BmOhearn's diary

I need to sit down and take a lot of time to myself. With all the drama going on... i am having a hard time staying motivated. it sucks. i still want to be on a diet though. i had a half hour of exercise today. i played DDR for 15 minutes, and did 15 minutes of biking. My stomach is too full to do sit ups. So i'm going to print out pictures to keep me motivated. i need help though.

SO if anyone has any way at all to keep someone motivated, please let me know. i would love some advice

i ate horrible today. i havent been calorie counting in a long time. like a week or so. i hate myself for it. So... please give me some advice.
 
I actually found this board in the first place because I was looking for motivating stories. I found a lot more than that, but the stories are still here. I spent an afternoon reading T2 Trucker's the other week and definitely felt the stronger for it. Mostly I don't have time, but I've found others worthwhile too. I'm always telling myself I will have a browse in Pequin's some time. I did read the beginning once - she's a young woman who's made a ton of progress.

I'm sorry this has been a bad week but at least you have managed some exercise activity. I used to think losing weight was more about not doing things but I think there's plenty we can be active about. Maybe hunt up ideas for yummy healthy recipes? I hope things settle down for you soon. :)
 
I found some really motivating pictures. I have to clean my room tonight, and re organize it. But after that i have to exercise. i really want to. Right now i am charging my ipod so i have something to listen to while i clean. whatever. i'll update a bunch in a bit.
 
Ok. I cooked for the first time this year in my yeast doughs class. i had a total of 1027 calories so far today.
Breakfast: 1/2 of an orange, a cup of tea with 2 teaspoons of sugar
Lunch: a bologna sandwich (on very fattening bread b/c thats all we had) and a bottle of water
Snack: 2 rolls in culinary
Snack when i got home: 2 rolls with Tunafish on them ((these are small dinner rolls. Its just really fattening. but delicious!!))


TOTAL::: 1027 calories so far today.
Dinner: nothing yet...

That doesnt leave me too many calories for dinner. So hopefully there is something small to eat. Maybe i'll just make sandwich instead. the tuna was really good. I could have eaten less... but i wanted to eat the things i baked. Tonight i can play DDR a whole bunch because Dan is going to play his game all night. So i can exercise a bunch of what i eat for dinner. I want to eat a normal portion because i'm really hungry.

I'll update when i actually exercise later tonight. i have to put some clothes away, and do some homework before i exercise so i dont forget. i'm excited to play DDR!!!
 
ok. so i had a bad bad bad dinner. i had a small portion of chicken pot pie, and i had a baked potato. it was pretty big.. but it was already cooked and put on the table when i got upstairs. Umm...that brings me to around 1786 for the day so far. Thats a bad number for me.. i wanted to keep it within 1500 for the day. i've only had 2 out of 4 water bottles today, but i'm going to play DDR so i'm sure i'll be thirsty enough to drink 2 more. I want to burn off at least 300 calories. 800 calories would be perfect... but i dont think it will happen. that would take forever. I just ate, so my stomach is full. i'm going to sit down for a few minutes before i exercise.
 
No they are not all like that. We do have friends where the woman is tidy but the man is a total neat freak. However all the men I have been involved with have been like that. Of the possibilities, I prefer the guy who fixes the bureau first then doesn't tidy away the box, to the guy who doesn't fix the bureau first. :) I hope you find a way to deal with things that feels fair for you both. Good luck. :)
 
haha. thanks felici. you're right. i was just venting anyways. i know he's good for me. I just need to vent sometimes instead of getting myself worked up and in an argument with him. i love him though. he apologized for ordering me to do things. he didnt mean it. thanks for support though.
 
