Brandy's Success Diary

Day is finished (pretty much) I spent 90 minutes playing DDR. I am soooo smelly from all the sweat. I've found that my motivation has gotten a lot deeper today. I am ready to get the body I know is hiding underneath all this fat. I don't know when, but I know it will be here eventually. I am proud of myself for getting in so much exercise, and now I must clean, take a shower, and wait for Dan to get home so we can go to bed!
 
207.2 this morning. I know it wounded been even lower if my food was healthier. I'm still happy to see the .6 loss today! I knew all that DDR would pay off! I definitely think not getting my hair cut will be a good motivation for me. Even if that sounds petty. I'm happy to see the numbers crawling closer to my goal. Soon enough I will be able to shoe off a little of my body. Lol.
 
I've been really busy the past 2 days. The good thing is that I'm getting quite a few hours back at work. I went from 5 hours every other week to 18 hours a week. I have to find another way to earn money because I have to take off 2 entire weeks from work between July 19 and August 8th. I have tuition to worry about, as well as credit card bills, car insurance bill, and gas money. Things are SO expensive. I'm just trying my best to get by. Yesterday I ate fast food late at night, but that was really the only bad thing that I've done. Today's food: special k cereal for breakfast, 1.5 cups of cheddar and broccoli soup for lunch with a piece of a baguette roll for lunch. I've had 3 out of the usual 4 water bottles already. My dinner will probably be rather small because I had my lunch at 3. It is POURING out, so my exercise will probably be DDR for as long as I can find time for. I'm hoping to be in onederland before I go on vacation July 20th.
 
I am excited to update my ticker this Friday. This morning I weighed in at 206.2! Thats 3.2 lbs less then Friday's weight. I actually might be able to make it under 200 by my vacation! I am excited. And i will make sure to lose weight on vacation. i will have so many things to do; and all of them active! I'm hoping that I might see a 205. something on the scale for Friday. That would be awesome! I am very motivated to get down to my goal weight. Just the thought that I am doing so well dieting right now, and I haven't been my ultimate goal weight of 135 since 8th grade! But i will be again soon! I know I will be! Obviously not by the time school starts again; but I am hoping that by the time I graduate next summer that I will be fairly close to it. I don't know what I want my goal to be for when I leave for vacation, simply because I don't know what is reasonable. I am just going to lose as much as i can before hand, and go from there. I have another week long vacation soon after that. It goes: 1 week vacation in Maine, 1 week home, 1 week vacation in New Hampshire. But I am excited because i think i can lose a lot of weight during my vacations because there will be so many outdoor activities.

Today is going to go well. And I am determined to see a 205 on the scale for Friday!
 
Today has gone well so far.
Lunch: Turkey Sandwich with 1/2 slice of really thin American Cheese on whole grain bread. (250) and 10 green grapes (30 calories)
Snack: kiddie vanilla soft serve ice cream cone from McD's. (50 calories)
Dinner: 1/4 cup alfredo pasta. (150 calories TOPS.. I think it might have been less then that) 1/2 cup of salad with Italian dressing. (50 calories)

Total for today so far: 530 (if I did my math right) Ummm.... I definitely need to eat again tonight. I think I will later... I just haven't been hungry. I've been eating just so I can get my calories up...but I'm just not hungry for it. In an hour or so I'll make myself a bowl of that alfredo stuff with a few grapes, and give myself 500 ish more calories. Then maybe if I don't feel full I can have some Turkey roll ups or something. 45 minutes of DDR to come tonight.
 
I ate more. 1 slice of whole wheat bread. Alfredo probably 300 calories. That's 400 more calories to add. 930 calories as of now. For later tonight I have 3 large strawberries (18) and 20 green grapes. (60) making my total 1008 calories for the day. I don't think I will be able to eat more then that.
 
thanks korrie! I can't help but to weigh myself every day. This mornings weight was 205.0!!!! I'm hoping that with all my business today that I could see a 204 on the scale. By next Friday's weigh in, I'll be in onederland for sure. And for real this time! My scale is actually only giving me 1 number. Lol. I'm going to have some fruit for breakfast, then a turkey sandwich on whole wheat bread for lunch around 11. I have work from 12 to 6, and I might bring some grapes in case I get hungry so I won't munch on whatever I'm baking. Dinner is up in the air. But 30 minutes of DDR is a definite tonight.
 
today is the first day I change my ticker! Unfortunately, I had a big dinner last night that is still in my system. I want to put yesterdays weight there, but out of all fairness I will put this mornings weight. 206.0. That's 3.4 lbs down from last Friday.
 
