Marsia's Diary

J really likes the house to be just so when his improv troupe comes for practices at our house, so he helped me get all the boxes out of the entry way - my immense amount of books that were in the flooded basement. He also tried to rearrange my piles of sorted things in the dining room without asking and I didn't quite catch him in time and he mixed some stuff up, but not too bad. I realized how type A he gets about messes though and why I am so uncomfortable if the house is messy - it makes him tense and then by association, me tense. So anyway, I cleaned 22,000 steps worth of cleaning yesterday to the point where my thumbs hurt if I moved them. Also it poured buckets and there were flash flood warnings, so I bailed out the low spot by the basement all day in between cleaning. And my mom got mad that we don't have a sump pump in the basement and chewed me out though I tried to explain that our contractor says her idea for the sump pump won't work and we are planning an outdoor solution and just haven't done it yet. So stress! Today I am taking it easy and doing something on my own.

I did lose a half pound from all the exercising though. I am getting better at letting go of the stress though - I don't feel upset at J or my mom for being weird to me. J is overtired and sick of the house breaking, and my mom is facing the fact that she took abysmal care of herself her entire life and it's coming back to bite her in the backside now. So I am going to take care of myself today and be happy and destress - maybe even a bath and a good book and some tea!
 
I´m glad you´re dealing with all that stress so well. You´re pretty heroic!
 
Thanks! Today I did only steps while grocery shopping and going to a cafe. I slept on my comfy chair with my cat plastered to my lap and watched the deluge of rain outside, read cool books, and emailed friends. Have to do some dishes, but otherwise am just kicking back and being happy today. Ate lots of good fats, too, so feel full and satisfied and grounded again. I did lecture my hubby on how he knows not to mess with my stuff, but I will bake him some nice good for you treats to make up for that. He was trying to help, he just gets carried away.
 
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That sounds like a lovely day indeed, glad to hear it!
Marsia said:
I did lecture my hubby on how he knows not to mess with my stuff, but I will bake him some nice good for you treats to make up for that. He was trying to help, he just gets carried away.
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...and that sounds like you´re talking about a 5 year old.
 
Funny Marsia something happened here yesterday and it's normally something I would have got annoyed and angry about but I took it all on board to sort out. Maybe we just getting better with dealing with crisis and things out of the norm
 
Ha, yes, my high powered, type A lawyer 5 year old! He's really forgiving of my big faults though, so I want to learn to be more understanding too. He hasn't been sleeping much and we finally got the house nice (after 7 years of construction and boxes), and then the flood made the last of the boxes come into the living space and he got discouraged and tried to help too much because he wants some nice space and peacefulness. Part of it is that the bedroom he is in desperately needs sorting - it has become the place to hide the stuff we haven't gone through yet. So I really need to do that so he has a nice space. I did talk to him about having a place to sort our stuff for the next year because I am going to Marie Kondo the house and he was ok with that.

Hi Petal! I think being healthier physically is really helping both me and my husband be more patient with each other. It's great you are feeling that way, too! I realize that part of it is that I make up a story of why my husband did something insensitive, and buy into that, and it usually isn't true. He usually just didn't think about the thing from my perspective, which makes sense if he is overtired and stressed out. So I am trying to be more forgiving so he can de-stress. It's hard because having my stuff moved really messes me up, so I couldn't resist a lecture, but I will do a peace offering!

Today it's sunny and the raindrops in the trees are lit up by the sun. It looks like twinkly Christmas lights. Yesterday evening on the way to pick up my kid from school, I pulled over and took these gorgeous pictures in the last of the sunlight of big billowy clouds and little blue-black clouds over bright green fields with a red barn in the foreground and with big redwood stands and blue mountains in the distance. It looked like from a Japanese anime movie.

Time to get up and start the weekend!
 
Hi, Marsia. It isn't possible to maintain a relationship for any length of time without disagreements and compromises. It doesn't mean that we give in or lose some fundamental part of ourselves. Relationships need long-term care to make them work. Communication is one of the most important things I think. Having that conversation when everyone is calm is important. I feel sick sometimes when I tell G (or someone else) how what they did or said made me feel, but it's much better to say it so that it clears the air. Even when you have been with someone for years & years you don't always know what they are thinking.
Are you going to paint that photo you took, Marsia? It sounds wonderful. Hope you have a lovely weekend xoxo
 
Marsia said:
realize that part of it is that I make up a story of why my husband did something insensitive, and buy into that, and it usually isn't true. He usually just didn't think about the thing from my perspective, which makes sense if he is overtired and stressed out. So I am trying to be more forgiving so he can de-stress. It'
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That explains me to a T exactly . Also I avoid conflict and have done since I was a child . I hated upset of any kind and it's only in the last 3 years perhsps that I started to confront and say how I feel . This has also coincided with not caring too much what people think of me . My husband gets extremely stressed and overtired too and I'm highly surprised that recently I'm definitely talking him down. This has all been good for us .
Enjoy the weekend
 
Thanks Cate and Petal! I usually wait a few days and then bring up the topic when we are both feeling more compatible. Otherwise we both tend to not stay on topic and drag all sorts of weird, off-tangent things into the conversation and it is a horrible mess. But I always talk things out with him. I am not able to move on otherwise.

