<3Cerella's Restarting, Refocused and Remotivated<3

SO HERE WE ARE ALREADY ON DAY 2 AND LOOKS LIKE WE ALL ARE DOING PRETTY DARN GOOD!! HERES TO A BUTT KICKING WEEK :sifone:
 
Relly, you made today a great exercise day! :hurray:

Fuckity fuck, the asshole's at it again? You put your daughter first and take the punches, you're amazing and a great mom :hurray: Sorry that it's like this :(
 
Hey Cerella! Thanks for you sweet comment on my pic! I am flattered!

"Looks like it could possibly be ed hardy but really hard to tell.Your Beautiful!!!"

This may sound really stupid and I may kick myself later for it but who is Ed Hardy???
 
Yeahhhhhhhhh men in general are asses

Yeah Men are asses...Oh Crap...thats me (ha ha)
thanks for your positive words on my thread...Back at cha girl.
The exercise is a good way to kill the blues...sweat em out
 
I will post replies later on...

Today I have done

60 mins Yoga
30 mins 10 min Trainer OMG, Kicked my ASS!!!My own boot camp hell in my bedroom:)If i do these daily which I plan on, i wont need boot camp, LOL

Am feeling a bit better, to lump sum everything...I am a single mom, so pretty much it is all me, which sucks at times.I get overwhelmed and over worked and allow my stress to get to me...as long as i exercise daily or pretty damn close to that I do ok...

My meditation is dragging up skeletons and issues from my past therefor making we kinda relive everyhtign ive already dealt with, hard to explain.In a nut shell, I started self healing...inner healing and it is killin me:([

I listen to these subliminal cds (my mediation) and my mom said it drags everyhitgn up and makes ya crannky and emotional at times,,,no shit...my body is workign on healing itself and dealing with stuff I dont even know...rig ht now im on the verge oh my sanity...

Im ready to give up all together go become a hermit me mysel fand i and not give two shits about anyone else. LOL

I wanna run away and hide.

Also fuck face at his games agian*SIGH*Im tuired of him disrespecting me and treatign me like crap walkin all over me an d having him always win but what do i do?I cant hurt my lil one:(She is always askingabout him and for him, I cant hurt her for me...So once again he wins*SIGHS*

Ive also come to the sad conclusion that I would liek to find a man a sig/other someone for me to have in my life...admitting it is first step working up to it will take time

Ka im gonna try to go get some zzzz

I hear you on the meditation, Cerella. It's worth it though - worth reflecting on what's gone on so that you can move on, you know. Something like that has to happen to enable emotional eaters like us to ever really develop our long term control I think.

Your past week has been hard in lots of ways - but I reckon you are making progress. It's good that you posted about this too.

And those people who push our buttons!! Sometimes the only way to cope is keep looking for the positives, but our feelings are really wanting us to dump a great big load of something nasty on someone who deserves it! :willy_nilly:

But you are doing well in so many ways! :hug2: Hang in there, hun.
 
Hey chickee awww.. I hope your feeling better.. Yeah life is full of ups and downs it happens.. What really helps me is listening to Jim Rohn he's a super motivator.. and really when I'm feeling down I pop on a cd and it just changes my mentality.. Life has so much negativity that we have to feed ourselves postive and postive cuz it's easy to fall.. The good thing is this 6 week challenge.. Were all gonna do this together and we will succeed.. Little by little it's happening and I'm so excited that we gonna do this.. Your awesome!!!:party:

Yeahhhhhhhhh men in general are asses I totally feel you... Well if you ever need anyting I'm there for you..

Thanx on both accounts hun:)I will have to look him up.:hug2:

SS to hear about that doll.

**HUGE HUGS** :)

You are doing the best you can in all areas of your life, so don't forget to pat yourself on the back!!

You will make it through all of this and you'll be stronger for it.



<3 Stacy

Thanx Stac but honestly for the first time Im feeling like Im not gonna make it throu this patch:(it has been rough and i think I may be ruining relationships i have...I have gone from a strong rock to an emotional basket case that feels the need to talk abt my feelings:(And I never felt the need to do so before...

