because i'm worth it!! (aren't we all??!)

[baglady2713]

bloody grissom!!!!

ahhhhhh no i love him really...hes so cuddly lookin!! i like him older with the facial fuzz.......


ooooooooh he can examine me anytime...


anyway.............


last night minding my own business watching CSI when grissom quoted freud...
'the only unnatural sexual behaviour is none at all...then its just a question of opportunity & preference...'

WTF???!!! i hate that quote...so what now on top of the man/sex drought thing...& the trying not eat everything that isn't nailed down anymore...i now have to deal with the fact that i'm considered some kind of freak too...THIS SUCKS BIGGGGGGGGGGG...
& no not in a good way..........

but is that really only for those who CHOOSE celibacy??

& what about ppl who shag farm animals??? natural????!!! my bleedin arse!!!


edit...
anyhoo....just proves what i've always thought...freuds really just an old PERV!!!

 

[kureransu]

you are insanely cute! i love reading your diary. thanks for putting a smile on my face daily. i do appreciate it much. i love the fact that you said shag! great!

 

[baglady2713]

ONLY 45lbs to goooooooooooooooooooooooo..............


even so feeling a little fed up today...


due to pure vanity....


after seeing someone from school yesterday that i never really got along with...i felt awful & really panicky...ignored her obviously...like i didn't know her or rather trying to make out that I wasn't 'ME' IYKWIM...

to make things worse...shes a jangler (gossip) & today i just know she'll be telling everyone on friends reunited & facebook...of how the 'skinny have fallen' BITCH...thank god i don't go on them...

anyway...she looked like a total sourpuss & downright bloody miserable in her size 8 friggin skinny jeans (US 4) at least i was having fun with my posse...

my posse being an 11 & 8 yr old btw!! well before i saw her that is...

as (vain) idiot that i am i couldn't bring myself to finish my lunch when i saw her...staring at me (SUPER BITCH) & wasted a very yummy panini!!! dammit!!!


kureransu...if you're around i could really do wth a big manly hug


edit....
no way you were right HERE as i was typing about YOU!!! LOL

 

[kureransu]

You are beautiful!

watch for my hands though... they have a mind of their own. don't be so hard on yourself. outside appearance is only part of the puzzle. i we both know you're down right beautiful, and a few pounds isn't going to change that. sure you are a little more curvier in places that you may not want to be, buts its life and we go through things. sometimes it happens just to humble ourselves and get a new perspective on things, or the result of a series of bad choices. either way, the fact that you are fighting to get back to where you were makes you even more attractive then you could ever imagine. that drive and motivation, and refusal to submit to temptation (most of the time lol) are qualities, that make you shine. and shining is something you do quite well. you physical appearance isn't permanent, it can change for so many reasons. but how you are on the inside accents what you look like on the outside. if you are a bit overweight, but are making strides to change it and are proud of where you are now, and where you are going, you will come off as sexy as ever, to guys, even with the weight. its about how you carry yourself. i'm confident in myself and i am definitely not ashamed of how i look, because it happens. we are human, we get misguided, sometimes longer than we could ever hope for. But we embrace it and use it as fuel to get us to where we need to be. For me, i felt me and this body aren't compatible anymore. i live a very active lifestyle, and i feel i deserve the body that shows that. so we (mind and body) are working together to make it happen. I eat right and work my body out like it wants to, and it gives me stronger bones, more stamina and endurance, to be even more active than i was before. Its a help me help you type deal. People see it and they are totally motivated and inspired by me. That is how i got my last girlfriend. and she was a skinny one. 5 foot 7inches 123lbs with a 5 foot 8inch 380 pound guy. crazy, but she said that my confidence and they way i carried myself was extremely attractive for her. i had a couple other crushes (thet crushed on me, yeah crazy right!?!? ) who said the same thing. so that is what i am saying to you. embrace who you are now, and you'll fair much better. its nothing wrong with acknowledging who you are. just don't settle if you know you deserve better, and you're not. so be proud! walk with confidence and show off that sexy bod of yours! i mean its only getting sexier, so who cares!?! just saying. if facebooker want to rant on how you've gained weight let them. because when you lose it it'll be just as sweet for them to see the change and how much control you have over your life.

anyway blah blah blah. you get the point. I want it off now as well, but if it was that easy, everyone would be skinny. i think the fact that its a slow process gives us time to reflect andfigure what's best for us and our bodies. so let the weight come off slowly, and use this time to figure out what's best for you so that when its all off its off for goood! good luck bl and i'm sure i'll hear back from you soon.

