Binge Eaters Anonymous

[Lilyofthevalley]

So I decided to start this thread for a little support during the hard times. I'm Annie, I'm 18, on multiple medications, and I would call myself a binge eater. I lost, initially, about 50 pounds, but then I got a little bit depressed. I didn't notice it, mostly because I've lived with depression most of my young life, but it affected me very much.

I withdrew, and found myself eating, alone, in my room with the blinds closed and lights turned off and the tv glowing next to the unused treadmill in my room. It's gotten ridiculous. Every time I find myself alone, I down an entire package of chocolate chip cookies, eat several scoops of ice cream or a few bowls of chips... I've even eaten a whole bowl of whipped cream when there was nothing else.

I need support, I need a group where together we can show support for those of us having a hard time, celebrate when someone has a whole day, week, or month without bingeing. I know there are people like me out there who are searching for people who understand us when we say we just cannot stop eating.

Please, if you are dealing with this, just stop in to at least let me know I'm not alone in my struggle.


Annie

 

[Amiba]

hey Annie!

you are certainly not alone.

I know what is like to deal with depression, oh boy is a handful. binge eating is so awful because sometimes you don't even realize you are doing it- I kind of eat in an automatic mode every time I felt bad. I even hid food from my parents and ate it by myself, just like yourself.
I've handled full liters of ice cream and packages of cookies just like that. and the feeling afterwards.. boy.

and congratulations on your weight loss, if you did it once you'll do it again. it seems like you are already on the right track!
the advice I could give you, is don't let the depression get to you once you have a binging episode. write it down, recognize the pattern but don't let it pull you down! stare food in the eye and let food know that you can't be controled.

good luck and I am here for you
Diana

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

Thank you for your kind words, Diana.
It really frustrates me that I've done it once, and it was really really hard, but I did it, and now I've gone and messed it all up.

But I start my wellbutrin tomorrow! Everything will be better, day by day...

I have hope.

 

[candace1]

Hi ladies,

I too am what I would consider a binge eater. I would be interested in supporting and seeking support through this group. I usually feel like a drug addict because my binge eating is so secretive and usually loaded with lies. "Hey honey, I'm just going to pick up some fertilizer at Home Depot" usually means I'm going to binge at Wendy's and then pick up the fertilizer that I really don't need. I just need and excuse to go binge.

Like you Annie, I suffer from depression which is tied to my weight and food issues. For me it's like the chicken or the egg debate. Which came first? The depression or the eating.

Feel free to share openly as it will be received with support and without judgment, as I know what you are struggling with.

Cheers,

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

Hi Candace!
I guess at this point, I'm lucky that I can't drive, because I can't drive to get food. I just have to eat what's there, but I can't make it too obvious that I binged... although it becomes obvious when the can of whipped cream bought two days ago is completely empty, and the empty chips ahoy cookie package is upside down in the trash.

I started researching and reading books on eating disorders a long time ago when I was doing really well on my diet. I want to be an eating disorder counselor, but I think I should probably stop my disordered eating before I can tell other people how to stop theirs.

Can anybody honestly tell me they've never been so incredibly frustrated with their eating habits that they've never envied an anorexic's will power?

Has anyone entertained thoughts of bulimia because it sounds so much easier than stopping bingeing?

I have to say, I've had those thoughts, but I've never gone that road because 1) I like myself, despite my body, and I couldn't put myself through that. and 2) I recognize that I have a very addictive personality, which is why I never started smoking, drinking, or anything like that, and I don't need another addiction in addition to food.

I already go to sleep at night thinking about what I'm going to eat the next day, whether I'm going to allow myself some ice cream or whipped cream and whether that will lead to a binge... every minute I'm alone I'm thinking about where my mom hid the cookies and whether anyone will notice if I accidentally eat half a bag of chips.

I'm trying to quit diet soda at the same time as trying to stop bingeing... and I'm not sure that's the best idea. I don't know... when I'm not drinking, I'm eating, but I'm not sure how much diet soda makes me crave, and how much it stops me eating other crap.

I've been looking at a few self-help books.... the one I bought is really really hard to read. It's not very helpful, and it's poorly written. So, DON'T buy "Crave: Why You Binge Eat And How To Stop" by Cynthia M. Bulik Ph.D.

