First journal post. Very excited to start trying to loose some weight. I've tried many times before and failed due to lack of motivation and getting frustated. I hope I can find a few friends on here that can help me through this, and I can help in return too!
Like I posted in my 'newbie' thread in the other forum. I am 5ft3, 22 years old and most of my life I was 'normal' size. I've never been stick thin but about 5 years I become really sick and needed brain surgeries. From the pain I was in and the recovery time, I found myself pretty much in bed for most of the time. This is the main way I gained weight. I used to be about 150 lbs and now 5 years later I am pushing 230 lbs. which disgust me. I can't even look in the mirror or be naked in front of my husband. I am ashamed of my body and so angry at myself for 'letting' my body get this way. I am only 22 and I have horrible HUGE stretch marks that cover my torso and cellulite on my thighs and stomach..I am now noticing it start to build on my upper arms as well. I have always had big breast but now they sag really bad and just look like huge lumps of fat hanging from my chest. I am going to work on seeing a psychologist about my self esteem issues because I know I need some help in that area as well as physical weight loss. I know this is going to be a long and hard journey but I don't think I can live in this body anymore. Somedays I am so down on myself, I can't even get out of bed. I just hate what happened to my body and it feels hopeless.
I need to do this though. I am a nursing student and I know that as a nurse, I will need to be able to be on my feet alot of the time and be somewhat in shape to meet the demands of the job. That is one of my motivations, is to be able to buy medium size scrubs when I actually get into the nursing program (won't be for another year or 2..I have to finish my gen. ed classes first). I don't want to have to buy XXL scrubs and look like a huge blueberry in them.
I also would like to become a mother in the next few years. I have high blood pressure due to my weight and I know that being pregnant when I am this big wouldn't be a good idea. I want to be able to be in shape going into my pregnancy so I can have an easier preg/delivery. I want to be a mother so bad, you don't understand it. My husband and I don't even want to start trying to conceive until I am at least 175 lbs.
So my goal is to get from 230lbs to 150lbs. I'm not sure about a timeline because I don't want to set a date on which I would like to be 150 lbs and then psych myself out thinking I can never do it. I'm more of a 'here and now' person and just want to take it a day at a time. Maybe after a month or two into my weight loss I can get your guy's help on what a good goal date would be after seeing how my progress goes.
The only 'set back' I have is, I don't have extra money to buy gym memberships or diet plans and such. I will be doing this all from home. I do have a few work out DVDs that I can use, and I have the AB Circle Pro (I LOVE IT!) and my apartment complex has a treadmill I can use too. I also have 2 dogs who LOVE to go on walks so for now, until I can get a bit more money, this is the only way I can exercise.
Here are some pictures of what I used to look like when I was 'skinny'. I have these and a few others hanging on my fridge for inspiration:
*don't mind my ill expression..this was when I was in alot of pain/before brain surgery*
I will have to get some new pictures of me and post them. I'll do that tomorrow. For now I'm going to bed. Day 1 starts tomorrow!!!!
Like I posted in my 'newbie' thread in the other forum. I am 5ft3, 22 years old and most of my life I was 'normal' size. I've never been stick thin but about 5 years I become really sick and needed brain surgeries. From the pain I was in and the recovery time, I found myself pretty much in bed for most of the time. This is the main way I gained weight. I used to be about 150 lbs and now 5 years later I am pushing 230 lbs. which disgust me. I can't even look in the mirror or be naked in front of my husband. I am ashamed of my body and so angry at myself for 'letting' my body get this way. I am only 22 and I have horrible HUGE stretch marks that cover my torso and cellulite on my thighs and stomach..I am now noticing it start to build on my upper arms as well. I have always had big breast but now they sag really bad and just look like huge lumps of fat hanging from my chest. I am going to work on seeing a psychologist about my self esteem issues because I know I need some help in that area as well as physical weight loss. I know this is going to be a long and hard journey but I don't think I can live in this body anymore. Somedays I am so down on myself, I can't even get out of bed. I just hate what happened to my body and it feels hopeless.
I need to do this though. I am a nursing student and I know that as a nurse, I will need to be able to be on my feet alot of the time and be somewhat in shape to meet the demands of the job. That is one of my motivations, is to be able to buy medium size scrubs when I actually get into the nursing program (won't be for another year or 2..I have to finish my gen. ed classes first). I don't want to have to buy XXL scrubs and look like a huge blueberry in them.
I also would like to become a mother in the next few years. I have high blood pressure due to my weight and I know that being pregnant when I am this big wouldn't be a good idea. I want to be able to be in shape going into my pregnancy so I can have an easier preg/delivery. I want to be a mother so bad, you don't understand it. My husband and I don't even want to start trying to conceive until I am at least 175 lbs.
So my goal is to get from 230lbs to 150lbs. I'm not sure about a timeline because I don't want to set a date on which I would like to be 150 lbs and then psych myself out thinking I can never do it. I'm more of a 'here and now' person and just want to take it a day at a time. Maybe after a month or two into my weight loss I can get your guy's help on what a good goal date would be after seeing how my progress goes.
The only 'set back' I have is, I don't have extra money to buy gym memberships or diet plans and such. I will be doing this all from home. I do have a few work out DVDs that I can use, and I have the AB Circle Pro (I LOVE IT!) and my apartment complex has a treadmill I can use too. I also have 2 dogs who LOVE to go on walks so for now, until I can get a bit more money, this is the only way I can exercise.
Here are some pictures of what I used to look like when I was 'skinny'. I have these and a few others hanging on my fridge for inspiration:
*don't mind my ill expression..this was when I was in alot of pain/before brain surgery*
I will have to get some new pictures of me and post them. I'll do that tomorrow. For now I'm going to bed. Day 1 starts tomorrow!!!!

