Fit Bunny 2k21

[ChocolateBunny]

In (southern?) Germany and Austria (where I live)

Were you born there or did you move?

baby Jesus in the form of a blonde, curly-haired girl around 20 years old, dressed like an angel.

Wow, I’m going to look more into this.

 

[ChocolateBunny]

There are enough temptations out there, but luckily to me, that sounds horrible.

Because it’s a wet?

 

[ChocolateBunny]

Sorry, you guys if I don’t seem so involved in your diaries and the other boards. A lot of these have threads that have started and stopped months/years ago(really short too) and then you guys have like 65+ pages!! You know? It’s kinda hard jumping in at that point and knowing what the heck is going on. But I’ll probably go in and ask questions you’ve already answered, if you guys don’t mind.

Didn’t exercise-I like to make note of that.

11/25/21 • THURSDAY
•2 Vegan Sausage Links, 1 Overhard Egg, 2 Protein Pancakes
•A mandarin
•1 1/2 Chicken Tenders, A few fries
• 1 Turkey Leg, 2 Deviled Eggs, 1 Hawaiian Roll, “A little bit of”: Baked Macaroni, Stuffing w/ Chicken Peices, Candy Yams, 2 slices of sweet potato pie

I drank at least 45 oz of water/tea, ~16 oz of sparkling cider

Maybe it’s the ED talking, but I don’t like when I go to bed with a full stomach. Like yesterday, I went to bed on the Chicken 65 and it wasn’t a terrible amount of food but I felt full and I woke up not hungry. I got on the scale and I lost a pound. Maybe it’s in my head.

Spoiler: redefining family

This Thanksgiving went okay. My mom cooked almost nothing, which got on my nerves. And it was just her, me, and my bf. I was a little sad at first because this is Kai’s first Thanksgiving and I always had my aunt, uncle, grandma, and cousins. But everyone went their seperate ways and everyone is kinda in a funk. At the same time, increasingly, blood family doesn’t mean much to me. I have to make my own family.

Spoiler: my bf triggers me

My boyfriend is still triggering me. He ate his plate of food today. But he always makes a point to say he didn’t eat the first part of the day. I feel so fat next to him, I never know if I’m eating a normal amount or if he’s not.

Posting on here encourages me not to go that route because I know you guys wouldn’t approve and this is not a ProAna website. It’s sad that I feel like I can’t be there the way I should for my boyfriend because I’m too busy thinking I want to “compete” with him.

I will no longer respond to him if he says he didn’t eat. I will never tell him he looks like he’s getting thinner(because that encourages them). Hopefully, me getting in shape and looking strong will encourage him to do the same.

 

[Llama]

My boyfriend is still triggering me. He ate his plate of food today. But he always makes a point to say he didn’t eat the first part of the day. I feel so fat next to him, I never know if I’m eating a normal amount or if he’s not.

That must be touch. Many people here struggle because the other people in their household bring in temptations but your partner going so far in the other direction when you have an ED history has to be even harder. Great job resisting and reminding yourself that that is not the way you want to go. And on days when you struggle to do it for yourself: baby Bunny has to learn healthy eating habits somewhere.

Were you born there or did you move?

I moved here over a decade ago

Sorry, you guys if I don’t seem so involved in your diaries and the other boards. A lot of these have threads that have started and stopped months/years ago(really short too) and then you guys have like 65+ pages!!

No worries. The people who have threads that long know it´s impossible for newbies to catch up. The diaries really are the heart of this place: the other threads kind of come and go.

 

[Floater]

There are enough temptations out there, but luckily to me, that sounds horrible.

Sugary treats have never been my thing (my vices are meat, cheese, and beer), but despite knowing that donut holes are a perfectly normal dessert/dish, the description "wet fried donut hole" makes me giggle because I'm apparently five years old at heart.

How was your day, Bunny?

EDIT: sorry, we cross posted and I missed your new post! I'm sorry that your bf triggers you, his relationship to food does not sound normal and I understand the feeling of having to "compete" when it comes to the body. I can also understand the sadness of missing out on "normal" Thanksgiving.

I think it's a good plan to focus on working on your body, building strength and leading by example. LaMa has an excellent point about the baby and healthy body/food relationship. If I may ask, do you have any professional support in your life right now? Just skip it if you don't want to answer!

I want to point out the positives I see in your update: you had fruit, and you were able to name the source of the discomfort of going to bed with a full stomach - because yes, it is an ED thought. I know those thoughts very well. But it's actually normal to go to bed feeling satiated and not hungry, as sleep is the time our bodies process food and rebuild the daily wear and tear. This will also help you once you start working out and building strength; progress happens during rest and your body will need fuel and building blocks from food!

