Yes I have found that too about binging. When i've given up sugar entirely in the past it goes fine as long as I don't have ANY at all, but as soon as I break that, I find it really hard to get back on track. That's why this time round I am trying to always include some sugar and treats throughout weightloss so I can hopefully learn moderation!
Alligatorob's Diary
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alligatorob
Respected Member
Today was a better day, I felt better, got in 2 hours at the gym and ate well.
Yeah, same thing here. The tidal wave seems to be subsiding, hope that lasts.
Absolutlely!
Hope that balance works for you, I am yet to find a food combination that helps, other than starvation maybe...
alligatorob
Respected Member
"to many, total abstinence is easier than perfect moderation" I had to look it up.
Good quote and very true, thanks LaMa. For me, I would remove the perfect part, abstinence is easier than moderation period...
A bit of trivia St Augustine is the oldest European city in the US, and one of my favorite places to visit. I always think of it first, before the Saint, when the name comes up.
alligatorob
Respected Member
Today was a good day, I ate well and got some exercise, and am feeling better tonight. The garden has started producing more veggies, in the past few days harvested the first tomatoes, peppers, and zucchini! And the first local fruit is ripening, early cherries and apricots already!
Yeah, sort of, St Augustine, Florida has a long and bloody history. But today the beaches are beautiful and my cousin has a microbrewery there! Not to mention some of the oldest European structures in North America to visit.
Keep raving about all the glorious fruit I'm allergic to! Actually: let's take out that sarcasm. Maybe the thought of eating stone fruit again some day can keep me eating healthy.
alligatorob
Respected Member
I am back, I binged and did not feel up to posting. However I know I need to be here, so back I am. It was a very full binge, ate everything I could get my hands on.
As usual I feel guilty about it, and like I have failed, not only myself but y'all as well, you have been such good friends and support in this process, somehow I feel I have let you down...
I decided to try and make this as much of a learning thing as I could, and I have observed some things about myself that are interesting. In some ways the binge has felt good... To be honest I feel better physically right now that I have in a while. And I slept better last night than in a long time, not that I don't sleep well, but last night was really good. And other than the guilt and shame I do not feel bad... My biggest complaint of late has been lightheadedness, and while it is not gone this morning it is better.
Is it possible my body just wants more food than it should? Have I been suffering from a kind of malnutrition? I noticed some of the same things when I binged earlier, but paid less attention to them than this time. I know I don't want to regain the weight, that would be awful, but finding the right path forward right now isn't clear to me...
So I will try to get back on track and see how today goes. And I will keep posting, I know that unless I decide to just throw in the towel and regain the weight I will need to keep posting.
As usual I feel guilty about it, and like I have failed, not only myself but y'all as well, you have been such good friends and support in this process, somehow I feel I have let you down...
I decided to try and make this as much of a learning thing as I could, and I have observed some things about myself that are interesting. In some ways the binge has felt good... To be honest I feel better physically right now that I have in a while. And I slept better last night than in a long time, not that I don't sleep well, but last night was really good. And other than the guilt and shame I do not feel bad... My biggest complaint of late has been lightheadedness, and while it is not gone this morning it is better.
Is it possible my body just wants more food than it should? Have I been suffering from a kind of malnutrition? I noticed some of the same things when I binged earlier, but paid less attention to them than this time. I know I don't want to regain the weight, that would be awful, but finding the right path forward right now isn't clear to me...
So I will try to get back on track and see how today goes. And I will keep posting, I know that unless I decide to just throw in the towel and regain the weight I will need to keep posting.
whispers65
(Tom)
I don't view it as a failure at all. I like the way you are turning it into a learning process. It's not like we have a manual that comes with us that shows us exactly what we need to do and why. I know this is going to sound selfish, but I really appreciate the openness and honesty about your struggles with food. I only read about a handful of people and I personally haven't seen this level of honesty before regarding food. It really helps me with my own struggles. I don't feel like I have to hide everything. So heads up! You are a great inspiration to me!
Cate
Long term member
Rob, I read this post last night late & thought I had better wait until the morning to reply. You would never be a failure in my eyes. I do feel that you equate eating when you're really hungry as a failure & eating when you're really hungry as a binge & that is not logical or fair to yourself. You are so active these days & don't have a fat reserve anymore. Your body needs fuel & deserves sound nutrition & enough of it.
Maintenance is so, so different to losing weight & does require a totally new focus. Now would be a good time to see maybe a different nutritionist & to make a new lifetime eating plan. I did that when I lost weight & if I had continued to follow that plan I would never have regained the weight I have.
It's hard to hang on to that feeling of elation that you have as you lose weight when you do reach your goal. It feels like an anti-climax. I know you're a smart cookie & I know you don't want to throw in the towel. We all want you to stay the course & your honesty & experiences benefit everyone who comes into this forum. Hang in there, Rob. You'll work this out.