I bought "Binge No More: Your Guide to Overcoming Disordered Eating" by Joyce D. Nash, and it is really easy to read. I haven't gotten to the self-help part yet, but so far it's pretty good.

And this entire post is written in an effort to not have dessert... So far it's working!!

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

Hello!
Sorry to hear about all of you suffering from Binge eating disorder. Having an eating disorder can definitely ruin your life. I have some advice! Let me start by saying that I'm not a "doctor". However, when it comes to this topic, I feel like I am more educated than a doctor because your average doctor has no idea what this feels like unless they have lived through it.

I agree. That's why I want to be an eating disorder counselor... once I deal with mine. My cousin is bulimic, and she just lives a tortured life. I can tell when she's sitting eating dinner with the family, she's trying to figure out how fast she can get to a bathroom. It's tearing her family apart. That's why I couldn't even start to think about purging... I couldn't do that to my parents, and to myself.

The best advice I can give is to tell you to start a journal, right now. Write down what happens during the day, and how you are feeling before/during/after binges. If you're lazy, you don't have to write in it everyday; that's fine. Over time, when you get an urge to binge, take a look back in the journal. You will read how miserable you were in the past. One day while you're reading, something will "click" in your head and you will stop and really evaluate your life.

I did that once... Now I'm looking to do that again.

-What was life like before I starting thinking about food 24 hours a day?

It may seem sad, but I don't even remember.

In my experience, that "click" was when the changes started happening, and I began to win the war. I didn't want to live like the old journal version of myself anymore. I realized that there is way more to life than food.

Anyways, I tried to keep this post short ~ guess I failed! Always willing to help anyone suffering from an eating disorder in any way that I can. Feel free to message me if you want to talk about it.

Mike

I really appreciate you stopping by. It feels good to know that it IS possible to overcome this.

Thank you!

Annie

 

[greentearocks]

I haven't binged in a few years now, looking back I feel so sorry for myself because I was so depressed. Loneliness, and a job that I hated among other things were the catalysts to my binging. I think it started with ordering pizzas that I would eat all by myself. That, and eating whole packs of Milano cookies and such. Every now and then when I'm at the supermarket I like to go look at the Milanos and feel powerful knowing that they don't rule my life anymore

I've overcome my binging, mainly by finding happiness in my life, leaving the job that I hated, and finding things that I enjoy and that won't make me fat

Anyway, some things that might help:

- baby carrots!!! as with all addictions part of food addiction is likely just the act of going to the fridge, getting something and putting it in your mouth...the baby carrot solution I found by accident!! always keep 'em in the fridge and not only are you avoiding eating other things but they're good for you and have fiber

- find a role model, if you're female find some classy, vintage actress that you admire for her style, grace, or 'ladylike behavior' hehe...for example Audrey Hepburn, Marylin Monroe or it could be generic, I like to use 'European women' (a stereotype I know), and whenever tempted to binge think 'Would so and so do this?', would it be classy? ...who do I want to be like?..use vanity to your benefit!! (this might work better if you do things to keep yourself feeling beautiful like a manicure, pedicure, wearing earrings etc)

- the binging usually occurs in private, because we are ashamed of what we are doing....so why do we respect others' opinion of us more than our own? shouldn't we be as sensible to our view of ourselves? respect ourselves as much as we respect others' perception of us? so this should be a thought process when tempted to binge



also watch movies that you can identify with!! in my case I LOVE Bridget Jones Diary!! weight loss and binging are topics covered in the movie

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

Thanks, greentearocks!
I've been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder (bipolar type), and being on 5 different medications that all have side effects of weight gain really doesn't help my quest for weight loss. Mainly I depend on the medicine to keep my mood semi-stable, recently I tapered off my wellbutrin... and I'm going back on it starting tomorrow.

With me, the problem isn't so much that I'm tempted to binge, it's that I don't even think about it when I do it until I'm 2/3 of the way through a pack of cookies, and by that point, I suffer from the "What the hell, may as well eat the rest" syndrome... I really need to work on my "All-or-Nothing" mentality.

Thanks for visiting, you don't know how much it helps to know I'm not going crazy.

