Friday...
Today was a bad day for me. As I have mentioned before I work nights...so my shift just didnt go well and it got started off wrong. What sucks is I work in a house so if I want to sabotage myself I can easily do it...Which I did last night...I went on an emotional eating binge, well it wasnt bad but I was eating for the wrong reasons...
I had an emotional break down last night, it wasnt pretty...I was crying uncontrolably and so on...Thankfully I work alone...I have alot going on in my life right now and I think the stress is just needing to escape...
My ex is back in my life, we are both trying to be casual about it and mantaine a it is only this and only that attitude, but we have such a strong connection and bond, it is hard to explain and hard to deal with...
I have an asshole of a man who rooms with us, upstairs in my grannies space, he is 50, single and a typical singloe man, ya know...knows everythign you must agree with him and blah blah blah...we get along cuz typically i kiss his ass and tell him what he wants to hear...(not literally kiss his ass but ya know) SO last night he comes in my face, barges into my room, like knocks and walks in at the same time...tells me I need to this and need to that, car mataince but I know, Im having van issues, and I just checked everythign under the hood on last Thurs...but between last Thurs and yesturday all the water had disopated...also I wasnt home for 4 days...so he is beign a typically asshole man telling me Im not checking it and Im not this when I am and becasue of that he got mad at me and told me not to get angry (which I wasnt) and he huffed off. Then he went upstairs and bad mouthed me to my aunt abt me beign a horrible nasty person and a bad parent...
For starters, why the fuck does he think i give two shits what he thinks about me and second how bloody mature....I think considering my circumstances and working nights and such I do a damn good job with my girls. I love them unconditionally and give them all I have and they are good girls. Plus I have a 4 year old and a 14 year old so give me a break. Those are tough ages.
WOW, I guess I needed to vent. Then I had the ex in my face at about the time about different stuff pissin me off, so he got a piece of me and then the van over heated all the way to work...after asshole t here lectured me, gee he did alot of good didnt he...
This infection was more severe than I thoguht it was...It really knocked me down and my body just hasnt been able to shit down and sleep and get the rest it needs...so im just not in a great place and it all came out last night...and then this mornign at work, LOL
I was talking to a co - worker and crying and such I rarely cry and especially in front of someone...*BIG SIGHS*
The ex made things worse last night cuz he cant handle it and doesnt even try to be supportive, he just leaves/runs ya know...but maybe it is cuz im a strong person and rarely unfold, I find when a strong woman unfolds and comes undone it is hard for people to know what to do...and he was never good in that department anyway...so I sent him an email and did a bit of damage control cuz for once it wasnt him that put me there...LOL...
WOW...well thanx for the vent, I will start a new post for my food....