BmOhearn's diary

thank you everyone for support and advice during this stressful time.

I am back from my mothers house. I had a long talk with her. And i am going to stick up for myself. I am not going to live at my dad's house. i dont want to, it makes me too upset, and i'm old enough to do what i want to. i'm a legal adult now. He has no choices.my mother told me that if my father takes away my school money, she'll find a way to pay for it. She's there for me all the way. I love my mother. A true inspiration to me. I wouldnt admit it while i was younger, but she really is. She was never handed anything in life. Even when her mother passed away and her father was selling the house, my mom was stuck with 2 kids in a lousy apartment, and her father woudnt even sell her the house for a reasonable price. She went without so my brother and i wouldnt have to. She worked at lousy jobs that she hated so we could have a roof over our heads, food in our stomach, and clothes on our backs. She saved up every penny so that some day our family could live in an actual house with a dog and a back yard to play in, instead of an apartment. She made sure we got smart, and stayed safe. she taught us to work for everything, and that everything was possible. She eventually saved up for that house, and we now have 3 dogs. She took a huge step when my brother and i were very young... to leave my brother's father who was an abusive drunk, and to keep us safe. she loves us with all of her heart, and has always done everything she could for us. She kept me away from kids i was hanging out with that were leading me down a bad road. She always taught me to work my hardest. I love her, and i dont care what anyone says.. they learn a lot from their parents. All those years of listening to her lectures, and getting those punishments... she taught me to be a strong woman, and to be able to support myself. I want to work for everything i have. Getting it handed to you teaches you nothing. my mother isnt perfect. She is constantly screaming about something or another, and she is quite a whiner when she wants something from her new hubby... but she's just a loud sometimes bitchy person. i'm used to it, i understand that now. I love her, and she's a very strong, admirable woman. she speaks her mind, and stands up to herself. i have learned so much from her, and i still have so much more left to learn. My grandmother (her mother) died at a very very early age. my mom was only 26 years old. I want my mother to live much longer than that, i need her in my life. She keeps on giving, even when she doesnt have to. i love my mommy. i'll always be her little girl.. no matter how old i get.

i'm on a speal about my mother because 2 years ago i went into a deep depression and moved away from my mother's house because i thought she was the problem. she wasnt. And i broke her heart, and feel guilty about it everyday... even though i know she loves me.

---------------------------------------------------

i went out to dinner with my mom, Jay(new step-daddy), and Chris(my 14 year old little bro) to a mexican restaurant. no idea how many calories... but i am so sick.. most of them are gone now. lol.
 
Mothers are a very tricky deal because sometimes we take them for granted...also-as kids (i'm still one at the age of 23!) we are all destined to screw up with our parents at one time or another...

About the working for what you got statement...I TOTALLY AGREE! i think parents--even if you have everything...should make your kids work for it too...or else they will eventually go broke themselves and not know how to survive in the real world!! also...it brings about a huge personality trait that you can't get through education...but experience!
 
I totally agree about the mom deal. Mom's are underappreciated a lot. We don't realize it until we are older and look back on everything that she taught us or did for us.

Good luck with the change!
 
i had mcdonalds for lunch. 920 calories!!!! but that will be my meal for the day. I might have a snack later... but that will be it. I'm not usually hungry for more than one big meal every day. I have to go back to my father's house today. i dont want to. because i dont want to live there and i feel like i'm betraying him if i go back there. Whatever. i got the new expansion pack to my game!! i'm installing it now. i'm leaving my computer here this weekend. i dont want my father to take it away from me if i have to tell me father i dont want to live there any more. but i'll be good! i have my worksheet all made up to keep me on track. i hope everyone is doing well!! i start school on monday! i am excited.
 
Hi bm. That was a nice long post about your mother. It certainly sounds like she has helped you learn to be determined! :) It will be exciting for you to be back at a school. Good luck with it all.
 
Good luck, hon! I hope things work out for the best for you, and that you don't have too many problems with your dad. But you know, no matter what, we're here for you. I hope your mom knows how you feel about her. That was sweet.
 
back from a long vacation

i took a little vacation from dieting... not completely on purpose. I dont really know how to explain it. but i cheated on my diet the entire time, and did no exercise. i feel so guilty now. this forum has helped a lot with my diet, and how i feel about myself. When i dont visit the sight enough...i just dont care. i let too much bother me, and the forum helps me know that i can feel good about myself if i really want to. So i've probably gained weight. i will get back on track though. as of right now. I ate really bad today... i'm just going to wait to weigh myself for a week or so. i'm still in a fight with my father... all because of sleeping at my boyfriend's house. its rediculous... and as of right now, we're not on speaking terms. Last night was too much for me. He called and said that if i didnt come home that night, than i shouldnt bother going to school the next day because he was going to make me drop out. But he cant do that without me signing myself out too... and he cant make me do that. Then my step mother called (his wife...duh) and said i was breaking my father's heart... but in reality i didnt do anything. so i am not going to talk to them for a little while. There's no reason for me to let them manipulate my feelings to get what they want. i'm 18 and its my decision. i've never even been bitchy about anything. i dunnno... no bother for me to keep going on about it. DIET!!! i'm going back on the diet tomorrow morning. But at the same time i'm going to exercise tonight. Just my calories for the day have sky-rocketed. i was so proud of myself for doing so well on my diet for a month or so...and i am ashamed that i stopped for a while. I have all of my motivation back... so i can do it now. Tonight i am going to get some homework done for school and play my game, then exercise.