Relly, you made today a great exercise day! :hurray:

Fuckity fuck, the asshole's at it again? You put your daughter first and take the punches, you're amazing and a great mom Sorry that it's like this

Thanx Im really sore but very proud of myself I also rode the bike for 45 mins it was all teh time I had and my legs were pretty sore while doing it, LOL.

Yes he is up to it agian, i will post more abt it afterwards in a seperate post and the decisions Ive come to and the actions I took.


Hey Cerella! Thanks for you sweet comment on my pic! I am flattered!

"Looks like it could possibly be ed hardy but really hard to tell.Your Beautiful!!!"

This may sound really stupid and I may kick myself later for it but who is Ed Hardy???

HEH, when I made that post I was wondering if you would know who he was...



This is one link and I will see if I can find another one where it just shows his clothing line...Ed Hardy is a Vintage Tattoo Artist you designs clothes and just abt everythign else.I love skulls so I really like Ed Hardy...I have one of his hoodies only one so far lol (so damn expensive) and my youngest has two hand me downs from my oldest.



I will link these to your diary as well:)


Yeah Men are asses...Oh Crap...thats me (ha ha)
thanks for your positive words on my thread...Back at cha girl.
The exercise is a good way to kill the blues...sweat em out

Thanx for dropping in:)When I droped by the other day it was funny as your post just read my mind, put my thoughts into words Thank you:hug2:And ya way back when I dropped 25/30 lbs by working out all my anger and frustrations...Not all men are asses...

I hear you on the meditation, Cerella. It's worth it though - worth reflecting on what's gone on so that you can move on, you know. Something like that has to happen to enable emotional eaters like us to ever really develop our long term control I think.

Your past week has been hard in lots of ways - but I reckon you are making progress. It's good that you posted about this too.

And those people who push our buttons!! Sometimes the only way to cope is keep looking for the positives, but our feelings are really wanting us to dump a great big load of something nasty on someone who deserves it!

But you are doing well in so many ways!Hang in there, hun.

Thanx, Ive been on the fence about wether to continue on ya know...When I skip the meditation im in a better frame of mind than when I do it...Im really wondering if it is worth it BUT im in 3 months already I dont wanna thro away that progress...I do hate feeling how I have been tho...Im gonna post more in a seperate thread.
 
wow i have the shittiest fuckin luck...I just spend 30 mins creating a posting quoting things from my cds talking abt how im feeling and so on i was almost done and my daughter had a fit threw her shirt at me it hit the mouse and erased everything

Maybe i will try again later...and you see this made me crumble, lovely isnt it....
 
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wow i have the shittiest fuckin luck...I just spend 30 mins creating a posting quoting things from my cds talking abt how im feeling and so on i was almost done and my daughter had a fit threw her shirt at me it hit the mouse and erased everything

Aw, I hate when stuff like that happens!!! I always get "timed out" right in the middle of the post then have to go back and re-write it... and its NEVER the same.

Hope you are doing well Beautiful!
 
Aw, I hate when stuff like that happens!!! I always get "timed out" right in the middle of the post then have to go back and re-write it... and its NEVER the same.

Hope you are doing well Beautiful!

Ha it sucks!!!I pu tso much into that post...I got alot out and talked and explained alot about how i have been feeling:(

Oh well thereopudict I guess,

 
I will post replies later on...

Today I have done

60 mins Yoga
30 mins 10 min Trainer OMG, Kicked my ASS!!!My own boot camp hell in my bedroom:)If i do these daily which I plan on, i wont need boot camp, LOL

Am feeling a bit better, to lump sum everything...I am a single mom, so pretty much it is all me, which sucks at times.I get overwhelmed and over worked and allow my stress to get to me...as long as i exercise daily or pretty damn close to that I do ok...