 

[baglady2713]

ahhhhhhhh...

well despite the fact that you are what?? 12??! LOL

i want to go all mrs robinson on your ass right NOW & kiss the face off you!!!

 

[baglady2713]

more Freud................

Woe to you, my Princess, when I come... you shall see who is the stronger, a gentle girl who doesn't eat enough or a big wild man who has cocaine in his body.
Letter to his fiancée, Martha Bernays (2 June 1884)


noooooo way!!!

fullofhimself much???? hahaha

btw don't believe the hype...ever...lasting longer doesn't always mean better.......plus you'll talk utter crap.....& thats never sexy!!

 

[kureransu]

well despite the fact that you are what?? 12??! LOL

i want to go all mrs robinson on your ass right NOW & kiss the face off you!!!

12!?! haha. i find myself attracted to older woman myself. I have been told i have an old soul... and i've dealt with a lot to keep me way of thinking in perspective. I had to grow up fast... so yeah... I've lost both parents already, as well as both grandmothers.. ironically my GREAT grandmother is still around at the young age of 94.. amazing. well my other one lived to 105, so i guess it can be expected. kissing the face off me would be so nice right about now... i need to meet a woman at some point soon.. hahah

 

[baglady2713]

yeah...12...thought you'd like that!! LOL

but losing both parents & grandmothers??

yet your great grandmother is 94??! & the other lived to 105??! WOW!!



don't get me wrong i'm NOT saying i'm too old for you...but that you're a little young for me...the difference is in the wording love!!

you're just a boy (sort of...) LOL

 

[kureransu]

funny. if you feel that i'm too young that's fine. i don't mind at all. just a boy is a little far fetched though! i wish i were still a boy. the tings i complain about now a days are so bad! i'm so impatient and crabby about things, and i can't stand loud people. well loud without a cause. oh well. i'm running to luch, i'll finish my thought later.

 

[baglady2713]

don't worry....or pout LOL

i have no doubt you really are all man.........


the 'just a boy' comment is quoting marilyn monroe actually...

who said on meeting milton greene, a photographer...

"Why you're just a boy?"

he replied "And you're just a girl"...

which i think is very sweet

 

[kureransu]

no pouting here. just saying... i lost my train of thought, it was going to be something flirtatious let me tell you, but its gone. replaced by the satisfaction of eating food. i'll think of something soon. please look forward to it!

 

[baglady2713]

oh i will!!


btw no one can pout like me...i could pout/sulk for england!! not very attractive but there you go...LOL

plus i have a very full bottom lip which is just perfect for the job!!
(still...at least i won't need those lip injections some celebs get!!)

 

[baglady2713]

apparently...

there maybe a few on here who seem to think i shouldn't be 'allowed' (piss off!! LOL) to post about personal stuff that has nothing to do with weight loss...



hmmmmm i wonder....would that be the...

SEX/MASTURBATION/SEMEN TASTE/SEX/PENIS/DESIGNER VAGINAS/BOOBS vs TITS...did i mention SEX?? THAT stuff??!

oh right i'll stop then...




(for chef...) NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[cinderelly]

there maybe a few on here who seem to think i shouldn't be 'allowed' (piss off!! LOL) to post about personal stuff that has nothing to do with weight loss...



hmmmmm i wonder....would that be the...

SEX/MASTURBATION/SEMEN TASTE/SEX/PENIS/DESIGNER VAGINAS/BOOBS vs TITS...did i mention SEX?? THAT stuff??!

oh right i'll stop then...




(for chef...) NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

Really, w/e, lol.I honestly really respect ppl who have no issues abt speaking openly and speaking there mind...(specially since Im one of them)_ LOL

Who is having issues...from the stupid save steve thread...


Anyway I just dropped by to comment on this..

oh you are quite the little missy aren't you??? re talking about personal lives...well you can't mean me surely?? (btw when you use sarcasm well enough..you don't have to actualy point out that it is in fact sarcasm)

I fucking love this!!!I loved who you directed it to adn I love what you said, so fucking true and said so well.I tried reppin ya but appearantly ive given too much out...LOL

 

[baglady2713]

hahaha ta love....

Really, w/e, lol.I honestly really respect ppl who have no issues abt speaking openly and speaking there mind...(specially since Im one of them)_ LOL

Who is having issues...from the stupid save steve thread...


