I'm having a bit of a rotten evening and I'm sitting here looking at recipes to try to make myself feel better. Absolutely nothing I would dream of sharing on here, it's all evil and wicked and much of it is over my day's calorie allowance for a single serve. I'm doing some cooking for a friend of mine and he's asked me to surprise him so I'm thinking about going all out on some sort of dessert (needs to be relatively transportable and not necessarily need to be stored in a fridge, let alone a freezer). I'm not suggesting public suggestions be made, I think that's a bad idea on this site, just sort of talking about something I do when I'm having a bad evening.
Amy's weight loss diary
- Thread starter amy1985
- Start date
Sunflower2
New member
Amy your casserole looks like a broth..Delicious! Think you added too much water (I'm sure you know that). Usually I start with less in the slow-cooker and then add a tiny bit when it starts getting too thick. As you know, it's much easier to make it thicker than it is to make it less watery! Glad you could still taste the flavors. Usually what I do when it looks watery is to add another stock cube but made up with much less water (like a thick gravy) added with some flour.
And it's not a bad idea for this site to talk about yummy food. Dieting isn't all carrot sticks and healthy food--We are allowed and we deserve something devilish now and again, even if it's just thinking about it. I know a fat piece of pizza at the end of the week makes the diet all worth it! What about a cheese cake? Or a missisipi mud pie? (BBC - Food - Recipes : Mississippi mud pie)
And it's not a bad idea for this site to talk about yummy food. Dieting isn't all carrot sticks and healthy food--We are allowed and we deserve something devilish now and again, even if it's just thinking about it. I know a fat piece of pizza at the end of the week makes the diet all worth it! What about a cheese cake? Or a missisipi mud pie? (BBC - Food - Recipes : Mississippi mud pie)
Sunflower2
New member
(Also, I look at houses when I'm upset or having a bad evening. Silly, I know. I go to a house site, put in a stupid amount of money as the guideline and dream about the houses I would love to live in one day. We all have our little comforts. I hope your evening improves, if you want to vent your diary or my PM box is always there.)
Thanks 
Didn't really want to add the water but I know I have to cover the stuff with liquid so I figured that was the way around it. Next time I think I'll just make it in the oven like the recipe says (the flavours were definitely right apart from it being watery).
I'm just really tired and cranky, want to talk to someone but all the people I usually talk to when I'm like this are out, asleep (ie, in Australia), or otherwise unavailable. I want to get some work done on my thesis but my brain isn't playing, but I've been starving hungry all day and I feel like I can't even get the diet right. Plus I realise it's been a week since I went to the damn gym.
My compulsion when I'm tempted by recipes is to look them up on a calorie calculator. That recipe is you-don't-want-to-know per serve, even assuming it serves 8 rather than 6. (Not a day's consumption for anyone, but definitely over half for some people)
I feel sort of silly saying I don't have a cake tin, but I suppose the stuff you do and don't have when you move like I have is different (I obviously didn't inherit things from my parents when I moved here- kitchen gear would've been difficult to carry from Australia). I was thinking about muffins- I've found a recipe on BBC Good Food that sounds good. I've got until Wednesday, that's when I'm seeing him. (He specifically asked me for tuna mornay, and I'll be making him that as well- I was hoping for a challenge, not one of the first things I ever learned to cook!)
Or maybe make another batch of Anzac biscuits. But on second thoughts, that's probably not such a good idea, if my mood keeps up anything that reminds me too much of home will just be eaten. All by me. Perhaps I'd make a double batch and eat half of it as batter.iggy: I've already ruled out lamingtons for that reason. And I'm really glad that I can't readily get TimTams here and I think Penguins are a poor substitute. (Actually, I'm glad Tesco is closed. In my current mood that's some good damage control)
Didn't really want to add the water but I know I have to cover the stuff with liquid so I figured that was the way around it. Next time I think I'll just make it in the oven like the recipe says (the flavours were definitely right apart from it being watery).I'm just really tired and cranky, want to talk to someone but all the people I usually talk to when I'm like this are out, asleep (ie, in Australia), or otherwise unavailable. I want to get some work done on my thesis but my brain isn't playing, but I've been starving hungry all day and I feel like I can't even get the diet right. Plus I realise it's been a week since I went to the damn gym.