 

[Cate]

Hi, Bunny. I'm sorry that Thanksgiving was a bit of a disappointment. I like that you said that you will have to build your own family as I'm sure you will do that. It's good to be strong & healthy & be a good example for your child. I made a really big mistake talking about my weight a lot & I had an ED when my sons were little. Mine was a response to lots of stress in my life at the time & I felt that was something I could control. Our younger son ended up very overweight & then bulimic in his teens & still suffers from poor body image. He's very slim but does not see that. I can't change my story, but I'm sure that you can change yours. Being strong & healthy are great aims, both for yourself & your child. I hope your BF can follow your example.
The comment about the gulab jamun just came out, without me actually looking it up. I don't like sweet, sticky food & hate doughnuts, but I just looked them up & they do look delicious. Maybe when I get back to my happy weight I'll try them one day.
Don't worry about catching up with any of our diaries. Mine is a saga! It has been my therapy for 14 years Most of us are happy to be asked anything. It's a very supportive & kind place.

 

[ChocolateBunny]

If I may ask, do you have any professional support in your life right now? Just skip it if you don't want to answer!

I used to. I’ve been in and out of therapy for years but never really found a therapist I connected with. I never really spoke about relationship with food besides my inability to cook from my mother not knowing how or doing so. I also felt it was silly to talk about me not eating because often times I may go a day successfully and the next day I’m eating normal or binging. It ended up being more like terrible intermittent fasting and I never reached an unhealthy weight(or low weight for me).

I want to point out the positives I see in your update

Thank you for this.

But it's actually normal to go to bed feeling satiated and not hungry, as sleep is the time our bodies process food and rebuild the daily wear and tear.

That makes sense!

 

[ChocolateBunny]

I made a really big mistake talking about my weight a lot & I had an ED when my sons were little.

When I think about it, I’m sure a lot of women are guilty of this. But now that you’ve pointed it out, you’re right, I should be aware of this. I never thought how it could affect a boy too.

Our younger son ended up very overweight & then bulimic in his teens & still suffers from poor body image.

I hope he’s able to overcome this some day.

& hate doughnuts

Mine is a saga! It has been my therapy for 14 years

Wow, you’re dedicated! Have you seen a change in weightloss overall?

 

[ChocolateBunny]

11/26/21 • FRIDAY

No exercise.

Food
•1 Slice of Sweet Potato Pie
•4 Deviled Eggs
•1 Turkey Leg, Baked Macaroni, Stuffing
•Half a Slice of Cake
•1 Medium Coconut Milk Shake

Yeahhh, Friday was just crazy. That’s why I had only one real meal. I don’t really count calories because that’s too much work for home cooked meals to me, but for deserts I at least try to make myself aware if there’s a label.

1 slice of pie was 255 cals.
Half a slice of cake was 295 cals.
Coconut milkshake, I have no clue.

 

[ChocolateBunny]

11/27/21•SATURDAY

No exercise.

Food
•4 Deviled Eggs, Stuffing, Baked Macaroni, Candy Yams
•1 Slice of Sweet Potato Pie
•A Few Fries

I’m overall just ready for this Thanksgiving food to be out of the house!! For some reason it makes me feel guilty. I think it’s all those carbs.

 

[Llama]

Feast food has one redeeming quality: it tastes great. Other than that it´s generally high in fat and simple carbs with few vitamins and hardly any fiber. And that´s perfectly ok if it´s the kind of thing we have a little of to celebrate with friends and/or family. It´s only a problem when we stop seeing it as an occasional treat and start having larger amounts more regularly.

I also felt it was silly to talk about me not eating because often times I may go a day successfully and the next day I’m eating normal or binging. It ended up being more like terrible intermittent fasting and I never reached an unhealthy weight(or low weight for me).

I felt that one. How is it that we feel like we only deserve support when we have it "objectively bad enough"? Just because someone else somewhere suffers more it doesn´t mean that you don´t struggle or that you don´t deserve help

 

[Floater]

I also felt it was silly to talk about me not eating because often times I may go a day successfully and the next day I’m eating normal or binging. It ended up being more like terrible intermittent fasting and I never reached an unhealthy weight(or low weight for me).

