back again...

Hey, Jersey!
I am sorry to hear the break-up news. It could be for the best though. It is better to know now then a year or so from now. Maybe he will figure out what he has lost once he has been alone for a while. I couldn't imagine going through something like this with someone who you thought you were building a life with. Are many of the people that he goes to school with in serious long term relationships? If they are not, that could be a source of some of the "changes." I know when my husband and I first got together he was looking for something serious and I was not. It took me a while, but I finally figured out what I wanted (granted I went through that stage when I was 19, but men can be a little slow).

Anyways, back "on topic"... congrats on loosing another pound! Just make sure that you are getting proper nutrition! You might want to find a good multi-vitamin (if you don't already have one), that way you will have to worry less about your physical state on thoes days that you don't eat very much.

Keep your head up!
 
thanks tiff,
im not sure what the heck is going on here. all i know is that i am totally heartbroken. i wish i could just stop hurting. tonight i was supposed to take mike to a concert for his bday- i bought the tickets 3 months ago. i feel so sick about all this. i wish it couls just go away.

back on topic.
ive been trying really really hard to force myself to eat. its hard. i do have a good multivitmain that ive been taking. when youre limiting your cals like i do even when i dont mean to... you have to have a multi vitamin. i guess theres not much else to say.
 
You poor thing, that must have been so hard having those concert tickets and those plans for so long. You just have to remember that there are tons of guys out there and now that we all have access to the internet, it has become the norm to be able to meet a huge array of men from our very own living rooms (or offices or wherever). On the other hand, it has often been my experience that the guys like this that leave for some space always come back after they realize they've lost me. Usually its too late. He'll probably be back in some time begging you to take him back, but by then you might have moved on already. Its so hard to see any of this right now, with the way you're feeling but things WILL get better soon. In the meantime, try to "drink" some calories just to keep your energy up (like carrot juice or smoothies or Slimfast).
 
hey there! sorry about all of the boy troubles =( just know that it's okay to share personal stuff on the boards too! there is so much that affects our health, and personal stuff is part of that!

what are you doing for exercise? calorie counting is good, but exercise is good as well. one of the things that really helps me is also to post everything that I eat here and keep strict accounting - that way there are all of these other people that can help keep me accountable!

eating fast food isn't the best thing, but look into the calories for various things like a simple hamburger or a chicken sandwich not breaded - you might be surprised how it compares to salad at those same fast food places =)
 
so last night i wentout and got wasted. not so good for my diet or how im feeling today, i just really needed to take my mind off things.
it ony worked for the night. and when i woke up this morning i was right back where i was before. GOD this sucks.

i slept at a friends so i didnt weigh in this morning, and then my friend and i went to this spa place cause she had free passes. that was nice.

i just feel really sick and i cant tell if its because i miss michael and tomorrow is his birthday... or if its from drinking way too much last night. probably both?

i hate this, i want my life back.
 
hey jersey girl, so sorry about all thats being going on with you. Its awful to feel that bad.When I split up with my ex I couldnt eat either. Its hard. 18 months on though and Im about to celebrate my first anniversary with my great new guy. It doesnt seem like it will get better I know but in the end you will either work it out with him or find someone a million times better. Hang in there! :hug2:
 
What's surprising to me is how he didn't really let on or give any hints that he wasn't happy. That must be especially hard to deal with the shock of it all and going from one day to the next hanging out with him a lot to not at all. I feel this has nothing to do with you and he's trying to figure out if he's ready to settle down right now. Probably just a bit freaked out by the seriousness of it all. How old is he? None of this takes away your pain though except time. Before that time is up he may be back, probably all the quicker if he doesn't hear from you and thinks you've moved on. Keep your chin up, we can all guarantee with absolute certainty that you will be feeling better in time and things will work out as intended as TTT said. In the meantime, I always use the break up period to lose tons of weight to either throw it in their face and look great when they see me or to find a new man.
 
^The heart only sees what it wants to see Blancita.