oh yeah.. i got a job.. sort of. i have to go pass a drug test, and a background test. luckily... that wont be a problem. Office Depot... not a place i really want to work... but it will do me some good. I wont be worrying about my dad, or anything. i'm going to move out of my father's house definately now. and i'm going to start worrying about work, school, and bills. I'm going to live my life, achieve my goals, and not let anyone get in my way. that is the responsible thing to do.
 
OK!!! i need to think of things that i'm going to eat tomorrow. Breakfast i will have a cup of tea and an orange. I have school at 9:30am... i have to leave at 9:00 am... so i'll have plenty of time to eat. I don't know if i have a lunch break or not... because my class runs until 2:15pm. But since its a first class, i'll probably get out early. I'll probably try to keep it small. Maybe just a sandwich. I have no idea about dinner. But i'll keep it within limits.

**I'm trying to keep my mind off the subject of my family. The issue with my father is really upsetting me right now, and it makes me want to sit in a corner and cry. But thats not what i need. I should be concentrating on other things. Its just really hard**

I am going to go online and find more motivational pictures. They help.
 
I'm sorry to hear about your latest stresses! Even in the last couple of months you have had more than one occasion when things have been tough for you and you have struggled to keep up with what you want with your weight but you've always kept your goals in mind and pushed forward again. The result is the trimmer happier you. I'm not sure whether you're 15 or 20 lb down now but either way that is a great big chunk out of what you want to lose and you will get there if you just keep chipping away at it!! :) :)
 
I'm really happy your not giving up on your goal! keeping your mind off of larger issues is a good way to dispurse stress. good luck on your first day back!
 
I'm sick, and miserable. haha. I had a temp of 100.7 degrees Fahrenheit this morning. 38.16 degrees Celsius. It sucks. I have had 2 cups of tea with 2 tea spoons of sugar, and a bit of honey, and then i had a big meal at mcdonalds after my class today because i hadnt really had anything yet that day. It was 760 calories. But i consider that my meal for the day. i felt good enough to eat at the time... but my stomach has gone down hill since then. No exercise today. every time i stand up i feel like i'm going to get sick. I still havent talked to my father. and i have plenty of studying to do. So maybe i should do that now. i can lay down and get that done. i'll update again later.
 
That sounds like a really nasty bug. Get as much rest as you can. I guess it's extra hard right now when you have new things starting.

View attachment 2459

I hope it doesn't take too long to go.
 
Today i am going to take my drug test for work, and then i am going to see epic movie with Danny. I hope its as funny as the previews say it is. Then we're coming back here and probably doing nothing all day. maybe some homework, exercise, playing on the computer... blah blah blah. i need to get some stuff for school, and for work. I need to buy a blue button down shirt for my work (if i get it... which i hope i will) for my table service class i need to pretty much by a tux shirt, and a bow tie. And for my 2 baking classes (cake decorating and finishing/ yeast doughs) i need to buy a culinary hat, and an apron. And i need to find my shoes that i need for all 4 of those things.

No idea what i'm going to eat. But i'm feeling a bit better from yesterday, so i will probably do some sit ups. i still feel a bit sick, but still a lot better than i did yesterday.

I'll update with calorie counts later on.
 
i never took the drug test for work because when i got there i didnt have my license, or so i thought. So i drove to my fathers house which was 1.5 hours away. Then i found out that my father has changed the locks. I found my way into my house... teehee. And my wallet wasnt there. Then i found the wallet after i went to the movie, and it was too late to take the drug test. i am going to devote tomorrow to exercise all day long, and to an hour or so of finding a job near Dan. I'm not moving back in with my father. Its stupid. But whatever. i need a job, and i think i want to search for the restaurants and bakeries around here. So my exercise all day... sounds like i'm going to feel really good about myself later that day. Awesome. I'm going to go find something to do.
 
tomorrow Dan is going to be at work all day. So i am going to have an "at home" exercise day. I will do my "gym" workout,will do some "dancing", play tennis, and i will "ride my bike".

AKA: using my ab chair, playing DDR, using the bike attachment on my Ab chair,use my Wii to play tennis...(i'll get up and play like i'm really playing.)

YAY
 
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