Annie

 

[SparkErosion]

So I decided to start this thread for a little support during the hard times. I'm Annie, I'm 18, on multiple medications, and I would call myself a binge eater. I lost, initially, about 50 pounds, but then I got a little bit depressed. I didn't notice it, mostly because I've lived with depression most of my young life, but it affected me very much.

I withdrew, and found myself eating, alone, in my room with the blinds closed and lights turned off and the tv glowing next to the unused treadmill in my room. It's gotten ridiculous. Every time I find myself alone, I down an entire package of chocolate chip cookies, eat several scoops of ice cream or a few bowls of chips... I've even eaten a whole bowl of whipped cream when there was nothing else.

I need support, I need a group where together we can show support for those of us having a hard time, celebrate when someone has a whole day, week, or month without bingeing. I know there are people like me out there who are searching for people who understand us when we say we just cannot stop eating.

Please, if you are dealing with this, just stop in to at least let me know I'm not alone in my struggle.


Annie

Hi Annie,

I also deal with major depression bi/polar and I used to think about suicide every day in the past. I felt miserable, and then I got addicted to an online game at age 12. This changed everything, I went from being skinny and underweight all my life to becoming obese. The game made me bitter, and angry. I just quit it a couple weeks ago (and don't plan to go back), and decided to start an excerise program and eating right again. Congratulations on losing 50 lbs, that's incredible, the most I ever lost was 36 lbs in a boot camp.....

I think what you need to do is change your self talk/body image. I got the Dr.phil book for teens by jay mcgraw, it takes about changing your inner self first. It helps and covers alot of topics. You may want to subistute one action for another. What is something you enjoy ? Say you enjoy reading...everytime you think about eating something, read a good book you enjoy. Or another activity you enjoy.

Also I suggest you get all the junk food in your house, get rid of it. If you don't have the junk food in the house, you're more likely to eat healthy. People have willpower, but it only lasts so long. One too many times seeing your friend eat buttered popcorn in a movie theatre and you go back to it.

Buy healthy food, celery, fresh fruit, vegetables, apples. The fiber in the apples will make you feel more full, and since you have to chew it, and it takes awhile to chew, it has a psychlogical effect. It also has low calories. In the book he talks about "high response food" and "low response food" which means say you have a bean burrito. The ones you just pop in the microwave and eat . These can be very high in calories. You pop it in, take it out, and eat it. It basically 'melts' in your mouth and slivers down your throat, you barely have to chew it. Because this happens so fast, your body has no time to register that you ate anything, and you can consume an ungodly amount of calories in a very short amount of time.

Take time to enjoy and savor your food, you can get a more full feeling this way.
Hope this helps

 

[K-ray]

Hey Annie and all folks!

Annie, you are not alone. While I feel I have finally curbed my binge eating, I know how you feel. I've heard the reason people eat out of comfort (especially fatty foods) is because the two most energy consuming things are stressing and digesting fats. Thus the body can't handle both at the same time, so we eat to divert the stress. I remember when I was a young kid I would hide food in my room and eat it in my closet. I would hide entire packets of cookies, raw packages of hotdogs, and entire family size bags of m and m's this got out of control and I put on weight. Bulimia is certianly not the answer as well. Speaking from experience. Bulimia will NOT make you thin. I was diagnosed and had to do the therapy bit for bulimia at 215 lbs. Bulimia is just a release. You can't get rid of all the calories. I had to have absesses removed from my throat and my molars were caroded. Please don't ever go down that road. Its really just a pain. I agree with Mike's suggestion of keeping your food journal and writing what you're feeling as well as quantity of food eaten. This will give you a realistic picture of what's going on. Also, when you first start, don't deprive yourself of things you like just because you want your journal to look good. Everything is good in moderation. Good luck! Its hard but you can do it.

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

: ( Bulimia may increase your bingeing, because you will feel like you can eat whatever you want. The body absorbs food quickly, and that's why a good amount of bulimics actually gain weight over time. Only about 50% of the calories eaten in a single session can be purged; the rest is already in your system.

You will also feel sick, dizzy, drained, and have headaches all day long (depending on the frequency of your binge/purge sessions). It damages your organs and the lining of your throat, wears away at your teeth, increases your thoughts of depression/suicide, develops an irregular heartbeat, and causes you to have permanent "chipmunk" face (swolen glands) which will make you even more depressed.

