A Little More Action

Weigh in.

I lost my frist lb! Well, not really my first lb, considering that I've been trying to do this for a few months now (haha), but my first pound after refreshing my strategy and mind set. :D

The next 14 pounds to my mini goal of 140 seems like nothing... That is, compared to the 40 pounds I was constantly thinking of losing before. I love having a mini goal.

On the downside, I feel ridiculously lazy now. That ALWAYS happens right after I lose any miniscual or gross amount of weight. I can't figure out why I become less motivated once I start doing well. Bleh.

Also, I think I may be more obsessed with food now than I was before I started this *diet.*

For example... Breakfast today:
2/3 cup 1% Milk - 68c
Cereal - 195ishc
Biscotti - 210
Sugar Cookies - 223
Coffee - 3c.
-----------
698calories total!!

What's up with the biscotti and cookies? :( It's my TOM, but doesn't that mean I'm suppose to become LESS hungry now?

Gahh, today I'm going to try to kick the habit, and figure out a way to make myself more motivated when I do well.
 
Ah, god. I ate cookies for lunch. Calorie count is 1,203 now. :(

I haven't showered yet, and can't seem to motivate myself to get up.

I should go for a walk and drop off applications, seeing as to how I am once again jobless. The manager of the concession part of the bowling alley is a moron...

He told me to come in thursday for training.. So I did, and it wasn't until an hour and a half later that he called and told me he wasn't comming (he forgot!). The day before he gave me a speach about only accepting the days I knew I could work, and having to show up on time. HMNNNN.

Then friday was suppose to be my first day of real work, but since I had no training I had to come in earlier, what time, he didn't know. So I called, then called again, and he told me to come in 20 minutes from that time. First, he should have called me, and second, I walk there, and that takes me 40 minutes... So I called around, and finally found a ride.

Then at work, he ran over all of the things I would have to do, and didn't leave that much time for questions. A customer came, and I put fries in the deep fryer, then was going to take them out and I had trouble lifting it. He gave me this weird look, and I guess that was the deciding factor that I wasn't going to get the job... But like, if he actually trained me, and I had time to practice, I'm sure I would have figured out how to do it.

The next two hours after that were spent bagging frozen french fries, and standing next to him waiting to learn how to make pizza's, while he talked to some lady about motorcycles... Until he told me that if I wanted a job there, I'd have to be a dish washer. Which was fine by me, seeing as how I need a job, and I don't care what it is.

Washing dishes was freaking nasty... But I didn't even get to finish them, because he told me that the owner didn't want me to do that, and that they would keep me in mind if they needed any help.

What the fudge.

Hah, now I'm upset again. A walk sounds nice... (and so does a shower)
 
I should have taken a nap after school today, instead of eating cookies and milk. Need to kick that habbit.

... Good thing I'm eating eggplant for dinner. :)

Bad habits list/the changes to be made:
  • After school snacking - take a nap instead! Or eat a delicious apple!
  • Eating when bored - go outside/call a friend!
  • Eating when avoiding something - confront all problems and issues.
  • Cookies, biscotti, ice-cream, chocolate consuming - ask mom to stop buying unhealthy foods!
  • Getting 6 hours of sleep a night - finish homework earlier/stop being computer obsessed. ;)
  • Not drinking enough water - Have tea in the morning!
 
Alright, I really don't understand how people much bigger and older than me can have so much energy. I mean, I'm glad that they do, but I don't see why I don't have the same amount... Being that I'm a 16 year old and not that over weight...

Gah, maybe because I'm a vegetarian? I know that when I first became diabetic I lost a LOT of muscle, but still..

It's frustrating. I hate being tired.
 
Have you been to a doctor for your tiredness? Some tiredness at youor age is normal - but if you're chronically tired, you might want to have it checked out.... or really take a look at your diet..

please take care of yourself, missy :) you've got one body...
 
Thanks for your concern mal. I'll ask my doctor *if I remember* next time I visit.. I think maybe it might be due to not enough protein?

************

Today wasn't too hot. Well. It was hot outside (80+!), but I consumed near 1,850 calories. I NEED to start taking after school naps again. About half a year ago, when I started taking them daily, I lost 10 pounds in 3 months without making any other changes. If I took a nap today, more than 500 calories would not have been consumed! Buuuh, I'm sure I would have made some of that up before/after diner, but I would have consumed less.

