Alligatorob's Diary

[alligatorob]

Today was a busy day, I managed to stay on calories but not with the greatest foods, and I got no exercise.

My wife had a hip replacement operation this morning so I was busy first taking her to and from the hospital and then helping get her set up and fed. The surgery went well and she seems fine, even walking a bit. Physical therapist comes tomorrow morning to get her started. I am amazed how much quicker and easier a hip replacement is, or has been for her, than my knee replacements were.

Tomorrow my life and diet will start to return to more normal. However, I'll have to do more of the housework and things than usual for a while, not a big deal. I failed at folding a fitted sheet tonight, just not a skill I think I will ever learn...

You are funny, Rob! I hate video games. I'm glad our GKs haven't asked me to play them.

I'm not much on video games either, you could try my too old excuse if they do ask.

Yay for not feeling guilty and another good day! The detail will take a while to sort out either way but even if you're off by 250 kcal/day it takes about a month to gain/lose a kilo (assuming a spherical cow, or no adjustments by your body) so it's not a big risk.

I know you are right, calorie precision is probably impossible and so long as you try probably not necessary... Never been called a spherical cow before...

This sounds like not being able to distinguish between physical hunger and emotional hunger and when you need to eat something versus when you want to eat it.

I am not very good at it, never have been. Never thought of it as "emotional hunger", what does that mean?

I believe you can learn this if you listen to and identify correctly the right signals. Also, I think the junk including any processed sugar, trans and even more saturated fats can mess with these signals and even the fact that you have additional weight can change how hormones signal satiety. If you eat flour and simple carbs they’re more quickly absorbed and spike blood sugar. Meal timing too. There’s a lot of research around these things. I believe most people, to some degree or another, desire to eat more food all the time. People can “let themselves go” by giving in and eating whatever they want. I had to accept that I couldn’t eat whatever I wanted anymore. I had to change myself at a level that was closer to my actual personality or identity. I had to allow myself to see myself as a different person. I don’t eat whatever I want anymore. I still smell and see foods that make me want to binge on them but I don’t. I say no and accept that I can’t have them. I changed and accepted a new me. Eating enough healthy whole food greatly reduced my cravings and abstaining from eating whatever looks or smells good or eating only a little helped satisfy my cravings just enough and over time it all got easier and it’s not that big of a deal anymore. I think, yeah that looks good but better not go there and I go on. It’s not my food. I changed Rob, and I think you can too if you start to look at things differently, even after a lifetime of eating that way, I believe you can change.

I hope so, but it is more than just eating whatever I want. At times the binge urges get really strong, more than just wanting. Not quite sure how to describe it, more a desperation for food. Kind of like I am starving when I am not. And not always when I am in a calorie deficit.

If you truly think you’re some other type of human with this disease (because of your genes e.g.) and you’re always going to want more and more and more and those cravings won’t ever go away, go to OA and pray to a higher power to relieve you of those obsessions. You’ll undergo a “personality change” as it states in Appendix 2 of the “Big Book” by identifying your character “defects” and pray to God to remove them. You work the steps, you make amends where needed and try to live a spiritual life and be helpful to others. You let go of your will and accept God’s will for you. That’s how it works…. I can go on and on about all that but just trying to give you the basics so you can decide if you actually think OA is a good solution for you. There are plenty of other helpful messages if you just show up to meetings too and just listen which is totally fine to do, you don’t have to believe in all that other stuff.

I don't expect the cravings or urges to go away, but hope they become more manageable. More like you described above "over time it all got easier and it’s not that big of a deal anymore". I am glad to hear you got there, I hope to, or somewhere similar anyway.

This mentality is very worrisome. It’s ok to acknowledge how you feel and deal with it honestly and appropriately. Forcing is part of the problem in my experience.

Maybe I used the wrong word, its more like applying will power. I know you must do it, and not weighing is not so hard as abstaining from eating too much.

 

[Llama]

There was a short-lived internet craze for perfectly folding fitted sheets a while back - probably during early lockdowns when a lot of people were bored beyond comprehension - so if you want to learn there are hundreds of videos out there. I've never seen the need: not all crumpled is plenty good enough.

