bluehats diary

aiminglow said:
I'm really sorry you're in that dilemma, with the two people living nearby, and difficulties in the way of finding somewhere else to live. Is there any other nice person in your life, even if they don't live close?

I just read back a bit - and well done on how you negotiated the birthdays, with just one slice of cake each time. Today - I guess it was a bit of a feeling down day? Today's food looks a bit that way. :( Hugs, and I hope you can manage to get back to more home-cooked healthy food tomorrow!
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nope no other nice ppl
 
I'm really sorry you're in that position. :frown: I think that almost anything I could say would be so much from the outside that it will feel really presumptuous - and I'm sorry for that, too, but here goes:
I've said somewhere else on this site - can't remember exactly where - that what we're doing here, whether it's losing weight or getting fit or both, is essentially being really kind to ourselves - so please keep right on being really kind to yourself, including by buying the best, most nutritious food you can find and can afford, and by making your own good healthy meals.
And also, by giving yourself as much loveliness and kindness as you can - maybe buying a beautifully perfumed soap to have a hot bath with, or by listening to some music you really like, or whatever works for you. Sending a hug to you from afar!
 
i had a 680 calorie sandwich so far today
and it was about 3 hours ago
and i seem hungry
but i dont know how to tell
i know i can have more food
as thats not enough
but how do i know when im really
hungry?
ive looked up how to tell when
you are really hungry
and 1 thing was a growling stomach
and another that it comes on slowly
those are great but
they never seem to be what i feel
its an irritating hungry feeling in my stomach
that never goes away
even after i eat and had enough theres
this tiny spot thats always hungry
even after binging
i cant make it go away
something like a little spot that food doesnt reach
or something leaving me hungry still after eating
very hard to describe
so main point here
how do i know when i can eat again?
 
Could you try setting times to eat, or setting a time in between meals, and sticking to it?
For example saying, "I'll eat some good hearty breakfast at eight o'clock, and then stop, and not another bite until twelve-thirty lunch, and then nothing until an early tea at six-thirty, and then just put myself to bed with a good book?"? The times are just an example, but what I mean is to tell your body that you're making the decision, and that's that!

Provided you're giving yourself the nutrition you need, the "hunger pangs" can be safely ignored for the hour or so in between when you first feel them, and when your next scheduled meal is. But just seeing what I've written there about the nutrition you need reminds me that I am not an expert - do you have any condition, like diabetes, which should be taken into account in terms of nutrition?
 
I agree with Amy, setting specific times and planning meals is important. When I started I just had to accept that my eating schedule would not necessarily agree with what my body was telling me. I just couldn't trust it. And I am still not sure I can.

bluehat said:
tiny spot thats always hungry
even after binging
Click to expand...
I have one of those too, you have to ignore it, and stop bingeing.
 
That tiny spot can't be hunger if it's still there after a binge. At least not hunger for food. If your blood sugar allows relying on calorie count and set eating times at least for a couple of weeks to get into a rhythm seems a good idea. Bodies are creatures of habit and yours might find it a relief to know when food will be coming. Especially because it's known food insecurity.
 
aiminglow said:
Could you try setting times to eat, or setting a time in between meals, and sticking to it?
For example saying, "I'll eat some good hearty breakfast at eight o'clock, and then stop, and not another bite until twelve-thirty lunch, and then nothing until an early tea at six-thirty, and then just put myself to bed with a good book?"? The times are just an example, but what I mean is to tell your body that you're making the decision, and that's that!

Provided you're giving yourself the nutrition you need, the "hunger pangs" can be safely ignored for the hour or so in between when you first feel them, and when your next scheduled meal is. But just seeing what I've written there about the nutrition you need reminds me that I am not an expert - do you have any condition, like diabetes, which should be taken into account in terms of nutrition?
Click to expand...


when i tried setting meal times a few years ago
i kept missing the fun times out with family
as they have no schedules so come and go as they please
so if i was at a meal time and they were going out
i couldnt go
so i quickly ditched that idea
the warm nice weather is very short here
maybe i could set a rough meal time?
yes i have diabetes but thru time and measuring blood sugar
levels their food plans made it very hard to control my blood sugar
so that was scrapped too
i try to eat what my body manages for food
except of course binges
 
alligatorob said:
I agree with Amy, setting specific times and planning meals is important. When I started I just had to accept that my eating schedule would not necessarily agree with what my body was telling me. I just couldn't trust it. And I am still not sure I can.


I have one of those too, you have to ignore it, and stop bingeing.
Click to expand...

you are right again
 
well im still here
just too embarassed to post
not many good food days
and i personally believe
my exercise days wont be good until i can do 30 minutes of whatever it is
every day
i got my new indoor bike last year
and i really thot id be at the 30 minutes by now a year later
my body fights nearly every exercise
for example when i did swim the asma (spelled wrong) acted up causing more wheezing
the bike causes leg pain
the stepping seems to cause swelling in feet and legs
walking outside causes feet swelling
climbing stairs in my building cause chest pain

and they say choose an exercise you like
to help you keep doing it because u like it
well i found it
many years ago
my indoor bike
im just not happy with 10 minutes

todays food will be (hopefully)
8 chicken fingers
4 cups chocolate almond milk
some sort of coffee alcohol stuff poured in my coffee
12 pepperettes

but i fear i may be turning to something bad (in addition to the binges which are on the decline anyway)
to deal with things happening / not happening in my life
i was a teen alcoholic and my mother literally died of
alcohol poisoning and i see myself having more
maybe time for OA and AA and Alanon?

anyway thanks for all the support here
 
If you feel the need then maybe it is time to reach out for help, blue. I love my exercise bike too, but find 10 mins at a time is enough.
 
and i feel like such a baby
so my legs hurt doing my bike
i know people who are in so much pain
the person can stand up for less than 5
minutes at 1 time then has to sit down
and takes heavy narcotics for the pain
im very lucky
i wonder if i can add 1 minute a month or something?

i could go back to the happy walk videos
it did hurt the least

so far good on the food today
yay
 
i thought maybe i wanted to say whats wrong
since its my diary and have been told we can say what we want
in them?

approx. 9 -10 years ago
in my flee to safety
it hurt someone i love dearly (someone else in the house)
by me going
and i cant forgive myself
i cant be nice
and hate myself

so anyway onward i go
 
Blue, I'm very sorry that you feel the way you do about yourself, but you flew for your own safety.
Your safety is as important as anyone else's :grouphug:
 
Yes, it's your diary, and you absolutely can put in what you want about your life and your feelings. Please don't hate yourself, whatever's happened in the past. :grouphug:
 
I´m so sorry things were so bad at the time you physically had the FLEE from your own surroundings. Please ask yourself if - assuming the situation had been reversed - you´d forgiven that person. If you would have, you 100% deserve to forgive yourself as well. Especially after all this time.
 
i managed to stick with the food i had planned
except 2 things were different
instead of 12 pepperettes i had 10
and only 2 cups of the chocolate almond milk

todays going to be(i hope)--
4 cups chickpea salad
4 cups chocolate almond milk
2 slices real cheese
so far ive had 2 cups chickpea salad and 1 cup choc. almond milk

tomorrow hoping to shop
and my plan is to buy some frozen fruits and veggies and water
and going to dq

also hoping to do the 1 mile happy walk before shopping
 
Your plans sound good, Blue.
 
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