My friend Kate and I went walking after school, for an hour or so. :) Other than walking... not much going on for exercise. I want to do strength training again, but I put off doing homework until late, then just want to drop dead.

My own fault. Kick?
 
I just want to have lost one pound by Sunday.
JUST ONE will make me happy.

Today, I did pretty bad. My friend Emily and I walked home from school, but stopped at Wendy's. I got a taco salad minus the chili, then took a few of her french fries... Then I came home, ate a sweet&salty bar, cinnamon toast... and ice cream.
:eek2:

GAH. I am so bad at trying to change my life. I just want to go walking, and if I didn't have to go to school / go to bed at a semi-decent hour, I can nearly guarantee that I never would have become this way. I love being outside (minus the humidity... and my legs rubbing together) all night and day, and can walk for hours without thinking of food. I need to not think of food the most, because I become bored, and turn to it... I put of my homework, and ask and ask what's for dinner. I think of it constantly when my mind is not consumed by something else.

Pretty freaking unhealthy.

Nearly every day I am changing. I can tell, because I keep on noticing new habits... Or maybe they were old ones, and I am finally seeing they are there. When I first started this, not too long ago, I never would have said that I was obsessed with food.

I'm so whiney, but I have yet to realize that life is unfair.
 
I need to stop cussing.

I love letting myself down, eating a ton, and being fat.

Tomorrow I just want to go walking (I really want to go jogging right now...), but it'll be crappy out, and mothers day.

I can't wait to get out and go to college, or Germany, or wheverer I end up going, and finally being on my own. I can not deal with outside influences, and I always feel obligated to do the things everyone else does. I just want to buy my own food, and not have to see fucking hershey's chocolate pie in the refridgerater, or ice cream in the freezer. I know, I know I can't blame anyone else, but no one has ever tought me self control, and no one in my family considers their health.

I remember being little, and eating ice cream for breakfast. That might be a nice thing to do for your kid on occasion, but who the heck lets their child eat it almost every day of the week.

I need to get out of these habbits!
 
I do not want to be home right now. Even though for the first time in a while our house is clean, and even though it's mothers day, I just want to leave.

My mom is so frustrating. I asker her if she wanted to make biscotti, as in with me, and she told me "I don't care what you do, as long as you clean up, and that means WASH DISHES." I don't even fucking want to make that crap, I just want to do something nice and sweet with her... Also, nearly every time I wash dishes she complains that I don't do them right, and I've even seen her re-wash them before! (I have OCD when I wash dishes, and always make sure they're perfect! whhat)


I don't think she's kept anything I made her in elementary. All those cheesy cards that I spent hours making in art class..

:confused:
 
Thirteeeeen pounds to go!
Then I'll be 140, and be aiming for 130. :D

My DANCE RECITAL is the 17th and 18th of this week.
I'm nervous, not because I'll make a fool of myself, but because I look redic.
I need to pay more attention to what I put in my body, and how much exercise I get.

.... I have already more than exceded my total calorie amount for the day.

Buuut, I'm feeling better than I did last year at this time, because I've been doing lotion tanning. Yeah, I know my skin is slightly discolored here-and-there... Still, it's giving me more confidence. Yay for not having ivory skin.:rolleyes:

For better motivation, I'll post pictures of me in my dance costumes this Thursday. HAHA. Maybe I should start doing that weekly, because when I do, I become more moticated.
 
A girl in my german class brought in Riesen's, because she had to suck up since she was presenting her project late. haha

I ate five of them. I was happy with two, but she kept passing more out because of extras. Grr.

Other than that, I've done pretty good today... The only other "bad" was the white rice (with cheese and vegetables) that I ate for dinner.

I have dance practice tonight, then my recital is this Thursday and Friday!
I'm walking to the school, trying to get in more exercise. haha

:)
 
I've already eaten over 2000 calories, as I am sure I did yesterday too. I feel so bored, this week there is NOTHING to do besides school work, which really puts me off. I feel too lazy and tired to go outside. Gah. :(

I haven't posted or updated this, because I've been waiting for pictures from my dance recital, but no one has seemed to take any body shots. haha

These are the ones I have that aren't face shots:


^I love my arms

^haha agian. my face is even getting gross :[


I hope to get more.
 
VS


lol at how pale I am naturally

Being tan..ish gives me more confidence. :]
I'm going to go play DDR until I feel better about the massive ammounts of food I have eaten today. GAH. I need a job, or atleast more friends.. something to occupy me instead of food.
 
