A new beginning...

Thank guys. I did recover. Although I hadn't had one in so long, thanks to Paxil. I missed a pill last night, but I'm not sure what caused it. I'm just feelin ga bit discouraged today, because I really need to find a way to overcome them.

I think last night was the worst since I trly felt like I was losing my mind. I just don't get it! ALAS! :) Wish me luck in figurin that out.. ;)
 
Thank guys. I did recover. Although I hadn't had one in so long, thanks to Paxil. I missed a pill last night, but I'm not sure what caused it. I'm just feelin ga bit discouraged today, because I really need to find a way to overcome them.

I think last night was the worst since I trly felt like I was losing my mind. I just don't get it! ALAS! :) Wish me luck in figurin that out.. ;)
 
Good luck at figuring out at what caused it. Those must be hard to deal with. They must feel awful. Good thing you have medicine. :)

Take it easy, and have a good weekend!
 
Mornin' Dana :D Hope you are enjoying your weekend :D Good luck on the challenge - you'll do great! :D
 
Hey sweetie! Dont you just hate panic attacks! I get them all the time but never when I sleep. I usually get mine when I'm eating out with my hubby. Since I've been losing weight they have gotten alot better though! Hope your having a great weekend.. Monday is almost here good luck with the challenge!!
 
M02, no problem in asking at all!! I've listed below, a little description I found online about them. My own symptoms range from heart palpitations, shaky hands, warm body rushes, dizziness, fatigue, nausea, disassociation, sensorineural overload (lights,sounds, etc. become overwhelming)and utterly feeling like I may lose my freakin mind :D Well those are just some of them!

Panic Attacks

People can experience panic attacks with any of the above disorders. Three different types of panic attacks are now recognised:

Spontaneous panic attacks (uncued panic attacks) This particular panic attack is associated to Panic Disorder. This attack comes without any warning, day or night, irrespective of what the person is doing. The spontaneous attack is not related to, and is not induced by any particular situation or place. Many people can be woken from sleep with this type of attack.

Specific panic attacks (cued panic attacks) These occur in relation to specific feared situations or places. For example social situations for people with Social Anxiety. Revisiting the scene or scenes reminiscent of the traumatic events in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or exposure to a particular anxiety producing situation in Obsessive Compulsive Disorder such as being exposed to germs.

Situational predisposed panic attacks People with Panic Disorder may experience this type of attack. Some people with Panic Disorder can be predisposed to having panic attacks in certain situations or places, although they are not frightened of the situation or place. For example someone may experience panic attacks while driving their car. Sometimes they will have them, other times they won't. They are predisposed to having attacks while driving, but the attacks are not a response to a fear of driving.

Symptoms of panic attacks can include palpitations, sweating, trembling or shaking, sensations of shortness of breath or smothering, feeling of choking, chest pain or discomfort, nausea or abdominal distress, dizziness or light-headedness, derealisation or depersonalisation, fear of losing control or going 'crazy', fear of dying, paresthesia, and chills or hot flushes'.... 'Attacks that have fewer than four symptoms are referred to as 'limited - symptom attacks.'
 
Sigh. Today is not a day I am proud of when it comes to my food. I wasn't feeling so cheerful this afternoon..and picked up one of those small i think.. pint size or half pint? I dunno the actual size of Ben & Jerry's..and ate the entire thing. :eek: So I may just count that as my dinner. My food was OK until that point. Oh well... tomorrow is a new day. ;)
 
I've done that before:eek: I did it with a BAG of reeces pb cups :( This is why I decided not to ever buy that crap again, cuz if its in my house, I will devour it... plain and simple. But your absolutley right- tomorrow is a new day, and everything is forgiven :D
 
Good morning folks! Skipped getting up for the gym this morning, just too tired! I plan on hitting the gym tonight after work or taking Winston for a run. :) Hope you guys had a good weekend!!

Breakfast: Venti Latte 430 calories & scone 470, 900 calories total :eek:
Water: 64oz so far!!
Lunch: Bacon Ranch Salad w/ grilled chicken from McDonalds, minimal dressing 300 calories
Afternoon Snack: Fruit n' yogurt parfait 160 calories

Ok, today is NOT a good start. No exercise and crap for food. I have to confess, I am feeling completely unmotivated right now. Part of me in the back of my head is whisperng you've already fit in your wedding dress.. so who cares, throw your hands up! The other part is reminding me how I don't feel good in my clothes yet. That I don't want to shop for clothing because nothing fits right or looks how I wish it did. Then again maybe that's because my legs will never grow to be longer.. ;) Not just that my rear is two sizes too large. ha ha. Oh well. Just my confession for the day..
 