My compulsion when I'm tempted by recipes is to look them up on a calorie calculator. That recipe is you-don't-want-to-know per serve, even assuming it serves 8 rather than 6. (Not a day's consumption for anyone, but definitely over half for some people)
I feel sort of silly saying I don't have a cake tin, but I suppose the stuff you do and don't have when you move like I have is different (I obviously didn't inherit things from my parents when I moved here- kitchen gear would've been difficult to carry from Australia). I was thinking about muffins- I've found a recipe on BBC Good Food that sounds good. I've got until Wednesday, that's when I'm seeing him. (He specifically asked me for tuna mornay, and I'll be making him that as well- I was hoping for a challenge, not one of the first things I ever learned to cook!)
Or maybe make another batch of Anzac biscuits. But on second thoughts, that's probably not such a good idea, if my mood keeps up anything that reminds me too much of home will just be eaten. All by me. Perhaps I'd make a double batch and eat half of it as batter.
iggy: I've already ruled out lamingtons for that reason. And I'm really glad that I can't readily get TimTams here and I think Penguins are a poor substitute. (Actually, I'm glad Tesco is closed. In my current mood that's some good damage control)
Sunflower2
New member
So, are you from Australia originally? And then moved to the UK? Sorry if you've already said (or don't want to say?) Do you have any family here? I'm sorry everyone sucks and isn't around for you x I have days like that where I'm hungry ALL day--Think it's very attached to emotions xx
Yeah, I'm from Sydney. I've mentioned it but I don't mind if people don't remember. I moved here nearly 2 years ago for my studies (not necessarily permanently, we'll see what happens- my visa expires in 2015, so unless I actively try to stay here I'll be out of here by then). I probably have some distant relatives here as I'm mostly of English heritage from what I can tell (I've done some research on it) but no one with any meaningful blood relationship to me (I'm pretty sure a great-aunt of mine moved to Lancashire a few years before my parents were born, but no one in my family who's still alive has ever met her- apart from that, a great-grandfather emigrated from what's now Merseyside, a great-great grandfather emigrated from Cornwall, and then we go back to the 19th century to find ancestors who weren't born in Australia- yes, about half of them were convicts). When I moved here, I didn't even know anyone who'd been to the city where I now live (that I want to keep slightly close to my chest), let alone anyone who actually was here- my parents have some friends in London, but that was only really in case of emergency (I think it still is- if something really catastrophic happens to me a few of my parents' friends have offered to come up and take care of me in the at least 35-48 hours it'd take for my parents to rush to me- keeping in mind that it's about 20 hours direct-ish from Sydney to London not including layovers, layovers add at least 4 hours and probably more realistically 6-8 to that journey, and then they've got to get to the right part of the country. And that's not even including "get first available ticket", pack stuff, get to airport, etc, time).
I have very few friends here- the friends I have are very good friends, but it sort of leaves me isolated a lot of the time. I think part of that is of my own making (I'm on the autism spectrum- I think I mentioned that- and normal student socialising, frankly, is incredibly difficult for me and I can only endure a tiny amount of it), but sometimes it's hard not to feel sorry for yourself, particularly when things are going badly in other respects. My sense of isolation also isn't helped by the fact that I live on my own (although given my ASD I wouldn't have that any other way- I lived in halls last year and I hated every moment of it. I never felt like I was alone, even when I was locked in my room, never felt anything was my own, and could never wind down. And that was with what was, from all accounts, a very good group of flatmates)
tl;dr- I'm just being a misery guts, don't worry about me. All things considered my diet's been ok today, I'm surprised. I'm currently under 1200 calories (I'm going to have something else, probably a Greek yoghurt and fruit concoction) and there were a few hours there where it seemed like all I was doing was eating.
