Brandy's Success Diary

bikinibound said:
I think a 2-week break is a wise decision on your part. :)
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Dan is making me take that break. He says he might be able to find something for me to do outside...because I hate having a day this beautiful out... and not being able to run/walk in it!! Its killing me. But I can barely walk. Barely!!! It hurts so bad. I looked up online about shin splints, and I think I had those to begin with...but I think they got really bad. MUCH worse then they should be. It hurts/THROBS to have my legs at a downward angle. But I almost want to push through it. I want to still run..until I can't walk home if I tried. Thats not healthy, and Dan really isn't allowing it. lol. I tried going on a walk, and he chased me saying "STOP...you will hurt yourself more." Then he picks me up and brings me inside. lol. I am thinking Pilates and strenth training with my arms.... Pilates is a great work out and really only uses the core...you are on your back most of the time anyways.
 
Today is going pretty well. Between Breakfast and Lunch I have 425 calories, and 19 g of fat.

Breakfast: 1 cup of watermelon, and 30 calories worth of coffee. 80 cals
Lunch: 1 BK cheeseburger plain. 330 cals
Snack: 3 freeze pops. 15 cals

I know the burger wasn't the best. But i had a final this morning, and Dan and I stopped to get coffee so we'd be super awake. Then after the final dan and I were hungry, but had to study for the math test we had in the afternoon. And Dan wanted a Whopper meal at BK, so we stopped there...and I didn't want anything HUGE, so I just got a cheeseburger off the dollar menu.

Not sure about dinner yet.

Shins are still killing me...(like I said above), so I will have to find alternate exercise today. I will not be defeated!!!!!
 
Yesterday wasn't the best food wise. And I didn't get in any exercise because my shin hurt worse and worse.

I'm going to eat lunch in a bit, and I'm cooking myself some ramen. I don't have much else in the house. I think I am well enough to walk today, so I think Dan and I should go on a walk, and I will take out the weights and do some arm workouts.

It looks like I will be getting that job in a bakery in a few weeks! (I think) We still have to work out some details, because its really far of a drive for me. But it might be worth it. I should write down some questions I have for her, she should be calling me by the end of next week.
 
I have had a bad last few days. NOT horrible, but not my favorite. Not the HEALTHIEST foods all round. I've given into a lot of night time munchies. I need to stop that again. I haven't been exercising because of my shin. But I'm still losing a tiny bit of weight. I was 211.4 this morning. 2 pounds from my lowest. And 211.4 was after a bad day. I remember when I had bad days and the next morning would be up at 217 or 218! I don't see myself reaching my anniversary goal...seeing as I can't exercise much (cardio wise). But I might be able to reach 205-200 ish. I'm getting there. I still haven't given up. I know I'm doing it. I'm making a list EVERY night with what foods I am going to eat the next day...that way there is no reason to get side tracked much. If I cut my calories too low, I tend to stay the same or gain weight. But when I have between 1600 and 1700 I lose. Weird?? I don't know.

I have aced my first two finals I have taken. I have 2 more. One Tomorrow morning at 8 am; and one May 14th. The one tomorrow I think will be a hard one. I was going to study for it ALL day...but I went into my bakery and asked for hours...so hours is what I got. I'm working 12 to 4 today. A 4 hour shift isn't too bad. It will go by quick, and at least I'll have a small paycheck. I need money. I love working, earning my own money, blah blah blah...but I also wanted to study all day, and 12 to 4 is RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE of my day. I over slept like usual. It figures that on the day I had to work... I have to study, and I wanted to sleep. JEEZ.

I made my room sooo clean, and now I really have to clean it again because I just made it a mess. lol. Between Dan and I, we can't keep anything clean permanently.

Before I go to work:

Lunch, Cleaning my hamsters cage, getting dressed/ready of course...thats it I suppose. I have like 1 h our and 40 minutes left.

After work: Dinner, Trash, dishes, vacuum, STUDY, 30 minutes of strength training exercises.

At least when I go to work I'm not worried about missing out on the weather...because its raining and gross right now!!

Well, I'm going to get my butt moving!!!
 
I'm very upset. I am going in the wrong direction. Since I hurt myself I haven't exercised at all. I don't have an excuse. I've just been lazy. And not exercising- is making me fall into my old habits. No one cares if I lose weight, I feel like everyone is sabotaging me, and I'm trying to find the strength to fight them back. But I have been unsuccessful. I am in tears. I am embarrassed to write that...but this diary is for me to tell my feelings. And I am very upset. I'm disappointed. Its my fault, and I can't blame it on anything or anyone except for myself...even if I'd like to. I'm sick of feeling bad about myself. Its almost like I have subconsciously been eating as much as I can until I am ready to puke. I want nothing more then to be 130 pounds. Thats about 80 pounds from now. I want it...but its like my body is fighting my mind. I'm really trying to defeat this inner-battle. Its hard. School is out for the summer now. (well, one more final on wednesday), and I want NOTHING MORE then to come back to school in September, and to all those people in school who know me as "fat" to be thinking of me as "sexy" I want to be like 160 when I go back. I don't even know if thats possible. But thats what I want. I feel so sick because I just ate a large Cheeseburger sub. I knew I was sick half way through, but Dan ordered me a large, when I asked to split a small...and I ate it. I eat it because its in front of me. And I try to keep it away from me...but I CAN'T!!! I'm getting so frustrated. I'm not giving up. I won't ever give up. EVER. I will reach my goal. I will! I will be thin when I go back to school. I just need advice. I need tips and tricks to help me resist these crappy situations. I don't want to give myself an eating disorder...I've been down that road already in my life...its not worth doing it again. And I'm getting those bad feelings. I need to have a good cry, pull myselt together, and then find a way to get myself ready again. Oh-and since my exercise stopped this week... I have been so lazy.