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Hey Newleaf, as you may have read in my journal, I've kinda gone off the deep end as well.

Lets stick together and get re-motivated! You and I were knockin' out the weight left and right for a while there, and it felt GREAT! I'm not sure about you, but I'm striving for that feeling again. It takes work to get back on the wagon, especially after you've achieved your initial goal -- but lets keep going!
 
Hi, NL! I see you had a dreaded Starbucks trip again. :) Tsk-Tsk-Tsk... What's wrong with a bagel? I think the low fat cream cheese was missing you this morning... LOL... ;) Its ok, though, you should stick as close to 1200 calories as you possibly can, which sounds like you are having a lot of salads and veggies today, and don't forget some good lean protein. :D BTW, why do you get Venti? Get the small one, you'll half the calories of coffee. Eat half the scone slowly, and throw out the rest. You CAN do it!

You see, here's one of the problems of trying to loose weight for the wedding. As soon as the wedding is over, you will have an out, you can say "screw it", going through all this stuff is just too hard, I'm throwing the towel. But when you are doing it for YOU and YOU only, you have NO Excuses - you will be committed to the weight loss as long as it takes to loose all the weight you want to loose. And guess what? It may actually motivate you better, because rather then allowing yourself to splurge on Starbucks, you will think that your weight loos journey will take that much longer, and maybe will prevent you from extra trip in the scone land. :)

How are you feeling? What made that coffee and scone today undeniable?
BTW, while I don't advocate at all completely denying yourself certain foods, I think a person should be able to go to Starbucks for breakfast in moderation, I do want to warn you that there is TONS of sugar in that scone, and with both coffee and high sugar it puts A LOT of strain on sugar regulation in your body, and repeating that can really propell you closer to diabeties. I never used to get low blood sugar untill I got into a bad habit of eating candy bar like twix almost every day to fight fatigue and drowsiness, of course, in addition to several cups of coffee. Soon after that I started getting low blood sugar if I don't eat every 3 hours, despite that I have not eaten any candy bars in almost 9 months. Luckily, my doctor said that my blood sugar is normal, and those feelings should stabilize if I continue eating a normal diet... But... It could have been much worse.

I am sorry, I don't mean to lecture. You're probably having today enough hard time as it is. I need to lecture myself, because I was really bad yesterday, about which you can read in my diary, as soon as I get there. Anyway, if I can offer a listening ear, let me know. This stuff is REALLY HARD sometimes, so don't beat yourself up. Just take it one step at a time. :)
 
NTL,
The problem is.. I know all of these things. Yet, I show no lack of control at times. I am feeling down this morning and I know that's why I went to go get a scone and latte. Ok the scone part was added simply because I was STARVING by the time I go to Starbucks. I honestly had no intention of getting food because I was feeling quite sickly thanks to my binging the previous night.

I think part of my problem right now honestly, is that I'm having a lot of mixed emotions going on in my head. (Hey you offered a listening ear. HAHA! don't you regret it??) but 1) I am very frustrated and discouraged that I had a panic attack when I have gone weeks and weeks with out any. Once one strikes it takes me a couple of days to let myself get off the "edge" of fear that another one will strike ANY day. 2) I'm nervous about this impending job change. While I know this new move will bring me a much more pleasureable work environment and take away a lot of stress its still a new change and is nerve wracking. And heck I don't even know if they will offer me the job. 3) My FH is a doll and I love him. lately however he has been consumed my work as its been very overwhelming. He's at the office until 7:30 until 6pm most days, only to bring home more work and work on it until he goes to bed. Which if I"m lucky is the same time as me. His weekends are 50% of the time consumed by work. To top it off he came down with a nasty cold this weekend. If he's not working or thinking about work, he's so exhausted all he wants to do is let his brain veg or nap. Not to sound like a selfish snot, but I miss him and I feel like we are just two people living in the same house, roommates if you will right now. And that in itself is depressing. And I've discussed this all with him, he knows. But he just doesn't have time. I can't certainly nor have any right to ask him to over extend himself EVEN more right now. Its not even possible for him.