Today was a good day. I think. Right now I am fighting a temptation of eating McDonald's before bed. My boyfriend has a TERRIBLE habit of wanting McDonalds between 10pm &11:30pm. I am a sucker for a cheeseburger, but I really want to stop this habit. It disgusts me how bad they are for me...but they taste good to me. But I know that afterwards I always feel so bad about myself for doing it. I wish I could break his habit..but I'm thinking that its not possible right now. If I just STOP eating it when he wants it...eventually he will stop too. I had 5 licks of the icecream cone, but all together the cone is only 45 calories. So... I probably only had 8 calories. Which means my calories are at MAX 708 for the day. :/ I would eat more...but I don't want to eat when I'm not hungry. Breakfast was 20 grapes, 1/2 turkey sandwich with 1/2 slice of really thin cheese, on 1 slice of whole wheat bread. Lunch was 2 tacos from taco bell (was ok, since I was ordered 3...I gave one to my brother), and Dinner was 7 or 8 bites of stirfry that had steak and veggies in it. I mean... I have the room to eat a burger AND the nuggets he ordered me...but its not worth how badly I'll feel afterwards. I am SERIOUSLY struggling over it. Tomorrow morning I have work, so I will drink PLENTY of water. I'm eating healthier and healthier...but I don't know how much I'm actually eating anymore. I really don't care to eat when I'm not hungry anymore. It just isn't making me feel satisfied if I'm not hungry. I still need to work on exercising more though. I don't want to stop once I start...but I don't really have too much motivation to start. Sometimes I find it in me to just PUSH. lol. DDR is my main exercise for now. Which is FINE because...well, its a lot of exercise. But its the only thing I can do that I'm not thinking in my head "come on...you can get through this. Its no big deal"... where as EVERYTHING else I do.... I'm saying that. Its not a bad thing to say...but I could easily do 2 hours of DDR in 1 night because its addicting to me. I usually stop between 45 and 90 minutes because my knee or my sciatic nerve will act up. I'm doing what I can. 3 weeks from Saturday is when I go on vacation, and I want to be under 200; I'm sure I'll be able to do that. When I go on vacation I will be going on a walk every day... swim almost every day... and get lots of other activities in. And I will be eating as many healthy foods as possible.

This is really just a way to keep my mind off of eating ICKY foods that I know I shouldn't be. But maybe I can replace it with something I do like to eat...because I am rather hungry. Well, it worked. Thank God for the WLF again! lol.
 
Today's been a bad day. Not food wise. Actually, I've only had a turkey sandwich. I'm really not in a good mood. I've felt on the verge of tears all damn day. It would take too long to explain. But I feel worthless. Like no one cares. I sound like a pathetic 13 year old girl who wants attention. I just feel like not even my family really cares about me. My mom did take me out yesterday to get a pedicure. She was good to me. I know she loves and cares about me. But I think that my father and his side of the family (along with my 16 year old brother, entire side of mom's family, and 1/2 the time..my mom) don't want me to be in their lives. And I've tried to deny it for so long; but I can't. I think its true. OK. I'm balling now. Well, I need to go do something. I'm finding it hard to have the motivation to feed myself these days. Which is the OPPOSITE of what my problem used to be.
 
wow, i'm really sorry your having a hard time brandy :( my heart goes out to you! The only thing I can tell you is that it WILL pass...just have faith in that. This hard time will not last forever. I'm here for you if you want to chat, you can PM me anytime!

As far as your dieting goes, just remember that overeating/eating junk food Does NOT solve the problem. believe me, I understand why eating makes us feel better...but its just not worth it! I dont' know if your the praying type, but God will help you with all of your problems no matter how big or small. You can always pray for strength during your hard time.

Don't belittle yourself either by saying you sound 13...no matter how old you are, your family and your need to be loved by them will ALWAYS be very important to you!! I am having trouble w/ my little bro right now, and it tears my heart out!! I cried for 3 hrs the other night! No kidding...and i'm 30!

Anyways, I'm here for you hun ((hugs))
 
Thanks Korrie. I appreciate it.

