Byebye Big Bum!

Just read your log and seen your progress! Wow! Good for you!

And your posts are great! Much fun reading them.

Congrats and keep up the great work!
 
Thanks Flumes!! Nice to see you here and apologies if my diary is a bit girly "oooh fat this, fat that, Mr X this, Mr X that!!" hahahaa.

hmm...still not had time to go to the gym - last run was on weds so I need to do one today but I'm planning to take the afternoon off so will come home and do it then I think.

Out with 3 of my close girl-friends tonight...mojitos are in order! 210 cals per serving though so I got to watch it! We only meet up once every 3-4 months though so at least its not every friday night!!
 
You know, hearing you talk about the person you want to be is something so familiar to I think most people here.
I can spend hours of any one day with my head in the clouds thinking about the person I am working towards becoming and she sounds an awful lot like you to be honest!
It’s all well and good for people to tell you how wonderful they think you are NOW and you are, but I also know it doesn’t really mean anything when you do not feel proud of yourself and the person you are inside. And when you also know in you’re heart that holding back and only being half the person you truly are because you have your weight holding you back.
If you’re anything like me you’ve felt that way for a while and you’re just tired of being the person stuck behind a wall.
But that’s why we’re here. To encourage each other to get over that wall and stay on track on that path to becoming that awesome person you want to be.
Keep going jjjay. You’re doing amazingly well!:seeya:
 
Mojito's! Yummy! I took the family on our first vacation to Cuba in March. Had my first mojito...an authentic one! It was unbelievable! I could have had a dozen and gotten sloshed, (but I dont drink till after the kids are asleep and it was only 10:00 am lolol Oh well...we were on Cuba time! lol)

Hope you had a great nite! And get to the gym! lol
 
Absolutely Bedsy - :D and YAY for our similar vision for the future! We'll get there. Its strange but I AM that person, I just don't let myself outwardly be so. Its like I feel that there is a mismatch between who I am and what I look like - 10 years ago, the two were close enough together that it didn't cause any issues, but now, with the weight, it stops me doing the things I'd naturally do - like rock climbing! or jumping around being bouncy - becuase when you are thin and cute, you can act physically "kooky" and a bit ungraceful but when you are fat, it is just ungainly...and wobbly!! hahah I'm probably not explaining myself very well. Let me try again. If you see a slim girl in jeans and a little vest top sprawled out over a couch in a bar chatting with her friends drinking out of a bottle of beer - you think, funky (this is me, in my mind) but if that same person is kind of fat...you think slob!!

Same with clothes - the things that are my style, that I like to wear, can look not very flattering when you "size up"!! So I have to compromise - with how I physically act, what clothes I buy and the thing that makes me really really SAD is that there is a HUGE difference between me on a day when I feel smokin' hot! and have that twinkle in my eye as I walk into a meeting room - I can charm anyone and the world is at my feet....and me when I've seen a photo of myself recently when I thought i looked good in something..and I didn't..or something reminds me that I'm not happy at the weight I am...then I'm introspective, a little uneasy and not inclined to be cheeky at all!

So its two fold - I want how I look to match up with what I'm telling people about myself - like I feel as if I tell someone that I used to do a fair bit of mountaineering and ice climbing, in the back of their mind they are going "hmm, yeah, but you're fat?!", plus I want to feel good generally - more of the "smokin' hot" days LOL. Being this runny person is the closest step to that that I've felt in a long time - i.e. I am doing the sort of thing that I want to be the sort of person that does that sort of thing.. hahha does that make any sense? Or is a grammatical version of an M C Escher picture? All this AND no mojitos yet!

I didn't get back in time for a run :( I stopped off and stocked up on healthy groceries - big fortnightly shop needed doing! And now school is out so all the kids are walking and sitting all over the park - I can't quite cope with THAT many in the audience! So I only just have time for a shower and to do all that girly stuff of taking ages getting ready before I have to drive over to my friends house. Right. Tomorrow it will have to be! Hangover or no hangover.

As for mojitos, Flumes, ooooh I could drink them all the time!! I try to restrict myself though!! If I get promoted next month, I have to buy a new refridgerator/freezer with my bonus and it will be an american-style one that does crushed ice - I will not be able to avoid making a cheeky mojito here and there if I have crushed ice on tap!!!! LOL
 
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okey dokey.

The night before and the morning after
Bad news = 1 mojito (very strong rather than 2 x normal heheh less cals!!) and 1/4 x 3 bottles of wine, 1/2 x treacle sponge pudding, 1 rasher of bacon, 1 egg, 2 small rolls, 1 sausage and 5 pieces of chocolate

Good news = 1 aubergine and tomato starter, 1 grilled sea bass with no sauce and veg

Could have been worse...could have been better but OMG I feel SO relaxed. Exactly what I needed after the nightmare of the last two weeks.