Anyway I just dropped by to comment on this..

oh you are quite the little missy aren't you??? re talking about personal lives...well you can't mean me surely?? (btw when you use sarcasm well enough..you don't have to actualy point out that it is in fact sarcasm)

I fucking love this!!!I loved who you directed it to adn I love what you said, so fucking true and said so well.I tried reppin ya but appearantly ive given too much out...LOL

i honestly never looked at the thread after i said my bit...as they'd already had their say anyway...& then it would have just went around & around.....

some ppl are just so far up their own arse...they should be filed as a missing person....


anyhoo.............


LOVE your new sig!!

 

[baglady2713]

i'm lost in lost...............

this 3 yr thing is kinda throwing me!!!

so is whats gone on in that period of time...

just part of their past like other past stuff...in the story i mean??
are their actions going to change the present/future that we've already seen?? hmmmmm.....

also more importantly...
the kate/jack/sawyer triangle...

was kate sort of with jack first...then sawyer...then jack again when they went back home with the baby & now again...sort of??

so have they really all just swopped partners??

blondie was with jack...& now sawyer?? filthy lot.........


oooooooh jack or sawyer....now thats the REAL question!!!

 

[baglady2713]

If you didn't know your age, how old would you be?"


hmmmm when i was in my 30's i wanted to be 27 again...
no idea why that age stood out...other than its the date of my birthday...
although may have been b/c i was in between husbands at the time
footloose & fancy free........


now??? oooooh noooo 20's/30's been there done that...never again....

i actually don't mind the age i am or even of getting older...(sooooo glad i thought i'd be the type to panic about it...but its kind of cool not to care LOL) i just don't like the idea of looking/feeling older...but y'know what they say...you're as old as the man/woman you feel!!

so maybe i should look into the whole boytoy thing after all...but i don't know....i just think i'd prefer the man in my life to be older than me...so they get wrinkles before i do...oh yeah & fatter than me too...thats a given!!! now that would make me feel A LOT better...taking pleasure from anothers ageing!!


an oldie but goodie...a bit like myself....first released 1970...when i was 3!!
sexy song...then again robert plant was a bit of a sexy bastard....

 

[Alta818]

hahaha....you are so funny! HELL ya...let that man wrinkle first!! hahaha... So we can look like the Beauties and them the BEASTS!!! (well not really BEASTS...i hope you find a HOT ONE!! )!!!....I hope he desires you like a "BEAST" though...hehe

....Just wanted to stop in and SAY HELLO BEAUTIFUL!!! I always know where to come into if I just want to ponder life a bit!!! !!! You are GREAT!!!

 

[baglady2713]

hi alta!!!

i am such a slacker member of WLF....there are lots of diaries including yours i always mean to catch up with...i will tomorrow!!!

right now i'm bloody STARVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok not really...i have ate > enough today to sustain my bod...but still i feel REALLY REALLY hungry!!!!! i want.....hmmmmm.....lots of crusty baguette & cheese...or ciabatta bread & olives......or...just masses of garlicky bread!!!!

bugger bugger bugger.................


anyway just aswell i have none of the food above in my cupboards...

the urge to eat everything in the house thats not nailed down...still plagues me at times...i want THAT feeling of feeling full & satisfied...of course i am aware enough by now to know that even all that yummy food won't DO IT for me...i would still feel 'empty' inside after...as its not really physical hunger that i'm feeling nor is it the physical sensation of being full up that i'm longing for...its 'emotional hunger'...comfort etc...or even just to use food & eating itself as a distraction from the feelings themselves...whether feeling a little low perhaps or even a bit lonely...

finns fell asleep early...which NEVER happens...& especially not of a w/end as i only give him his melatonin on school nights. my elder son is away at his GF's...the one i don't get along with...so obviously hes bound to marry her!!! & today...i helped my sister & some of her friends get all glammed up for Ladies Day at Aintree...a big annual racing event. they all looked fabulous!! a few wearing my clothes...well at least someone is LOL

of course they'd asked me to go too...as had my own friends...but even if it wasn't for the extra poundage that i do not wish to share with all of liverpol at the mo...i have finn to see to. he only ever gets looked after by his big brother...as you can never tell with finn how hes going to be. he could be sooooo good that you want to actually just eat him up (or that might just be me & my food issues again...) or he could be a little (or a lot) too much to handle...the last time he went to my sisters house without me...he started to panic & run about shouting....i'm a homeboy!! let me out!!! i need ****** ***** *******!! wheres she gone??? giving me my full name including middle name...god love him.