I need to pull my stuff together.
 
If you didn't notice...I changed my ticker. IDEALLY, I want to weigh 165 by the time I go back to school. I had a HUGE cry, and when I was finished I called Dan (while he was driving on the way to work) and cried again to him. We have come to an agreement to help each other. He said he never really knew how down it got me. And he said he was sorry. So he is going to help me, as I help him. "he'll do his best" is what he said to me. He is very self-disciplined when he wants to be... so I truly believe he can help me. I'm so glad I have him.

50 pounds over the summer?? I don't know if it is possible...but I'll never know if I don't try. I won't be upset if I don't make it. I will be happy if I can get down to 180 by the time I have to go back to school. But I want to reach my goal because this is my last year of college (at this school) and I want people to be impressed when I go back.
 
I am trying to picture each workout 1 step closer to reaching my goal. Someday I will accomplish what I want. SOMEDAY. I will be skinny, and I will be fit. But it will take time.
 
Hmmm. Tomorrow:

Breakfast- 2 egg whites, 2 slices of bread.
Snack-Watermelon (If its still good)
Lunch- PB&J sandwich, 1 piece of fruit , 2 or 3 celery stalks
Snack- Kudos Bar 100 calories
Dinner- Salad with Italian Dressing

Exercise- 30 minutes of walking or more. 10 minutes strength training

If I can accomplish tomorrow, thats 1 day down, and one step closer to where I want to be.
 
I'm determined to have a good day today. I don't have cravings for any bad foods right now, and I hope it stays that way. I am about to make my breakfast. 2 egg whites 1 slice of American Cheese, cayenne pepper, and 2 slices of white bread (Only bread in the house).

Then I will let my food settle; and then Dan "assigned" me to do minutes of step aerobics today. I will update LATERRRR:gnorsi:
 
Hi Brandy,

sorry I have been delinquent in visiting you and everyone else. I see you have been having problems with your shins? Thats too bad, I had problems too until I got a really good pair of runners. You did say you have a good pair of shoes, but are they really? Did you get them fitted by a Running shoe store? Did you read up on them. The reason why I ask is because I originally thought my Nikes were excellent running shoes too, until I went and talked to a running expert. Turns out my Nikes had past their due date! they were over 6 months old and they had lost their arch support (which wasnt much to begin with) so I ended up buying a pair of Saucony runners with a ridge arch support. But if you have already done this then great. When you get back to run/walking just make sure you do it every other day to start to work your calf muscles up. Another thing I learned about jogging is try to keep your feet as close to the ground as possible (try not to bring your knees up too high). Every time your foot comes down to the ground you are exerting 4 times your body weight on your joints. So I try to (run quietly) because it is less shock to your shins. A 20 year runner told me once, have you ever watched Marathon runners form? Most of them look like they are almost dragging their feet, their shoulders are slack but do not move from side to side , its almost like the only thing that really moves is their hips and thighs. They look funny but this form is probably the best? That is what I have been trying to emulate and so far, my shins have had little pain, I have had new pain in my calves because I am building new calf muscles because my shoes are different.

Don't get down cause you will be back, I think you are doing great. Keep your spirits up and remember Baby Steps!

Talk to you soon,
 
Eldaweesda- thank you for stopping by my diary! I really appreciate the support.

Today has gone pretty well so far. I had an egg sandwich for breakfast. 3 egg whites. 1 slice of American cheese, between 2 slices of white bread.

Lunch is going to be 1/2 a honey dijon chicken wrap. I told them NO BACON. Everything else in there is healthy...lettuce, chicken, and tomato...plus yummy dijon dressing.

I haven't exercised yet... I ended up sleeping instead. But Dan just called and he has a 2 hour break between his shifts today.. so thats why he is buying me lunch!!! My original plan was PB&J... so this is MUCH more nutritious!!!

I'm up to about 375 calories so far today...and I feel great. Hopefully the weigh I gained this week will melt off...plus maybe more!
 
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I'm on a happy-high! I am so determined. Right now Dan is even eating healthy-which makes me POSITIVE that he will push me. I'm so happy. I am going to look gorgeous after this summer is over.
 
Hi Brandy,
I'm sorry you were having such a hard time of things lately. I think it's great that you finally got through to Dan. I hope he continues to be supportive. I think maybe he's afraid you'll ditch him for someone else if you lose a bunch of weight--maybe that's why he was always sabotaging your efforts. Or it could be he equates feeding you things you like with love. My dad is like that. He thinks he's making me happy by buying me peanut butter cups. It's his way of comforting me. Not very healthy, is it?

