Alligatorob's Diary

alligatorob

Respected Member
I am back, it was a quick trial trip in the trailer and things went pretty well. The camper is a bit complex to manage. One thing I had to do was run a generator for power overnight. It has good batteries and a small solar charger, however that is not enough to run the air conditioner and it was hot. Probably over 100 F (close to 40 C) at bed time, too hot to sleep without the AC. So I had to learn how to work the generator and get it to power the trailer, and I did. Also the water system took some learning, the hardest part was probably dumping the sewer when we got back, but all worked well. Still lots to learn, did not hook up or use the propane, so no cooking on the stove or hot water, but did not really need that. Cooked dinner and water for instant coffee in the little microwave, running on generator power.

I managed to eat well and did some limited exercising, mostly isometrics, a lot longer than I put into the log but I know its not real hard exercise. Had wine last night, they do peach wines at the vineyard, and I tried them all. They ferment the peaches 50/50 with grapes and the wines were good. Also had some pure grape wine. All grapes were grown at the vineyard, the peaches came from a neighboring farmer.
Looks like a great place and that camper is so stinkin' cute!
Thanks, and it was a great place, we will be back. The deal there is free camping but they kind of expect you to spend some money on wine, and we did. I really enjoyed being in the middle of a vineyard and only one other camper in the place, very quiet and private.
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alligatorob

Respected Member
Another good day, ate well, exercised and I feel pretty good tonight.Printable Nutrition Report for Allig711_Page_2.jpgPrintable Nutrition Report for Allig711_Page_1.jpg
 

Cate

Support crew
Your trip sounds lovely, Rob. I’m sure you’ll get used to your trailer quickly. We’ll done on another good day :)
 

alligatorob

Respected Member
Today was a good day, but last night did not end well. Binged again. However today I have been back on track.
We’ll done on another good day
I spoke too soon last night, binged after posting, so the day want well, but not the night...
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nomorecomebacks

New member
That's one hell of a catch re the fish further up this page. All I can say with the other stuff is that life is episodic. Cycles and all that. Learning to master the waves is harder for some more than others. I have an addictive streak that runs deep within and concur with Emily (Hi Emily) with respect to emotions weighing in pretty heavy when it comes to using food to fill the gaps. I've been walling in way too much comfort when it comes to that.

Whilst the video is very informative it also acts as incentive. As someone on yet another cycle I find watching documentaries on the dangers of bad choices helpful as well as watching ones about the benefits of healthy ones. Journaling about hobbies I like helps as well. Whatever works for you Rob. I'm guessing you have a big freezer full of fish?
 

alligatorob

Respected Member
The day ended well, but I work with a belly ache, pretty sure it was the zero calorie noodles I ate last night... But it got better and I ate well and exercised, so all is well.
I'm guessing you have a big freezer full of fish?
Yep, I eat fish almost every day! I really enjoy fishing, and getting to bring a bunch home to eat is a bonus. Thanks for stopping by.
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alligatorob

Respected Member
Another good day, exercised, ate well and I feel good tonight. Did 2 hours and 40 minutes at the gym, a new record. It was not planned, I got times mixed up and showed up more than an hour and a half before my appointment with the trainer. So I used the time in the gym, thought I would be too tired to do well with the trainer, but not so, I did fine even hitting some new highs.
 

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alligatorob

Respected Member
Today I mark 1 year of maintenance, so will report on that.

The good
  • I am 3 pounds below where I started, even after bingeing last night. So I believe I have successfully maintained. This is the first time I have ever been able to maintain a weight loss.
  • Got my % body fat done and I am at 16%, the middle of the "fit" range for a man of my age, well below "average". That is a little below where I was a year ago, not a lot but less fat. And I am pretty sure my muscles have increased at least some. My trainer estimates about 5 more pounds of muscle than a year ago.
  • I am still here posting, without this place I am sure I would not have been so successful.
The less good
  • The worst thing is that after almost 2 years I have started to binge, not as often or as bad as it would have been in the past. But still something to work at.
  • I am up from my lowest weight of 143 a few months back, probably due to the binges. However I believe I feel better at this weight, so the gain is not all bad. Now I need to hold.
  • I am not as excited or happy about about this as I was when losing, have not been able to replace the reinforcement I got from seeing the regular losses. However I do think I am coming to grips with it.
  • I don't feel as good as I did when losing, but am feeling better, hope I can continue that.