My meditation is dragging up skeletons and issues from my past therefor making we kinda relive everyhtign ive already dealt with, hard to explain.In a nut shell, I started self healing...inner healing and it is killin me:([

I listen to these subliminal cds (my mediation) and my mom said it drags everyhitgn up and makes ya crannky and emotional at times,,,no shit...my body is workign on healing itself and dealing with stuff I dont even know...rig ht now im on the verge oh my sanity...

Im ready to give up all together go become a hermit me mysel fand i and not give two shits about anyone else. LOL

I wanna run away and hide.

Also fuck face at his games agian*SIGH*Im tuired of him disrespecting me and treatign me like crap walkin all over me an d having him always win but what do i do?I cant hurt my lil one:(She is always askingabout him and for him, I cant hurt her for me...So once again he wins*SIGHS*

Ive also come to the sad conclusion that I would liek to find a man a sig/other someone for me to have in my life...admitting it is first step working up to it will take time

Ka im gonna try to go get some zzzz
ahhhhh hahahahha fuck face!!!! i LOVE IT!

those men.... cant live with em... cant ditch the retards for good (like eternally)... cant Lorena Bobbitt their asses. SIGH... what to do ... what to do HEHE

those meditation Cd's can be verey theraputic i think... ya maybe it "drags things up" but THATS A GOOD THING!!!!! in the end NOONE wants that shit in their insides... ripping you apart everyday. its good to get that stuff out of you! if it brings stuff up GOOD. then its one less thing bottled up inside you.

way to go on the yoga... do you love it? how is that? been considering it. I wanna take belly dancing classes!!!! heard it was an AWESOME workout... makes ya feel SEXY!!!!! rawwwwrrrrr hehe
 
I read a quote by Tosca Reno who writes in Oxygen magazine. When things get tough, instead of thinking "this is so hard" think "how can I help this situation". It gets me through my leg workout. Hope it helps.
 
Ok So the meditation i am doing is called: The Holosync Solution



I was reading over some of the documentation/Things to expect and i came across a few things that interested me and that I can relate to a lil maybe help me understand a bit more...

Listening to Holosync makes what was unconscious, conscious.You begin to see exactly how all the parts of your Internal Map of reality create the internal and external circumstances and experience of your life. As this happens, whatever you're creating that does not serve you falls away. What serves you, remains.

Holosync pushes your threshold for what you can handle, higher adn higher, until those times when you're over your threshold become very rare. As a result, the ways you cope with being over your threshold, anger, fear, depression, anxiety, confusion, substance abuse, overeating, etc. etc... fall away. They stop beign a part of your life.


I also read somewhere that some ppl's stubborness makes them hold onto things longer and makes the process take longer to let things go.

I think im stuck in between all these steps.My mind and body are holding me back from moving forward...

Everything has been resurfacing and being dragged back up, stuff I have worked hard to deal with...Im stressed out and anger and emotional and hurt...

Im a rock and I am falling apart...I hate talking abt my feelings and i hate having emotions and now all i need and want to do is talk abt how Im feeling.Im at my witts end and ready to blow:(

I have dealt with things...I have become happy, I am happy with my life and I have accepted. Well I was happier till my cds seem to have gotten more intense.Im a big ball of anger and stress right now:(However I am dealing with ALOT.I have a very big overflowing plate full of stuff.

I also have alot of baggage and a friend pointed out to me that all my repressed feelings and fears and shit is a hella lot to deal with and bring up.

I have put myself aside for 14 years being a mother.For 14 years I havent matter, thre has never been enough money for me or enough of anything to go around for me.Things were better with just my oldest and I but when I had the youngest and was single things got so much harder...

I rasied the girls off of so little it is crazzzy.I have put so much of myself aside for so long and i have lost myself, i though ti was refinding that person but appearantly as my issues are showing i ahvent, LOL.

Im just at a breaking point...

I would really honestly like to look for a man as well, deep down inside I would like to find a sig other...not to make me happy it is just somethign I would really like tha tI am tired of saying I dont...

I just think so many issues have been dragged up y these cds...

