2011 Journal

Danny has challenged me to reach 199.....with a tattoo. He says I can't get my next one til I get out of the 200's.
He figured I needed a goal to shoot for.......hope this works!
 
Sorry to hear you are having a tough time. Food is always hard for me too but I try to exercise more so I can indulge a little. I love exercising so it comes naturally but I didn't love it at first. I took time and I had to find something I enjoyed and once I did I continued to find things I enjoyed doing and once I exercise I don't want to eat as bad. Not having the tempting food around really helps too.
A goal of getting a tattoo is a great idea. I hope it helps get you where you want to be. I think once you find what works for you it will get easier. I've been trying to figure out what works for me for YEARS so don't expect it to happen overnight. It's a daily struggle and you just have to keep pushing. If you mess up just remember there is no quiting and try and get right back into it.
Hope you have a great weekend and thank you so much for the nice comments on my honeymoon pics. You can do it!! One day at a time!
 
I think the tattoo goalis a cool one. By the way, I think you have been through a lot,reading your diary, and you are doing really well. many people just sit and never try but you are trying, I admire you.
 
chubbygirl said:
Sorry to hear you are having a tough time. Food is always hard for me too but I try to exercise more so I can indulge a little. I love exercising so it comes naturally but I didn't love it at first. I took time and I had to find something I enjoyed and once I did I continued to find things I enjoyed doing and once I exercise I don't want to eat as bad. Not having the tempting food around really helps too.
A goal of getting a tattoo is a great idea. I hope it helps get you where you want to be. I think once you find what works for you it will get easier. I've been trying to figure out what works for me for YEARS so don't expect it to happen overnight. It's a daily struggle and you just have to keep pushing. If you mess up just remember there is no quiting and try and get right back into it.
Hope you have a great weekend and thank you so much for the nice comments on my honeymoon pics. You can do it!! One day at a time!
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I used to LOVE exercising but now I just can't seem to get my head into it for some reason...I just keep giving up on myself..I hope I can find something that is "me". I do a cardio class on Tues. nights that I love, going to try a zumba class on Thurs. morning. Hopefully, the more I join (although there isn't anything else local) the more I'll want to do.
It is a daily struggle and I'm my own worst enemy.
I imagine myself at my goal and I want it so bad I can taste it but then "I" get in my own way...self sabotage is my strong suit right now.
Working on it but it's hard...
Thank you for the post, it really does help!

andreaslim said:
I think the tattoo goalis a cool one. By the way, I think you have been through a lot,reading your diary, and you are doing really well. many people just sit and never try but you are trying, I admire you.
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I already have 6 tattoos but the next one is for my kids so, I really want it. I know if I REALLY wanted it, Danny would let me get it done tomorrow but I want to work for it.
Yes, I do try...and try again..I guess I am good at one thing.
Thanks, your post means a lot!!
 
another birthday party, actually hiked at this one..followed a non-path trail down and then up a hill looking for foil covered eggs.......Olivia went to one last week, the Charlie and the choc. factory, this weekend was another...serving cake, hotdogs, pop, chips and sausages.....I turned it all down.

If I wrote all the things I ran into in the run of a day and had to avoid..........

eating was on today except for a small handful of spicy curly fries...yummy.

Sickies has been going thru the house, Olivia had it Wed. night, Dawson had it yesterday, Danny had it last night and today, he seems the worst, has a fever. The other two just threw up and moved on. Just Madison and I left.......not looking forward to it at all!

Went for a walk/jog today. Probably walked more than jogged but went out to see if it was something I want to start again......not sure, if the weather would stay nice...maybe.
 
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Up and at 'em today...cleaning. Trying to do some quick clean up since dh is driving someone today (political stuff) and might end up stopping here......the house is a mess! We've been gone for days!...Sat. shopping at looking at kitchen demos, Sunday dh was sick and we had a birthday to attend.
Today I have a funeral, tomorrow might be going to ds's class to take pics of them sewing, call will no doubt be last minute since the teacher is unsure of the day......
All these things take longer than planned and I'll confess I suck at house cleaning, especially in a half renovated house!

Anywho, trying my darndest to behave today!
 
Hi there Amanda
I haven't read all yours posts, just the last few. It sounds like you are struggling with a bit of a mood issue. Maybe some counselling might help. Or even a couple of consultations with a nutritionist. Anything to refresh your motivation.

I suffer from depression and i know that when i am depressed, i lose motivation. I think one should try to take it a bit easy one oneself at these times. Maybe give yourself a week or even a month to get your mood back in shape and then start the diet again. I don't know if that's the best approach but try not to put yourself under pressure.
 
Amanda2010 said:
Went for a walk/jog today. Probably walked more than jogged but went out to see if it was something I want to start again......not sure, if the weather would stay nice...maybe.
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I hear ya with the weather. It was just getting nice out and I went for a walk and was getting so excited to start doing it daily and then we got another foot of snow this weekend - yuck. Back to the gym today until it melts again.
A good friend told me that you can't fail if you never give up so just keep trying and you'll succeed - one day at a time.
Good work avoiding the goodies this weekend - you can't say no all the time but if you can 90% of the time you'll do great!
 