This morning's weight was 204.6! I don't know what happened to me. But I still don't really like to eat anymore. I eat when I'm hungry...but when I'm not REALLY hungry for food, I just do something else. And I haven't had NEARLY enough calories the past 2 days. But I'm just not hungry. And when I eat anyways...I eat very low calorie things. Like Fruit. Today's calories were 600. Yeah..I just don't want to eat anymore. Its weird. But I know I have to change that somehow. But I can't look at food...and not just try to make it lower in calories for me. I've been eating 1 real meal each day, and everything else is snacks like fruit or veggies. Today's food: Cheddar and Broccoli soup at Panera Bread (230 cals) and 1/2 turkey sandwich at Panera Bread (310 calories), 4 strawberries with chocolate, and 1 slice of watermelon. And for some reason...I'm ok with that. Its very strange. My mood is a little bit better today. But I still feel like theres something wrong. Something out of my control...and its taking a toll on me physically and emotionally. I haven't been happy with myself lately either. I feel so overweight. I am overweight...but I just can't wait to look at myself and see myself for who I am, not who I am covered in layers of fat. It will come soon enough. I might even be below 200 by the end of the week. Who knows? *shrug* But I just want a body that I am comfortable in. A body that I am happy with. One that I can show off nice clothes in. One that I am proud to wear a bathing suit in. One that makes me NOT so nervous to see old friends because I've gained weight. Thats what I want. And I am positive that this time is THE time i get to my goal. For the past month or more...nothing can stop me. I've had some "woopsies", but nothing to put me or my weight loss to a halt. I am just struggling with the waiting process.
 
I've been doing pretty well staying on my diet. I was at 205.2 this morning. I'm not at all bothered by it. I had 1 slice of pizza late last night because my calories were WAY too low. They were still too low, but at least I ate a little more.

Breakfast this morning: 2 1/2 slices of watermelon.

I'm planning on an hour worth of exercise today. Between a walk, strength training, and possibly some DDR and/or Pilates.

My food will of course be healthy.

I've been trying to find exercise plans for when I get to 191. (overweight not obese) and I have a GREAT book with exercise schedules in it. I will also start running again, (couch to 5K plan). Why put it off??? Because my body can't handle that much exercise right now. Well, maybe it could...but if I over-do the exercise today...I will be sore, and not want to do it again. I am going to work myself up to this plan. For now my exercise consists of walk, DDR, and sometimes some strength training. I used to do pilates and yoga ALL the time...but haven't been lately. I want to start again. I always felt great afterwards.

19 days until vacation. And I'm still hoping to get until 200 by them. We'll see how it goes!
 
Hey Brandy! Sorry to hear about your crappy day the other day. Family crap is always difficult. I've been struggling with my family's reaction (or lack thereof) to my engagement and upcoming wedding and that has resulted in tears multiple times - and I'm almost 27! So don't worry, family crap affects us all at all walks of life. Just stay focused on the positive - you are an intelligent, hard working, beautiful young lady with a wonderful loving boyfriend. As my therapist has often reminded me, no one's family is perfect. They all have their own shortcomings. But the big thing to take home is what do you feel you should have to meet your needs. Sounds like psycho-babble, but it has helped me through a lot of unresolved family issues. There are a multitude of ways to find those needs - be it talking to your family and explaining your disappointment to seeking solace in your friends and boyfriend.

Also, chica - eat something!!!! Even if you aren't hungry, measure out portions for yourself to eat throughout the day. It sounds like you're planning your meals which is an awesome thing. Plan more into the day!! :) Otherwise your body is going to start betraying you because it thinks it's starving, and your cravings for fast food are going to skyrocket. As someone who used to chronically eat under 1000 calories I can attest to that fact. You might not feel hungry, but your body needs at least 1300 calories. Especially if you're exercising!

Ok. . . .*end rant* I'm done. :) Just wishing you the best, sorry if I got preachy! I hope your day went well today :)
 
Heather- I like the preachy! Thanks for your advice. I really want all the advice I can get. I'm gaining weight again- even if I barely eat. I haven't been eating bad foods either. It has just been too hot to eat. I dont know.
 
Ok. I've done well with my food, and yet I am still gaining. WTH? I just dusted off my "How to get a Hollywood Body" book, and I will start exercising with that routine. I need a routine BADLY. I am lacking MAJORLY in my exercise. I know if I just exercise that I will start losing again. Ummmm, I think. My mom gained a lot of weight when she couldn't eat gluten anymore. Her body was storing it as fat instead of using it as nutrients. But I am definitely going to try the exercises in the book. It incorporates Strength, flexibility, and cardio. Thats my plan for now. I'm just trying to be patient, because I hate gaining weight. But also, I know my TOM is approaching. NO cravings though. WEIRD. Well, Wish me luck tomorrow.
 
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