My kids have been rotten lately, I havent gotten enough sleep in a long time and I cant remeber the last time I had anytime away from the kids...

I also feel like everyone holds me up so high adn i feel like i need to reach that standard.I feel like i need to be perfect adn robot and unhuman wiht no feelings...

I feel a bit cheated too. I hate thinking abt my past, talking abt my past or bringing it up.Really it is all a whole bunch of negative crap I don tneed in my life...and it always brings me down.Mostly my seperation and all the shit I was put through by the asshole ex and all the things he still puts me through...

I didnt suffer threw 2 yrs of horrible depression and getting down to the bottom of everyhting and dealing with it so that I cna have it all resurface and bring me down agian:(


For the 14.5 years I have been a mother, I have only been with someone for 3 yrs outta those 14.5 WOW...so11.5 yrs of sacraficing myself to raise my children the way I want them to be raised...

HA, I was just reading through the Holosync link and I came across this statement:)

First Drawback: I'll warn you, right up front, that this program will create a revolution in your life. Holosync® creates super-deep meditation, and that will put you face-to-face with...well, with yourself. If you choose to participate in this program, you'll eventually have to deal with the parts of yourself you've so far avoided dealing with.

Thanx Felici - you clarified something for me...I want a relationship with a man who will respect me, I want a normal healthy respectful relationship, I think I am ready for it and deserve it...

That is the other part too thought I honestly dont feel like I deserve to be happy ya know...I feel like my bad has out done my good and im living my destiny, lol...I dont mean that as sadly as it sounds...

I also wanna work on my inner self cuz i want to be able to attract what I am looking for...through positivity (HAHAHA) ya know what i mean though.
 
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Then there is the ex...So after last weeks ordeal I told him to leave us alone and such I think i posted abt it anyway this monday I get a text from him asking me if im still mad at him and telling me that he wants to see Taneesha.Im assuming this means his regular set up of visitation on Tuesdays. So on Tuesday afternoon I sent him a text message and asked him if he was coming nad he said No thank you not tonight.Nice HUH! This is her looser dead beat of a father...It is all games, all it ever has been and all it ever will be.

I sent him a text and I told him he is an asshole and we are all better off without him...I told him he can take me to court cuz im done with the games. (i know he wont act on it, he never has and never will, it is too much work.) I also told him the next time he makes contact with me it better be with a court order, lol, a supbena cuz tha tis the only way he is gonna see either of us. This will never change adn I just cant fight this fight with him anymore...

It will go either of two ways.He sends me a text next mon asking to come on tuesday as he always has or i wont see or hesr from him for months prob not till her bday in july well around june/july as it is fathers day and her bday...and then he will harass me and be on my case and threaten me non stop till i give in...

Ya know Im 30 years old soon to be 31...I have worked so hard over the years to obtain the things ive wanted, to have happy healthy kids, to build us a good life and to be happy...

I just never feel like there is an end in sight...
 
On a more positive note, Wether my ass is big or not, LOL, it sure has been starting to look good:)It is getting rounder adn more shapely, Im liking it, HAHAHAHA
 
Wow, Cerella. I am amazed Holosync is delivering so big time on it's promise. Maybe I shouldn't be. I have a little Holosync intro tape and the sounds on it are really impactful - as they said they would be. I never followed up on a whole course because of the expense (which was pretty high here). I always wondered why they had the materials tied to actual people you could contact though - and now I guess I know. Is there anything like that with what you are doing - people to talk to? It sounds like dredging up your feelings is [oops: edits out "not"] pretty rough all by itself, and you actually need something more to help move those feelings on?

I dunno. I remember one time talking to a psych I was seeing and saying, this happened to me before, does that mean I'm destined to keep dealing with the same things repeatedly? He said, no, because by then I was different, and had learnt things that would make my future different to my past. (He was right BTW). I would say you also, have learnt plenty and don't need to be stuck with the same issues forever. I see that some things have changed that even I know about - you have employment with a better income, older children than you did a couple of years back, a willingness to grow and develop informed by the knowledge of what you have already coped with - and you are over the ff (thank goodness!). It's good that you have support from your family too.