Most people who suffer from EDs spend most of their time being "normal weight" on the BMI, or overweight; it doesn't make the ED any less real, or less valid, or less damaging, it's just how our bodies react to energy restriction - by cutting the baseline. I went through my teen years in the 00s, and back then clinical anorexia was the only ED that was even recognized, so no one caught up with how disordered my eating really was - because I never went low enough to qualify as "underweight". I think that sadly, very little progress has happened in this regard and the "smaller is better" mentality is really hammered home both by society, and the wellness industry and medical professionals. But I can understand that if the ED doesn't immediately show the way people expect it to, as a gaunt skeleton barely standing up and being blown around by the wind, even professionals often miss it. And as you have spent time on ED forums - like I used to do way back when - there's a lot of competition around numbers. It will take some time to unlearn. What I'm trying to say here is that you don't need to minimize your ED, it is/was severe enough and you deserve support and compassion to rebuild you relationship to food and your body.

I can also understand not clicking with a therapist. Not every therapist is a good match! I have had good ones and bad ones, and if you had trouble building trust and speaking about your issues, it's better that you moved on and didn't try to beat a dead horse so to speak.

Take care!

 

[Cate]

Wow, you’re dedicated! Have you seen a change in weightloss overall?

I started in the forum when I had only just started a six-month strict diet, 14 years ago. I was 36 kg overweight. I found it to be a safe haven & rather than banging on about dieting to my friends & family I banged on in here & found people were actually interested in me. It helped rebuild my self-esteem & I found I was able to support others as well. I kept most of my weight off for ten years, but in the last 4, I have slackened off & regained quite a bit. Without the forum, I would find it much harder to get back into it. You feel like you always have a backup.

 

[ChocolateBunny]

11/28/21•SUNDAY

uhhh, I’ll just sum it up to me eating like garbage. And at the end of the night, I went to a bar called “Dinner and a Movie” with my cousin to celebrate her birthday with a group of her friends.

Spoiler: drunk and enlightened

It was a really nice and special for me. On my 21st birthday, I was pregnant and didn’t get to drink(in the states you have to be 21 to drink). I now, breastfeed so I still don’t really drink. I’ve also been against it because of how bad it is for you arteries and brain cells.

However, I got drunk and really enjoyed it because I felt I was able to let all my emotions go when I spoke to my boyfriend on the ride home. I was also surrounded by incredible women that night, who were older than me and very introspective. I love older women who are wise, it inspires and enlightens me.

At the end of the night, I was sick.

 

[ChocolateBunny]

11/29/21•MONDAY

112.4lbs|51kg

Food
•1 Pizza Slice
•1 Tuna Submarine Sandwich
•Sweet Potatoes, 1 Turkey Leg, Stuffing

I gained weight from yesterday evening. I had lost a lb(.5kg) the middle of last week. Now I’m back to where I started.

Tomorrow morning, I plan to go running.

 

[ChocolateBunny]

Spoiler: 21 and dumb

I’ve been feeling a bit lost. I have not lived up to the standards I created for myself. I have the feeling there is something deeper to life I haven’t tapped into. I’m not religious, nor spiritual. I don’t believe in chakras or rocks. But I wish did. I’ve been having bad dreams and losing sleep lately related to things I’ve been anxious about. I want to meditate. I want to do yoga. I want to be someone who is high on zen all the time. I don’t know how some people discover this spiritual awakening where they gain wisdom and peace. Instead, I can get quite angry and I can hold on to it for a long time. I’m really just tired.

 

[ChocolateBunny]

It will take some time to unlearn. What I'm trying to say here is that you don't need to minimize your ED, it is/was severe enough and you deserve support and compassion to rebuild you relationship to food and your body.

Thank you I didn’t think about how I could be minimizing other’s suffering on a larger scale by participating in these misconceptions. I do agree with you, perhaps I was being harsh on myself.

Thank all of you for being voices of reason.

 

[ChocolateBunny]

It´s only a problem when we stop seeing it as an occasional treat and start having larger amounts more regularly.

The left overs are killing me!!!

Just because someone else somewhere suffers more it doesn´t mean that you don´t struggle or that you don´t deserve help

This is very true. Thank you.

 

[Llama]

I want to be someone who is high on zen all the time. I don’t know how some people discover this spiritual awakening where they gain wisdom and peace.

Very few people are, regardless of age, but I don't know anyone who can do it at 21 with a nursing baby. Give yourself some grace, Bun. For most people I think meaning is something that develops slowly over time, not something that hits like lightning.

The left overs are killing me!!

I know the feeling! So hard not to convince yourself to just eat them all in one go and be done with it, right?

 

[Floater]

I still have morning brain but I'm commenting so I'll remember to come back about the spirituality thing because that's my special interest and I love talking about that stuff! Take care Bunny!