I have very few friends here- the friends I have are very good friends, but it sort of leaves me isolated a lot of the time. I think part of that is of my own making (I'm on the autism spectrum- I think I mentioned that- and normal student socialising, frankly, is incredibly difficult for me and I can only endure a tiny amount of it), but sometimes it's hard not to feel sorry for yourself, particularly when things are going badly in other respects. My sense of isolation also isn't helped by the fact that I live on my own (although given my ASD I wouldn't have that any other way- I lived in halls last year and I hated every moment of it. I never felt like I was alone, even when I was locked in my room, never felt anything was my own, and could never wind down. And that was with what was, from all accounts, a very good group of flatmates)
tl;dr- I'm just being a misery guts, don't worry about me. All things considered my diet's been ok today, I'm surprised. I'm currently under 1200 calories (I'm going to have something else, probably a Greek yoghurt and fruit concoction) and there were a few hours there where it seemed like all I was doing was eating.
overtherainbow
New member
You seem like a really nice and friendly person to me. You've travelled a long way from home, have a boyfriend and friends. You are "normal", so don't define yourself by this label. I remember you saying that you are very high functioning, i guess the personality traits that can be associated with that can also be associated with being very intelligent. So you are just an intelligent girl living your life the way you want to. Not just someone with an ASD. A lot of people like their own space and feel uncomfortable around large groups of people and in social situations. Although it must feel horrible to feel isolated yet not feel able to reach out. You have all of us to talk to if you are ever feeling a bit lonely.
Get your butt to the gym tomorrow! Its easy to fall out of the habit!
Get your butt to the gym tomorrow! Its easy to fall out of the habit!
Thank you Most of the time it's not that big a deal- I tend to prefer my solitude/ internet company anyway, but when I get lonely it's very painfully so (and for the last 4 hours or so I've been desperate to talk to someone- literally talk, this is good but it's not the same- and there's no one I can talk to). And I get along ok for the most part. I think it's just the mood I'm in, I felt like going into a bit of "this is why my life sucks" (which objectively I know it doesn't, but that doesn't make this mood any easier). And while I know things are easier/ more manageable for me than for the overwhelming majority of other people with autism (I have autism by the barest of technicalities- delayed onset of speech (apparently I started talking at about 3, when my neurotypical brother, who was then 1, started talking)- even as Asperger diagnoses go I'm pretty high functioning), it doesn't mean things can't suck sometimes. It's another challenge to deal with- we all have our own.
I'll definitely try to go to the gym tomorrow. I need to get enough sleep first- I haven't been getting enough lately what with my PMS and my boyfriend's trip to the hospital, and it's taken me much longer to recover mentally from all of that than I expected. Maybe I still am recovering, which is why I'm a mess right now.
Sorry, I hate inflicting my crap on people- this has sort of just come tumbling out.
Most of the time it's not that big a deal- I tend to prefer my solitude/ internet company anyway, but when I get lonely it's very painfully so (and for the last 4 hours or so I've been desperate to talk to someone- literally talk, this is good but it's not the same- and there's no one I can talk to). And I get along ok for the most part. I think it's just the mood I'm in, I felt like going into a bit of "this is why my life sucks" (which objectively I know it doesn't, but that doesn't make this mood any easier). And while I know things are easier/ more manageable for me than for the overwhelming majority of other people with autism (I have autism by the barest of technicalities- delayed onset of speech (apparently I started talking at about 3, when my neurotypical brother, who was then 1, started talking)- even as Asperger diagnoses go I'm pretty high functioning), it doesn't mean things can't suck sometimes. It's another challenge to deal with- we all have our own. I'll definitely try to go to the gym tomorrow. I need to get enough sleep first- I haven't been getting enough lately what with my PMS and my boyfriend's trip to the hospital, and it's taken me much longer to recover mentally from all of that than I expected. Maybe I still am recovering, which is why I'm a mess right now.
Sorry, I hate inflicting my crap on people- this has sort of just come tumbling out.
Food diary. Sort of didn't think about how calorific my dessert would be, and my day's gone from at the low end to at the high end of my scale. Still under, but oops.