Currently hip replacement surgeries do seem a little easier to recover from than knee replacement (very much unlike 20 years ago) but the biggest difference is probably one leg vs two. I'd assume her to be able walk short distances with crutches right away. Speedy healing to Mrs. Rob!

 

[Cate]

Not all crumpled is good enough for me too. It really doesn’t matter much to me.
Yay for a speedy recovery for your wife, Rob & to you for looking after her

 

[alligatorob]

Today was a good day, I ate well, exercised, and feel good tonight. Some urges, but nothing too hard to resist.

We are having record warm temperatures, and have been for the last week or so. Normally I would like that, but it has put an end to my new ice fishing venture, for now anyway. Record warm for us in January isn't much above freezing, but enough to start melting things. We still have snow on the ground, but it is going.

There was a short-lived internet craze for perfectly folding fitted sheets a while back - probably during early lockdowns when a lot of people were bored beyond comprehension - so if you want to learn there are hundreds of videos out there. I've never seen the need: not all crumpled is plenty good enough.

Not all crumpled is good enough for me too. It really doesn’t matter much to me.

Well, my fitted sheets are more a neatish pile than anything that looks folded. However, if my wife's recovery continues the way it has been going she'll be folding sheets soon. In fact I think she may have refolded the sheets today.

Currently hip replacement surgeries do seem a little easier to recover from than knee replacement (very much unlike 20 years ago) but the biggest difference is probably one leg vs two. I'd assume her to be able walk short distances with crutches right away. Speedy healing to Mrs. Rob!

Yay for a speedy recovery for your wife, Rob & to you for looking after her

I am amazed, I was fully prepared to have her bedridden for a while, but its not so. She is walking more and more, and not just a little, without crutches or even a cane. The Physical Therapist came this morning at 8 am sharp and had her walk and do some things for him. He said she had no need for the walker or cane, and really no limits on walking so long as she felt ok and was not feeling at risk for falling. She says it hurts no more than before the surgery. The Therapist said that she is doing better than some, but with the new surgical procedures her recovery is not unusual.

The surgeon told us that what he did to her is relatively new, going in through an incision on the front of the hip and avoiding muscle and tendon/ligament damage. It was easy surgery, given what they did, a complete replacement. The surgery was done under local, she got a nerve block and something, probably morphine, but was awake through the whole thing. It just took about an hour. She remembers the pounding to drive her new leg bone metal end into the old bone, but wasn't too bothered by it. Not having to be put under also helps the recovery.

It was done in a small surgical center, not a hospital, made things a lot easier. I asked if there was something similar for knees, he also does knees, but he said no, knees still require a lot of muscle and other tissue disturbance, making for a harder recovery. Anyway I am happy she got him, and the easier process. We were done and home before 11 am.

 

[Cate]

It sounds wonderful, Rob. That's amazing that your wife is doing so well!

 

[Llama]

That's great to hear! The hip is such a big joint and hidden so deep in the body it's incredible the progress they've made in the past 20 years. I've had a few patients with front access semi-keyhole surgery but they still weren't walking longer distances without walking aids the day after the procedure. Go Mrs. Rob!

 

[alligatorob]

Today was a good day, no gym but I stayed on the calorie goal, and feel good tonight. My wife had a bit more pain today, the nerve block has worn off, but still doing well.

It sounds wonderful, Rob. That's amazing that your wife is doing so well!

Thanks Cate, I am still amazed.

That's great to hear! The hip is such a big joint and hidden so deep in the body it's incredible the progress they've made in the past 20 years. I've had a few patients with front access semi-keyhole surgery but they still weren't walking longer distances without walking aids the day after the procedure. Go Mrs. Rob!

Really hard for me to imagine how they are able to do it, but I am glad they did.

 

[bensanon]

Hey Rob, glad your calories are higher, you’re doing a great job. To me it looks like you’re still not eating enough. Are you getting any sense of how many calories you burn using your Fitbit?

Understanding that I needed to eat more took awhile. It’s hard to let go of trying to control in this way. I would recommend weighing yourself now. It would help you move on from this idea that you’re gaining weight because you’re eating more calories. As you get healthier and get your calories higher, to a long-term sustainable amount, this thinking and the need to control like this starts to go away. Weighing would reassure you that these are just thoughts and not reality. You could then work on trying to let go of these obsessions a little more. That will help you through this process faster.

