Cate's Diary

Thank you, hon. I'm in need of hugs today. Racism is truly disgusting & it never fails to really shock me. I didn't mention the homophobia as well. One woman even used the dyke word! All of these women are coming from a comfortable white, middle class background. I actually hope someone asks me next week why I left so suddenly. If the conversation looks like it's going down that path again I will say that it's time for me to leave & go.
 
More hugs then. I'm impatient for the day when the racists won't dare to mention their views in polite company anymore. It's horrible that the decent view is the one people are often afraid to voice.
 
OK. I have been very grumpy & out of sorts & that won't do. I took a good, hard look at myself in the mirror this morning & told myself that I don't look fat & horrible, so had better stop giving myself such a hard time. I have even been grumpy with the forum. I am snapping right out of it.
I have dropped my calories down to 1400, from 1500. I had 1879 yesterday without any junk food. I can actually confess to a F*#k it day.
G & I are going into town today as someone has a leg of venison for us. We are going to go for a walk around the river if it's not raining when we get there. Heavy rain is forecast for the weekend. I'm fishing out the exercise program that I did with the EP & starting that today too.
 
I´ll happily take any rain you don´t want :) Glad to hear you´re feeling better - I get on my own nerves SO MUCH when I´m grumpy.
 
Amen, amen to not giving yourself a hard time! From when I first read it, I've really liked your motto "Be kind not only to others but also to yourself" and this seems like just exactly the right time to bring it into play!
Maybe organise a wonderful weekend for yourself ? for whatever definition of wonderful feels best to you. Anyway, here's to you having exactly the weekend you want. :beerchug:
 
LaMaria said:
I´ll happily take any rain you don´t want :) Glad to hear you´re feeling better - I get on my own nerves SO MUCH when I´m grumpy.
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Thanks, LaMa. No rain yet. I hate feeling grumpy. I'm so glad it's gone!
aiminglow said:
Amen, amen to not giving yourself a hard time! From when I first read it, I've really liked your motto "Be kind not only to others but also to yourself" and this seems like just exactly the right time to bring it into play!
Maybe organise a wonderful weekend for yourself ? for whatever definition of wonderful feels best to you. Anyway, here's to you having exactly the weekend you want. :beerchug:
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Thanks, Amy ;) I have always struggled with self-criticism & try not to. My defences have been down. I have had a good day today & feel much better about myself.
I did a set of exercises & went for a good walk in town. I ate well. I feel positive again.
 
I think we are in a similar place diet-wise. We both gain weight easily, have to fight tooth and nail to get the weight off, and both need to find a good long term solution (or maybe it will be different solutions.). I think there are a lot of people like us, too. It's hard not to be self-critical (I am like that, too), but we are facing a hard task that is made harder by the sometimes unhealthy emphasis on food as entertainment and emotional escape by the culture. So it's great we realize that this isn't about us personally being weak willed or anything. For me it's about being more creative about what I try and how I negotiate the hard patches. I think you are doing so well overall, and this temporary setback is not going to stand in your way!
 
Marsia said:
... the sometimes unhealthy emphasis on food as entertainment and emotional escape by the culture.
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Yes - there's a lot to be unpacked there, so much reality-show food-as-entertainment (Masterchef, Nigella...) and constant reiteration in romantic comedy of food, particularly chocolate and ice-cream, as what beautiful women "naturally" eat for pleasure or comfort, while of course staying just precisely beautiful enough to attract the romantic hero!
 
Glad you are feeling better and gave yourself permission for a Fck it day!! Also very proud of you taking that moment in the mirror, we could all use to do a bit more of that, and would probably all have a bit better mental wellbeing if we did :)
 
Thanks, Marsia. You are right about how it seems to work for me. How frustrating is it? I won't give up though, but it does feel like I'm pushing uphill ALL of the time. I don't even eat junk food. Thanks for your kindness & support xoxo
Hi, Amy. My romantic hero feeds me :) I'm lucky in that he doesn't eat sweets or junk food, but he also cooks so well that we always have delicious food & I eat more than if I had to prepare it. It's not his fault that I am overweight though.
Thanks, MLB. The moment in the mirror was long overdue. I wouldn't criticise others as I do myself sometimes & it has to stop if I am to improve my self-esteem. I find it very hard to move forward when I am feeling negative about myself. It is very counter-productive. I think I'll start re-reading my Motivational sayings thread!

It's a rainy day today so not much will be done outside. I'll try to squeeze a quick walk in there, but will do some exercises & ride my exercise bike (stationary).
BF was 1/2 avocado & 2 eggs on oat toast.
Lunch will be tuna salad(lots of coleslaw & lettuce mix, snow peas, tomato, red onion, celery, fresh herbs, some walnuts, hemp seeds, a minuscule amount of low-fat mayo & vinaigrette
Dinner will be roast chicken, gravy & veggies ( spinach, cauli, broc, a little potato, pumpkin, mushroom, parsnip & Brussel sprouts).
 
