Camy's diary

lol heya camy, sex unfortunatly doesnt burn all that many calories. You can tell by looking at all the fat prostitutes on the side of the road *G* :D
But its fun practicing anyway!
Ive never had eggplant , what does it taste like? is it expensive?

I lost a ton of weight off my boobs, the doctor tells me that i literally have no fat at all on my breast region now, however i still have it on my butt and thighs and belly! how annoying eh! :O
 
OK, so a good day all round, only thing I still gotta do is finish this essay and I am game for the day. I still have about 1400 words to write... yeah I lost a lot of time not doing anything... oh well, that is the beauty of who studies... as long as you can make up for it at night time it doesn't matter if you procrastinate ALL DAY LONG!

Food of the day:
Breakfast: fruit salad (150 cals)
Snack: Sushi (aprox. 300 cals)
Lunch: Salad (well more like lettuce, there wasn't anything else, other than dressing) (200 cals)
Snack: soy latte with 1 GF gingerbread cookie (400 cals)
Dinner: steak (yum) and salad (350 cals)

Overall 1300 cals (well I am guessing most of the cals (except for beef, fruit salad and gingerbread), so it may be well above...).

Sports:
20 minutes elliptical (burned 200 cals)
100 sit ups
20 laps of swimming (apparently about 300 cals burned... not bad!!!)

Motivation:
bought a T-shirt size 10 (US size 8) and it fits me lovely! Also bought 2 bras and my boobies feel in heaven! It was so time to do this, the poor boobies were hanging down, looking sad, now they are back to their perky selves!
Also noticed my weight loss in my neckline. You can actually sort of make out a collarbone. Yey for collarbones! My face looks thinner too, and my belly.

Good, now I really need to do my work, hopefully tomorrow will be as good a day as today! Camy
 
One of those days... unfortunately! I thought maybe just maybe days would get better but they don't!
I wrote my intro, it is all beautiful and ready to be handed in in 35 minutes, when the stupid printer in the uni cluster broke. Obviously the only colour printer the frickin WHOLE university has. This is not a small scale school this is a uni which over 100.000 people attend!!!! WTF! There is always something or other wrong in this stupid ui, when it isn't the computers that don't work, it is the printers, or the air con, never is it all fine!!

Argh! Also that in my avatar is me. Well me when I was 130 pounds, but still me!
Camy
 
Quick cause I am tired:
Food of the day:
Breakfast: melon and grapes, later a banana (200 cals)
Lunch: 2 salmon-ricecake sandwiches, another banana (300 cals)
Snack: a lot of crap... potato wedges with alioli mayo (yum) (lets guess 300 cals) and a diet coke
Dinner: 2 rice-sandwiches, not too yummy actually... (400 cals)
After dinner snack: apple juice and 8 olives (200 cals)

Grand total of: 1400 cals... felt like more to be honest!
Sport: nothing! Well I walked the odd 2 miles instead of taking the bus (well done me), but other than that not much. I really wanted to, but no time, unfortunately.

I'll try tomorrow again (sportswise), but I have the kids from 11 in the morning until who knows,
Camy
 
Hi Camy

I am sorry that the holiday was so badly marred by your illness. I am pleased to hear that you have now made a full recovery.

It was good that you managed to slot in some walking. It may not seem like much - but adopting the habit of walking instead of catching a bus can really help your weight loss along.

Take care
Love
Margaret
 
I am back from Germany, with 2 pounds less on the ribs (very incredible, I will post why in a bit), completely sleep deprived, with a strange cough and a sore throat AND the most wonderful memories of the best week of my life!
We had so much fun, it is just incredible. We had 3 gigs, 2 of which were a disaster audience-wise, but wonderful to make us come closer as a group (on of the gigs was outside in a kind of pavillion, in the middle of a snowstorm! With no audience whatsoever). The third gig was a great success, with the local newspaper, the local TV and the local radio there, taking pictures and interviewing ME!!!! So I was interviewed by like 3 different people (and making up stuff because I didn't know anything).
Apart from singing I presented the shows (as the only german speaker of the group) and people loved me, especially one young boy (probably around 17 years old) who came to ask me if I fancied a drink with him after the show! :)!! I got flowers from the theatre place and a small award from the jazz society (that is our band, the UCL jazz society band) (a kinder egg!).