Jerseygirl---I don't really know what to say so I'm just gonna give you one of my super squishy hugs----

*super squishy hug*

I hope you feel better soon.
 
hey girls,
thanks for all your kind words. today has been really really hard. today is mkes birthday... i called him when i knew hed be in class and i left him a message so i wasnt looking like a bitch but i wouldnt have to talk to him... he called me back. i shouldnt have answered but i did. i was very non chalant with him and it was KILLING me inside to talk to him like he was just a friend of mine... it hurts so bad. then he sent me a text message that said "sorry i couldnt talk very liong before but i just wanted to say thanks again for calling me and i hope youre doing well". i dont know what to make of that.
whts worse is that since we broke up ALL these girls from his program starting making them his facebook friend. and one girl left him this message that just pissed me off.
my friend wants me to try to figure out what my "happy place'" is but the truth is that i dont have one. this is pervading my entire life. im afraid i might really have depression. i tried to make myself eat again but it just wont stay down. this is the hardest thing ive ever done in my life.
 
hey everyone,
im feeling better tonight thanks to my friend who has been here for me 100% the entire way. when shes around i forget about stuff and everythings ok for awhile. when she leaves though, im usually not so good. im hoping this gets easier. i just want to feel like he misses me but i guess it shouldnt matter either way.
this is almost kind of good for my diet, haha. im just kidding. i REALLY need to start eating, good news is i ate dinner tonight and i kept a majority of it in my system. at least im not throwing up again. i need to start going for walks again.
my firned becky and i were taking about pole dancing classes, haha! that sounds like it would be a fun thing to do. i dunno it would be something to do with her and to get my mind off things a little bit more. im hurting so bad but i want to put up a front for him- so he thinks im moving on. my im profile just has these lyrics:

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And everytime I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I'll make it through the rain

and on my facebook it says

yea, i might feel defeated and I might hang my head
i might be barely breathing but im not dead
tomorrows another day and im thirsty anyway
so bring on the rain

i dont want himt o know im hurting, i want him to be like- holy crap- shes not crying over this? you know? i know this is weird of me to write this on here... i just wanna get it off my chest i guess... write it down in words.
 
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Keep your head up! I am glad that you have someone there that can help get your mind off things. Pole dancing classes sound fun! :D
 
I see that you lost another 2lbs... congrats!! I wish I had someone here that would like to do classes like that with me. I do have the Carmen Electra strip tease DVD's, they are fun... but not nearly as fun as a class I am sure.

How is school going? Are you keeping on top of things with everything that is going on?
 
so today i talked to mike nad he told me that he "left me behind with princeton". that he didnt like who he was with me and that he felt like he was married and that he liked it better when he was just by himself. who they hell is he?! like, i dont even wanna be with this person, seriously. i just want my old life back. whatever- i feel like someone died because its like, mike isnt even that same person. that man who i met and fell in love with at princeton doesnt even exist anymore. that person is dead. i have to come to terms with that.
 
so my day has went pretty well since i had that convo with mike. a hard as it was to hear him say those things- i needed to hear it. im not holding out hope anymore. after he sad that stuff...now i KNOW its really over and im ready to start moving on. it sucks and it hurts still- but like i said. i dont love this man. i love the man i used to know. the man who i met years ago. im grieving the loss of that man. not this one.
i at again tonight, chinese. not relly good i know, but i was just happy to eat without throwing it up. thank god for my friends.

he is never going to be able to be truly happy with a woman when he tries to keep changing and hes afraid to commit to anyone. i shouldve known better. his father left his mom after 28 years. i shuld have recognized that his view of serious relationships and commitment was seriously skewed. its ok though. im moving on. i didnt want to but now i know that i have to.
 
Hey there, just finally found this diary it was on the top page. man I didnt know you were going through all this crap in your personal life. I am glad your coming to a realization. Hes the one whose losing out not you.

You also have to become stronger from this and not weaker. If you become weak from this its just letting him win. And also when you get down to your desired weight and worked hard doing it without him, dont let him crawl back.

Goodluck maybe we will chat tonight.
 
Sorry I don't have any encouraging words tonight Jersey. I am steaming mad... I pretty much hate school and can't wait to NEVER go back (re: my diary).

Oh, I do have myspace and facebook *ashamed.*
 
hey guys,
i really am feeling better after talking to mike today. it sucked to hear him say some of that crap, but i seriously needed to hear it i guess. i was holding out hope and im not anymore. im moving on with my life. anyways, thanks for all your support through this, guys. its been so nice to be able to vent on here to people who are removed. my parents just want me to have mike bck and they blame me for losing him. my parents are insane. im moving out of my house becuse being around them is just ridiculous. anyways, tomorrow ill start being good again. for tonight- i think ill have another smirnoff or 7. hahahaha.
 
Hey,

Its horrible to have to hear things like that. It might not seem like it but its better to hear them and be able to move on with things than to stay in a relationship that ultimately wont be happy.

Its not easy though. Go easy on yourself for a while.

Hugs!
 
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