Rob's Diary

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I did not binge today although I have the urge tonight to eat more.
Good for you! And I sure understand that urge.

I didn't binge either, and I also had some urges to resist. Spent too much time thinking about peanut butter.

Can we do it again tomorrow? I'm up for it.
 
Good for you! And I sure understand that urge.

I didn't binge either, and I also had some urges to resist. Spent too much time thinking about peanut butter.

Can we do it again tomorrow? I'm up for it.

Great job, Rob. New day today. All we need to do is focus on today. One day at a time. Check in with you tonight.
 
Hi Shell, Yes, I've tried therapy for the anxiety. CBT, psychoanalysis, IFS, ACT, DBT I think although many of my therapists would say they offer a "blend". I did have two pretty gungho CBT therapists. What did you have in mind?

Recent research tells about how anxiety, depression, etc. impacts the brain. This research also talks about how the prefrontal cortex, the amygdala, etc. can work together to reduce the symptoms with psychotherapy. CBT is part of the process to rewire the anxious brain, but mindfulness is another part of the process. At the same time, if you have complex trauma- anxiety, depression, low self-etc. is a part of one's life, so that must be dealt with to reduce anxiety, depression, etc.

DBT is very good with regulating emotions and CBT is good at reducing negative thoughts. ACT is more accepts of your struggle. If you don't mind sharing what's the reason none of the techniques work.
 
I had a good day. I ran again today, about 8 miles. Total calories in were 2440 and calories out according to my Fitbit right now are 4300.

I have muscle and joint pain when I'm not running. It developed last week and has been hanging around since. The rest days I had didn't do too much. I wonder if it's DOMS. I took some ibuprofen before I ran but I realize now I probably shouldn't have because it can interfere with the body's ability to repair the muscles. I don't actually have any trouble while I'm running, it's just soreness the day after I run. The soreness came about when I increased my running just a little bit but also when I started stretching more while running. This may be the problem and I'm not sure if I need to do anything about it other than maybe not stretch during runs. One of the treatments for DOMS in runners though is more running.

The binges that I had really got me off track. I feel like I'm coming back to my old routine that has been really successful for me but I forgot about it or how to do it because of the binges. Not good. My weight is still up since my last binge. I was at 201.8 this morning although I can feel it's coming down faster now.


So Rob: this commitment to not binging is working for me. I appreciate you holding me accountable on that and just knowing that you are has helped me get back on track again. I had no major urges although I was a little angry/frustrated this morning which is a sign I'm hungry but it went away by the afternoon. How are you doing on urges/binging?
 
Recent research tells about how anxiety, depression, etc. impacts the brain. This research also talks about how the prefrontal cortex, the amygdala, etc. can work together to reduce the symptoms with psychotherapy. CBT is part of the process to rewire the anxious brain, but mindfulness is another part of the process. At the same time, if you have complex trauma- anxiety, depression, low self-etc. is a part of one's life, so that must be dealt with to reduce anxiety, depression, etc.

DBT is very good with regulating emotions and CBT is good at reducing negative thoughts. ACT is more accepts of your struggle. If you don't mind sharing what's the reason none of the techniques work.

Thanks, Shell. I don't suppose you have any links to that research do you?? I didn't say none of the techniques worked. No, not at all. I've picked up a lot of good skills and ways of approaching some of my struggles with anxiety. When I was in CBT therapy, I was already experiencing some pretty bad side effects from the medication I was on, I just didn't know it was the medication. CBT was not effective for that reason but neither myself or my therapists knew it could be due to the medication. And some of my experience with how CBT worked, was that "refractory" or treatment resistant cases meant that the client wasn't doing the work. I was doing the work and was frustrated by how the approach is setup like this (success/failure is up to client). You have to have a good therapist, one you can trust, who's knowledgeable and who is skilled at implementing it and that you connect with. That's a tall order and quite unrealistic for most people and it takes time to find someone good.

None of the CBT efficacy/effectiveness research, to my knowledge, controls for type of medication and that's something so many people are on nowadays. If I ever go back to therapy, I would want to do it with someone knowledgeable about the medication I was on before and got off of.

I'm sure I have some of the above you mentioned including the things that are a part of one's life like low self-esteem. It's changing a bit because of all this work I'm doing on myself though the binges do not help. I use to think I was abnormal but looking back, I realize I was pretty "normal" (ha, whatever that means). Now, after having gone through that ordeal with the medication, well, I think I'm actually traumatized from it too.

I am learning to meditate more now and I'm challenging myself through exposure, increasing it a little at a time. I get some of the concepts and try to implement them on my own. Not sure I'll find a good therapist ever and I'm not inclined to spend a lot of time with someone who's not knowledgeable enough or can't challenge me in the right ways. Until then, I'm exploring a lot of self-help avenues.

