ArchRaw
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Hello all, I will start to read other peoples journals after I post this. I have been in a vicious cycle for years now. I need to get my health in control.
I was at 185 for years and years, that was about 20lbs over weight for me but then a couple of bad things happend in my life and I gained 40lbs +/- in about a year. When that happend I figured I would lose it but I told myself just don't get to 230. Well when I hit 235 I told myself don't get to 240, then when I hit 245 I said don't go over 250, this was just some crazy cycle that I kept going through in my head. I tried traditional diets but I would lose 20-30 lbs and then fall of the wagon only to gain more than I had lost.
I realize that my mental problem of weight gain comes from emotional eating. If I have a bad day I figure getting a pizza will feel realy good, and it does untill I am done then I just feel worse than before. Some times I feel realy stupid, I know if I just don't do that I will be healthy and lose weight. It feels even worse when you go to other message boards where people let their real feelings out about fat people. How disgusting they think fat people are and how they must be losers that have no self control. Some times I feel like that though. I try to remeber that I am running my own business, did very well in school and that my only real problem in life is getting control of my health (and don't get me wrong that is a big problem).
I have tried multiple conventional diets, I just seem to jump off the wagon after a few weeks or just over a month and gain what I lost back along with a few bonus pounds. I need to do this to keep my business going, I work hard but as I get bigger I just don't feel as motivated as I used to and I fear that this problem could kill my career if it doesn't kill me first.
Not sure what happend along the way. I was an avid runner into my early 20's but started to gain weight slowly in university and stopped my physical activity. Over the 5 years I was in university I went from about 140lbs up to about 185 at graduation.
At any rate this is my first attempt at a journal entry. My next one will outline my ideas for living heathy. I have tried many programs from counting to atkins to south beach, I have done alot of reading and have a pretty good understanding of what I need to do. The doing has always been the hard part.
I was at 185 for years and years, that was about 20lbs over weight for me but then a couple of bad things happend in my life and I gained 40lbs +/- in about a year. When that happend I figured I would lose it but I told myself just don't get to 230. Well when I hit 235 I told myself don't get to 240, then when I hit 245 I said don't go over 250, this was just some crazy cycle that I kept going through in my head. I tried traditional diets but I would lose 20-30 lbs and then fall of the wagon only to gain more than I had lost.
I realize that my mental problem of weight gain comes from emotional eating. If I have a bad day I figure getting a pizza will feel realy good, and it does untill I am done then I just feel worse than before. Some times I feel realy stupid, I know if I just don't do that I will be healthy and lose weight. It feels even worse when you go to other message boards where people let their real feelings out about fat people. How disgusting they think fat people are and how they must be losers that have no self control. Some times I feel like that though. I try to remeber that I am running my own business, did very well in school and that my only real problem in life is getting control of my health (and don't get me wrong that is a big problem).
I have tried multiple conventional diets, I just seem to jump off the wagon after a few weeks or just over a month and gain what I lost back along with a few bonus pounds. I need to do this to keep my business going, I work hard but as I get bigger I just don't feel as motivated as I used to and I fear that this problem could kill my career if it doesn't kill me first.
Not sure what happend along the way. I was an avid runner into my early 20's but started to gain weight slowly in university and stopped my physical activity. Over the 5 years I was in university I went from about 140lbs up to about 185 at graduation.
At any rate this is my first attempt at a journal entry. My next one will outline my ideas for living heathy. I have tried many programs from counting to atkins to south beach, I have done alot of reading and have a pretty good understanding of what I need to do. The doing has always been the hard part.
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