Thank you fourtyfour for your post. I do see a nutritionist.
I totally agree it's my mood, but it's me...it's nothing a professional can fix..it's how I am.
I'm my mother's daughter and she is a bigtime pessimist. So, I have that and the fact that I have very low self esteem.
I'm not depressed. I love my family, love my life...just can't get motivated...holding onto the what if's..........

The weather here is the same, snow last night, rain today.....I do keep trying, that's for sure but I think I fail 90% and do good 10%....lol.

Gave in and ate a pb sandwich last night, just craved it (and I don't eat pb hardly at all). Why is it I go up 1.6lbs after eating a sandwich?.....I mean really??? Do othe people have food effect them this much!!

Determined to have a good day. Cardio class tonight.
 
Hey Amanda, sorry to hear that you are struggling with the "bigger thoughts in life" at the moment. I find it really helpful when I feel down about myself and like self-sabortaging, to write a list of WHY I want to lose weight. Not about anyone else but just the stuff for me. Maybe if you got to understanding why you want to do it, you can start to think through how that outweighs the bad stuff you associate with losign weight and also use those reasons as a shield against the pessimism and lack of motivation. You aren't alone.

As for the weight fluctuations - its completely illogical and seems to bear little resemblence to what I actually eat either...this is why I am trying not to weigh myself so often to avoid beating myself up about it.
 
I'm going to have a guess at the peanut butter sandwich matter. Peanut butter is full of salt right? I think when we have a lot of salt in our diet, our bodies hold on to a lot more water than usual. So that's why. Also its because of water that our weight often fluctuates so much. So we shouldn't make too much of daily variations with weight. If we know we are eating well, then we shouldn't have too much to worry about.

Try the measurement thing as well. Maybe take them once a week or once a fortnight.

If you are not losing weight, then you might need to cut back on those things that are high in fat such as peanut butter. I love it, but i avoid it altogether. I try to find low fat, no sugar options for my food.
 
Amanda2010 said:
Thank you fourtyfour for your post. I do see a nutritionist.
I totally agree it's my mood, but it's me...it's nothing a professional can fix..it's how I am.
I'm my mother's daughter and she is a bigtime pessimist. So, I have that and the fact that I have very low self esteem.
I'm not depressed. I love my family, love my life...just can't get motivated...holding onto the what if's..........

The weather here is the same, snow last night, rain today.....I do keep trying, that's for sure but I think I fail 90% and do good 10%....lol.

Gave in and ate a pb sandwich last night, just craved it (and I don't eat pb hardly at all). Why is it I go up 1.6lbs after eating a sandwich?.....I mean really??? Do othe people have food effect them this much!!

Determined to have a good day. Cardio class tonight.
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Hi Amanda!! I just read your last couple posts, and I think what you said here about you being your mother's daughter -and having her pessimistic attitude sometimes- definitely has a huge effect on the way we perceive ourselves, our efforts and others. BUT you are now a grown woman, who can choose to have a different attitude. I mean, think about it... like you said, you are the one who is standing in your own way sometimes... and other times you are your best motivator! When you are...it's because you choose to be that way! I can definitely assure you that your kids are learning that too. The power of choice to change one's life! To be better people. To have better attitudes. You are who they are going to mirror. Now imagine, think of how your life would have been different if your mom would have been more positive? Would have shown you with actions and with words that we can do whatever, whenever we put our minds to it? (not to say she didn't, just to say what if she would have done it more often..) ...You'd be different today.

It's interesting how as humans we are motivated on a Pain/Pleasure Syndrome. We are motived by pleasure & unmotivated by pain! We are also motivated by avoiding "unkown" pains as well.

That works for me too and some of my clients as well sometimes...
Sometimes the thought of what would your life be like in 10 years, 15, 20 years be like if you didn't do anything that worked toward your goals? Think about it in the WORST case scenario? What do you come up with? ...And how does that effect you? Your emotions? Your satisfaction? Your happiness? Your body? Your mind? Your fullfilment? What do people around you think of you? What do you think of yourself?...How does that chosen life affect those around you? Kids? Husband? Marriage? Relationships? Friends? Work?

...Sometimes, that gets me off my butt! The thought of "what if I don't do this shit?!..then what!? Do I choose that life?! Or do I just put that stupid chocolate down, and get my ass up to move?!" Most often. I move!

I know you can do this!! You CAN change your thoughts to be more supportive of you! It does take time and work, yes. But it can be done! Start DECLARING to yourself that "I can!!!" "I am!!!" ...not I will. That's in the future. Your mind knows that it hasn't happened. The bargaining begins then. Wish you luck!! xoxo :grouphug:!!! 21 days creates a habit! We are all human. We all go through negative thought patterns, it just how fast we can catch ourselves and spiral ourselves out that matters. :)
 
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fortyfour said:
I'm going to have a guess at the peanut butter sandwich matter. Peanut butter is full of salt right? I think when we have a lot of salt in our diet, our bodies hold on to a lot more water than usual. So that's why. Also its because of water that our weight often fluctuates so much. So we shouldn't make too much of daily variations with weight. If we know we are eating well, then we shouldn't have too much to worry about.