Stopped off at shops on my way back home and tried some summer dresses and tops on. I still don't feel that comfortable to show off my upper arms and shoulders but was fitting into UK 16 without a problem so I was chuffed to bits!! UK18 was too darn big...and I could actually get into a UK14 but it felt too tight. PROGRESS!
 
OK after a BBQ at mum and dad's last night (steak and salad so not toooo bad, stayed off of the wine) and the shame of eating a chocolate brownie! I woke up at 6am on Sunday (not by intention...just naturally!) and decided to go for a run before the sun got too hot. I did 4.4km in 40 mins which I was very pleased with - previously, I've only run 3.2-3.5km in 28 mins, so 12 mins longer than my longest time. I know I was slower but I also ran 1km futher so was chuffed. I can work on getting faster at a later stage LOL! I wish I'd been able to keep going until 5k but I was knackered and it was starting to get hot!!

They've just announced at work that we'll be having a black tie ball in July...so got to aim to lose another stone I think by then and do a serious dress shop just before the event! The next thing to aim for!!
 
I want to be this lithe toned woman who looks sharp in a well cut, well fitted
suit with a nice petite fitted shirt underneath (you know, good heavy cloth,
double cuffs and women's cuff links!!), pair of killer heels that don't hurt me to
walk around in all day!! Who is kind of quirky and fun because somedays she
comes in on her retro-styled big old motorbike wearing leathers and rock climbs
at the weekend...or goes off canoeing. Who ends up batting men away when
she goes out for drinks after work (in the nicest possible way, without
upsetting their feelings unless they are slimey!) and has an infectious laugh and
bubbly personality - I want to feel so good about myself that that twinkle in my
eye is always there. I want to be able to wear boyfriend-style jeans and an old
man's shirt and big boots but still look really feminine!
Click to expand...

J, this sounds like a good vision to aim at, and the fact that you are aware of
where you are right now SHOULDN'T upset you. Instead, focus on where you
want to be, and simultaneously focus on where you are now.

The best way to do this is imagine two big screen TVs in your imagination, on
the top screen you see yourself having the body that you are dreaming
about doing all the things that you wrote above, and on the bottom screen
visualize yourself as you are in the present moment.

Don't judge yourself as you are right now, only OBSERVE. If you do this on
a regular basis, there will be an energy that will show up that will help you
to go from where you are right now to where you want to be when you
become the woman that you dream about becoming and the woman that
you deserve to become.

But, remember that this is the external you. The "real" you, the internal you,
is already that person NOW. This means that you don't have to wait to
lose this weight to be WHO YOU ARE! -- you can allow yourself to be this
real you NOW, and it doesn't matter what anyone thinks about you, or what even
your "inner dialogue" says to you about you not being perfect externally.

Remember that our outer bodies are temporary, but our inner self is eternal!

This is not some concept, this is simple reality. If you focus on the present
moment, and don't let your mind rule your life (thinking about the past or the
future) you will KNOW that your "life" is the internal you, that person that is
behind those words that I put in quotes above.

Your "life situation" i.e you external body form, is something that can easily
be changed, but in order to accomplish this you have to live in the present
moment while simply keeping in mind on what you want to accomplish in the
future. In other words, the current reality is not "a step" toward your future
goal, it is "all there ever is, was, and ever will be."

And the better your relationship with your present moment, the better results
you will create in your life, and the faster you will bring into reality that sexy
body that is your 100% RIGHT !!!
 
okey dokey....
good and bad yesterday -
healthy brekkie (toasted bagel 220 cals)
healthy lunch (130 cals of plain grilled chicken, huge bowl of lettice tomato cucumber and mushroom)
small tub of melon pieces
120 cals of chocolate
1 skinny latte (135 cals)

then we went out for dinner and they didn't have the healthy thing I ordered so I ended up with a burger...it was a small gormet one - so proper meat and grilled rather than fried or anything (so 250 cals plus 200 cals for the bun, 100 cals for bacon slice and small amount of cheese) and came with a "gourmet" sized portion of fries - so around 10 homemade chips (400 cals?) oh, and a bottle of Sol beer and another latte after the concert. Its like if something disrupts my routine (like BBQs and going out this weekend), it becomes super difficult to make the right choices.

Not the best dinner, but I did walk 5km too so some exercise.
Off to the gym for me today!
If I'm good for the rest of the week, I might reward myself with a call to Mr X on Friday...

I wouldn't be suprised if I've put on weight this week as i've been bad bad bad overall and ToM - its like the third/last week of a month is never a good-un for me. Maybe that should be my challenge in June...to stay on the straight and narrow for THAT ONE WEEK!
 
Helllooooooooooo campers

Ok! Good day today!