Whoo. I need to start exercising again. At least sit ups/crunches before I go to bed. I HATE waking up with a stomach. :X

I want to start doing squats, arm bends, and all of that jazz again, but I can't seem to make myself accountable enough to do anything. I don't want to make up any more excuses, which is what I'm best at...

Ja ja ja..
 
hey you :) for yourself being tired...you need to pay attention to what you eat and how much you sleep. you're one of rare teenagers i know who doesn't sleep for at least 9 hours lol. so you feeling tired probably might have something to do with your lack of sleeping.
being lazy is normal at your age i guess. i was very lazy until last year. now i have so much energy its ridiculous.
if no one ever taught you self-control then this is something you have to start teaching yourself. start small.
 
Today I feel like I hate everyone. My problems are a result of ME not being a good enough person, but gosh, everyone is really frustrating.

My mom - Bought fucking cookies today. She always offers me fucking candy. wtf. i hate it. i hate her, and i don't want another sweet tart or starburst as long as i live. I'd prefert not to die before I turn thirty, but she's making it hard. I'll tell her no, and later she offers me something different. I keep asking her not to buy ice cream, and unhealthy things, but she does, always. We're never without junk food. :cry:

My best friend - For being so gosh darn skinny. lol... But seriously, she is almost as upsetting as my mom, because I can't confide in her at all. We rival eachother, and she always comments on how fat people are. She's not overly mean about it, but I'm usually the same weight as those people, if not more. I feel like I am constantly judged by her. (although she calls me Miss perfect :])

My boyfriend - he's freaking 6'2" tall, and weighs 139. The boy is abnormally skinny, and eats a ton. He always takes me out to eat, and wants to get ice cream nearly every freaking day. First, I really don't like going out to eat, I'd rather do something fun than waste money on something I can make myself. Second... Ice cream. Jeesh. That helps a lot.

I need someone that I can relate to, or that would at least listen to me. Changing is so hard, I have no one to help me... I really feel as though I don't need help or guidance, as much as people to just stop being bad influences/judgmental.

Today, again, I ate a freaking ton. I'm putting off doing a german essay, and am avoiding all homework.

Just to let everyone know... IRL, I am not a complainer.. The internet just makes it easy.
 
Lena, thanks for stopping by.

I know what I need to do, I just can't figure out how to make myself do it. It should be so easy, I just... ugh.

I need to be completely on my own, and I'll get it. With people around me that have got me in these grooves, it's hard.

I want to try, and I'll get it eventually though.
 
dance pictures

My friend Kess took these. MY CALFS ARE COWS. And my arms. UGH.






yayay


I'm joing an LJ community soon, not sure which one... Inorder to have people there for me, yelling, motivating... Sorta like this website. But I actually get on LJ every single day.
 
I still weigh 153, but I haven't been doing ANYTHING to further my weight loss. In fact, I should have gained weight.

:[ I think I need a buddy, again.
 
Wow, I bet since I got home at 3, that I've eaten over 1000 calories. haha
So today is probably near 2,500. JESUS CHRIST ON A CRACKER. I'm horrible, and have no motivation currently. Gah, if I was helping one of my friends with something like this, I'd be bitching them out for doing so bad, and offering complete support, until they reached their goal. Why can't I help myself the same way?

I certainly don't enjoy being fat.

Alright, thinking of a new plan of attack, because I can't stick to anything complicated, and I need to do something.

For summer:

I will get up at 8, or before, and exercise in the morning, for 10 minutes, even if it's yoga.

I will drink a full glass of water with breakfast, and then tea after.

After lunch, I will allow myself two snacks after, but only fruits/vegetables (or something left from luch that I didn't finish/eat)

I will drink a bottle of water with lunch, between lunch and dinner, and after/with dinner.

I will walk my dogs around the block, every day. (takes aprox. 20 minutes)

I will only enjoy icecream on occasion, and will practice saying no, and begging my mom to stop buying unhealthy foods every single day.

I will have already joined the YMCA, and will walk there, about 40 minutes away, atleast once a week. I'll also try to recruit a friend to do it with me, to make sure I stick to it.

After I eat dinner, I will brush my teath, in hopes of not eating the rest of the night.

I will stop indluging past the capacity of my stomach.


After I get down to 140, I'm getting my septrum pierced.
120, and a tattoo.

Today is horrible. I hate feeling out of control.
 
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