As for weight loss JUST for the wedding.. Honestly its not what I"m doing. But I can't remember a second in my life, where I wasn't consumed by some aspect regarding food. Whether it be, trying to eat healthy, or eating poorly and thinking how bad it was for me. Part of it was setting a goal, so that I'd slim down and be in a healthier habits for my new lifestyle.. with my FH, on our honeymoon and for the rest of our married lives together.. I know this is a day by day process. But somedayts.. its just exhausting and I feel like I want to throw my hands up and say screw it, I don't care. I don't want to think about how much, how little, good or bad, whenever I have to eat something. I'd love to not like food. I'd love to merely eat because I have to sustain energy.. Even it consuming me with binging habits is exhausting. I'm just not there yet. So today is my day to regain motivation...

Don't worry NTL I don't consider your post a lecture. You're just pointing out some very good things to me, that I do need to hear/read. I just am waiting for something to snap in my head so, I take all this good knowledge and freakin use it!! I probably need a good smack in the head and a kick in the butt, quite literally. Instead.. I'm going to order a nice salad for my lunch and call it step one for now..

Thanks for all the support guys. I've been royally slippin off the wagon and giving my self excuses to do it. Actually more or less I've been saying "Screw it, I don't care." Anyhow. :) Thanks.. for puttin up with me!!
 
Morning Nl,
Don't give up on us... YOu can do so much more... Keep your head up and just throw away that starbucks:D Have a great day and keep positive
 
Thanks Jelly. Unfortnately the Starbucks.. uhm. is gone. thanks to me consuming it!! But, I swear, right here, I will NOT be going there again this week. In fact. Lets make that a two week promise!!!

I hereby promise, I will not go to Starbucks and purchase ANYTHING to consume for myself, for TWO weeks, until April 17th. :D

Did ya see that NTL??? :D And after two weeks, I'll probably not want anymore anyways. ;)
 
I'm with NTL here. Okay, first of all, my dear...what happened to the non-fat milk????????????? I drink Venti lattes as well - SOMETIMES - but, fat free milk makes a BIG difference...Secondly, I do advocate ridding certain things from your diet if it cant be controlled and i hate to say it but a scone might be your 'bye-bye' food!! Other than occasionally, for a special day a special reason, or a bday or something? Just a thought, b/c i bet you now, that you dont feel as great as you would by eating it, than where you thought you'd feel? right?? guilty? that stinks. Sugar high? okay for a little bit...you know what i mean. It is like Donuts for me. If i eat one - I can eat a BUNCH so they are GONE from my life..sometimes you just have to pick something and get rid of it...my 2 cents..

Secondly, And, yes, sorry if i sound lecturing...THROWING IN THE TOWEL B/C YOU FIT INTO YOUR WEDDING DRESS?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO. NO. NO.

This is a lifetime change, not a change until june 10th and then back to the 'old dana'. This is difficult, we all know that, but it is worth it. You need to look at the big picture. It can't be all about the wedding bc/ all of your hard work that you've put in will get thrown out the window post june 11th and then what?

Are you planning on not exercising or taking care of yourself after your wedding??????????????? I doubt that is truly what you want....We are getting so close to our weddings, and to set that date/goal is all fine and good but I KNOW i will not be at my perfect weight for my wedding..and i KNOW that i dont ever want to be back up to where i was when i let my eating habits get out of control...and i know how frustrating it is to try to lose weight and how much easier it is to put on than take off...i know you know the same. you know how gratifying it is to LOSE a 1/2 a pound. And remember your post last week???? You were starting to feel good about your own body. Remember that feeling???? That is such an important feeling..you also said you hada little work to do in terms of not feeling great in your clothes. Well, okay, guess what? Throwing in the towel and making your goals and hard word end b/c you got married, isn't what you want and will get you spiraling to a place that you dont want to be! And what was the point of all this hard work and motivation and determination so far? To have beautiful pictures from your wedding? what about healthy life FOREVER???

Dana, you can do this. You want to. I know you do. Don't look back, look forward, but as NTL said, you may need to refocus in terms of not the wedding (as you said, you fit into your dress and you will be beautiful on that day regardless).

Maybe it is time to reflect on what you want, what your goals are for the future in GENERAL - post your wedding and your lifestyle forever....

Please don't quit. You don't want to deep down. You've put so much effort into this and have done GREAT. Yes, bumpy patches are in the road and we are here for you. A little refocusing...thinking about AFTER the wedding is what is important now. Who do you want to be then?

We are here for you....S
 
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