I'm sorry about that, my friend. You sound like how I feel when I think I'm doing everything right and my guts still try to kill me. Unscented jedi hugs.
Thank you, LaMa. I read this last night & had a quiet little cry. I think if I had tried answering it then it would have turned into a full-on bawl, so I didn't. I know that you understand me as much as anyone else does & it helps to have that support. This place is about so much more than weight-loss & fitness. We are a supportive & loving community.
I'm sorry you're suffering Cate. We're all here supporting you whenever you need. Take your time, step by step.
Thank you, Em. I'm still hoping that this is a temporary state & I may be able to heal enough to venture out again, but I have the sinking feeling that my life has changed & I will have to wear a mask when I do. I tried yesterday, but the mask I wore still let fragrance fumes come in & I had another major reaction.
Yesterday-
Because I had a good night's sleep on Monday night I felt quite a bit better. It was nice to be back home. I headed off with G to his vets' golf, but I noticed fragrance on people that I hadn't noticed before & had a couple of head spins. I hung around & did some paperwork & the drove back into town & parked down by the river & just breathed in the very fresh air. I probably sat there for an hour or so. I looked at my shopping list & figured out my priorities. The local whole food place I have a regular weekly order of a loaf of organic oat sourdough bread & I could get a few things there on my list. I decided to try wearing the mask in there, that my sister had sent me in time for the weekend away as I knew that the woman who works there would not react rudely to it. They have "essential" oils in there as well as smelly scented soap so I knew that I would need the mask. I had to go outside once to lift the mask & breathe as I struggle for air in a mask, but I managed to get my shopping done, missing only one thing on my list.
I needed just one thing from the chemist & was standing outside the back entrance (non-perfume end) trying to think if I was up to it or not, when one of the chemists, returning from his lunch break, asked me if I was ok. I said no & briefly told him my problem. He said he would get the item left on the back counter & explain why.
When I went in with the mask on, there was one older woman being served & another waiting & they both stared at me. I tried staying away from them but tried to make it obvious that I was in a queue to be served. I could smell their fragrance through the mask! When I got served I was firmly holding my nose & pointed at the medicine & the girl nodded & told me how much. I got it out one-handed & as I was giving her the money another staff member came over & squirted anti-bacterial gel on her hands, directly under my nose. I grabbed my stuff & staggered outside.
I went outside & got some fresh air in my lungs & was probably there for about 5 minutes. I decided I needed to talk to a chemist to try to come to some sort of workable arrangement to get medication, so foolishly tried to go back in again. I asked the girl on the back counter if I could talk to a chemist & she went over & they were staring & talking & staring & talking & I thought I was going to pass out. I went over & said "forget it. I have to go outside" or something along those lines. My brain was in a total fog & I could feel my body going into shock again. I managed to get outside again & got to my car, which was parked out the back in the supermarket carpark.
I know that I bawled my eyes out, used my puffer, took some paracetamol, drank some water & sat with my head down on the steering wheel & just tried breathing. I'm not sure how long I was like this, but when I lifted my head, there was S, one of the young male chemists, with a really caring look on his face. I mouthed "do you have anything smelly on" & he said no, so I got out of the car. I almost fell & then leaned on the car & we talked for about 15 minutes. He already knew about my perfume allergy, which helped. The outcome is that if I need anything from the chemist I can ring & they will bring it outside to me. He was going to set up an account for me so that I can just pay it monthly online. He is such a sweet guy & this is a really good solution to at least one problem. After he left I sat in the car until I felt I could drive & the drove back out to the club & sat in the car & rang my sister. She has gone so far down this slippery slope that is MCS & she told me that everything I tell her gives her such a sense of deja vu. She is so sorry that I have been tipped into her world. I had a good cry & she said that when she told me to stay home for a while she really meant a few weeks, rather than a few days.
Last night I just tried to chill & not think about it, but told G what had happened & that I needed to stay home for probably a couple of weeks. My head is all over the place, but if this is my new reality, I will have to get used to it. Hopefully the new mask I ordered online will work better.
It's a Vogmask. This is the one I ordered. I am hoping that the valve will help me breathe in it, but not let fragrance in. I can't just save a photo or copy it so will add the link I bought it from-
https://www.theallergyshop.com.au/rainbows-allergy-mask/ There are some nicer ones on the Singapore vogmask site so if this one works for me I will buy a couple more in different patterns.
OK. I had better stop. I have to write a letter to my doctor & the nurse sometime, but I think I'll leave that until tomorrow. I don't want to feel sad & I need fresh air. I also need to get dressed!