Amy's weight loss diary

Have you had a controlling relationship with food before? Is it something to do with restricting too much what you eat? I'm probably completely off the mark. I hope that whatever help you get you get soon and it does what you need it to do.
 
Thanks guys :) I'm not going anywhere just for now- this issue doesn't have anything to do with my diet or anything like that, it's just that resolving things may involve taking a step back from the diet.

I'm ok, and I'm fairly confident I will be ok, one way or another- I just need to work out how to get past this issue.
 
I've just baked... because I said I would... and there's a bowl with batter in it, and I'm in an emotionally weakened state. Trying really hard to resist it, because it's probably one of my favourite flavour combinations. Unfortunately my boyfriend is sleeping and isn't interested right now. Damn it.

Although that being said, I should have lunch. That might be a good idea.
 
Thanks :) I'll get through. My boyfriend's going to try to get me back on track with things tomorrow.

I've now got the baked goods out of my house- promised to visit a friend tonight so dragged myself out to see him. It doesn't make my problem any better, but I'm feeling a lot better having had a natter for a few hours. He also says I'm thinner than he's ever seen me, and he's one of the first friends I made in England, so if he's right I'm thinner than I have been since late September/ early October 2009. :D He did say "if you lose any more weight you'll disappear!" so I perhaps have to keep that in mind and make sure I don't get too skinny (I'm aware I'm aiming at towards the low end of a healthy BMI).

Hilariously, once again I'm under on calories. I've just had a Greek yoghurt dessert, and I'm still under 1200. Man, I should have shit days more often. (No, really, I shouldn't)
 
Lessee... food. I've just had some crap to bump it up. (Delicious, delicious crap) I haven't been to the gym but in the circumstances I'm not too cut up about that. My legs (especially my quads) are a tiny bit sore, but not really that much.

Attached are my porridge and what 155 calories looks like when you spend it on crap/ calorie rich food.

Wednesday 25 May

Breakfast: 45g porridge made with 360ml water, 80g forest fruit mix, 28g Greek yoghurt, 76ml milk. Cup of tea with 256ml water and 31ml milk. Subtotal: 256 calories, 10g protein, 42g carbs, 4g fat. 17/67/16 split.

Lunch: 2 slices rye bread, 31g grated light mature cheddar cheese (melted, was going for comfort food), 127g tomato, pepper and oregano. Subtotal: 309 calories, 15g protein, 43g carbs, 8g fat. 20/56/24 split.

Dinner: (eh? I didn't snack today?) serve of fruity beef casserole. Subtotal: 338 calories, 26g protein, 41g carbs, 7g fat. 30/49/21 split.

Tea with friend: by necessity estimate, and trying to overestimate. Had two cups with semi-skim milk, say 500ml tea and 100ml milk? 35 calories, 3g protein, 5g carbs, negligible fat.

Dessert: 124g plum, 123g cox apple (both chopped up and steamed), 80g strawberries, 82g raspberries (from frozen), 100g Greek yoghurt, about a gram of cinnamon. Subtotal: 248 calories, 8g protein, 47g carbs, 3g fat. 13/73/13

Bringing it up and over 1200 snack: Two poppy and sesame seed biscuits I decided on a whim to try (15g- that was 76 calories alone!), 7g peanut butter, 7g Green and Black butterscotch chocolate. Subtotal: 155 calories, 3g protein, 13g carbs, 9g fat. 9/35/55 (yikes)

Total: 1343 calories (76%), 69g protein (not enough, though reasonable on the split), 194g carbs, 34g fat. 2049.4ml water (not enough), 1767.5mg sodium (118% of allowance). Final split for today 20/57/23, which actually isn't that bad.
 
amy1985 said:
Thank you :) Unfortunately I'm on the other side of the UK- over 150 miles from London (which in the UK is a long way- being from Australia I think that's a little laughable, but it's a bit of an effort to get down to London, not to mention the cost, which is horrendous). Carrie lives in London, I think.

The more diaries like mine the better- that way I have something to steal as well :D (you're more than welcome to steal any ideas from me- although this is what works for me and so may not work for you, and I'd stress that with the workouts you don't want to jump into something like what I'm doing without advice. Trusylver helped me)

Do you use a calorie calculator? Mine gives me all of this information if I tell it what I'm eating and how much of it.
Click to expand...

