Thanks Sarah! Blah yes, that is just my "first" goal...for psychological reasons, lol. My overall goal will be somewhere between 120-130 I think. (I am super short so this is actually on the high end of my healthy BMI range..blah!)
Okay...this week has sort of been a disaster. But in a way, it is sort of encouraging. This might be TMI but it seems only ladies have been reading my journal so far and we are all mature adults so whatever. I have extremely bad PMDD to the point that might life get significantly thrown off for about a week and a half before my "time." It has been extremely discouraging for me because it feels like just as I start to get back on track, everything is all thrown out of whack again. It is just awful, I don't want to be by anyone, even my wonderful boyfriend. I get so down and depressed. And then I start eating more/exercising less. And then when it finally comes the cramps are so bad I cannot even move. Anyways, I used to be on medication for it, but I honestly hated the way it made me feel and felt that there had to be a more natural cure. I also suspect it has a lot to do with my inability to lose weight. Just kind of a bad repetitious cycle.
So when I came back here, I was dedicated to really trying to change my diet. exercise more, etc, to see if the symptoms might be at least a little alleviated. I did really well for the first few weeks, was optimistic, saw the scale going down. Yay! Blah, then this past week happened. I definitely started noticing my mood getting worse, and my cravings getting uncontrollable. Honestly, I have done a lot better resisting my cravings, trying to continue to eat well. But I know I've put weight back on and and feel so bloated. It is hard not to fall apart right now.
On top of all that, this week has been crazy in itself. I got assigned to a huge project for work which has been eating up all of my time, my summer class, had to run shopping right after work today to get something for the wedding on Saturday, had to run to my boyfriend's game, now home, have to do homework, go to sleep, get up go to work, go to our friend's celebration tomorrow, come home study, sleep, wake up, go to the wedding, stay over, come home Sunday. What's even better is that "my time" is supposed to show up on Saturday just in time for the wedding.
Oh and yesterday, I got brand new furniture dropped off which took up a good chunk of my afternoon. Ok, now I am just complaining, because I truly do love my new couch, I love my job, and I love that I had the opportunity to do these things. But still...I just want to sleep.
I think what needs to happen is this: I have to adjust my priorities about this weight loss. Everything else in my life is so fast-paced and I think this has to be a slower process. Maybe it will take a year or longer. But I do need to be more aware of how various times of the month affect me and try to find that willpower that I know I have somewhere in there to get through it. No more "goal dates" for me. I am just going to try to make positive choices, eat healthy, exercise more, and hope that weight loss comes.
I am not going to pressure myself to weigh everyday or every week. I will weight myself when I want to. This process should be fun and exciting, not another stressful part of life. I want to rediscover the healthy part of life.
Okay sorry for my dribbling rant, lol. I promise that I will try to be better. All I can do is pick back up from where I am now and keep pushing through. Life goes on.
~Ava
and i look forward to following your journey 
