A Neverending Journey.

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bluepig1

New member
Well that's what it feels like, and is. Losing weight was never meant to be easy but it sure as Hell wasn't meant to be this hard!
I get that it's a lifestyle change, a permanent fix not a quick weight loss to put it all back on again. But it' so hard.

I exercised and tracked calories (sensibly) and ate very well for weeks, and got nowhere.
About 3 weeks down the line, I'd barely lost a pound.
And I flit between the same few pounds, never inching down.
So after a couple of days being bad, I'm up to nearly 209 again. I just have too much on my plate (ha no pun intended) to do this right now.
But then I think, I'll always have this much on my plate...

I'm never going to stop seeing my surgeon and having CT scans, I have over two years of studying left, and at the end it'll just be the same as it is now.
And I'll still be fat.

I've been thinking for a while now about PCOS. And I'm so scared I might have it. I had the irregular stupid periods, I gain weight at the drop of a hat, I struggle to lose weight, I'm quite hariy in places I don't want to be.
I don't want to have it, because I've seen first hand the distress and heartbreak that almost certainly goes hand in hand with PCOS when trying for a baby.
But it's time to face up to it, I'm going to make a doctors appointment and make them take me seriously. The least I will accept is a three month membership to Slimming World. Which I know they still do. I want a scan and I want blood tests to check my hormone level.

I also want 29th of April here and gone. It's the review of my latest CT scan.

13 weeks yesterday and I'll be on my way to a music festival. I really want to have lost weight by then, even just a stone, which at my weight isn't difficult! (Well shouldn't be!)

So.. For those of you who haven't read my other diaries, and made it this far :p

SW - 208.75
GW - 150

Height - 5ft 5
Therefore BMI - 34.7

BMI - 29.9 - Weight - 179.5
As you can see, there is a long way to go before I get to Overweight..
My mini goals are in my signature, they still stand.

Anyway, off to buy some new bedding and stuff.
Back in a few days probably.
 
Welcome back Red!

I'm sorry you're feeling like it's too much. You've got to just keep on keeping on. Afterall, the only way to fail is to give up. So just keep on trying, I know you'll get there in the end.

I'm glad you're going to get the PCOS thing checked out; it really is good to make sure, especially if it's playing on your mind.

I hope the final CT scan review goes as you'd like, I'm sure it will!

It's sonisphere you're going to right? Or am I totally wrong? I bet it'll be awesome :D

Lots of luck with the new diary, I just started one too! xxx
 
Could you be insulin resistant.? If you are seeing your doctor, get that checked out too. Insulin resistant people need to follow a different sort of diet to the rest of us. More like what diabetics follow i think. Very low carbohydrates. See the cohen diet forum threads. I'm not suggesting you go on the cohen diet by any means. I think if you do need that sort of diet there are other ways to find something similar that won't cost as much.
 
Hey Holly, yeah it was seeing yours that inspired me to start a new one :)
Thanks for stopping by fortyfour, I wondered about insulin resistance, I saw that it's common with people with PCOS anyway, so I was going to ask about that too. I've done low carb before (Atkins) but the new version where you are allowed fibre and veg carbs but not fruit, nuts and breads etc at first, but it really didn't work for me.
 
Hey Red. Sounds like you are taking stock and thinking of some good ways forward. I know you have a lot on your plate with the health issues and studying but can't help feeling that all of that would be so much more fluffier if you were a little bit more happy about where you were going with your weight - I know although I was busier than a busy thing, it all seemed so much more managable when I was feeling crap about myself.

The diet bit is the key - NOT restricting yourself just making really really good choices about being healthy. All too often we go yeah lets eat 800 calories of crap and not much else in that day so I'm still ok on my cals...but in reality we all know its better to eat 1800 cals of really healthy stuff, even if we are aiming for a cal total of 1400 per day or something.

Anyway, hope the doctors appointment is productive. Don't worry TOO much about PSOS - if it is that, then there are ways of working it - my cousin is a prime example - thought it was the end of the world (and I had the greatest sympathy for her, don't get me wrong...) but now, 3 children later (18 months wait for the first, then the other two popped out in very quick succession!)...
Lots of hugs
Jay
 
Hey hun :) Hope it's not PCOS but my friend is a few weeks away from having her first baby and has PCOS. It'll be good for you to know either way I guess <3 Hope you're alright xx
 
My doctor ordered blood tests and lots of them! Going in on Monday to get them done then on may 10 i get my results! Various hormone ones a diabetes one and thyroid. He says because even so many people without the syndrome have poly cystic ovaries he doesn't think a scan would be beneficial at this point but he hasn't ruled it out completely.
Scales are playing nice despite not being back on top of food 100% yet.

And yeah its sonisphere :) more bands announced last night. Richard cheese OMFG!!:p
 
Good luck with the tests. I think you are still quite young (i can't remember exactly) so there's a good chance you are not pre-diabetic yet. But if you don't find a way to get down and stay down at a healthy weight, you would be a likely contender for developing it by your 50s or so if you allow yourself to let your weight to hover in the "obesity" range.