First food:
brekkie - ham sandwich (240 cals)
snack - rest of chocolate bits from yesterday (120 cals)
lunch - 350g of salad - lettice, peppers, radish, tomato, cucumber - nothing else! (70 cals)
snack - dried pineapple (140 cals)
snack - 3 jacobs crackers (105 cals)
Dinner - low fat chicken and brocolli pie (320 cals)

Total - 995 cals

Plus (and this is a first) I went to the gym at lunchtime and ran 3km in 25 mins - took me just over an hour all in all to get there, change, run, shower and get back to work. I was also pleased that for the first 23 mins I ran at 7.2km per hour, then upped it to 8km/h for a minute, then up to 8.5km/h for the last minute!! This was tough going and I was dripping with sweat but I wasn't SO out of breathe that I thought I had to stop before I passed out - it was like...90% effort rather than 100%. I couldn't have kept going for much longer and I zonked out when I finished but still, it really showed me how far I've come. I would have run for longer but the treadmills there are set to a max 25 mins. Its a shame as the place is never so full that there are people waiting for them. I guess I could pull out my x-key and put it back in again and start the thing up again for more minutes if I REALLY wanted to.

I was having a pretty bad day at work re us having too much work and not enough juniors and going for a run really helped me just clear out the cobwebs and stop moaning and to get over it.

So probably less cals that I would eat on an everyday basis at 995 cals and also burned 250 cals in the gym - a few days like this might put me back on plan though after the last couple of days I've had of eating things...
 
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w00t.
jumped on the scales today (dreading it due to water retention and urge to eat everything in sight given ToM) and I'm only 195.6 - so I can handle +1lb for this time of the month....I'm expecting to be right back down at 194 or lower next week now!
 
jjjay said:
w00t.
jumped on the scales today (dreading it due to water retention and urge to eat everything in sight given ToM) and I'm only 195.6 - so I can handle +1lb for this time of the month....I'm expecting to be right back down at 194 or lower next week now!
Click to expand...

:) I know you'll make it! Go Jjjay goooo

*\ o /*
...[ ]
...|| <--- cheerleader for you
 
shawnnam said:
:) I know you'll make it! Go Jjjay goooo

*\ o /*
...[ ]
...|| <--- cheerleader for you
Click to expand...

W00000!
I love my cheerleader!!

Well today was okaYYYY

I had to get up at 1am and 4am for work calls so I knew it was gonna be a "rely on starbucks to stay awake" kind of day.

Brekkie - toasted wholemeal bagel with spread (YUM) (280 cals)
1/2 medium latte - cos I got called into a meeting and the rest went cold :( (70 cals)
100g of dried pineapple (140 cals)
Venison stew and salad (better than the pie and chips everyone else ordered!! It wasn't a huge serving and just meat mushroom and gravy no potato so I'm guessing 400 cals)
Snack - low fat/cal crisps (97 cals)
1 medium skinny latte (135 cals)
1 small plum (30 cals)
Low fat moussaka meal (230 cals)

Total: 1382

No time for gym today but I walked the 0.8 miles from the station to work and ran half of it , walked half of it on the way back.

Feeling good though - I put on a smart shirt today that has always bulged a little bit on the buttons due to m'bosoms and been a bit tight on the upper arms but now....loose!! Plus I wore a pair of trousers from a suit that I bought new at Christmas that were a bit tight and now they are far too loose on the waist - first time I've worn them as welll...typical!! I must do some more measurements and check because THE CLOTHES DO NOT LIE!!

I'm goign to have to give away this suit soon! I already have 3 that no longer fit me!! We should start a weight-loss forum clothes group for passing on work clothes as we all lose weight - feels kind of pointless going out and buying more because surely I'll be in the same position in a months time...and another months time...etc... Roll on the Next sale in july, that's when I think I'll stock up again!

What else? I've been feeling quite introspective this week actually and thinking that I should appreciate ME more. I was looking in the mirror today and apart from a few spots which I need to get under control by being better with my "beauty" regime (!!hahahah!! ToM blamed again!), I think I'm looking PRETTY GOOD...for my size! I can't wait to be another stone lighter...because I'll look even better! (Although by then I may well have oscilated from extreme confidence about how I look, to feeling dreadful about myself LOL). Positive thinking...that's whats needed. I've always been a great believer that if you walk into a bar feelign that you look awful, it shows on your face whereas if you believe that you are attractive in your own unique way...you shine - you look engaging and interesting and people want to talk to you.

What else? Hmm...I went and looked at some new guitars yesterday - this might have to be my treat for losing a bit more weight as my parents offered to put some cash towards one as my birthday present. I can't decide whether to get an electric and start playing that kind of style again, or to replace my old bashed up acoustic guitar (which has recently been dropped and cracked but, possible as an indicator of its already decrepid state, this doesn't seem to have affected the tone much LOL). So, I also want to get back to being the cool girl that can REALLY play the guitar round the campfire hehehe. I used to get SO many chatups out of that from guys - I'd sit down, play a Red Hot Chilli Peppers tune like Under the Bridge, or maybe Romeo and Juliet by Dire Straits and that cute guy...would be mesmerised heheheh. OMG I'm just beginning to remember HOW much fun I had when I was thinner, confident and happy about myself!
 