finn has come on so much...& hes great fun to be around...but due to his autism he has difficulties understanding social cues & change as we do...he likes stabilty & to be home...getting finn to go anywhere is quite a production!! with my eldest spending more time with his GF i know i will have even less time to get out & have a social life...even when i do finally ditch all my extra blubber...but i would never let him know that (no...not even though i don't like his GF!!) hes 21 in a couple of wks...he shouldn't have to feel obligated to his mum FGS...he graduates in july...& is hoping to do screenwriting....i know he will as hes a great writer...but yeah it'll be quite a wrench when he leaves us for good.

maybe its about time i started to put a bit of effort into finding a new man (saint!!) believe me my man drought has > made up for even the 3 marriage/divorces...its been a longgggggg drought...& anyway who will i nag about about putting the rubbish out when my sons not here??!! hmmmm we'll see...need to lose MORE weight first...


OMG!!!!! it really worked....i rambled on here...got it all out...& i don't feel hungry anymore!!! of course now i just feel a bit sad & crap that the whole worlds out doing stuff...& yeah having wild rampant sex...& snuggling up & getting close with someone & i'm not...but at least i'm feeling the emotions rather than smothering them with food...so progress right???

i think so......but shit is that the choice?? EAT or feel like cryng?? think i'd rather just have the food...but then again the emotional stuff would still be there...after i'd finished eating...can't put off dealing with the emotional stuff indefinitely....although i'm still hoping for THAT magic pill...that lets you eat whatever you like/as often as you like & you never ever put on weight...dream on missy!!


while typing this i have listened to this over & over again...




night all.............xx

 

[baglady2713]

can you name ALL the ppl who you've ever slept with??

ok lets get a little more specific as i've slept with ppl both male & female friends...but never had sex...so we're actualy talking the real deal here...

i would have put this as a thread in the off topic section but theres a few holier than thou types who might bitch about it...& if you're one of them & reading this...WHY are you even in here?? go back to your knitting........


just initials...if you can't remember one/both initials use **** though the more **** you use the more loose your knickers/pants...or drunk you must have been!!! LOL

also i'm twice the age of some of you little pups...so thats why i may have more...its not b/c i really live in floozieville.............

ok...

1. SB - 1st hubbie to be...i was nearly 19...not first love...but first 'serious' r/ship...tempestuous...very on/off even when married!!

not that i hadn't gotten a little hot n' heavy with previous BF's especially my first true love when i was 16/17...but no BJ's/handjobs...
until met SB...still when you look back wasn't the 'non-sex' sex some of the best sex you've ever had?? kissing for literally hrs...
squished against each other...pushing against each other till you thought you were just going to explode!!? had my first orgasm standing up/fully clothed/being kissed goodnight by TC (first love ) not that either of us really knew what was going on...i was just like DON'T MOVE...EVER!!!!!!! think he thought i was having some kind of fit!!! oh noooooo love definitley not a fit!!!

2. AB - 1st toyboy...6 yrs younger than me (18 to my 24) & brother of my close friend...somehow remained friends though with everyone!!! only ex i still see/speak to...its like IT never happened...more like brother/sister now...its funny though how each partner can have a different take on a r/ship...to me it was a lovely little fling...but to AB it was his first serious r/ship...so he told my best friend...his sister...

3. B* - only lasted a few wks...not a particularly wise choice...partying alot at the time...rave scene first started up etc a longggg time ago!! he ended up being killed for dodgy dealings with the russian mafia...i never confirmed this for myself...but as he was the type to get up to a bit of no good & his headless torso was found floating off coast of spain...i can well believe it....

4. TA - another unwise choice...a bit of a player but i had no idea at the time...my son was about 3 at the time & i was working & studying so not able to go out a lot...TA went off on a lost w/end came to mine on the monday night...& told me he wanted to see me & another girl he'd met at the w/end??! i was devastated & there were lots of tears...DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA...really it was just hurt pride...(couldn't believe he wanted to see someone else other than ME!! hahaha) i dumped him...he started seeing the other girl...who then went on to sleep with two of his 'friends'...karma, eh??!

5. PG - hubbie no.2....we dated/lived together for 3 yrs before we were married...but i sometimes felt a little uncomfortable...like we weren't really connecting at all...i'm sure he felt the same way too. i remember being on a beach in goa & thinking...this is a lovely moment...if only i was with someone else??! but he was a really nice guy...we just didn't really gel chemistry wise....there is a little more to this particluar story but wouldn't be fair to him for me to just spill it all out................