 

[alligatorob]

Today has been a good day, I ate well, exercised, and feel good tonight. However I did discover that I have been underestimating the calories in the peanut butter I am eating. I have been estimating tablespoons, so tonight I weighed what I thought was a "tablespoon" of peanut butter, the calories were more than twice what I have been estimating. Guess I need to do a little more weighing and measuring.

Hey Rob, glad your calories are higher, you’re doing a great job. To me it looks like you’re still not eating enough. Are you getting any sense of how many calories you burn using your Fitbit?

I have four days in which I wore the fitbit all day:

• Thursday, higher level of exercise than my usual - 2,641 calories
• Friday, no gym and not real active - 2,289 calories
• Saturday, average exercise (~ 2 gym hours) and activity - 2,471 calories
• Sunday, no gym and not real active - 2,185 calories

Today I forgot to put my fitbit back on after the morning shower, so I will not have an estimate.

I would recommend weighing yourself now. It would help you move on from this idea that you’re gaining weight because you’re eating more calories. As you get healthier and get your calories higher, to a long-term sustainable amount, this thinking and the need to control like this starts to go away. Weighing would reassure you that these are just thoughts and not reality. You could then work on trying to let go of these obsessions a little more. That will help you through this process faster.

Ok, I will weigh in the morning, my usual weighing time. Even if I am not in a deficit I expect I might lose a little weight. My last weight was coming off a couple of days of bingeing, that always has inflated my water weight. We'll see.

 

[Cate]

Today has been a good day, I ate well, exercised, and feel good tonight.

I always love reading this

 

[alligatorob]

188 lbs this morning, down 1 lb from last weighing January 15.

 

[Llama]

I think you're doing great. Nuts are sneaky even whole but pureed and possibly with oil or sugar added? Dangerous! An easy way to get your calories up on none-hungry days, of course, but not very satisfying on hungry ones.

 

[bensanon]

Nice! You’re doing awesome, Rob! You’re doing it - you’re not bingeing and eating a more sane amount of calories. How are the urges now compared to when you were in a more severe deficit?

1 pound in 2 weeks seems a little fast because of your history and because you’ve only just begun eating like this. One pound in 15 days is about 3500 / 15 = 233 calories per day deficit, right? Seems like you a good range for you is between 2000 and 2500. I’m a little surprised at your calories burned from the Fitbit. With everything you describe that you do, seems like it would be much higher. I think the margin of error is smaller for shorter people lol. I have no evidence of that but knowing how BMI works and how wildly different my estimates are compared to most people, it seems like it could be true.

If you continue to eat more healthy whole food consistently and are able to successfully resist the urges to binge, over time, I do believe you’ll start feeling differently and thinking differently and the urges will calm down. You’ll start to realize you have more wiggle room and you won’t obsess as much about hitting a specific number. You can let go of the weighing so much as you realize you’re not going to gain weight by sticking to a reasonable range like 2000-2500. That’s how it worked for me. Eventually I learned to let go of the control and obsessing. I want to eat more often but I don’t. I accepted I couldn’t and now it’s not as big of a deal. I also had to tell myself and behave as if I’m a different person and eventually I became a different person. It’s a process of letting go and taking the action first. The thoughts and feelings sort themselves out eventually.

 

[Cate]

That's really good news, Rob. You are doing very well. Nuts are delicious, but deadly little buggers for calories. I ate about 10 macadamia nuts yesterday & not because I was hungry

 

[alligatorob]

Today was a good day, ate well, exercised and I feel good tonight. Forgot my fitbit again, but don't suppose I need it every day.

Started my last fermentation of the peaches a few days ago, going to try cider, my first. So far as I can tell there is no difference between cider and wine. Some folks call cider fermented apple juice, but not consistently. It does seem that most ciders are lower alcohol, less added sugar. So I decided to try that, the wine I make ends up being ~15% alcohol, if this cider works it will be closer to 7 or 8%. I found a recipe that suggested first fermenting the juice and then adding fruit for a second fermentation. I am trying some with strawberry, and some with blueberries. Just added the fruit today.

I think you're doing great. Nuts are sneaky even whole but pureed and possibly with oil or sugar added? Dangerous! An easy way to get your calories up on none-hungry days, of course, but not very satisfying on hungry ones.