Try the measurement thing as well. Maybe take them once a week or once a fortnight.

If you are not losing weight, then you might need to cut back on those things that are high in fat such as peanut butter. I love it, but i avoid it altogether. I try to find low fat, no sugar options for my food.
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I don't eat reg. pb. I eat organic pb and it wasn't much, cpl of tsp. So I don't think it should have effected me to that extreme.
I also drink 2L of water a day, everyday. My amount doesn't change.
 
jjjay said:
Hey Amanda, sorry to hear that you are struggling with the "bigger thoughts in life" at the moment. I find it really helpful when I feel down about myself and like self-sabortaging, to write a list of WHY I want to lose weight. Not about anyone else but just the stuff for me. Maybe if you got to understanding why you want to do it, you can start to think through how that outweighs the bad stuff you associate with losign weight and also use those reasons as a shield against the pessimism and lack of motivation. You aren't alone.

As for the weight fluctuations - its completely illogical and seems to bear little resemblence to what I actually eat either...this is why I am trying not to weigh myself so often to avoid beating myself up about it.
Click to expand...

Thanks!
I'll do that.
 
Thanks Alta..this is day 3 of officiall starting over with my 5lb gain.

Zumba this morning, then weigh in at noon. I know I'm up but I'm o.k. with it because next week I won't be.

Tomorrow is my oldests birthday, she's having homemade pizza and ice cream cake, so not the best start but I'm sure I can enjoy and move on!

I've not been feeling the best the past 2 days (TMI~diarrhea) and sickness has been in the house for a week and I'm suffering bad from it this morning.
 
Alta is a very wise woman and a big influencer on me here. Read what she wrote often and I bet you will learn something different from it each time. Good work starting fresh! We are all cheering for you!!
 
Yeah I have to admit, Alta is the "chicken soup for your soul" around here! just pop open a can of Alta now and again!

There are going to be good weeks and bad weeks, and weeks that feel like its never going to get good again but you got to stick your head down and soldier on. Because, this kind of journey is about recognising and breaking patterns of a lifetime. Its hard, but remember YOU CAN DO IT!
 
Thank you ladies.
I feel like I'm there now.

I have been sick for a cpl of days..Wed. - Sat.
My dd had a birthday in there. So, there was pizza (I made my own mini pita pizza) and ice cream cake I avoided. There was candy too, since it was "movie" themed.
Now Sat. I did taste the cake, didn't have a piece but scraped some off..so not to bad...but ended up eating some mint shoelaces and twizzlers AND a hamburger for supper (dh makes the best)........so I went up 2lbs. but BUT it didn't send me off in a whirlwind of WHY? BAD ME etc..I sucked it up and moved on. I had done 30min. on the treadmill (still wasn't A1 on the Sat.).
Yesterday was spot on. Ate clean, exercised and drank my water. As of this morning I'm down those 2lbs plus another half.
Wi is today, I'm trying to change my day from Thurs. so I can attend the zumba class Thurs. morning.
Not sure how Mondays will work for me. They're so far from my cardio (Tues.) and Zumba (Thurs.) days, that if I have a "reg." weekend I'm afraid to screw up a good weeks worth of exercise....I'm hoping it'll help instead but everyone does everything on the weekend!!!!!

Ah well. Hoping for a clean eating, exercising week!!

Oh, started the second round of Biggest Loser (local). We're the brown team. Competing in groups of 2 against 10 (maybe 11) groups. We have our work cut out for us since we've been on the clean eating for awhile and some of these ladies are just now cutting out pop and salt, so they could have a few good weeks in there...which leads me to yesterdays killer exercise routine...the hills around here are killer, meaning steep. We jogged up the first one, did a sideways shuffle, 10 squats and 10 pulse squats from pole to pole twice. High knee at another. Jogged up the booty blaster hill (kills my butt walking up it!!!) Jogged up the last 2..needless to say last night my feet were killing me but I survived and feel great this morning...and have that exercise to thank for losing the 2lbs I had put on Sat. plus 0.5 extra!

Looking forward to the rest of the week.
 
Have you got a local group of off tv, biggest loser going. That must surely be motivating to be part of unless you get booted off of course which must really suck for everyone who gets booted off. I'd hate to see behind the scenes when that happens.

I saw a guy doing zumba on tv for the first time today. I didn't know what it was exactly otherwise. It looks like fun. But going back to what you were saying about not feeling like exercising a few posts ago. Everything that is repetitive loses its gloss after a bit. Its a good time to switch operations if you can.

I wanted to ask you how you make chicken quesadilla? I worked as a waitress in a mexican restaurant a couple of years ago and i tasted this for the first time. It was delicious but pretty greasy. Maybe you've got a less greasy approach?
 
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