I am very close to tons of people in the band now, which is great (33 of us went!), and they are great people who are so much fun!

Now foodwise it was a total disaster. Our gigs were all far out so that we spent a lot of time on a bus going back and forth, they were at times that made lunch and/or dinner impossible and therefore we ate little real food. Our hostel served pizza but I couldn't eat that, so I lived off crisps (that is chips for non-brits) and sweets for most of the days. In 5 full days I had 3 semidecent meals, one was a chicken and chips lunch, one was (the next day's) salad dinner and one was (again the day after that one's) dinner consisting in green beans, a third of a sausage and some potato salad.
All other meals were either nothing or chocolate and crisps etc...
I was sure to have put on at least 2 to 4 pounds, but I came back to the pleasant surprise that I actually LOST 2 pounds!!! Amazing!

I will now resume my weight loss, by exercising again (after this cough clears up, until then, weather permitting, I will walk as much as possible) and eating like a normal human being!

The man has said that he would buy me a bikini I really like when I reach 132 pounds which is still 14 pounds from now (but also the summer is still months away!) and then he will give me a present for every 2 pounds weight loss from there. He doesn't say this in a pushy way, just his way of supporting my quest. Yey! I am really looking forward to wearing that bikini! And hopefully it will be a size 8 ;)!
Good, so that is what has been happening the past 5 days.
I will update tonight once my food has been planned out and I have doen my day's worth of work. I have to find my study material, file it and make a study plan, then maybe start revising. I have exactly 30 days to revise for my first exam... ah!!!! It will be fine, but I really need to do some work!
Camy
 
Food of the day:
Breakfast: melon and grapes and 1 cream chocolate thingie... I still have 1 left for tomorrow
Lunch: soup and a cream chocolate thingie
Snack: 2 pickles and a nut bar
Dinner: nothing... got upset with the man which led me to go to my place late at night which led to no food and nothing to eat. I am starving!

Cal count is too low: 250 for breakfast + 300 for lunch + 300 for snack... 850 cals... darn! And hunger... worst food day ever!
No exercise either, Camy
 
oh wow good to hear about germany thing, but roflcopter at the gig in the snow hehe.

So did you video any of it? youtube it ? :D
 
I will try to post a pic of it later! It was hilarious!!! My friend who has all the pics is still in ... switzerland I think skiing, so when she is back I will have all the best pics!

OK today started almost as badly... no wait MUCH MUCH worse than yesterday ended. I am confused about my relationship, I mean I love the man, if I didn't thinking of breaking up with him wouldn't be this hard, but we have almost no fun together.
I mean he has this cunning ability to make me miserable. I can have a lot of fun, and be happy and he almost always manages to spoil the evening with something. Like I am very hyper and bubbly when we go out, that is just my way of being, I talk to stones if they look like they would maybe listen, and that is probably why I have tons of friends. The man has few. Friends I mean. So we went out some time last year and he tells me afterwards, how annoying my bubblyness is and how fake. Cheers, that just made my day mate!
Well things like that keep happening. Also add the fact that we barely have any sex, hell we don't even kiss that much... I am not sure if there is no physical attraction, or if there would be one, but neither of us makes an effort.
so fast forward to yesterday: I came back from germany so happy and full of energy and wanting to have more fun in england. The tour really showed me how much fun I should/could have, but I am not having. So I bought tickets to a show that was so funny (Avenue Q! Hilarious) and I really wanted a fun evening out. We had fun but he ate gum really loudly during the show so I asked him nicely to stop chewing like that. He continued to do it and I asked less nicely.. ok well maybe I asked quite rudely, but I didn't insult or anything I just said: stop with the gum noise already!
Well he gotangry at me for this and then instead of staying and maybe buying some merchandising he left the theatre and had a little tantrum outside the theatre about how I undermine him and treat him like a 3 year old. I got so angry at him for (once again) spoiling my evening, that I left and went home (hence the no food thing yesterday for dinner) and he eventually followed me to my place (we were supposed to stay at his place) apologized but it just reminded me how little fun we have and how he always spoils it.