I suppose sometimes we need to revisit issues just to say consciously that we know what happened and how we felt and acknowledge the reality of those things without having to keep feeling it. Sometimes we live through hard times without being conscious of some of the negative feelings we have about it at the time - that's when it can be good to realize them at a later stage - but not so we are stuck in them - so we can let them go.

Sometimes people write their feelings down and then destroy the paper - burn it or throw it into the wind.

A friend of mine writes the names of people she's over and then puts them in a freezer tray. I've never tried that but it seems to cheer her up!! :D

You've had an especially awkward time physically lately too - with your daughter sick and all. I'm pretty sure you need to catch up on some sleep. Any chance of fitting that in somehow?

It's good too that you are now consciously aware of wanting a good man in your life. Being conscious of what we want always helps us have more chance of getting it. Letting other people know what we want makes it easier too.

(I feel for you on the lost post too. I HATE it when that happens! It feels a LOT worse than it sounds. )
 
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Kerry:hug2:

Thanx girl, for starters for reading all that lol and thanx for pointing out and noticing my growth thus far.Also for your wonderful rep, :)

I think cd wise, Im gonna switch to the next level...Im at 3 months Im ready to switchover if I choose to and maybe it will be for the best...scares me a bit though, cuz they are supposta get more intense as they get higher...

I love that freezer tray idea, lol!The pyro inside me would love to write everything down adn burn it up, heh heh heh!

As far as ff is concerned it still sucks that he is still here stirring things up but as alot of you who have been here with me for a long time know it will never come to an end...as long as i have been here he has been doing this but I have been getting stronger and stronger with each round!

Holosync is damn expensive but luckily for me my mom has done this adn awakening and a bunch of other stuff that she has been itching to give me for years...I think I have always been scared to take it on...

I gotta make my way to you hun:)Tomorrow im all over it:hug2:

And yes my biggest problem right now is I am so sleep deprived it isnt funny and that always hinders my emotional state....
 
Lol. I just remembered something I did to get rid of a bugaboo in my life. Truthfully it didn't fix things - and it took ages so I don't recommend it for everyone, but it moved me forward a bit. Probably it was a turning point. I wrote down things I didn't want to talk about to anyone else and put them on a blog. I put a lot of effort into setting the blog up too.

The writing let me become a lot more aware of what had hurt me and what was bothering me.

I posted.

And then I deleted.

Most new unadvertised blogs never get any readers. How could they? But writing things down seems to make a difference to me. Talking seems to make a difference to most people. I just wanted a way of talking and not talking at the same time, I think.

But in a way I did the same thing as with burning, or ripping up and throwing away I guess. I just realized that.

And yah - your girl's dad is her dad. That doesn't change, despite what a bummer it is - but yeah - equally you are changing, so the way you deal with him is changing. I'm glad you see yourself getting stronger.
 
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awe relly!! i am late for work..but i wanted to give you a hug before i go (((RELLY)))...life is hard, working on acceptance is hard but a good road to travel......i have learned the hard way the last two years with my dtr passing...forgiveness/acceptance/gratefulness is alot easier to live with instead of guilt/anger/glass is half empty syndrome...but sometimes you gotta have a pity party for yourself...allow it and then move on to positivity...i have been numb for so long i after L's death that I find now emotions are like magnified...but i will get past this...and it sounds like you wil get through to....my secret is to say everything i am grateful for when i start feeling negative...i try turnign problems over to God too...thats a hard one...

anyway

damnit i am really late now ;-)

hugs
Me
 
Wow Felici is very insightful! And the writing stuff down on paper then burning it...I'd forgotten but I did that with some stuff a few years back and it really felt like a release...especially watching it burn up after. It was like actually SEEING it, although symbolic, was easier to let go cuz I'd seen it all burn up in smoke.

Anyway you made me crave egg rolls dang you! lol I bought some veggie ones at the grocery store that weren't too high on calories so should be ok.
 
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