Thanks Llama, and you are right nuts are sneaky. Plan to cut back on peanut butter for a while, and then weigh it.

That's really good news, Rob. You are doing very well. Nuts are delicious, but deadly little buggers for calories. I ate about 10 macadamia nuts yesterday & not because I was hungry

Yep, I like most all nuts. Had a few cashews tonight. I like macadamia nuts too.

Nice! You’re doing awesome, Rob! You’re doing it - you’re not bingeing and eating a more sane amount of calories. How are the urges now compared to when you were in a more severe deficit?

The urges are not gone, but seem a little easier to resist. The real test will come in a few weeks, I am pretty good at sticking to new things... for a while.

1 pound in 2 weeks seems a little fast because of your history and because you’ve only just begun eating like this. One pound in 15 days is about 3500 / 15 = 233 calories per day deficit, right? Seems like you a good range for you is between 2000 and 2500.

Perhaps, I will feel better when I have a bit more time. As I said before that 189 came after a few days of bingeing. If I had gone back to a more restricted diet for a few days I am pretty sure it would have come down to the low 180s, and the plateaued for a while. And I know from the daily weighing, even when my diet was stable 1 pound up or down was noise range. However it does give me some comfort to have not gained weight.

I’m a little surprised at your calories burned from the Fitbit. With everything you describe that you do, seems like it would be much higher. I think the margin of error is smaller for shorter people lol. I have no evidence of that but knowing how BMI works and how wildly different my estimates are compared to most people, it seems like it could be true.

I think it is probably in the right range, and as you said a while back fitbit could be plus or minus up to 20%. I did find a useful calculator (https://www.calculator.net/bmr-calculator.html), here is what it says:

Activity Level	Calorie needs
Sedentary: little or no exercise	1,861​
Exercise 1-3 times/week	2,132​
Exercise 4-5 times/week	2,271​
Daily exercise or intense exercise 3-4 times/week	2,403​
Intense exercise 6-7 times/week	2,675​
Very intense exercise daily, or physical job	2,946​

Exercise: 15-30 minutes of elevated heart rate activity.
Intense exercise: 45-120 minutes of elevated heart rate activity.
Very intense exercise: 2+ hours of elevated heart rate activity.

That is pretty good agreement with the fitbit. I am 71, if I input an age of 40 those numbers go way up. I suspect age is part of the difference between us.

If you continue to eat more healthy whole food consistently and are able to successfully resist the urges to binge, over time, I do believe you’ll start feeling differently and thinking differently and the urges will calm down. You’ll start to realize you have more wiggle room and you won’t obsess as much about hitting a specific number. You can let go of the weighing so much as you realize you’re not going to gain weight by sticking to a reasonable range like 2000-2500. That’s how it worked for me. Eventually I learned to let go of the control and obsessing. I want to eat more often but I don’t. I accepted I couldn’t and now it’s not as big of a deal. I also had to tell myself and behave as if I’m a different person and eventually I became a different person. It’s a process of letting go and taking the action first. The thoughts and feelings sort themselves out eventually.

That is what I want, and appreciate your guidance.

To be fair Cate and Llama have been saying the same to me for a long time, about calories that is. I guess I just needed another vote...

One question for you, are you at your goal or desired weight?

 

[overlandflyer]

My wife had a hip replacement operation this morning so I was busy first taking her to and from the hospital and then helping get her set up and fed. The surgery went well and she seems fine, even walking a bit. Physical therapist comes tomorrow morning to get her started. I am amazed how much quicker and easier a hip replacement is, or has been for her, than my knee replacements were.

i had one hip done before both knees. hip recovery is MUCH easier. basically walking is the only therapy. it was years ago, but i remember that it only took about a week until i thought to myself, i am better now than before the operation. i used a walker for the first 3-4 days, but afterwards i just took it slowly and every day i was walking more. the "don't's" i can recall.... don't bend down and don't cross your legs. i forget for how long... certainly less than a few months... maybe it was only a few weeks. i was just careful not to make any fast or stressful moves for a while. the only downside... taking a shower until the staples came out. i went through a few rolls of plastic wrap...

good luck.