I've been using caloriecount.com, which is useful when I'm eating prepackaged or premeasured amounts of food, but I'm finding it a little difficult (and tedious) to measure exact amounts when I'm cooking. For example, I'm not really sure how much 4 oz of chicken is, I know it's about the size of a deck of cards so I have been guesstimating.
 
Can I recommend a set of digital scales? They're not expensive in the UK or Australia, so I presume they wouldn't be expensive in the US. I paid 10 pounds- $16.32 (US)- for mine (proper scale brand and everything, measures to the nearest gram or 0.035oz), although admittedly it was on sale, full price it's 15 pounds, or $24.48 (to anyone wondering why I'm not using the pound sign, I have an Australian keyboard, which doesn't have one). My boyfriend has a little (Weight Watchers) mechanical scale that also measures to the nearest gram, but the advantage of a digital one is you don't need to use a specific bowl, you can add, zero, then add more and have the figures for both numbers, and you don't have to be at the same angle to read the scales. But if it's not an option then guesstimate- there are measures out there for how many cups/ spoons of something equals how many grams of something else, but that requires a little Googling. (Scales take out the fiddly work for me- take item, stick on scale, write number on bit of paper, take next item. Adds at most 5 minutes to a complicated dish)

On my own note, I had a rotten night last night. Insomnia until past 2am, then I woke up at 5 all-but-screaming from one of those vivid nightmares, took me until 6 to calm down. Fortunately I don't have to be anywhere today so I just got up (it's just gone 11). My body clock is getting more and more out of whack.
 
Oh, and I was talking to an old friend of mine about weight loss last night (he's in Australia, it was stupid o'clock here), and I realised that in total, from the heighest weight I know I've been in the UK, I've lost a lot more than 7kg. I've lost 13kg. I'm half tempted to change my ticker, haha.

So from the highest I've been in the last year I know of, I've gone from 80kg (176.36lb) from starting to track at 74kg (163.14lb), down to 67kg (147.71lb), losing a total of 13kg (28.66lb). With 7kg (15.43lb) to go.
 
I haven't gotten to the gym today as I had a really rough night last night, and frankly don't trust myself when I'm tired like this, but I've decided to spend my day-in-a-haze to give my flat (the starts of) a spring clean. If that counts as exercise.

I've been holding lots of deep squats as I organise my store cupboard though, deeper than I'd normally manage, and my knees are coping reasonably well. I'm really pleased. A few months ago I totally would've bent my back because the back pain would've been less severe than the knee pain. Today, I'm squatting as far as I can go without giving up and sitting down, and I'm holding them for a couple of minutes at a time (I'm not timing, I'm actually trying to clean my damn flat and work out what canned food I have so I don't end up with 20 cans of kidney beans or something).
 
So....you can totally come clean my apartment. You would have to contend with my 3 year old following you and destroying everything you just cleaned.
 
I count cleaning as excersice :) Anything to make the exercise section of my diary look a bit better haha.

I will have to get myself some digital scales. As soon i have some spare money, which is in about 5 days. I think it makes sense to be totally aware of exactly how much it is that you are eating. As i really didn't lose as much weight i was expecting to yesterday.
 
Food diary time. I love the weight loss videos that are coming up around here. I should've gone to the gym, but yeah... no.

Have done some experimenting with food today, partly because I'm out of Greek yoghurt (need to go shopping. Why do I run out of food so much?)

Thursday 27 May

Breakfast: 45g porridge, 81g black forest fruit mix, 50ml milk, 4g peanut butter. Subtotal: 238 calories, 8g protein, 37g carbs, 5g fat. 14/64/22

Snack: 123g gala apple, two cups of coffee (207ml coffee and 76ml milk, and 201ml coffee and 66ml milk). Subtotal: 115 calories, 5g protein, 21g carbs, <1g fat. 20/77/3

Lunch: 2 slices rye bread, 30g reduced fat mature cheddar cheese, 70g tomato, pepper and oregano. (I think this is my major sodium downfall today) Subtotal: 295 calories, 15g protein, 41g carbs, 8g fat. 20/55/24