I played DDR for 45 minutes. I burned off 185 calories. But for some reason or another i have a short temper right now. And i decided to stop because i couldnt beat one really hard song. oh well. I had a total of around 1600 calories that i didnt burn off. its still not within my limit. But its still a deficit from what i used to eat, and even what i have been eating lately.I'm happy that i'm back on track, but upset that i have to start all over with those late-night cravings. like right now. lol. I though i was done with them. i wasnt. "to co-exist with food, and not over do it" is what i need to do. ((from a weight-watchers commercial on t.v.)) Its a lot harder done then said. Right now (i'm in the US) all the actresses and singers and everyone else is getting ready for the emmys. (or one of those shows.) They are already SOOOO skinny to begin with. Why lose weight? They are eating all fish diets. Umm... i hate fish. i can eat tuna-fish...but only if its in a sandwich. And i eat clams, but only if they are fried clam strips. Whatever. I need to find what works for me. Still need 1 more water bottle before i go to bed. I'm so excited to get to my goal weight. i dont really have a scale anymore. which stinks. but i'm thinking about buying one. I need to go to Office Depot tomorrow because i took the drug test, and all i need to do is wait for them to call me back after that. So i'll have a job soon!! finally!! I want a job in the restaurant business, but there arent any openings right now that i can find. So this will do. im just happy that i'll finally have a job! I need to buy a blue button down shirt for work, but maybe my mother will be able to buy it for me. This is just a really long entry. sorry for all those who are bored by now. haha.

i'll go now saying i had a successful day for my first full day back on my diet. 1600 calorie intake that wasnt burned off. not too shabby.
 
i want to cry. i splurged. i need to have a solution to late night cravings. the exercise i did was completely wasted. i went upstairs and had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. i just have these horrible cravings. i dont have a gym membership. i need one. i need some solution!!!!!
 
I don't know exactly what you had today, but it would probably help your cravings if you could try to even out your blood sugars by making sure you have some complex carbohydrate at breakfast and at lunch and maybe an afternoon snack and a planned snack before bed for now. If you could find a wholegrain cereal that you like and add some fruit and milk that would help - but that's just an example. Also airpopped corn or even those microwave popcorn bags might help. Adding a few extra veges would help too. I know you are a bit constrained by where you live and what food is there. These are just some things that have helped me. Also, even now, after I get a dose of sugar I do notice those sugary foods a bit more for the next 2-3 days.
 
Felici- you're right i think. I should keep away from the foods that i know are really sugary. I live with my boyfriend and his family. They are VERY unhealthy eaters. But i think if i ask for certain foods when they go grocery shopping- i might get it. Good idea.

Be_Gone_Soon- I Sorry. I wanted to cry out of frustration. But i'm fine now. lol. I just need to keep busy i think.
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I woke up too late to have breakfast. But i had a tunafish sandwich on a roll.(it was way less in calories than the bread they had!!)
It was a total of of 275 calories.

I'm going to start planning on snacks. Just so if i am hungry i dont splurge like i did last night!!

So.. i'm going out later today to Office depot to hand them the paper saying had a drug test... and i'm going to have a half of an apple.. and give the other half to Danny.

My tunafish had a tbsp of mayo (100 cals.. but i split it with Dan) minced onion, celery, and pickles. delicious!

I think today is going to be a good day. I bought some stickers yesterday to put on my calender for everyday that i follow all my diet rules. a childish idea.. but it might help me keep track.

I'm going to clean the room again today.. and then the blankets can get moved off of my abchair. So i can use that today. I still have homework i need to get done by later tonight. that can wait. its not all that hard... and i really want to exercise today.

I'm happy that i am finally back on track, and have a plan.
 
i was just looking online for pictures to inspire me. I found a lot of pro-ana sites. I also found some news videos on annorexia. I think its disgusting. i shouldnt have models to inspire me. i shouldnt be just like them. I should be happy with how i look ... and not set a pre-determined look for myself when i diet. when i feel i am thin enough, then that should be a good weight. Not 100lbs! I dont know. i just cant stand when people want to be annorexic. I've dealt with eating disorders when i was barely in my teens. Only 5 years ago. But then i started to love myself.. and love food... and i over-did it. Now i need to find a healthy medium. Today will be a good day for me. i can tell. i'm super determined and everything else.
 
i went upstairs and made myself something else to eat. i had a small cheese quesadilla. that brings my daily calorie total up to 585 calories. I dont know what else i'm having for dinner. But whatever. I'll probably find something not so big. I will play DDR again tonight. I'm not sure for how long. But for a while probably. I still havent gone to office depot. I'm full though. So i wont be snacking too too much. i think danny, me, and the rest of the fam are going to have some strawberries with chocolate later. i'll just have the strawberries. That will be my snack tonight. Dinner i will eat small, and play DDR right away so i dont have time for splurges.
 
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