Good idea, LaMa. I decided to as I am a bit stiff & sore today. I do want to get back into a routine so will be careful this time.
Today has been a pleasant, lazy day at home, reading mostly. I made a Pho Bo yesterday & have frozen most of it. I had removed most of the fat before I cooked it yesterday & took all remaining fat off this morning, divided it up into various portion sizes & distributed the meat between each container & have frozen most of it. It will be delicious.
Here is my recipe-
Cate's Pho Bo.
(Serves about 12.)
3kg beef rib bones
500g gravy beef
3 brown onions, sliced
Thumb-sized piece of fresh ginger
2 Cinnamon sticks
1 teaspoon whole black peppercorns
4 pieces Star Anise
Salt, to taste
500g fresh rice noodles
500g fresh bean sprouts
6 spring onions
4 firm, ripe tomatoes
2 white or red onions (or spring onions)
500g rump steak
Fish sauce-pref Nuoc Mam
Lemon wedges or lime wedges
Fresh red chillies, sliced
Fresh coriander
Fresh mint
Saw-leaf herb if possible (ngo gai) If you don't have any sing out & I can pot you one-well maybe not in this instance ;)
Method.
Put bones & gravy beef in a very large pan, add cold water to cover, sliced onions, scraped & sliced ginger, cinnamon stick, whole peppercorns & star anise.
Bring to the boil, turn the heat down very low, cover & simmer for at least 6 hours. Add salt to taste. Remember you will be adding fish sauce for saltiness later.
Follow cooking instructions on the noodle packet. If using fresh rice noodles pour boiling water over, soak, then drain, or steam in a colander for 5 mins. Drain well.
Prepare salad ingredients. Wash green leaves, leave whole. Slice spring onions thinly. Cut tomatoes in half lengthways, then slice in half. Peel & slice white onions. Slice steak paper thin in bite-sized portions. keep separate.
To serve.
Put a ladle of noodles & a ladle of bean sprouts in each large soup bowl. Place a few slices of beef, tomato, onion & spring onion in a large ladle, immerse in the boiling stock until beef begins to lose its redness. It should still be pink. Pour contents of ladle over the noodles & bean sprouts in the bowl.
Guests add fish sauce, lemon, fresh herbs, salad greens & chillies to their soup at the table.
Eaten with a soup spoon(Vietnamese/Chinese type) & chopsticks. In Vietnam, this is usually eaten for breakfast but is delicious any time. It was one of our favourite dishes in Vietnam & this tastes quite authentic. We have it as a meal usually.
Ginger.
We buy fresh ginger, peel it & chop it into small pieces. Put in a jar & cover with medium-dry sherry & keep in the fridge. You will always have delicious ginger handy & the "juice" is great to add to stir-fries.
Cheers, Cate.
 
cate said:
We buy fresh ginger, peel it & chop it into small pieces. Put in a jar & cover with medium-dry sherry & keep in the fridge. You will always have delicious ginger handy & the "juice" is great to add to stir-fries.
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Ooo, that´s a trick I´d never heard of before!
 
cate said:
You Can Be Whatever You Want To Be!
by: Donna Levine

"There is inside you
All of the potential
To be whatever you want to be;
All of the energy
To do whatever you want to do.
Imagine yourself as you would like to be,
Doing what you want to do,
And each day, take one step
Towards your dream.
And though at times it may seem too
difficult to continue,
Hold on to your dream.
One morning you will awake to find
That you are the person you dreamed of,
Doing what you wanted to do,
Simply because you had the courage
To believe in your potential
And to hold on to your dream."​
It's taken me a while to find this but I love it!​
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Found this in my motivational sayings thread. It's from ten years ago. I still like it.
 
cate said:
My romantic hero feeds me :)
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How lucky is that?! So great you guys have each other!!!

I like your quote. If I look back at the really hard things in my life and what it looked like when I accomplished them, I never would have pictured things coming out so well, and I would have been discouraged if I saw all the work that went into achieving these things. But if you just keep going you see that all the discouraging pictures of how hard things could be are only a small part of the picture, and there is a lot more to achieving big things. I learn a lot along the way, learn to be more flexible, and feel accomplished and more trusting and sure of myself from really meeting the challenges head on.

If I look back at raising kids, for example, no one in their right mind would choose to do all that if they only saw how darn hard it is and how much self sacrifice is involved. But that is just focusing solely on the hard stuff that seems overwhelming. It doesn't account for most of the time spent as a parent really maturing and growing because you have to to keep up with the new sets of challenges. And it doesn't account for the amazing times you would not have had otherwise and for how it increases your capacity to love exponentially. I think so many hard things are like that - often the rewards far surpass the difficulty when you look back. It's just so hard when you are in the middle of it to know how the outcome might really benefit you and to aim for that instead of listening to the voice that keeps saying, "one little cheat isn't going to affect things."
 
Marsia said:
How lucky is that?! So great you guys have each other!!!
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Thanks, Marsia :beating: I am very lucky. I know we both are.
I think if we had known how hard so many things actually are we would never have done much at all. Being a parent is the hardest thing I have ever done, but I am so glad I did. Not having had children would have brought a lot less stress & a lot more money, but the love I feel for both our sons, far makes up for the stress we have had.
On that note, our younger son, R is doing the best he has ever been I think. He has continued with his meds & been monitored & they are at the optimum level & I can see a real difference in his coping skills & general mood. He has been ringing me or messaging me fairly frequently lately & just seems so much better & more stable. I love it. His relationship with C is on hold as she has too much to cope with at the moment with her young son & new job, but I still think this will work out for them in the future. I'm quite sure the love is there & when there is love there is hope. He is coping very well with this, after some tears. It's so good that he can be hopeful. He's been reading books on managing BP & continues to see a Psych. He is eating very well, exercising, drinking only a little, establishing good sleep routines & looking after his general health really well. I'm very proud of him.
Speaking of which- I had better not have a lazy day today!
 
cate said:
I just looked up what to do with green peaches, but then wondered what the heck you would do with pickled green peaches!
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Thanks, I had never thought about doing anything with green peaches. We have picked things in the past and pickled, my favorite was okra, but we don't grow okra in Utah, its more of a southern vegetable. Maybe next year, this year's green peach crop is just adding to the organics in our soil.

Best of luck with your son, sounds like he is doing ok.
 
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