Snack: 75g peach, 2 rice cakes, one with 7g peanut butter and another with 5g Vegemite. 247ml ice tea (plus water to make it up) Subtotal: 144 calories, 4g protein, 21g carbs, 4g fat. 13/61/26

Dinner: my chicken pineapple stirfry with 50g rice (why do I eat rice anymore?!). Subtotal: 540 calories, 20g protein, 73g carbs, 17g fat. 15/55/30

Tea with friend: (again estimate)- say 500ml tea and 100ml milk. Subtotal: 35 calories, 3g protein, 5g carbs, negligible fat. 39/59/3

Dessert: 132g cox apple, 14g brown sugar, and 24g sultanas (microwaved- comfort food). Subtotal: 191 calories, 1g protein, 45g carbs, <1g fat. 2/97/1.

Total: 1560 calories (88%), 58g protein (not enough damn protein), 246g carbs, 36g fat. 1356.1ml water (shame on me), 1928mg sodium (129% of goal). Total split 15/64/21 (need less carbs, more protein. Damn it)
 
About to go out and see if I can start to sort out some of my mini-crisis type shit soon. Have been up all night (f***ing insomnia) and feel like hell. Trying to work out if I can afford the time to make myself coffee before I go.

Hopefully this will also resolve the insomnia and some other things I don't think I've mentioned here because it's not relevant.
 
And a friend of mine recommended I try the Gabriel method to help me lose weight. She says it's "founded on the principles of science" or something or other. I've done a bit of googling and it seems to be new age mamby pamby know yourself bullshit- if you know why your body makes you fat you'll no longer be fat (hey buy my products!).

For anyone who hasn't worked it out, I don't have a lot of time for the new age or the spiritual or whatever. I think most of it is misguided at best and out-and-out scam at worst.
 
Hey Amy, just stopping by to say hey. I've been a bit all over the place myself recently so trying to get back in the habit of checking everyones diaries again! I used to have insomnia horribly when I was a bit younger, think I grew out of it. Know it's horrible :( Hope it improves soon <3
 
Thanks for stopping by, I appreciate it :)

I've had insomnia problems basically since I can remember, it's something I tend to live with. But at the moment it's really taking away from my quality of life, much more than usual, and I need to do something about it. Not sure what though- I've tried all the usual things and my boyfriend seems to think "frying pan to the head last thing at night" is a bad idea and refuses to participate.

I've had a tiring day. Tiring, but good, I think. I've taken the first steps to resolve my shit that I've only mentioned by allusion. I've got an awfully long way to go, but the first step is the hardest, and I actually managed to take two steps today, and have been given access to some resources that I think will make this process a hell of a lot easier.

Related to weight loss, I was out with my boyfriend around lunch time (for reasons related to "sorting my shit out") and he was hungry, so he went to a cafe (Eat, for those in the UK). I wasn't going to have anything because I couldn't count it and I wasn't feeling sufficiently hungry/ sick to justify just grabbing something that could've been 50 calories or could've been 1500. Then discovered they calorie count some of the stuff they sell :D I had their spicy tomato and basil soup- 163 calories. For the extra large one. Oh boy, did I need that. I felt better immediately and apparently visibly brightened over the course of eating that soup. I obviously needed sustenance (I'd only had breakfast before that, and that had been several hours before- also, after that I didn't get anything to eat until 8pm), I just didn't realise how badly. Now <3 Eat.

(As a side note, my boyfriend thinks this way of thinking is disordered- I shouldn't stop myself from eating out if I can't account for it. I don't know- maybe? It does stop me from doing certain things, but I don't want to give up that control. I will say that if I'd have been feeling sick or giddy or starving, particularly if I felt those in a way that made me feel less than safe- I sometimes get giddy from not eating to the point where I feel unsafe- then I would eat anything to make myself safe again. And I don't mean "any salad that doesn't look terribly disgraceful", I mean "anything- even a kebab or McDonalds if that's all that's on offer or I can get to without making myself feel even more unsafe." Although eating McDonalds... :puke: )

I've been asleep but have woken up to realise I haven't eaten enough today. Just had a yoghurt and fruit dessert, still under 1200 calories. Going to have... something. Probably something quick as my boyfriend wants me to come back to bed.
 
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