsia - I'll leave it until I hear back from the cardio. I know that he will contact me if he's worried about the CT scan. Meanwhile, I'll try to put it out of my head again. I hate having procedures done. You feel so vulnerable. I don't like even thinking of myself as having something like this as I feel well & healthy. I should be grateful that I do know about it as once upon a time people just died when they burst. Because I was in tune with my body I insisted on referral & then found out.
Re:G's club. I worry about him driving there as he's not a great driver & he's a terrible sleeper. I have been referred by my cardio for a sleep test, but it's G who needs one. He snores all night & wakes a lot & then can doze off during the day. I'm going to get him referred when he sees his GP this Friday. It's him getting up & snoring that wakes me.
The women play at his club the day before his comp. The course is a lot harder & very steep. A lot of people use carts. They are enthusiastic for me to play there. I'm just going to muddle along for now & play with the women when I feel like it. I will also say what I feel & not commit myself to anything.
@Emilyrose - Thanks Em. I like the sound of the no news is good news. I'll go with that for now :)
@LaMaria - Thanks LaMa. I'll be right :)

OK. I'm a bit over yesterday. The sun is shining today & I had better get moving. Thanks everyone for your care & concern, xoxo
 
It's so good that you can be certain that if there was anything to worry about on the scan your cardio would have been in touch - yes, no news is good news! Even more, it's wonderful that you are in tune enough with your body to have known something was wrong, and to have organised the investigation.
And yes, playing just when you feel like it, and not committing to anything - especially vague open-ended things! - is absolutely the best way to go for now! Speaking of now, I hope today's going calmly and refreshingly for you! :)
 
Thanks, Amy. I am going to ring him after the weekend as I need to know what he thinks about adding in the extra dose of the new medication in the morning because of my much lower BP readings. For now, I am trusting my instincts & am not going to have it tomorrow morning. I may ring soon actually, but I need to get my readings into a form that I can email him.
I went for my walk down through the bush & foolishly did a lot of bending over snipping off vegetation growing over the track. I was where I usually stop to meditate for 5 mins & felt so dizzy that I thought I was going to faint. I stayed there for about 10 mins & then started to very slowly walk my way back to the house. I knew G wasn't in the house & he usually leaves his phone behind, next to his chair. I think I took about 20 mins to get myself halfway up the hill until I could make myself heard. He came & picked me up in the ute & drove me back to the house. He had actually taken his phone with him!
I didn't tell him I had been doing so much cutting & bending as he would just have got crabby with me (with good reason). I took my snippers out of my bumbag & will leave them behind next time. I might ring the cardio when G goes down to get the kids off the bus. I probably just overdid it.
I do think my BP is now too low though. It was 102/77 this morning. When I settled down after getting back it was 100/70.
I feel fine now but that was a bit scary.
I'll go do that BP chart now.
 
Hi Cate
I hope you are feeling better now and you made your phone call .
It's probably ok to do your snipping just kneel down don't be bending over .
I'm guessing many people are walking about with an aneurysm so I suppose in a good way you can take care of yourself , watch the BP and sodium intake.

G needs to keep his phone close by though but I suppose we are all the same a bit . Hope you get some occassional golf games in with nice ladies . G club does sound like a nice one , pity it's so far away and steep. Hope you can get himreferred for sleep therapy .
 
Thanks, Petal. I didn't ring this afternoon but have set a timer to ring him at midday on Monday.
I do think it was silly of me to do so much bending down/standing up. I was doing it as I walked along the rough bush track, so it's not practical kneeling to do it. I'll be sensible & take it easy.
I am going to keep monitoring my BP daily. I don't think I'll take the extra new med for the next 3 mornings, just in the evening, unless my BP goes up a lot.
Our son just pulled up so I'll skedaddle xo
Edit: I'm feeling much better tonight. The GK's are with us for the night & tomorrow. I looked up the info for the 3rd med & will stick with my cardio's instructions. It was all the bending over/standing up quickly that did it I think.
Reached my August goals, except for bike. I'm scrapping the bike for now.
I have been craving ice cream all day & will buy some low-cal ones tomorrow. I love the Weiss mango bars & would love one right now!
 
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Hi Cate!

Loved the song! Just the kind of funky blues that gets me in the mood to start my day.

That medication you are taking is amazing! My mother recently had to come off Lipitor, after years of taking it with no trouble, her kidneys began to fail. They have her on something else now and her kidneys are fine.

I need something to help with cardio over the winter. It gets very cold here in Iowa. I might have to break down and get a treadmill. I hate them too, but very few alternatives. Why does 10 minutes on the treadmill always feel like an hour!? :ambivalence:
 
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