Maintenance is so, so different to losing weight & does require a totally new focus. Now would be a good time to see maybe a different nutritionist & to make a new lifetime eating plan. I did that when I lost weight & if I had continued to follow that plan I would never have regained the weight I have.
It's hard to hang on to that feeling of elation that you have as you lose weight when you do reach your goal. It feels like an anti-climax. I know you're a smart cookie & I know you don't want to throw in the towel. We all want you to stay the course & your honesty & experiences benefit everyone who comes into this forum. Hang in there, Rob. You'll work this out.
alligatorob
Respected Member
Back on track with food and logging, but not a lot of exercise today. I am slowly feeling better about things.
Thank you LaMa, and I do appreciate it. You seem to me to be someone who has figured out how to maintain and still binge occasionally. Not where I want to end up, but seeing you does give me some hope it might not be so bad.
You don't, but I sure know how that feels. It has been hard to be open, even here, but if you can't be open here where? I appreciate your kind words, but tonight I don't feel like much of an inspiration.
Thanks Cate, and I do think this is a part of the problem. I know the fat reserves are gone. That may be the way the binge started, but it went way past any reasonable need for food. You are probably right about the nutritionist, may try that again.
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Llama
Well-known member
Me neither! Hence the psychologist visits. I definitely don't have it all figured out but I know a lot more than I did when I started and that's something.Don't be harsh on yourself! Or maybe that is motivating for you, then it is ok.
I remember your post about eating a handful of strawberries from the garden, if I remember well, and you were not satisfied with that.
I believe that eating is like a seesaw. The more you restrict yourself on one end the more you will binge on another. And finding that middle spot is where you are stable.
I think you have yet to make a plan that will be challenging enough for you so that you feel like you are accomplishing something, but easy enough so that you can stick to it long term and still be flexible and fulfill your needs. I believe that middle ground is different for everybody, you just need to find yours.
I wish you all the luck on your journey! And I too am very grateful for your honesty and openness, because we all have these struggles.
I remember your post about eating a handful of strawberries from the garden, if I remember well, and you were not satisfied with that.
I believe that eating is like a seesaw. The more you restrict yourself on one end the more you will binge on another. And finding that middle spot is where you are stable.
I think you have yet to make a plan that will be challenging enough for you so that you feel like you are accomplishing something, but easy enough so that you can stick to it long term and still be flexible and fulfill your needs. I believe that middle ground is different for everybody, you just need to find yours.
I wish you all the luck on your journey! And I too am very grateful for your honesty and openness, because we all have these struggles.
alligatorob
Respected Member
Today was a good day, I ate well and got some good exercise, almost 2 hours at the gym. Tonight I had an evening snack entirely (except for the olive oil) from the garden, fresh picked zucchini, eggplant, and peppers, along with some frozen last season's onions. It was good, better than my usual low cal high volume yogurt thing. Probably better for me too.
It was a bit of a learning day for me, I am still feeling better after the binge and I think the increased calories are the reason. Today in the gym I amazed myself. I lifted either more weight or did more reps than ever before, in every single exercise. For example I had been doing 10 to 12 reps in the RDLs, today I did 15 to 20! And in the leg press we upped the weight 10 lbs and I still did more reps than before. I was with the trainer who keeps records and she was amazed too. The only thing I can see different was the high calorie binge. So I am thinking of upping my calories to around 2,000 a day and see how it goes for a while. If I start gaining weight I will just rethink things. I don't want to duplicate the binge, that is not the right way to increase calories, I know.
It was a bit of a learning day for me, I am still feeling better after the binge and I think the increased calories are the reason. Today in the gym I amazed myself. I lifted either more weight or did more reps than ever before, in every single exercise. For example I had been doing 10 to 12 reps in the RDLs, today I did 15 to 20! And in the leg press we upped the weight 10 lbs and I still did more reps than before. I was with the trainer who keeps records and she was amazed too. The only thing I can see different was the high calorie binge. So I am thinking of upping my calories to around 2,000 a day and see how it goes for a while. If I start gaining weight I will just rethink things. I don't want to duplicate the binge, that is not the right way to increase calories, I know.
Fair enough, I suppose we all look better to each other than ourselves! I am sure hoping to find a way to live without bingeing, but have kind of accepted that it might happen again, and its not the end of the world.
Thanks Milana, and you sure caught me on that one. I do have a tendency to be too self critical and it can be a bad thing. If a few strawberries is blowing the diet why not just keep going with the doughnuts, cookies, and chocolate kind of thinking... Guilty! And you are right about my lack of a plan, actually maybe I have too many plans, a new one all the time. No better than no plan I guess. And you are right on the we all have these struggles thing, it helps to know, and be reminded of that.