All in all I am pretty happy with where I am, could be happier I guess, but not bad. And I am quite grateful for all the support y'all have given me.Printable Nut714_Page_2.jpgPrintable Nut714_Page_1.jpg
 

LaMaria

Well-known member
:grouphug: Congratulations on a year of maintenance! That's quite a feat. I remember after getting out of a period of intense mood swings it took me a couple of years to feel normal in my comparatively gray new world. Maybe this is similar?
 

Cate

Support crew
Congratulations Rob. I really think it is important for everyone to read about maintenance & I think you are showing everyone that it’s doable, but not a bed of roses. Thank you, my friend for your honesty & the wonderful support you give in the forum.
 

toodamtall

Active member
Was just checking out your maintenance/fitness post. Really good stuff. I've never really gotten to the point of maintenance, so reading some of your thoughts about it are enlightening for me.

I think its funny. When we all start trying to accomplish something, we set out with a goal, i.e. a weight loss target. As we progress, we start to realize that it that magical "goal weight" is only a stepping stone. The rest of the journey and all of the self improvement around it are really the important parts.

BTW, 16% is an outstanding number.
 

alligatorob

Respected Member
Well I "celebrated" the anniversary with more binge. I am ok now, and will probably be today, but I need to figure out how to get this bingeing managed. I am beginning to recognize my old pattern of bingeing, feeling guilty, and thinking I will stop, but I never was able to stop. I wish I could recreate what I did for my first almost two years of dieting and weight loss, not one binge. I really don't know what was different then, but am going to try and figure it out, all I can do I guess. Suggestions are always welcome.
I remember after getting out of a period of intense mood swings it took me a couple of years to feel normal in my comparatively gray new world. Maybe this is similar?
Maybe so, but I kind of thing so long as I keep bingeing the swings will continue... Maybe... If I can make it to a "couple of years" things might look different.
Congratulations Rob. I really think it is important for everyone to read about maintenance & I think you are showing everyone that it’s doable, but not a bed of roses. Thank you, my friend for your honesty & the wonderful support you give in the forum.
Thanks Cate, and your support has been a real boon for me, I appreciate it. Working on the "doable" thing now...

Thanks for the note, TDT, I appreciate your kind and positive words. And thanks for:
BTW, 16% is an outstanding number.
I needed that, not feeling "outstanding" about much lately.

I did get one positive, finally actually spoke to the Dr who did my colonoscopy. He said all tests came back fine, biopsy found nothing, I had no polyps, no bleeding, no signs of anything wrong, nothing to worry about, a healthy colon. Good news, but don't think I will be doing another of those any time soon. Maybe I don't have to.

Will try to post again at the end of the day, am trying hard not to binge today.
 

alligatorob

Respected Member
Made it through the day ok, I think. Got some good exercise and though my calories were a bit lower than planned I feel pretty good. Ate a lot from the garden today, peach juice for breakfast, zucchini for dinner, and lots of fresh tomatoes and homemade tomato sauce.
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Err2

New member
Hey Rob,

I'm typing through the fog of a fever so i hope this comes out lucid, but I think you've done a great job maintaining this last year, especially with wild water weight swings from surgeries etc. If I were to foolishly offer suggestions in spite of your success, it would be these two:

1) It seemed to me that you did extremely well when you were "binging" on vegetables. I see a good amount of lettuce (~80 cal worth at a meal), but you had been having like 200 calories worth of mixed vegetables at most meals last year.

2) It also seems to me that you eat extremely light for breakfast & lunch. Doing that makes it a little bit easier for me wind up with a late night overindulgence.


But again this feels like Hunter Biden giving painting tips to Michelangelo
 

toodamtall

Active member
Well I "celebrated" the anniversary with more binge. I am ok now, and will probably be today, but I need to figure out how to get this bingeing managed. I am beginning to recognize my old pattern of bingeing, feeling guilty, and thinking I will stop, but I never was able to stop. I wish I could recreate what I did for my first almost two years of dieting and weight loss, not one binge. I really don't know what was different then, but am going to try and figure it out, all I can do I guess. Suggestions are always welcome.
On a slightly different tack here, but what you describe is essentially the same thing that occurs in an addict or alcoholic. You binge to satisfy the craving, Guilt, shame and remorse come in afterward, you swear not to do it again, then the idea pops back into your head and it becomes a mental obsession until it happens again.

The difficult part is that this is food. Ultimately in an addictive drug, abstinence is required. For obvious reasons, that doesn't work with food. There is some psychological re-tuning which needs to happen to go along with abstinence in a drug addict. This may become the more important part with you. Community support is part of what we do in AA, which is a huge help. Also part of why I'm here for my own weight loss support.