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jjjay said:
Positive thinking...that's whats needed. I've always been a great believer that if you walk into a bar feelign that you look awful, it shows on your face whereas if you believe that you are attractive in your own unique way...you shine - you look engaging and interesting and people want to talk to you.
Click to expand...

I love this quote! So true!! I even have that same concept in a book I have. Always trying to see what I can do to look and feel better. Always have an interested look on your face is what my book said and walk with purpose. LOL

Good job with your little run to work today! It all helps.
 
Thanks MissJB! I think you can get a lot out of life by just looking like you'd be fun and nice to talk to.

heh. Sorry for my "ooh aren't I great post" up there. I just have enough days where I'm down on myself that I thought I should also post the "hey, I'm frickin' brilliant!" rare moments too!!
 
jjjay said:
Thanks MissJB! I think you can get a lot out of life by just looking like you'd be fun and nice to talk to.

heh. Sorry for my "ooh aren't I great post" up there. I just have enough days where I'm down on myself that I thought I should also post the "hey, I'm frickin' brilliant!" rare moments too!!
Click to expand...

No need to be sorry! I get the downs too at times, believe me!

I am working on 'loving me' as they say, chunky butt and all.

Hoping to look lively tomorrow for my date. I think I will get there 30 min early and drink up, that always gives me liquid courage. haha

Hope you have a great weekend!!
 
Hope it goes really well MissJB!!! If you can't love yourself (at least some of the time) how is anyone else going to?!? Chunky butt and all!! I think back to some of the guys that I've fancied and what flaws they've had and to be honest, the things they probably hated about themselves, might have even seemed slightly lovable features to me...attraction is a funny old thing!

I LOVE bank holiday weekends!! No work on Monday! Plus, its dress down day today at the office (last friday of everymonth) and going to work in jeans is fantastic.

I did ok yesterday...
2 crumpets for breakfast - 210 cals
1/2 kitkat - 115 cals
Dried pineapple - 300 cals
Salad salad and more salad for lunch with a 100g of chicken - 180 cals
1 small bottle of becks - 99 cals
Pizza (thin crust, veg - work "nibbles" buffet) - 2 x 170 cals = 340 cals
Chicken and pasta dinner - 480 cals

total - 1724 - could have been better...

On the good news side of things, I'm down to 195lbs so should drop back to 194 or lower once ToM disappears. I'm seeing a friend on Monday afternoon that I havent' seen since Christmas so I'm looking forward to her seeing the change, plus I'm having dinner on Monday with an "old friend" who I haven't seen since march and I think he'll notice (even if he wont' say anything...I'll be able to tell by the looks LOL)...gonna wear something classy but sexy I think!

What else? I think I'm going to call Mr X today...as I'm in dress down mode, I'm feeling cheeky!!
 
Ok OK oKkk!!

good day!! All round really!!

First news...I'm back down to 193.4. PHEW and HOORAY!! First time I've been below 194 for years.....Should see some more weight drop off in the next couple of days - I'm just glad to get to the end of ToM and not keep any of that horrible weight on!

I need to go and buy some new bras...getting a bit loose in the cup department (although at a 36FF, I'm quite happy to lose a few letters and inches!).

I had the best day ever yesterday! Heard some news about my promotion looking pretty darn good (although I don't hear officially for another couple of months), it was dress down day ("Cheeky Friday" as I call it!), went to the pub after work and had a really nice evening (1 beer...3 lime and sodas) then off to Nandos - mmmmm flame grilled chicken, pitta and salad, no mayo with pineapple, diet coke and a little bit of grilled halloumi on the side as a treat. PERFECT! Also walked 12,000 steps during the day and considering my step is at least 0.5m = 6,000m = 6km.

Also..called Mr X who was decidedly pleased to hear from me, told me all about the great week he'd been having, called me by the shortened version of my name for the first time and told me off in rather a flirty manner for being cheeky! It was certainly the most comfortable call I've had with him, talked for more than half an hour - no real sense that we had to talk business, but I did wimp out of mentioning arranging to meet for a coffee...will leave that for next time! We did however exchange a few texts afterwards.

The other big news is that I've decided to run the London Marathon next year if I can get a place as a charity runner. You have to commit to raising £2000 but I think my company will match fundraising up to a certain level. I have a friend that I've known online for a lot of years who lives in Spain who is doing it and we've never actually met but both really like the idea of training in our separate countries and then meeting for the first time in London to run the marathon together!! He says that no matter if I'm slower than him, we'd do it TOGETHER. I just really like the concept!
 
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