Don't worry about not being able to exercise b/c of your shins. just do things that don't aggravate them--and do NOT over do it. You don't want to make them worse or slow down the healing process. I thought that was great advice by Elda. I kind of run that way as it feels better--much less weight on the joints as she mentioned.

I think it might help you if you didn't set weight loss goals. I used to do that, and every time I do, I never make it to that magic number by the date I'm supposed to..lol. It's depressing, and serves no good purpose. I think it's better to just have a daily goal of eating well and exercising a certain amount per week. That way you feel good each day if you meet that goal, and aren't pressured to lose X amount of weight by X date. KWIM?

Glad you're feeling better, sweetie. :hug2:
 
i got in 20 minutes of my 30 minute goal of step aerobics. After 20 minutes my shins started to ache...so I called it quits before they HURT. Good thing too. I can still walk on them...and I don't want that pain to come back. I had a great day overall today. I didn't eat anything bad. I got in plenty of veggies (no fruit unless you count tomatoes..which I guess you are supposed to) and I got in more then enough water. I finally did some exercise...even if it was only 20 minutes. Tomorrow is mother's day. I am going to try and eat healthy. I'll probably do well. I can have apples for snacks at my mom's house, steak is for dinner... I guess that isn't too bad. Breakfast I'll eat at home before I go over...and I'll have my delicious egg sandwich again. I am so proud today. I did excellent!!! I hope it will show on the scales next week.

Kim- I understand what you mean about not setting goals. I won't be upset or heartbroken if I don't make them...but it will give me something to strive for. It makes me realize when I have to be stricter on myself. Does that make any sense??

Eldaweesda- I am not ready to start running yet...but thank you for cluing me in on a good stance. I wouldn't have known that...but it makes a lot of sense.

Well, I'm off to bed for the night. I'm in an OK mood... sort of aggravated with my to-be-H. lol. But I need to get a good night sleep for tomorrow now!

Thank you everyone. I'm praying tomorrow will go as well as today went.
 
I probably had about 700 calories for breakfast. I had my egg sandwich- 350; plus 1 powdered doughnut- 250... and a little bit of milk, 100 ish. So yeah... 700 calories. I probably won't eat lunch. Yesterday I was full until 5 am after I ate my egg sandwich. For dinner tonight we are having steak at my mother's house. But I won't have many/ if ANY carb sides (potatoes, rice, etc.). I am still determined to have a great day today. OH- and I was down to 211 on the scale this morning! I'm getting close to my low of 209.4!!

Hope every mother out there has a happy mother's day!!!
 
My calories last night were about 1600 exact. Plus or minus 10. I'm very happy with that.

I wrote about my breakfast already... for lunch I had a granny smith apple. And for dinner I had about 3 oz of steak; maybe the total of 2 idaho potatoes (The yellow ones that are about the size of a tight fist) that were cut up and grilled; 1 corn on the cob; and a WHOLE bunch of salad with a honey french dressing. IT was spectacular. And I was so full afterwards. But...an hour or so later my mom and step dad were eating a Vienna Mocha Swirl icecream from friendly's!!! EEEK. My mom knows that I am trying to watch my weight. Not only because I tell her that I've lost...but because she notices the choices I make food wise; and how I always look at a label before I decide to eat something. So she told me there was watermelon sherbert downstairs if I wanted that too. Watermelon=one of my favorite flavors. And sherbert is MUCH less fat then actual icecream. So I was going to settle. But then in the freezer I found fruit sorbets. They were actually in the out-shell/rind/whatever of actual fruit. Carved out coconut with coconut sorbet, and they had lemon, orange, and pinapple too!!! I found the orange... it was 69 calories, and 1.7 fat...practically no sodium. SOLD!!! I ate them with them, and to my surprise... I was satisfied. I wasn't craving that Vienna Mocha Swirl from Friendly's. When I got home that night... maybe around 10:00pm Dan was hungry because he hadn't eaten all day while he was working. So I tried to talk him out of it.but he had a pork chip, TONS of pasta with chicken, peas, and some kind of cream sauce, and a doughnut. He DEFINITELY had the calories to spare... so he didn't care. But... I fell into a trap and ate a doughnut too. Then I watched a movie, and I was asleep by 2 am probably.

I got on the scale this morning.... and i was 209.2!! That means I lost all the weight I gained last week; and I'm .2 lower then my lowest weight!!! Woohoo for newest lows. Maybe I can be out of the 200's by my anniversary. Who knows. I'm in a very happy mood. And I feel very skinny. Even though it is only 8 pounds that I have lost.... i feel like I can tell the difference in my stomach. Just little difference. I'm not sure how today is going to go. But I will make it go well!! Thats officially 2 days of GREATNESS in a row!
 
i ate outback for supper. I probably had about 1800 calories today. I will not be eating any more tonight. Hopefully I won't gain tomorrow...but on the safe side I won't be weighing myself tomorrow. I still ate relatively good stuff. Caesar salad; steak; mashed potatoes. ((Went out to Eat!))
 
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