 

[alligatorob]

Today was a good day, I ate pretty well, exercised, and feel good tonight. Had a few extra calories, and unplanned ounce of cashews, but not a binge. Have to say I have been binge tempted tonight, but resisted so far. Problem is I know there are cookies in the freezer, hard to get those out of my head right now...

i had one hip done before both knees. hip recovery is MUCH easier. basically walking is the only therapy. it was years ago, but i remember that it only took about a week until i thought to myself, i am better now than before the operation. i used a walker for the first 3-4 days, but afterwards i just took it slowly and every day i was walking more. the "don't's" i can recall.... don't bend down and don't cross your legs. i forget for how long... certainly less than a few months... maybe it was only a few weeks. i was just careful not to make any fast or stressful moves for a while. the only downside... taking a shower until the staples came out. i went through a few rolls of plastic wrap...

good luck.

Thanks Flyer, and based on my knee experience vs my wife's hip I think you are right about the hip being easier. Unfortunately I think my wife needs her knees, at least one of them done. If so we will have her comparison. I am lucky, don't think I will need hips, crossing my fingers.

 

[alligatorob]

Today was a good day, ate well, exercised and I feel good tonight. Thursdays are big exercise days, circuit training, Tabata, and physical therapy. I feel a little sore but good.

 

[bensanon]

Forgot my fitbit again, but don't suppose I need it every day.

If you wear it daily over a long period of time you could get a better estimate of your average daily burn rate.

The real test will come in a few weeks, I am pretty good at sticking to new things... for a while.

If you can stick it out through the long-term, I believe that’s when the real change happens. You might go through a bit of a depression for awhile as you realize you’re not going back to bingeing/restriction. You’re eating enough calories now so you know your body is not starving so don’t listen to the false signals while you go through it.

As I said before that 189 came after a few days of bingeing. If I had gone back to a more restricted diet for a few days I am pretty sure it would have come down to the low 180s, and the plateaued for a while.

I think of it like this: in restriction, your weight is lower than your true healthy weight at that time. Your body wants to hang on to the weight in that state, making it harder to lose. When you binge, your weight is in excess of a true healthy and it takes a few days for it to settle. Neither state is accurate of a true healthy weight at the time. When you’re eating an adequate amount of food, however, your weight is a lot more accurate of your true healthy weight AND you’re in a better position to then go on to lose weight SLOWLY. In that state, your body is not fighting starvation or processing an excess. I don’t know if that makes sense or if it is even scientifically sound but it seems to be based on my experience. I’d say the latest weight is a good baseline and accurate of a healthy weight for you right now. You’re in a good position to go on to lose weight SLOWLY.

I think it is probably in the right range, and as you said a while back fitbit could be plus or minus up to 20%. I did find a useful calculator (https://www.calculator.net/bmr-calculator.html), here is what it says:

Great. You have an idea of a healthy range for you.

One question for you, are you at your goal or desired weight?

Haha. You’re obsessed! I don’t think so…. I think I’m up a little bit based on how my body feels. I was in October and I’ve been trying to exercise more but the holidays were stressful and work is stressful too sometimes. Lately I have found myself eating more almonds before catching myself. It is difficult but it’s not as hard as it used to be. The bingeing would drain me of energy for days and would wreak havoc in other areas of my life. I can lose weight slowly when I focus on it. I can also gain weight if I’m not focused on it. That’s one reason I’m so vigilant about eating healthier foods. They do help with the cravings and I’m not triggered like I used to be.

 

[overlandflyer]

Thanks Flyer, and based on my knee experience vs my wife's hip I think you are right about the hip being easier. Unfortunately I think my wife needs her knees, at least one of them done. If so we will have her comparison. I am lucky, don't think I will need hips, crossing my fingers.

i have to think it is based on the type of joint. hips are ball and socket while knees are hinge joints. the rehab of that hinge joint is based on getting the full range of motion from fully "closed" to fully "open". i probably have said it before, but i was so glad i went with the physical therapy for my knee as i don't think i would ever have flexed the joint as far as they did. i thought i would have snapped the tendons, but when it was over, my doctor was very pleased at the range of motion i wound up with.

i'm sort of hoping the ball and socket joint of my upcoming shoulder replacement will be more like the hip, though the shoulder seems to be a mix of the two. i do hope i will be able to add swimming back to my overall exercise routine. not looking to break any records, but even moderate swimming is something i have missed for a few years now.