Sunday 22 May
Breakfast: 45g oats made with 400ml water, topped with 76ml milk and 80g summer fruits mix, and some cinnamon. Tea made with 287ml water and 29ml milk. Subtotal: 221 calories, 9g protein, 37g carbs, 3g fat. 17/67/16
Lunch: 143g steamed zucchini with 163g boiled potato, and 150g tuna mornay. 201ml ice tea with 134ml water, then another 200ml ice tea with 100ml water. Subtotal: 280 calories, 16g protein, 47g carbs, 3g fat. 22/67/11
Snacks: 73g kiwi fruit, 2 clementines (129g total weight), and 205ml coffee with 60ml milk. 207ml ice tea with 130ml water. A rice cake with 8g peanut butter. A 129g gala apple. Two rice cakes with 8g Vegemite. Subtotal: 339 calories, 10g protein, 62g carbs, 5g fat. 12/73/14
Dinner: Fruity beef casserole (described earlier). Subtotal: 338 calories, 26g protein, 41g carbs, 8g fat. 30/49/21
Dessert: 208g apple (chopped up into small bits), 220g prunes in juice (remainder of can from casserole), 50g summer fruit mix, 115g Greek yoghurt, bit of cinnamon. 7g Green and Black butterscotch chocolate (
- I now understand why it's such a big deal. oh my god). Subtotal: 435 calories, 10g protein, 84g carbs, 6g fat. 9/78/12
Total: 1615 calories (91%), 73g protein, 273g carbs, 26g fat. Split 18/67/15 (need more protein). Had 2.4565 litres of water today, which is reasonable, and 1472.1mg of sodium, which is 98% of my allowance (anything under is fine by me).
Sunday 22 May
Breakfast: 45g oats made with 400ml water, topped with 76ml milk and 80g summer fruits mix, and some cinnamon. Tea made with 287ml water and 29ml milk. Subtotal: 221 calories, 9g protein, 37g carbs, 3g fat. 17/67/16
Lunch: 143g steamed zucchini with 163g boiled potato, and 150g tuna mornay. 201ml ice tea with 134ml water, then another 200ml ice tea with 100ml water. Subtotal: 280 calories, 16g protein, 47g carbs, 3g fat. 22/67/11
Snacks: 73g kiwi fruit, 2 clementines (129g total weight), and 205ml coffee with 60ml milk. 207ml ice tea with 130ml water. A rice cake with 8g peanut butter. A 129g gala apple. Two rice cakes with 8g Vegemite. Subtotal: 339 calories, 10g protein, 62g carbs, 5g fat. 12/73/14
Dinner: Fruity beef casserole (described earlier). Subtotal: 338 calories, 26g protein, 41g carbs, 8g fat. 30/49/21
Dessert: 208g apple (chopped up into small bits), 220g prunes in juice (remainder of can from casserole), 50g summer fruit mix, 115g Greek yoghurt, bit of cinnamon. 7g Green and Black butterscotch chocolate (
- I now understand why it's such a big deal. oh my god). Subtotal: 435 calories, 10g protein, 84g carbs, 6g fat. 9/78/12Total: 1615 calories (91%), 73g protein, 273g carbs, 26g fat. Split 18/67/15 (need more protein). Had 2.4565 litres of water today, which is reasonable, and 1472.1mg of sodium, which is 98% of my allowance (anything under is fine by me).
C
caffeinehigh
Guest
BUTTERSCOTCH CHOC IS SO GOOD.
You're so great for being able to stop at 7g.
I'm like nom nom nom i WILL EAT IT ALLLLLLL.
You're doing so great.
I'm sorry that you're feeling kind of low/blue/isolated. We all have those days.
Maybe join a club or something? At least the internet means youre always connected to sommmmeone.
Sometimes all i want is to be completely alone. Weird aint it?
*hugs*
You're so great for being able to stop at 7g.
I'm like nom nom nom i WILL EAT IT ALLLLLLL.
You're doing so great.
I'm sorry that you're feeling kind of low/blue/isolated. We all have those days.
Maybe join a club or something? At least the internet means youre always connected to sommmmeone.
Sometimes all i want is to be completely alone. Weird aint it?
*hugs*
Actually, it's funny, the fact that it's good is part of the reason I could stop at such a small amount. If I eat lots of it then my diet will get blown out of the water and I'll feel the need to be hard/ strict on myself. If I have a little bit, I can have a little bit every day, if that makes sense.
Didn't get to the gym today but am finally feeling in something like a good headspace to do so again. I'm feeling much better (and hopefully will get a normal night's sleep tonight so I get back into something approaching time zone, the last week has really thrown me).