Bulimia progressively destroys you, and it is extremely difficult to overcome. Imo it is the worst out of the three.

This was a friendly way of attempting to clear those thoughts out of your head Annie!

Yes, and I appreciate your thoughtfulness. I've seen my cousin go through bulimia, she has that "chipmunk face", her teeth and mouth are really bad, she has completely succumb to her obsession with food. She's completely withdrawn from any semblance of a social life. She didn't attend her best friend's graduation because she was too busy bingeing. While it may have passed through my thoughts, I know I have an extremely addictive personality and there is absolutely no way I could purge and not have the obsession overtake my entire life. I just couldn't do that to my body, either.

I think what you need to do is change your self talk/body image. I got the Dr.phil book for teens by jay mcgraw, it takes about changing your inner self first.

I think that's something I need to work on. I keep getting so down on myself after I binge.... it makes for a really depressing day.

Also I suggest you get all the junk food in your house, get rid of it. If you don't have the junk food in the house, you're more likely to eat healthy. People have willpower, but it only lasts so long. One too many times seeing your friend eat buttered popcorn in a movie theatre and you go back to it.

I wish I could. People keep bringing junk into the house, and I can't stop them!!

In the book he talks about "high response food" and "low response food" which means say you have a bean burrito. The ones you just pop in the microwave and eat . These can be very high in calories. You pop it in, take it out, and eat it. It basically 'melts' in your mouth and slivers down your throat, you barely have to chew it. Because this happens so fast, your body has no time to register that you ate anything, and you can consume an ungodly amount of calories in a very short amount of time.

OH MY GOD. That is EXACTLY what my therapist and I were talking about the other day.

Take time to enjoy and savor your food, you can get a more full feeling this way.
Hope this helps

Thank you so much!

Annie, you are not alone.

Thank you. It means so much to me.

Bulimia will NOT make you thin. I was diagnosed and had to do the therapy bit for bulimia at 215 lbs. Bulimia is just a release. You can't get rid of all the calories. I had to have absesses removed from my throat and my molars were caroded. Please don't ever go down that road. Its really just a pain. I agree with Mike's suggestion of keeping your food journal and writing what you're feeling as well as quantity of food eaten. This will give you a realistic picture of what's going on. Also, when you first start, don't deprive yourself of things you like just because you want your journal to look good. Everything is good in moderation. Good luck! Its hard but you can do it.

I agree. Completely.

Thank you all so much. I truly appreciate your kind words and advice.

<3

 

[Heyitsmike]

Also I suggest you get all the junk food in your house, get rid of it. If you don't have the junk food in the house, you're more likely to eat healthy.

Yea that would help, but most of the time the house is shared with others so that's difficult.

Don't forget though, you can't completely deprive yourself of "junk food". You need to be able to have a treat now and then - to help stay sane, and reward yourself for not bingeing. If you don't, your desire to eat junk food will rise and rise... until you can't take it anymore. Then a massive binge will be triggered.

Which would you feel more guilty about eating for breakfast? One doughnut, or a dozen doughnuts?

 

[SparkErosion]

Yea that would help, but most of the time the house is shared with others so that's difficult.

Don't forget though, you can't completely deprive yourself of "junk food". You need to be able to have a treat now and then - to help stay sane, and reward yourself for not bingeing. If you don't, your desire to eat junk food will rise and rise... until you can't take it anymore. Then a massive binge will be triggered.

Which would you feel more guilty about eating for breakfast? One doughnut, or a dozen doughnuts?

That's a good point, how often though? once a month? one day a week?

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

Well my family eats out A LOT. At least 6 days of the week I eat out at some point, and about 2-3 of those days, I eat out more than once per day. Yesterday was an example of that. Granted, we were on the road from 7am til 1am, but I ate out three times yesterday... and I really overdid it.
Today I ate at costco for lunch, had 1 piece of pizza (which was so large it probably was the actual equivalent of 2 slices) and half a churro, and we'll be eating at my mom's friends house for dinner.... and we bought crab dip, which, in and of itself is not actually bad for you, it is if you eat vast amounts of it... which is why I'm a wee bit nervous to have it in the house again.

