<3Cerella's Restarting, Refocused and Remotivated<3

:DHappy I finally broke my silence lol and am starting to get it all out:(I hate having emotions and feelings and such...I hate feeling them and I hate expressing them and I hate being emotional:(

I have always veiwed it as a sign of weakness...

On an odd side note...The ex and I had the we still care for eachother but dont love eachother speach...as silly as this sounds it helped to hear that...
 
Ahhhh, you're too good for him. He didn't turn out to be the person he claimed and you hoped he would be. Oftentimes its hard to move on from someone until you find someone else. I'm hoping you'll run into someone nice soon.

As to the symptoms you described, that really concerns me. Hair falling out and all the other symptoms sound like possible thyroid issues for sure. It is VERY HARD on the body when the thyroid isn't working properly and I believe I read it greatly affects the organs and the cells and all the body systems after a while. This is not something to be messed with and ignored. KINDLY get your ass to a doctor and have the range of thyroid blood tests taken as a start, along with the full panel of other tests. Take it from there regarding doctors but at least go get your blood taken by any doctor ASAP (PLEASE).
 
Blancita is totally right about needing to have a doctor check those symptoms Cerella.

I am with Lena about the writing. Good for you. I reckon it will help you move - and I think the fact you're writing is a sign that you are making progress.

Our emotions are no more a weakness than our intellect. They are what they are - a natural part of being a person. We can't necessarily control which ones we get either - just how we act in response to them.
 
Hi ya sweetie! :hug2:

Thanks for checkin' on me while I was gone. ;)

That means a lot. :)

I'm BACK! lol

I agree with Claudia, felici, and lena. :seeya:

I hope you're having a Goal Reachin' Thursday!

TTYS!

<3 Stacy
 
I know, I am too good for him...That doesnt matter...it did help to hear it regardless, it means nothing to me, like I mean...It doesnt make me wanna go running back to him...

Beleive it or not, ive worked hard to be here now where I am at...

As far as everythign else...

This is exactly why I dont wanna date...

I hate getting close to someone, liking them, looking forward to talking to them and such, getting use to it and then have somethign happen and have it all disappeara, then you need to turn off that switch, pretend you dont care and move on...

Im not good at goodbyes or dealing with that...I hate it, when Im close to someone and that gets taken away it is hard for me to deal with:(

I have a hard time dealign with my emotions, I blame myself for everyhtign and it lowers my self esteem and makes me feel something is wrong with me:(

 
I agree with filici. Our emotions - the good ones and the bad ones - can be powerful guides, and as long as they don’t prove to be too debilitating I've always considered people who are finely in tune with their feelings to be quite blessed. Just think of yourself as an emotional genius!! lol :)

Oh, and maybe it’s just me but I try to live by the axiom “Blame is lame!” That goes for the blame you place on others and especially for blame you place on yourself. I feel that it's counterproductive for me and I try to let it go whenever I experience it. If I keep beating myself up over something I've already said or done, or spend time focusing on how someone else is responsible for my troubles… well, it just seem like wasted energy that could be directed elsewhere.

Heh, this makes me think of the different ways people react when they get their homes burgled. Some people feel horribly violated, obsess over the injustice of the situation, and spend hours upon hours trying to figure out how someone could do such a selfish thing. But then some other people just say “Well that sucked,” and move on with their lives. Who do you think ends up happier? :) The only problem is this… I’m not sure how much control we have over how we react to these kinds of situations. I need to figure that one out so I can start making my millions!
 
So I got the kiss off email this evening...I could post it but I wont vialate that persons thoughts and feleign no matter how upset I am and how wrong he is/was.

I shoudl have never gotten involved via the net...maybe this is one of the lessons...either no men at all or no men online...

I cant veiw it as a reason or season or lifetime...I veiw it as someone who vialated my trust, let me downand hurt me

I dont trust men for a reason...this is to enforce it...I am attracted to assholes...I dont know how to change this...

I seem to attract them, I dont go out looking for them they come and find me.