6. ** - ok thats not good!!! two *'s!!! but should be ?? too as not 100% we did the deed...younger brother of a friend of my sister....so 2nd boytoy...7 yrs younger...he used to flatter & tease me alot...that i could be his older woman (i was only 28 myself...not so bleedin old...the cheeky scamp LOL!!) but yeah one drunken night his flattery got him everywhere...well maybe or maybe not...as i can't remember!!! anyway...i avoided him & his sister for quite some time...i remember he used to leave messages on my answer phone...for mths after...but he was just a boy. (i can remember his sisters first name though so does that count??! )

7. ** - another shining moment...NOT!!! one & only time i've met someone in a bar & gone home with him...though i'd saw him at the bar & had little chats/flirts with him for a few wks prior to the DEED...but i'd told him wasn't interested in seeing him as he was a few yrs younger than me...so another young one...can't believe i had so many!!! anyway...one night he told me he was going to australia the next day for 6 mths...was he really or did he think i'd be more likely to go home with him...as less complications??! maybe...but as i hadn't had sex for a couple of mths...i caved anyway...but tbh like the one above...should have ?? too...as although i can remember having a very drunken bath together i don't think we actually had sex...i'm 60% sure anyway.................

8. J* - the detective...i've spoke about my little affair on here already i think.

9. ** - a charming taxi driver...i used to use him a lot to drop the girls off when i was doing the madame thing...i never really dated around this time. divorce to no.2 taking awhile to go through...but yes a drink led to other things...we dated for about 3 wks...then another driver told me he was married....& i dumped his sorry ass (think i watch way too many american shows!! ) i even parceled up some things he'd left at my house...& dumped them too on the step of the taxi firm he worked for...never heard from him again hahaha....i do remember he was a cancer though (star sign wise not actually malignant) why i remember that & not his name no idea!! but i did once read that cancer & pisces compatible...as cancerians are even more moody than pisces...or something like that...& home loving too...though not in his case...apparently...but think men can compartmentalise > women...including their home/sex/love lives...

10. J* - another charmer...met him during whole madame thing too...didn't consider it a serious r/ship...just sex...i used to fit him in about once a wk thats it...then he shocked me by admitting not only was he living with his GF but she was due to have their baby!!! dumped pronto....

11. GP - ahhhhhh he was so sweet & very funny...until my friends & ex. hubbie no.1 ruined it all by pointing out that the reason he was always so chilled & funny was that he was aways drunk.............then i met his dad who was about a step away from wandering the streets & drinking on park benches...& his brother looked on his way too...i started to look at him a little differently...& noticed how often he'd just suddenly fall alseep...not during sex thank god...but when we were out together...at the theatre watching a play for instance/at the cinema/even in bars....i tried to discuss it with him but he just shut down. so i ended it....though the drama played out for mths...with lots of very drunken phone calls from him at 3am...this was my hardest breakup ever....it took me quite some time to get over him...

12. ** - but i know it was a greek name!!! well yes i did have this holiday fling about 3 mths later....after no.11 ended but still 3 mths a long time for me!!! my one & only holiday 'romance'...captain of the boat i went on for a little island hop. his family were actually sheep farmers & he made me promise i'd come back to him & live with him on his families farm...hmmmmmm....well i had to say yes as he was getting a bit tearful in the hotel reception...our 4 days & one night (on the beach) together had obviously meant more to him than they did me...heartless woman that i am

13. AS - husband no.3...wrote about him on the online dating thread..he really doesn't deserve to be wrote about again...

14. S* - forgot about him on that same thread as met him online too (you'd think i'd learnt from no.3....but noooo!!!) anyway i aways give each person the benefit of the doubt of not being an asshole until proven otherwise...& he wasn't he was actually really nice...i just didn't feel 'IT'...& as he was divorced with kids & i was caring for finn who'd just been diagnosed i thought it best not to drag it out or to just marry him for the sake of it (hahaha) in fact i consider this my one & only 'normal' breakup & the time i finally exercised some maturity re r/ships...i also decided to take a break from dating for a while...caring for finn was pretty full on at this time...with a severe lack of sleep plus i was living away from friends/support...the break though seemed to take on a life of its own....it went on & on...at same time i started putting the weight on...so didn't feel the urge to get nakey with anyone anyway...& now???!! oh yessss urges have definitely made a comeback..but now i worry not only about the weight...but the actual...y'know sex...what if i've forgot how to DO IT?? ppl alway say you never forget its like riding a bike blahblahblah...but i was always crap at riding bikes...still am!! but i KNOW i was good at sex....but don't we ALL say/think that!!


i haven't really written in my journal at home since joining WLF...i wonder why??!