Tomorrow I am leaving so today was my last weigh in, I weigh 61.5 kg. Just fucking ridiculous. I am close to tears.... how is this possible? I have worked my ass off 2 to 3 hours a day for 10 days and I have been eating well, no treats in the last week, nothing and I stayed between 1200 and 1500 cals more or less and still I weigh 1 kg more than 10 days ago. I am so frustrated, how on earth am I supposed to lose this weight if eating little and exercising tons is not going to work???? I really really want to weigh 55 or eventually 53 kg, I do, I am committed to it but how how HOW will I do it? I look at myself in the mirror and I am such a failure, what did I do wrong, what am I doing or not doing that keeps me chubby? Any normal person would lose weight when they go from no exercise to 3 hours daily of exercise, why not me? And don't come with the muscle is more heavy than fat crap, because we all know that is not it. By laws of thermodynamics I HAD to lose weight and fat and somehow these laws do not apply to me.
I measured and I measure about the same I did a year ago, chest 89 cm, waist at the thinnest part 75 cm and hips 98 cm. I will try to dig up what it was last time I measured but it was not very different from this I tell you!
I am completely desperate, what can I do? I want to be 55 kg in like 2 months and we all know that if in the last month I did not manage to even lose a single pound (rather put on 3) I won't manage to lose any in the next 2 months either. I was 57.5 kg but only sickness induced I think, I wish so badly I could go back there and weigh that again, then I would be so close to my goal. I was hoping that in these 2 weeks at home I would go down to 58-59, but no, here I am, at 61.5, like a fat lard that I am.
This makes no sense anymore, I have been working on this for over a year and a half now and while most people who work for a year and a half are at least at the 100 pound mark I still only managed to lose 25 fucking pounds. I am doing everything fucking right, why don't the pounds budge? What kind of sick kramic joke is this?
In october I want to start my new life, clean slate, a different person since the one I was depressed me. I want to be thin and spunky again, I want to change my hair, etc... but if I can't even manage to be thin, how on earth will I manage to get my spunk back? I need to be thin because for the first time in 5 years I will be single and on the catch again and I tell you, I was never a very popular girl, never had lots of guys, but I will need that. The person I want to be gets guys easily, the person I am is a stupid fatso who can't even lose 5 kg for her graduation.
I am SO depressed, I don't know what to do anymore, should I starve myself? Because that may be the only way I can lose weight, when I am sick or starving myself. I have tried the good way, with a good number of calories and a good amount of exercise and I only gained weight!
I hate myself and my life today!
Edited to add, these were the measures from a little over a year ago:
Chest: 95 cm = 37.5 inch
waist: 82 cm = 32 inch
Hips: 105 cm= 41 inch
And today:
Chest: 89 cm = 35 inch
waist: 75 cm = 29.5 inch
Hips: 98 cm = 38.5
So I am down about 2 and a half inches in each region... well better than nothing which I thought it was but still sucky! In a year you'd expect more!