What is your work with anxiety and depression, Shell?
 
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Had a good day today. I ran another 8 miles and felt good throughout. Tonight after the run, I got pretty intense cravings. I ate some yogurt and almonds and that helped a little. Managed to avoid overeating. Rob?


Total calories in were 2741. Total out are 4204. I forgot to weigh myself this morning.

I've been enjoying peaches in the mornings lately and I'm still trying to keep my protein intake up high so I'm still eating a lot of chicken. My lab results indicated high BUN and creatinine which may be due to the protein and exercise. A little concerned about it. Going to look into it further.

I remember when I was younger, not even that much younger, maybe 10 years ago, if I ran or exercised this much, the weight would come off quickly. Didn't seem to matter how much I ate. Now it's stubborn and I feel like I'm working harder for less loss. Oh well maybe the increase in exercise this week will have a noticeable effect.
 
Had a pretty good day again. Tonight I got a little hungry and angry - hangry. I made it through. No binges. All good with you Rob?


I was 200.6 pounds this morning. One week ago I was 197.0. Progress is slower since this last binge I think because my calories are up by about 700. That's probably the right correction to make because the binges were too frequent at lower calorie levels. I feel better in the 2500-2800 range on exercise days. I also feel good about this no binge commitment.

I have been quite frustrated and still am by the binges and the slowing of my progress. I'm probably looking at another 5-6 weeks to hit 186 if I don't binge and keep up the same level of activity. Meditation is helping but it's just the beginning of my practice. I could barely make it through 20 minutes today but I do feel better from it. Sleep has improved only a little. Today was not good. I'm winding down a little earlier tonight to see if that will help at least for today.

I'm upping my mileage and it feels good. It feels like it's the right thing now and closer to where I want to be. I have a faint goal of a marathon at some point in the future. I ran another 8 miles today for a total of 39 miles this week. This is probably half-marathon level. Closer to 60 might be marathon level.

Food today was eggs and yogurt with peach for breakfast, lunch was chicken fried egg sandwich and steamed broccoli, tonight I had a mediterranean salad bowl and salsa chicken wrapped in sprouted whole gran tortillas.

Total calories in 2566. Calories out 3993. About 24k steps.
 
Good to see you had another no binge day, same here. Let's do it again tomorrow. I know not bingeing is only a part of our problem, but for me its a big part. I suspect it is for you too.

I'll check in again tomorrow evening.
 
Hi, Rob. Maybe I underestimate my calories as your food didn't sound like 2566 calories. I know it sounded delicious. I wish I never got hungry. I am always hungry after exercise, even moderate, so can't imagine how hungry I would be after the exercise you do.
 
None of the CBT efficacy/effectiveness research, to my knowledge, controls for type of medication and that's something so many people are on nowadays. If I ever go back to therapy, I would want to do it with someone knowledgeable about the medication I was on before and got off of.

I am learning to meditate more now and I'm challenging myself through exposure, increasing it a little at a time. I get some of the concepts and try to implement them on my own. Not sure I'll find a good therapist ever and I'm not inclined to spend a lot of time with someone who's not knowledgeable enough or can't challenge me in the right ways. Until then, I'm exploring a lot of self-help avenues.

What is your work with anxiety and depression, Shell?

Thanks for sharing your story Rob. The medication is a big issues when dealing with mental health. Personally, I think the biggest problem is most people think that medication is a cure; however, in general it only suppose to helps manage the symptoms long enough to learn the skills and techniques one needs to help reduce/eliminate the symptoms. There is definitely a disconnect when it comes to meditation. Your doctor should have told you the risk of taking anxiety medications and the affects of getting off anxiety medication. Sorry you have to go through that ordeal.

When it comes to working with a therapist, there is limited knowledge about medication because, therapist don't prescribe medication. I tell my clients to educate themselves on the medications they are taking and to proactive with any issues they are having with the medication. The therapist focusing is to teach skills and techniques to help reduce or eliminate the symptoms without medication. It is also a place to open up about one's struggles to process and reframe one's experience. The therapist and the client actually works together to solve one's problems. The skills or techniques learned in session should be used during the week to see if it works for the client or not. So, if you ever decided to attend therapy again. I would suggest an integrative therapist because they are well verse in their field of specialty and will based the intervention on the client.

Meditation is actually a very good way to reduce anxiety. Maybe guided meditation will help. You can find them on YouTube. There are also apps available.

I would also suggest that you look in to Neurobiofeedback to see if that's something that would help you. It's another natural way to help rewire the brain to reduce/eliminate anxiety, depression, OCD, etc. There have been positive results witht his techniques.
 
