Butterfly’s Journey to Health

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Thank you very much LaMa! Jedi hugs, is that a Stars Wars thing? I think it's been more than two days though, I find comfort in food often. Going to try to exercise again today.
 
Trying to suppress your emotions doesn't help in the long term. I'm glad you are not far off getting therapy. I hope it helps you hon xo
 
:) Jedi hugs are the kind where you don't physically touch the huggee but send it over using the Force - because they're not around, because they don't like to touch people all that much or because you don't know whether or not they'd be ok with a normal hug. Invented by a small boy with a great love of Star Wars who didn't like being touched by random people. I love the idea :)
 
Thank you Cate, you're right. Oh Jedi hugs are awesome LaMa, I'm going to start using that term. I never exercised yesterday but hope to today.
 
Well done, Butterfly. And I love the idea of Jedi hugs as well, possibly because I used to loathe the whole kiss/hug people thing. Still not the biggest fan tbh, but I changed my mind where folks I like are concerned.
 
Hey Butterfly,

I love that you're so open about your struggles - you make so many of us feel like we aren't alone and that we can say how we feel. Your journal is one of the first I browsed on here and I remember thinking "man, this must be such a safe space because she's so open and genuine - what a doll!"

I was (and still do) run into that same afternoon breakdown where I did so good then BAM, give me food NOW!! It feels like I mess up once and the entire day is ruined so why bother?! I started meal prepping and it does help some. It kind of shook me out of that 'gimme the cookie' mindset and let me see "this is what I'm eating today and that's okay".

The other thing I do now is say "I can have this but..." Sure, I can have 4 tbsp of peanut butter (which is delicious!) but I need to work it off first. It makes going for a smaller, healthier alternative much easier.

The final thing I do is get out. I leave the debit and credit card at home, pack up the kids, and we go for a walk. It's cold, it's icy but I'm not eating and after we get home, it's time to make supper or I have something else to do or that craving has passed.

It's nothing spectacular but you CAN get through this. You've got through so much already - this is just something that is taking baby steps - and you're learning more and more along the journey. Your health isn't just weight or body - it's also mental health. You're getting healthier.

Take care darling!!
 
Thank you LaMa and Samantha! I try to be open. You're right, I'll get there.

Yesterday was a good (but not super good) day. Had about 2020 calories. Did better on the fat and sodium. Had more sugar than I normally do, not an excess for the average person, but possibly too much with my insulin resistance. I'll just have to keep an eye on that. But only had about half my daily recommended amount of protein. I love animals so I don't like eating much meat but I've got some Animal Welfare Approved beef in the freezer and I'll get more. I did exercise yesterday, burned about 99 calories (just short of 1o0) according to the Wii fitness game I was playing. Weigh-in was 299.4, about the same as last time.
 
Thank you LaMa!

Had a few good days food wise but more bad days. I was going to get weighed today but didn't want to face the scale. But time to stop living in denial, I'll get weighed tomorrow morning. Honestly I'm expecting a slight gain, I'll be happy if my weight just stayed the same. Going to try posting here more often, maybe that will make me feel more accountable.
 
Please do, I was starting to wonder abput your well-being :) Whatever the scale says tomorrow: it's just a number. Do the things your body and brain need to function well and feel good and don't let that number define your mood.
 
Just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone for being so supportive. I feel like a mis-fit here sometimes because I'm on page 29 of my diary and all the weight I lost since I started has been gained back. But I'm not giving up.
 
Never feel like a misfit Butterfly. You are here & you have not given up. You also provide support & I think we are all grateful for one another's support xo
 
I sincerely hope nobody's keeping count of how many times I've lost and regained the same 20 pounds :D This is a lifetime thing and while I believe I will get better at it it will probably never be all easy.
 
Okay, so I've partially fallen off the wagon once again. Not completely because I've been so stressed that I have been grinding my teeth and they hurt too much to eat chips. There's just been a lot going on. College is stressing me out, my meds need to be tweaked, therapist has no time to see me, my father is unemployed again, and my grandfather is moving to assisted living but doesn't know yet (he probably won't be happy). Life is just crazy right now. I go to my psychiatrist tomorrow, I'd previously e-mailed her so we have a plan what to do with the meds but she's likely upping the one that makes me hungry. Boo! She never weighs me but I'll weigh myself tomorrow just to see where I'm at. I've been eating a lot of brown rice and beans lately because they don't hurt my teeth, so I guess that's good.
 
Brown rice and beans are awesome - and very filling - but more hungry-meds sound like they will only make one specific part of your life easier. Hope all falls into place soon!
 
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