My neighbour is just going through it. I think she's about 56. She has just been diagnosed as pre-diabetic. The thing she told me was that because she is pre-diabetic/insulin resistant, she can't lose weight when eating eating carbohydrates and has to have special dietary advice and will end up eating mainly proteins and vegies. She said she tried to control her weight but has just been putting it on more and more in recent times.

I've got the thyroid disease. Its not caused by weight or diet. But a symptom of hypothyroidism is weight gain. Its quite easy to manage on the whole, with the hormone replacement though it can be slow getting it stable for some people. I was about 35 when i got diagnosed.

If you are young, you are probably gonna be fine but don't sit on your laurels. Its easier and better to fix things like weight and do health prevention when you are young. I"m heading up towards 50 now.

Most people don't start seeing the side -effects of life style until they are in there 50s and then its too late. The biggest mistake i'm aware of having made in my youth was spending too much time sunbaking and now i've got the skin to prove it.
 
Actually, i forgot smoking. I quit that 13 year ago now so the effects of that have diminished considerably apparently. But i was a bit shocked to learn yesterday that smoking causes dental cavities. I read it on wiki. How come my dentist never told me that!
 
I have loads! I need 6 fillings!!
Never touched a cigarette either, so I guess I'm just unlucky lol
I like to keep on top of my health stuff because of some pretty crap stuff over the past few years and a shock diagnosis.
I'm 20 by the way so yeah quite young. Although I'm on my phone and it just suggested rusted not young!! Cheeky :p
 
Hey, thanks for checking in on me :) just not getting chance to get on here because i still have to use Martins computer. My phone is rubbish so I'm sorry if that last sentence made no sense :p 206 today on the scales. Both me and Martin are trying to be good now. Having lower calorie snacks and stuff. Although i did eat about 1000 calories in buns today!! Made some and then iced them then ate them! Silly piggy!! My food has been good though :p and other days have been good.
Blood test tomorrow eek! Hope they can get a vein :p
Good news though i got my essay back off my hard drive and have done another 50 words. Doesn't sound like much but i deleted a load first so probably did about 250 ish.
 
Snacks yesterday included a subway cookie (not good) baked crisps pineapple and sliced turkey.
Food was a tuna mayo sandwich and chicken bites, a subway club with loads of salad and nothing for breakfast because i needed a fasting blood test.

UP so early this morning. Gunna get a shower have some breakfast then walk to my bus stop, over a mile away.
Me and Martin have done so much walking these past few days :)
 
Back again, stuck at 206.
The lowest I've been relatively recently is 204.5. I saw it fleetingley on the scale then it went back up.
Been on and off good. But not bad enough to not be losing.
I get to a couple of pounds lost and freeze!
So we had our last takeaway last night (well we'll be having it warmed up for lunch too) but Martin really wants to lose weight too so I'm going to cook everything better and we're going to make the most of my week off by doing some walks. I found three good ones locally ish, one might be too hard for amatuer walkers though lol
 
We're being sneaky with our exercise lol we went to royal armouries the other day which meant walking around for hours. We're going to another museum on Friday after my hospital appointment. Martin came with me to do the shopping so that was a walk there and around the shop which he usually doesn't do. Today we're going to the job centre so will walk around town then maybe go to some nearby woods. Its lots of extra exercising without us feeling pressured into it.
207 on the scales. I'm back to getting on daily but since they are literally not moving its not a big deal. I see 206 or 207 and that is it. And i know being without the scale doesn't help.
Results of my blood tests soon eek
 
I like weighing daily too. I do'nt know what's going on if i don't get on the scales and I just think the worst.

Walking around town is as good as walking anywhere. Just so long as you can avoid snacking on cakes and junkfood as you go. :D
 
So todays food..
Breakfast none as I only got up shortly before leaving.
Lunch foot long turkey and ham on wheat with lots of vegetables.
Tea 1.5 baked chicken breasts with chili,sea salt,black pepper with peas and a baked potato.
Snacks subway cookie half a sprite cottage cheese with pineapple and sugar free jelly with added fruit.
 
And a big ish bar of chocolate oops!
Did great most of the day til then!

Anyway. Been rubbish since. Not really really rubbish. Just a little.

Went to the hospital today and i need another scan. There are flecks on my lungs that may have grown but they can't tell because the older scans are worse quality. So now i need another scan to see he 84391so doing anything. Not happy :( so sick and tired of it. Scan after scan after test after test. Why the hell can it not just be out and over and done with. Why does something always have to go wrong. I'm 20 for crying out loud. How much more can life throw at me?!
 
Baked chicken breast on spinach with pasta in a tomato sauce :)
Shame about the middle of the day :p small ham and pineapple pizza thing. Sundae. Creme egg.
Breakfast was corn flakes.
Not too bad overall though i suppose. The pizza was the size of a pitta bread.
 
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