Thanks for sharing your story Rob. The medication is a big issues when dealing with mental health. Personally, I think the biggest problem is most people think that medication is a cure; however, in general it only suppose to helps manage the symptoms long enough to learn the skills and techniques one needs to help reduce/eliminate the symptoms. There is definitely a disconnect when it comes to meditation. Your doctor should have told you the risk of taking anxiety medications and the affects of getting off anxiety medication. Sorry you have to go through that ordeal.

When it comes to working with a therapist, there is limited knowledge about medication because, therapist don't prescribe medication. I tell my clients to educate themselves on the medications they are taking and to proactive with any issues they are having with the medication. The therapist focusing is to teach skills and techniques to help reduce or eliminate the symptoms without medication. It is also a place to open up about one's struggles to process and reframe one's experience. The therapist and the client actually works together to solve one's problems. The skills or techniques learned in session should be used during the week to see if it works for the client or not. So, if you ever decided to attend therapy again. I would suggest an integrative therapist because they are well verse in their field of specialty and will based the intervention on the client.

Meditation is actually a very good way to reduce anxiety. Maybe guided meditation will help. You can find them on YouTube. There are also apps available.

I would also suggest that you look in to Neurobiofeedback to see if that's something that would help you. It's another natural way to help rewire the brain to reduce/eliminate anxiety, depression, OCD, etc. There have been positive results witht his techniques.

Hi Shell, You didn't mention your qualifications. What are they?

Unfortunately, the reality is most doctors don't know the risks of the medication they're prescribing. This was the case for me.

In my experience learning, understanding, and implementing the skills and techniques on the medication is very different than off the medication. For therapy to be effective, those realities must be reconciled IMO. I'll add too that the side effects of many of the medications if they don't work as intended are actually depression and anxiety for many, and especially so after long-term use, and this interferes greatly with therapy.
 
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Hi, Rob. Maybe I underestimate my calories as your food didn't sound like 2566 calories. I know it sounded delicious. I wish I never got hungry. I am always hungry after exercise, even moderate, so can't imagine how hungry I would be after the exercise you do.

Good eye and estimation, Cate! I had a side of chicken with my chicken sandwich at lunch lol. Later on, I had 2 of those chicken wraps too. I recently realized I had been underestimating the calories of the chicken I'm eating (big chicken breasts) so I weigh them now and that works out a lot better. Hope you're doing well!
 
Did well today. No binges although craving a little tonight as I struggle through this post. Rob, you doing OK?


I was 200.0 this morning. I'm tempted to go faster until I hit my goal weight. I know that's probably not a good idea and many here would agree with that but I've been so wrapped up in this process, I just want to get through it.

I ate well. Eggs and yogurt with peach slices for breakfast. Chicken sandwich and avocado slices on toast, tomatoes and green bell pepper too for lunch. For dinner I had a chicken salad and later I had a salsa chicken wrap and some almonds with yogurt. 201g (31%) of protein. Lots of protein which I should cut back on. Calories in were 2583.

I ran again today 9 miles and walked a mile. Calories out are 4284. About 26k steps.
 
Did well today. No binges although craving a little tonight as I struggle through this post. Rob, you doing OK?
Good for you! I had a good day too, no binges, the cravings are always there, but today's weren't too bad.

Let's do it again tomorrow!
 
I had a good day today. No binges and felt energized. How about you, Rob?


I went running again 9 miles and walked 1. This has been a fantastic week for me for running. I logged 57 miles. I feel good now too. One of the primary reasons I haven't had any injuries is my pace. I start out very slow and build slowly throughout the run.

I tried to keep my protein in check. I ate 172g, 27% of my calories. That's about 1.9 g/kg which is a good amount for me I believe. I have a follow-up appointment with my doctor in 2 weeks and I'd like to check my creatinine again along with other kidney markers. My elevated numbers from before are probably because of the high protein amount I've been eating and the vigorous exercise. We'll see if this diet modification over two weeks changes things.

I ate mostly the usual except for this evening I ate a power grain bowl which has lentils, quinoa, farro and rice. Still had some calories to eat later so I got some 95% cocoa chocolate instead of eating more chicken.

2553 calories in. 4363 calories out. 26k steps.

Weight was 198.4 this morning. I started a NAC supplement and it seems to be helping my mood and cognition. Could be a placebo effect.

Finally, I've been meditating and it's helping. I had been doing about 10 minutes a day but recently went up to 20 minutes. Today I did 3, 20 min sessions and I want more which is a great sign it's working for me.
 
Sounds like a good week. Awesome job!
 
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