so we had a long talk this morning, but he is the kind of person who always adds an "i think" to everything. He will say "I love you, i think" (well he stopped that some time ago, but it still feels like he says it that way kwim), and so he does the same when we have a fight he says "I want you to be happy so I'll better break up with you... i think".
I got so mad, this stupid relationship is based on me doing everything at all times, if I do not make an effort, he won't make one ever. So if I don';t find a restaurant and book, or find a cinema, or anything, he won't even go out with me, however whenever something BIG is happening (like moving, or where to go on vacations) he passive agressively forces me to do whatever HE wants to do.
So last year (we lived together for a year) he decided he needed to experience the freedom of living with other guys... so what am I gonna do?? Force him to stay with me???? So now we live separated... great! Definitely a step forwards in our relationship (irony). And I am just very afraid that both of these things 1.) the spoiling all we do, make me unhappy even when i was happy thing and 2.) the I chose wherever we go, whatever we do when it is something important thing (like africa) will make for one hell of a terrible relationship in the future.
At the same time, I do love this idiot, and I just wish he was different ... and I know that exactly that thought is so wrong!! And I am terribly afraid of being alone. It took me quite some time to find 1 boyfriend, I wouldn't want to give a good one up, in the hope that a better one may strut along and then not having that ever happening. I don't wanna make a huge mistake... either by staying with him or by leaving...

Anyways, today we decided we will stay the way we are now until after exams and then reevaluate, when we really have to decide the africa thing. Oh dear... what a mess!!!
However I feel better having written it down, so I will now go and make a study plan for myself.
Thanx for readig if anyone did get all the way down here...

Food so far:
breakfast: nil
lunch: red curry with tofu and half a cup of rice, plus a small coke (250 ml)

Camy
 
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oh dilemas, ive had this happen somewhat. telling them stuff just doesnt work, just go out and have fun!
If you wasnt to go to a movie then go with friends who you will enjoy it, same goes for anything. eventually he will realize that you are drifting further and futher away and will have to make a choice about where he stands.
He can hardly complain that you are spending all your time with other people and groups if hes not willing to go out with you and enjoy life. And if hes pissy about being treated like a 3 year old then perhaps he should stop acting like one :)

This btw is the secret of my marrige! If i want to go out and can organize babysitting or whatevers needed then ill go out. If he wants to go with me then thats fine, but ill tell him hes not welcome if hes going to act like a baby (and come on, lets face facts here, guys never grow up!).
If we go out and he starts acting like a twit then ill just walk off and leave him to do it all by his lonesome, unfortunatly it just doesnt have the same effect without an audiance so it seems *sigh*

The key to any good relationship i think is being able to live without somebody and be prepared to do so, that way you appretiate the time you DO spend with each other, and you know the person is with you because they want to be rather than because its a habit or because you are 'together'.
 
And I am terribly afraid of being alone
Click to expand...
fear of being alone isn't a good enough reason to stay with someone who doesn't make your toes tingle and doesnt make you want to be the best person you can be - they call marriage settling down -but that doesn't mean you should ever settle for someone who's less than you deserve...
 
Thanx wishes, that was great advice! I will absolutely follow that! In fact I am going out now with my 2 girly friends.
I really need to be able to do more without him... and he does act like a frickin 3 year old a lot!!!! GUYS.... uhhh!

mal, I know... but it is still hard to make that decision! Do people's toes really tingle after years of being together?? I always wanted to know... is it like in the movies and I just have the wrong guy?? Or are they telling us crap, that ruin our lives forever??

Camy
 
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As much as i don't really get along with my parents - I'll never quite live up to their standards - they've been married 45 years - and are still in love.. my mom has gotten older, fatter, more decrepit (she's 75 years old and is in the hospital today for knee replacement surgery for arthritis) - when my dad looks at her - he still seems to see that young, curvy vibrant blonde he married... tingling toes? Don't lknow about that -these are my parents I don't want to know about tingling anything... but they are absolutely in love and even better - in like wiht one another -it always amazesme that they don't run out of stuff to talk about..

I honestly believe that if it's the right person - you know - there's no doubt...
 