I've been baking with my boyfriend. Made some totally evil biscuits (triple chocolate)- I haven't calculated the calories on them and I don't even want to know. I haven't touched them, apart from making them, shaping them, and moving them to cool, and I'll touch them again later to put them in a container to give away. Accidentally busted an egg on the way from Tesco (didn't notice until about an hour ago) so I think I might bake with that soon so I don't waste it. I have a few places I can get rid of this stuff (and/ or people who'll gladly take them).
Generally feeling better today. Quite tired, haven't got much done, but my boyfriend's been here and I'm feeling a lot more emotionally stable (was before he arrived, too, and my mood hasn't dropped now he's gone home).
Didn't get to the gym today but am finally feeling in something like a good headspace to do so again. I'm feeling much better (and hopefully will get a normal night's sleep tonight so I get back into something approaching time zone, the last week has really thrown me).
I've been baking with my boyfriend. Made some totally evil biscuits (triple chocolate)- I haven't calculated the calories on them and I don't even want to know. I haven't touched them, apart from making them, shaping them, and moving them to cool, and I'll touch them again later to put them in a container to give away. Accidentally busted an egg on the way from Tesco (didn't notice until about an hour ago) so I think I might bake with that soon so I don't waste it. I have a few places I can get rid of this stuff (and/ or people who'll gladly take them).
Generally feeling better today. Quite tired, haven't got much done, but my boyfriend's been here and I'm feeling a lot more emotionally stable (was before he arrived, too, and my mood hasn't dropped now he's gone home).
And thanks, Carrie. 99/100 I'm totally fine with internet company and being alone, but yesterday for some reason I was almost literally aching for human contact. I ended up calling my mum and talking crap with her (I get free weekend calls to Australia, I should use them more often).
overtherainbow
New member
It must be a bit hard if you want to chat to your mum sometimes with her being on the opposite time zone. Glad your feeling good again, and are in the right frame of mind to get back to the gym.
I actually cannot believe that someone on a healthy eating plan could make, not just chocolate, but TRIPLE CHOCOLATE (Three times the chocolately sensation????!!!!!) biscuits, and give them away. And you don't seem to mind? If they were in my house, they would be inside my belly.
I actually cannot believe that someone on a healthy eating plan could make, not just chocolate, but TRIPLE CHOCOLATE (Three times the chocolately sensation????!!!!!) biscuits, and give them away. And you don't seem to mind? If they were in my house, they would be inside my belly.
Thinking in two time zones becomes instinctive after awhile if you're in my situtation, it's not so bad. My parents used to tell me about the hardship of living on the other side of the world (they lived in Europe for a time before I was born), and how they only wrote to their parents twice in a year, and similarly in return. I wish they'd remember these lessons when they insist on hearing every mundane aspect of my life at least three times a week (and several times a day for several hours when I first moved here!). I'm not complaining, just saying how much easier things are now (there's always a window at the beginning and end of the day- they're currently 9 hours ahead, 11 hours during the British winter).
I not only don't mind, this was my idea. I like cooking, and I like the reaction I get from my friends when I give them my cooking. And I get a sort of perverse pleasure out of really evil for you food. When I'm down this kind of thing can pick me back up again. In fact, when my trays are dry tonight, I'm going to make some more similarly evil biscuits.
I'm not going to post pictures or links here, because I don't want to drag anyone away from their diet.
I not only don't mind, this was my idea. I like cooking, and I like the reaction I get from my friends when I give them my cooking. And I get a sort of perverse pleasure out of really evil for you food. When I'm down this kind of thing can pick me back up again. In fact, when my trays are dry tonight, I'm going to make some more similarly evil biscuits.
I'm not going to post pictures or links here, because I don't want to drag anyone away from their diet.
C
caffeinehigh
Guest
Ahhhh good call not posting pics of the cookies.
That could be very tempting for us all.
I dont have your willpower. I couldnt bake and leave well alone. Oh no.
That could be very tempting for us all.
I dont have your willpower. I couldnt bake and leave well alone. Oh no.
The budget style of thinking is working incredibly well for me, I'm finding. I can't "afford" them, or at least not without consequences (probably being very hungry and feeling quite unwell because I'm depriving myself of food- either that or weight gain). My boyfriend licked the spoon on the other batch- the batch I've just put in the oven didn't really have anything to lick (and I wouldn't have let him anyway, even if he was here, it used nearly a whole tub of peanut butter... plus 110g peanuts 
)
Hilariously, I now find I need to eat because I've only had 900 calories today. What the hell? Fruit and Greek yoghurt time.