You've got a road in front of you. I'm one who gives in to food cravings too, so I wish I had a better way of dealing with it also.
 

LaMaria

Well-known member
I really don't know what was different then, but am going to try and figure it out, all I can do I guess. Suggestions are always welcome.
I think what's different is that normal life has returned. You were on a mission which now feels done. Even though we all know this is supposed to be a life long effort that's hard for our brains to accept. Plus maybe your very low calories earlier prevented you from getting to grips with "normal" food along the way so you're having to do it now, afterwards, when your brain thinks it's done.
 

alligatorob

Respected Member
Today was a good day, ate well, exercised and I feel pretty good. Better than most days!
Hey Rob,

I'm typing through the fog of a fever so i hope this comes out lucid, but I think you've done a great job maintaining this last year, especially with wild water weight swings from surgeries etc. If I were to foolishly offer suggestions in spite of your success, it would be these two:

1) It seemed to me that you did extremely well when you were "binging" on vegetables. I see a good amount of lettuce (~80 cal worth at a meal), but you had been having like 200 calories worth of mixed vegetables at most meals last year.

2) It also seems to me that you eat extremely light for breakfast & lunch. Doing that makes it a little bit easier for me wind up with a late night overindulgence.


But again this feels like Hunter Biden giving painting tips to Michelangelo
Hey Hunter, I was wondering who Err really was! LOL, it took me a minute to catch your meaning, I sure don't feel much like a Michelangelo, and you have done some very impressive things, you have lost more weight than I and done it without losing much muscle, not something I was able to do. So I don't feel I know any more than you. Actually I see all of us here as fairly equal, even new people just starting out often have useful advice and wisdom to share. So don't feel like your suggestions are foolish, I appreciate them and give them thought.

You are right on both counts, though I have to an extent replaced the veggies with lettuce and other salad makings, it seems to work better with my digestion. I will be trying to go more back to large low cal veggie meals. I had 2 very large lettuce/salad meals today. 24 ounces are just 120 calories, less than a single ounce of chocolate. Not nearly as satisfying to my urge drives, but better than not.

My breakfast and lunches are light, but it seems to me that the more I eat earlier in the day the more I want later. That said I have already begun to try and eat less of an evening "snack", and I think it might help. Now I need to see what I can do to increase the earlier meals without the drive to keep eating.
On a slightly different tack here, but what you describe is essentially the same thing that occurs in an addict or alcoholic. You binge to satisfy the craving, Guilt, shame and remorse come in afterward, you swear not to do it again, then the idea pops back into your head and it becomes a mental obsession until it happens again.

The difficult part is that this is food. Ultimately in an addictive drug, abstinence is required. For obvious reasons, that doesn't work with food. There is some psychological re-tuning which needs to happen to go along with abstinence in a drug addict. This may become the more important part with you. Community support is part of what we do in AA, which is a huge help. Also part of why I'm here for my own weight loss support.
Thanks TDT, and I think you hit the nail on the head very effectively with this. Your description of the binge cycle is exactly what I feel. Hard part is finding the way out...
I think what's different is that normal life has returned. You were on a mission which now feels done. Even though we all know this is supposed to be a life long effort that's hard for our brains to accept. Plus maybe your very low calories earlier prevented you from getting to grips with "normal" food along the way so you're having to do it now, afterwards, when your brain thinks it's done.
That makes a lot of sense LaMa, my problem is that a "normal life" for me always has been eating too much and being fat. You might be right about the low calorie thing, I don't think I have ever eaten what I would consider "normal" food, or not in anything like a normal quantity anyway...

Oh well, onward, right now I feel good, optimistic, hope it lasts.Printable Nutrition Report for Al720.jpg
 

alligatorob

Respected Member
Missed pressing the post reply button last night, so I just posted yesterday's thing.

Today was a good day, I ate well, exercised and feel good tonight.

The trainer I work with keeps good records of how much I lift and how many reps, she also tracks my weight. She went back over things and found something interesting. I was steadily improving until my weight dropped into the 140s, at that point I got a bit weaker, less weight and fewer reps. My recent weight gain up to around 160 has correlates well with my improved strength. I am not above where I was before the weight loss and decline. She said that this is not uncommon, a little extra fat can make you stronger (little being the important word). It seems to be confirmation of my recent observation of feeling better despite gaining a little weight. It might be true, who knows...
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Cate

Support crew
That’s really interesting Rob. Maybe 160 is your “happy weight”.
 
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