Camy,

As much as i hate to give relationship advise:
I have been married for almost 9 years and dated my wife for a 4 years prior to that. I will honestly say that 99 days out of 100 I do not get the tingly toes feeling- I feel rather odd typing that phrase- after 13 years of being with that person. I do not, however, ever question marrying her and being with her. I know damn well I love her always. Life gets in the way sometimes and sure you get used to someone, but the love and respect is always there.
Movie love is BS and gives too many 20 something women false hope and a wrong idea.
Not telling you what to do- I have no idea- but love and respect always need to be there. If it is not you may have an issue.
 
yah, nobody wants a needy person, they all want somebody independant who can lean on them occasionally :)
 
Gee thanx everybody, I appreciate everybody's advice!
I am confused, but I think I am gonna give this some time... I have had this exact situation before (about every year we have been together once... so this is our 4th breakdown), but it usually gets better and sometimes it even gets great together and that is what is confusing, why do I adore him some days and hate him others? And then, do I really hate him? I sure think I don't, but he is the first person I really truly love and therefore feelings (all of them) are stronger.
For now I am gonna go for the independent thing wishes suggests, I think that way I will have more fun and he will have to try a bit harder if he wants to see me, which may get this boat sailing again. We will see!

Food of the day:
Breakfast: nil (bad I know, but was fighting and not feeling hungry)
Lunch: Tofu red curry with half a cup of rice, 250 ml coke
No snacks
Dinner: Miso-aubergine, salmon roll and grilled mackarel, with geen tea as a drink. It was lovely
Dessert: 1 scoop of mango sorbet (my cals were low anyhow, so I thought... why not?)

Exercise: nil! I have developed a bad chest and head cold and my nose is uber-blocked, my sinuses ache, and my chest wheezes... don't think sports will happen for now.

Motivation: I feel thinner. I look thinner. I feel better with my body and more secure with my body. I can't wait to buy me that "skinny" outfit I see in my dreams everyday... ahhhhhhhh.... soon soon soon!
Camy
 
i reckon there are different kinds of love

love as in instant attraction (rarely lasts)
love as in family - even when you get pissed off you love em
love as in habit - scared of being alone or not being able to find anyone better (maybe thats a deserving thing?)

There are probably more but i cant be assed thinkin of them now. Everyone wants to get married to "love as in attraction" however they usually break up or end up as 'love as in habit'.

Anyway , i guess nobody can figure out whats best for you except you. Good luck figuring it out :)
 
Thanx wishes... I again followed your advice and went out with a girlfriend tonight, the ballet once more, Romeo and Juliet. Sort of made me feel better about my own relationship... ;)!!

Food:
Breakfast (in bed... yeah afterfight bliss!!): fruit and a cream thingie (my last one.. bohoo! Better actually this way, now I am not tempted)
Lunch: asparagus, half a cup of rice, a bit of ham and cucumber
Snack: some salted cashew nuts
Dinner: lean steak (very thin), a lot of salad

So it was a good day foodwise.

Exercise:
I walked a lot, around 4 miles, pushing the 2 kids in front of me and then ran from picadilly circus to covent garden. Both got my heart rate way up high! And I have been coughing a lot, so that counts as ab-exercise! My abs actually ache more than after 1000 sit ups! so yey for pneumonia!

That is all about me today, Camy
 
sweet! good to hear you being more cheery. At least you arnt giving us the full lowdown on your sex life and asking for advice like some other unnamed person on the forum :)
 
Haha... yeah I save the details of my sex life for my non-virtual friends ;)!!

I have lost another pound! How exactly I have lost it between yesterday morning and this morning I do not know, but I am not going to complain!! I have cracked the 65 kg (I am now 65.7kg), which is a great milestone. I hope not to see the 66 anymore... but if I do... it is not the end of the world. I feel very confident that I can do it this time, my body seems to be so ready to do it this time!

Yesterday I noted some more changes: I still have the belly (there is that distinct line where the "pubic" flat area ends and the belly starts), but below the belly in the little flat area I now have the indent which marks the hip-bone!!! Amazing, what the fat was hiding!!!

I have a friend, we lived in halls (dorms) together 4 years ago and we are sort of similar, both the same height, blond, blue eyed, fair skin without problems on it, small noses,... well people would call us the twins and could not really tell us apart very well. I was at my lowest ever weight, at 58ish kg, and she was at her highest at about the same. January this year when I was at my highest, I had put on some 14 kg (upwards) and she had lost some 6 kg (downwards), so there was a 20 kg difference.
I had dinner with her on wednesday, and she now weighs 54-55 kg and looks perfect, so I think having chosen my goal to be around there was wise! I can't wait to be her twin again!!

I will update tonight with food and stuff... I really enjoy writing down my food... it also helps me control sudden urges, because I think: do you want to write that in your food diary?? NO!
Camy
 
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