)Hilariously, I now find I need to eat because I've only had 900 calories today. What the hell? Fruit and Greek yoghurt time.
Food diary time. In terms of stuff achieved this has been a bad day, but psychologically I'm feeling a lot more on top of things than I have been for a while.
Monday 23 May
Breakfast: 45 oats with 96ml milk, 60g frozen blueberries, and a dash of cinnamon. A cup of tea with 278ml water and 35g milk. Subtotal: 228 calories, 9g protein, 38g carbs, 3g fat. 17/68/15 split
Snack: 68g raw peach. 26 calories, <1g protein, 6g carbs, negligible fat.
Lunch: 287g (one, very big) steamed zucchini with 168g boiled potato and 158g (two, medium) tomatoes. Was going to have some cottage cheese with it but mine had gone unacceptably funky. Subtotal: 198 calories, 7g protein, 43g carbs, 1g fat. 12/82/6
Dinner: pork with spiced apple. 141g pork loin, salt (under a gram), 255g zucchini, 130g capsicum, 226g Cox apple, cinnamon, cumin, and 6g brown sugar (crap, forgot to add those). Subtotal (minus spices): 451 calories, 48g protein, 40g carbs, 11g fat. 41/35/23
Spices (can't include in subtotal as I've added stuff after this entry, but will include them)- 28 calories, negligible protein, 6g carbs, <1g fat.
Dessert: 2 cox apples (236g), 128g pear, 80g blueberries, 105g Greek yoghurt, dash of cinnamon. With hot chocolate- 4g unsweetened cocoa, 276ml milk, a gram of sucralose. Subtotal: 416 calories, 18g protein, 77g carbs, 4g fat.
Total: 1350 calories (76%), 85g protein, 213g carbs, 21g fat. 1175.6ml of water, completely insufficient, and 425.9mg of sodium (25% of allowance).
Monday 23 May
Breakfast: 45 oats with 96ml milk, 60g frozen blueberries, and a dash of cinnamon. A cup of tea with 278ml water and 35g milk. Subtotal: 228 calories, 9g protein, 38g carbs, 3g fat. 17/68/15 split
Snack: 68g raw peach. 26 calories, <1g protein, 6g carbs, negligible fat.
Lunch: 287g (one, very big) steamed zucchini with 168g boiled potato and 158g (two, medium) tomatoes. Was going to have some cottage cheese with it but mine had gone unacceptably funky. Subtotal: 198 calories, 7g protein, 43g carbs, 1g fat. 12/82/6
Dinner: pork with spiced apple. 141g pork loin, salt (under a gram), 255g zucchini, 130g capsicum, 226g Cox apple, cinnamon, cumin, and 6g brown sugar (crap, forgot to add those). Subtotal (minus spices): 451 calories, 48g protein, 40g carbs, 11g fat. 41/35/23
Spices (can't include in subtotal as I've added stuff after this entry, but will include them)- 28 calories, negligible protein, 6g carbs, <1g fat.
Dessert: 2 cox apples (236g), 128g pear, 80g blueberries, 105g Greek yoghurt, dash of cinnamon. With hot chocolate- 4g unsweetened cocoa, 276ml milk, a gram of sucralose. Subtotal: 416 calories, 18g protein, 77g carbs, 4g fat.
Total: 1350 calories (76%), 85g protein, 213g carbs, 21g fat. 1175.6ml of water, completely insufficient, and 425.9mg of sodium (25% of allowance).
I've had an order in from Waitrose (things picked carefully and compared to Tesco prices- I would've spent more on the same shop from Tesco, to the extent which I can compare). Very pleased for two reasons- one, the ginger they gave me (which I'm planning to use tonight/ soon) is close to the use by date, so they gave it to me for nothing, and two, I've just opened up the zucchini (courgettes) and they're much nicer than what I've been having from Tesco. (Almost exactly the same price, too!)
I must get to the gym today. I'm just having lunch (I know it's late) and then I'm packing up my stuff and going. Yes, yes I am. No more excuses.
I must get to the gym today. I'm just having lunch (I know it's late) and then I'm packing up my stuff and going. Yes, yes I am. No more excuses.