I think with me I have such a dominate personallity...Im straight forward I speak my mind Im not afraid to be myself, I am strong, and because of this I am attractive to others?Im also spontainious and go with the flow...maybe it is all hindering to me...I dunno


Im upset and hurt and if this is how this guy really is then I am better off without his involvement period...

But no I need to mourn the loss of a friend:(
 
I feel I need to get a new diary, LOL...This one has taken a plummet...

Tonight was a crazy night...

But first Im proud of myself I got in 3 protein shakes yesturday and they were yummmy, no veg though but lots of fruit and i felt good.

My kids are sick, I am sick we are all sick, LOL!

Anyway poor lil Taneesha has been sick on and off for the last 3 weeks...she was ok and went to daycare for a day and then came home and was sick worse and now since saturday she has had the runs and been vommiting on and off...tool her ot the doc cuz she cant even keep down water...she is contagious has a gatro intenstine infection...poor lil thing...Im gonna keep her home this next week to make sire she is 100% better before going back to the germ infested daycare, lol
 
cinderelly said:


I hate getting close to someone, liking them, looking forward to talking to them and such, getting use to it and then have somethign happen and have it all disappeara, then you need to turn off that switch, pretend you dont care and move on...

Im not good at goodbyes or dealing with that...I hate it, when Im close to someone and that gets taken away it is hard for me to deal with:(

I have a hard time dealign with my emotions, I blame myself for everyhtign and it lowers my self esteem and makes me feel something is wrong with me:(
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are you positive it will end that way? you can't know that. you can prepare yourself for fall and even sabotage everything unconsciously but one day there will be someone who will see right through all that and change your mind. i am positive about that.
suppressing emotions makes people sick...getting ulcers, insomnia, depression. when people break up, when you lose a friend or a person who you like...that's a huge kick in the stomach...you feel like you've done something wrong. that it was your fault they left etc.etc. most of us feel that way. because we think of ourselves first (we are hurt, our ego is bruised, we need to change this to make ourselves feel better). but we never think that maybe, just maybe it had nothing to do with us. but really nothing to do with us.
there is nothing wrong with you. emotions are emotions. they're not good or bad. they just are. its how with deal with them.
as you know i have anger issues. expressing anger is my biggest problem. but i am doing it now. i don't go around yelling at people hahaha but i started telling people when i calm down that this behavior hurt me. sometimes they understand, sometimes they don't. but i don't have that nasty nod in my stomach that it was my fault and that i should keep my mouth shut.
 
I know that it is over and i have no respect for how I have been treated (he was supposta be a friend and all he did was treat me as every other man in my life has)...and I am unsure how I feel about wanting to continue things on anway, it is for the best...I guess
 
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don't swell on it too much, just look at what you learned from it and use that to better your life. we will always run into bad situations, but its up to us to make sure each bad situation we run into return investment so that experiencing ti makes us a stronger, better and wiser person :)
 
cinderelly said:
I know, I am too good for him...That doesnt matter...it did help to hear it regardless, it means nothing to me, like I mean...It doesnt make me wanna go running back to him...

Beleive it or not, ive worked hard to be here now where I am at...

As far as everythign else...

This is exactly why I dont wanna date...

I hate getting close to someone, liking them, looking forward to talking to them and such, getting use to it and then have somethign happen and have it all disappeara, then you need to turn off that switch, pretend you dont care and move on...

Im not good at goodbyes or dealing with that...I hate it, when Im close to someone and that gets taken away it is hard for me to deal with:(

I have a hard time dealign with my emotions, I blame myself for everyhtign and it lowers my self esteem and makes me feel something is wrong with me:(
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ahhh. The joys of love and love lost. It totally sucks donkey dick.:ack2: ( excuse the expression... but thought it might make ya laugh hehe)
I am sorry you are going through this right now. It really really sucks i know.... i think we all know... but knowing that does not take away the dissapointment and hurt.

Know this though: If he cannot respect you and your feelings about things.... he does not deserve you.