Petal, I feel the same way. As I learn to destress, I can tell J that he is feeling tired and not to overthink things when so tired, and stuff like that. I think it is helping, too! I've been giving him massages and have him breathe out the stress from tight muscles, and that's helped, too. Yay, we are getting our husbands back!!
 
Marsia said:
Yay, we are getting our husbands back!!
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It's so lovely to read this. So much of a marriage/long-term relationship/life involves lots of stress, but having a partner through it all that you really love is such a bonus. I will never take that for granted again. It's good that we have learned to communicate our feelings in a way that does not create a huge fracture in the relationship.
What do you have planned for the rest of your weekend, Marsia?
 
Hi, we went hiking in the rain yesterday by a big gorge with rushing stream at the bottom and came out into civilization in time to see a gorgeous sunset reflected in the puddles. We also saw that some rotted logs had fallen in the road and were covered with turkey tail mushrooms, so we brought the logs home and are having nice turkey tail tea. We're going out shopping for a couple of little plant stands and possibly a couple of plants to make the house homier, and maybe go to our favorite used bookstore. Tomorrow there is a short improv class at our house and we are doing the rest of the homework in advance because the play is coming up and the practices go really long into the evenings from now on. So just reading and helping with homework a lot and doing little outings. Maybe we'll have a baking day, too, and make mini-keto cheesecake muffins. Everyone really likes those.
 
Marsia that's sounds like a jam packed day to me . Also I have said it before and I say it again you should write a book or at the least short stories to be published
 
Thanks LaMa and Petal! I am constantly amazed at the beauty of where we live. I like weekends where we try a new trail - usually we discover a whole new amazing place, just when we thought we knew this place well! Petal, I found my old art journals, and they are so funny and interesting, to me anyway. It makes me want to write a coming of age story for my daughter about the experience of going to art school and how amazing that was.

We found nice acacia wood stools that were inexpensive for the plants and got silver trays for the top of them for putting plants on. We also got a little inexpensive terrarium for sprouting wheat grass and alfalfa indoors because the raccoons eat my sprouts if I try to sprout them in the garden. I got excited about the idea of making little terrariums with mini sculptures in them. Hope I find the time to do this idea! Also while looking up shade plants that like being indoors, I discovered that NASA has a scale for plants and how much they filter toxins out of the house and how much oxygen they provide. There is a category of plants called bedroom plants now because they score high on this NASA scale and so people grow them in bedrooms to help with allergies. I thought of you Cate - maybe having something like that might help your allergies a bit?

It's sunny but so cold today. We're out at a cafe now, but may go home and build a fire!
 
Hi, Marsia. It sounds wonderful where you live. I have been thinking of growing my own sprouts again too. I have lots of indoor plants inside our home, but up here the air is clean anyway. I just love them. It's nice that you were thinking of me xo
 
Thanks Cate and LaMa. I wish there were more time to do all the fun things I think of doing! But the sprouting I used to do and it makes us all really feel great having such sprouts and wheatgrass juice, and it's so easy to do. The terrariums I really hope I get to, but there are so many wonderful things to do, it's hard to get to them all!

It's a holiday here (old president's birthdays) so we'll go out today and noodle around the Stanford campus (nice sculpture gardens and great bookstore) and grab a bite to eat somewhere nice. I hope to get some baking in today, too. I'll at least make some quick deviled eggs for snacks and school lunches before we leave today.

I got on the scale and suddenly have dropped 2 pounds. So just 13 more pounds to go until goal weight. Yay, I made it past that pesky 20 pound mark I was stuck at for a while! I have been doing resistance exercises with J a lot and some little hikes, but mostly just watching what I eat carefully. It really looks like the more I eat healthy fats (within a reasonable amount of calories), the easier it is to fill up with just a palm sized serving of protein and the rest big bunches of low carb veggies. That seems to work best for me.

Happy day everyone!
 
Congratulations on 2 more pounds lost!
 
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