Well, I did get a bit of a workout yesterday. I was on my hands and knees scrubbing paint off my brother's apartment kitchen floor, crawling around trying to get stains out of his living room carpet, cleaning toilets and windows, etc. My brother graduated from Virginia Tech this year, and the lease for his apartment ends Monday. He was working, so my parents and I went down to Blacksburg to clean it up to see if we could get the security deposit back. We definitely won't, not because the apartment is particularly dirty, but because the landlords at Foxridge are greedy little pieces of.... poop. They gave us a list of things that needed to be done when a tenant moves out of an apartment. This list includes the charges you incur if you don't do these piddling little chores: Changing lightbulbs- $5 per bulb, Taking down and cleaning ceiling fixtures: $25 per fixture, Cleaning underneath the refrigerator: $15, Cleaning the stove: $25-$50, New drip pans: $7-$25, etc etc... So they're definitely going to keep the security deposit, but we went down just to make sure they wouldn't charge us more.

Ah, bad news, though. I ate terribly. I didn't binge, per se, had 3 meals, all fast food, plus skittles and an airhead. And the meals I had were large. 3 pancakes from McDonalds with 2 pats margarine and 1 container syrup for breakfast, 5 chicken strips with fries (plus some of my mom's fries) at Hardee's, and dinner at Chick Fil A was 12 nuggets plus fries and 1/3 of a chocolate milkshake.

Oh goodness. Enough about me, how did you guys do? Any good news?

 

[Ree T]

lol, i totally do this on my cheat days. It's so great, something to look forward to, sad but true. I eat well for about 3 weeks, like really boringly well. Then i get my favourite foods, (chocolate slices!!! and lots of other things), sit down with a good film and just go crazy. Probably not the best way, but i'm only human.

 

[SparkErosion]

Well my family eats out A LOT. At least 6 days of the week I eat out at some point, and about 2-3 of those days, I eat out more than once per day. Yesterday was an example of that. Granted, we were on the road from 7am til 1am, but I ate out three times yesterday... and I really overdid it.
Today I ate at costco for lunch, had 1 piece of pizza (which was so large it probably was the actual equivalent of 2 slices) and half a churro, and we'll be eating at my mom's friends house for dinner.... and we bought crab dip, which, in and of itself is not actually bad for you, it is if you eat vast amounts of it... which is why I'm a wee bit nervous to have it in the house again.

Well, I did get a bit of a workout yesterday. I was on my hands and knees scrubbing paint off my brother's apartment kitchen floor, crawling around trying to get stains out of his living room carpet, cleaning toilets and windows, etc. My brother graduated from Virginia Tech this year, and the lease for his apartment ends Monday. He was working, so my parents and I went down to Blacksburg to clean it up to see if we could get the security deposit back. We definitely won't, not because the apartment is particularly dirty, but because the landlords at Foxridge are greedy little pieces of.... poop. They gave us a list of things that needed to be done when a tenant moves out of an apartment. This list includes the charges you incur if you don't do these piddling little chores: Changing lightbulbs- $5 per bulb, Taking down and cleaning ceiling fixtures: $25 per fixture, Cleaning underneath the refrigerator: $15, Cleaning the stove: $25-$50, New drip pans: $7-$25, etc etc... So they're definitely going to keep the security deposit, but we went down just to make sure they wouldn't charge us more.

Ah, bad news, though. I ate terribly. I didn't binge, per se, had 3 meals, all fast food, plus skittles and an airhead. And the meals I had were large. 3 pancakes from McDonalds with 2 pats margarine and 1 container syrup for breakfast, 5 chicken strips with fries (plus some of my mom's fries) at Hardee's, and dinner at Chick Fil A was 12 nuggets plus fries and 1/3 of a chocolate milkshake.

Oh goodness. Enough about me, how did you guys do? Any good news?

I ran/jogged again today...second day of my couch to 2k program. Not sure if I should run again tomorrow, as it will be my third day in a row on C25k...I know you're supposed to take a day between each run..I Guess we'll see, still debating.

 

[mandae]

Hi everyone.

I also suffer from bed.. it feels horrible..

I went from 50kg to 56kg.. i went from accpetable weight to overweight (im 152cm)

I eat when im not hungry.. food is like air now.. always constantly eating it..

I read all the replies and i cant believe there are ppl just like me

I wanted to puke my food out but like one of you said, i love myself but not my body. I just couldnt bring myself to do it.