Women as a whole though... somehow... even without trying are attracted to assholes. We like the bad boys... we seem to gravitate toward them.... the smoke alarm DOES NOT WORK when we meet them.. our minds think they are GREAT!!!!


anyways, i truely hope you find some peace in all of this... its a tough thing to deal with. oh and as CHEEEEEEESEY as this is... my good friend use to always tell me this when i was down on a guy
"Smile ALWAYS.... never frown, because you never ever know who is falling in love with your smile". :)

now does that make you feel all gooey inside? hehe
hang in there woman.
 
kureransu said:
don't swell on it too much, just look at what you learned from it and use that to better your life. we will always run into bad situations, but its up to us to make sure each bad situation we run into return investment so that experiencing ti makes us a stronger, better and wiser person :)
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hehehe Kureransu... you are such a turd......


spoken like a true man hehe ;)
 
kureransu said:
i thought you were against poop talk?!? and i hope you meant it as a compliment..:leaving:
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heheh ugh. called me out. i must have a subconcious poop obsession.


No it was a joke... you give good advice it wasnt a knock... just saying its a your post and my post are prime examples of how men and women think different.
 
great to hear! i figured it was, but sometimes inflections can't be determined by just text. just wanted to make sure i didn't step on your toes! i didn't even notice your first post. just the turd one. HA! anyways off to lunch i go!
 
M_Marie said:
ahhh. The joys of love and love lost. It totally sucks donkey dick( excuse the expression... but thought it might make ya laugh hehe)
I am sorry you are going through this right now. It really really sucks i know.... i think we all know... but knowing that does not take away the dissapointment and hurt.

Know this though: If he cannot respect you and your feelings about things.... he does not deserve you.

Women as a whole though... somehow... even without trying are attracted to assholes. We like the bad boys... we seem to gravitate toward them.... the smoke alarm DOES NOT WORK when we meet them.. our minds think they are GREAT!!!!


anyways, i truely hope you find some peace in all of this... its a tough thing to deal with. oh and as CHEEEEEEESEY as this is... my good friend use to always tell me this when i was down on a guy
"Smile ALWAYS.... never frown, because you never ever know who is falling in love with your smile". :)

now does that make you feel all gooey inside? hehe
hang in there woman.
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:coolgleamA:Donkey Dick:coolgleamA:LOVED THAT HA:D

Ya my thoughts exatctly - obviously I wasnt such a good friend and he didnt respect me as he said he did cuz if that was the case...

It is just sad for me mostly that ppl just arent what they say they are or appeara to be ya know...but ive always dealt with this from guys...

Oh and thatisnt cheesy, lol actually i like it thanx:)

M_Marie said:
hehehe Kureransu... you are such a turd......


spoken like a true man hehe
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kureransu said:
i thought you were against poop talk?!? and i hope you meant it as a compliment..:leaving:
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HEH yup guys veiws are diff but well spoken fo r aman:)


kureransu said:
don't swell on it too much, just look at what you learned from it and use that to better your life. we will always run into bad situations, but its up to us to make sure each bad situation we run into return investment so that experiencing ti makes us a stronger, better and wiser person :)
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I like the dont swell:)Im doing ok, im over the intitial shocka nd i was more put out that he didnt have the decency to even email me...Not that it matter, it was a bunch of crap...The thing I dont get abt guys is why o they always and only look out for themselves?

I think im too trusting in the fact that I assume everyone is like me...speak their minds talk abt stuff are open and honest, isnt usually the case especially with men...

kureransu said:
great to hear! i figured it was, but sometimes inflections can't be determined by just text. just wanted to make sure i didn't step on your toes! i didn't even notice your first post. just the turd one. HA! anyways off to lunch i go!
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Ha this is a total man too, only noticed the turd comment:D!!!
 
no,no, no! i only saw it because i always end and page up to see the last comment. i didn't realize she posted back to back in a couple minutes. i pay attention, i swear!
 
HI Relly! Sorry I been gone, I got caught up in Steve's forum today :grouphug:

Hope you have a fantastic weekend, Sweetie. :) And I feel you about how lots of men are only about themselves, I was ranting about that earlier in a cynical type way, heh :eek:
 
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