I became like this because my friend had bulimia and will always tell me how fat she felt. I became influenced and developed binge-eating disorder.

I have been battling it since feb and is very very very sad abt it. I would often cry at night after feeling so full and seeing my stomach bulge.

Plus, i feel stress becos my exams are coming and will always turn to food. im afraid if i exercise i would not have time to study..

Help

 

[Ella1]

Thankyou for starting this topic, I'm a binge eater too. Addiction is something that runs through my family, on both sides. I don't talk to my father anymore because of his addictions, My Mother and Grandparents are all addicted to alcohol. I do drink, its just not my problem, I rarely want a drink, Its food that i've become addicted to, in a big way.
I think its A. Because addiction is hereditry, and B. because of the habits I grew up observing.
I'll be honest, I was going to join OverEaters Anonymous earlier this week until I saw the sentence "Have you tried to diet and failed?" the truth is that I haven't, not really. I thought going there would help me diet, but I haven't really tried it for myself at all. Somehow I thought sitting around and telling people what I already know about myself might make me magicly stop craving bad food, That it would make me better. In my heart I knew the answer was that I was just looking for another excuse.

I go to the shop at least once a day, and buy about 6 packets, sometimes more of crisps, chocalote whatever. I'm not even hungry. Then I run upto my room quickly eat it all, and hide the evidence. I don't even know why I do it to be honest, I don't get any joy from it at all. I notice when I don't though, like when i've stayed with my boyfriend, I've just wanted to get home so I could eat all I wanted too. There was a part of me saying "urgh.. Elly, this isn't healthy" but the part of me that wanted to eat took over.

I'm trying now, I had a handful of crisps with a sandwich yesterday I really had to stop myself going for the whole bag, and then seven more. Its the first time I've had crisps since I've started dieting, and I was amazed that I could do it, and a little bit ashamed that i'd even had any.
Annie I wish I could tell you the secret to stop longing for secret binges, I wish I knew how to do it myself. However I am here if anyone needs to talk about it though, I understand the feeling completely, and I will try to help the best that I can. We're all here for the same reason, I'm sure with each others support we can all get past this and one day be wonderful and healthy and slim

 

[Lilyofthevalley]

Ella- In my humble opinion, support is the key. Just knowing I have people to turn to without being ashamed makes me want to work harder. I've been working harder ever since I started this topic... sometimes unsuccessfully, but knowing there are people out there like me, going through the same thing... even if I don't have the time to go online and talk about it, just knowing people have succeeded, even though there are struggles, there's support... that's incredibly helpful.

Has anyone tried meditation? So far it's really helped me acknowledge my obsessive thoughts, which helps them go away. I just stop myself, just say "You're obsessing. It's Ok... It's not your fault. Just Breathe..." and I count my breaths until it passes.

It's different for everyone, I know, but I just thought I'd share what seems to be helping for me. Tomorrow will be a test, though. I'm going to need to find something to occupy my brain so I don't have to deal with those "There's a can of whipped cream in the fridge. How much can I eat without anyone noticing? Oh god, there are oreos too. How many are in there? I hope mom doesn't want any for a while.... I don't want to tell her where they all went..." thoughts.... I found a new, really interesting book by Bill Bryson called "A Short History of Nearly Everything". I'm hoping that will distract me between meals.

Well... I guess that's it. I'm so happy people are finding this!

How is everyone?

Annie

 

[Ella1]

I've read that book! Its good, Bill Bryson is an amazing writer. I find reading quite difficult because I always like to eat while I read haha. I'm finding playing online games good because its giving me something to do with my hands. I'm good at sewing so i'm thinking of taking up Knitting, maybe that would be a good idea for you to? keeping busy and occupided I think is the key. Meditation is definitly a good idea, I was doing pilates today which really calmed me down haha.

I was out good shopping earlier with my parentals, for some odd reason they were stood infront of the pizza section for what felt like two decades, it was like esquisite torture, I love pizza. After we came home I exercised though, so I felt much better and it took my mind off food.
What I'm finding difficult is the "all or nothing" mentality, I mean I'm sure if I start a packet of cookies, I will finish them off, and probably another, so isn't it better to just not eat them at all if I don't trust myself?
Anyway good luck with tomorrow Annie, i'm sure you'll be wonderful