(Re)new Journey

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This is probably the longest I have gone without posting... 3 whole days haha. This weekend was fun and spontaneous. On Saturday, I had an event to attend where I walked a few miles. Then I decided to take a last minute trip to Brooklyn, NY to visit a friend. I drove there (ended up taking me 5 hours) so I made sure to eat my lunch at home first and I brought carrots for the road. In my old days, I would use this as an excuse to eat fast food, but no fast food for me. NYC food can also be tempting but I had a salad with grilled chicken for dinner. Sunday we got a late breakfast. The options at this place were limited so I ended up with a wheat bagel with cream cheese. Carbs are not going to kill me, I have to remember that. Only ate half the bagel because I don't need ALL the carbs. Walked around Brooklyn for over 6 miles. Great way to squeeze in some exercise while I was away. This might be an overshare but it is a non scale victory that I have to mention. I wore shorts yesterday, cotton shorts that I love. I had bought them in February when I went to Florida. They are a size large. Well they are too big and I am in denial because I love them. I wore them anyway. Usually when I wear shorts and walk in hot or humid weather, I get what I call "chub rub," also know as the rubbing together of my thighs. For anyone else with thick thighs, I am sure you can relate. It is PAINFUL and horrible. The inside of your thighs gets all chapped and its brutal. Well, NO CHUB RUB FOR THIS GIRL! That's right, I walked 6 miles around Brooklyn and I had no issues whatsoever. I didn't even notice until I was nearly back to the apartment but I stopped and was like 'OMG my thighs are not on fire!' A true miracle. This is a huge deal for me because anytime I would go somewhere where I would be walking a good amount (a park, Six Flags, the zoo, etc.) I would not be able to wear shorts for fear of setting my thighs on fire. I would force myself to wear capris or pants and be sweating to death. I'm not sure if the chub rub is gone forever, but it's at least a start. So excited!

Scale read 147ish this morning but I think I might just be dehydrated or something because that number is low. I was just 149.4 on Friday. Oh well. Doesn't really affect me all that much. I'm not sure what I will be doing for exercise today since I have work until noon, a meeting at 2pm and a meeting at 6pm. I am trying to get out of the 6pm meeting so that I can go to step class tonight but I'm not sure I will be able to swing that. If I can't get out of the meeting, I will try and make it to the gym between the meetings.

At the event on Saturday, I ran into my favorite step class instructor. The first thing she said to me is that I am looking really slim! I was so excited that she said that because she is a fitness instructor. She then asked me how much weight I've lost and I told her 20 pounds or so. Now it is actually nearing the 25 pound mark. It was so nice of her to tell me that my hard work is paying off. Little comments like that are sometimes what keeps me going. Often I look in the mirror and just see the changes that I still want to make, but its great when someone snaps you into reality and points out the changes that you've already made.

I am nearly 13 pounds away from my goal weight of 135 (I am calling myself 148 pounds since I don't trust the 147 I got this morning). That is mind blowing to me. I hope my body changes a lot in those 13 pounds because I still feel like I am a ways off from how I want my body to look. Since I am very short, the "recommended" (and I use that term loosely) weight is 110 lbs. I feel like I would be skin and bones at that weight but it just goes to show that 135 will still be a ways off from that weight. I don't intend to get down to 110 at all, I just want to be lean, happy, and healthy. I think my main goal is a flat stomach. If and when that happens, I will be ecstatic! Just some thoughts on weight at the present moment. Nothing is changing right now as far as my exercise and food goes. What I am doing, my body is currently responding to, so I will keep going until changes are needed.

I have a doctors appointment (endocrinologist) scheduled for July. I have PCOS so I need to get my hormones checked. I admit that I have not been to the endocrinologist in quite some time and I sure as heck am not taking any medication. I used to be on a medication that would balance out my hormones but for whatever reason, I stopped taking it. I will be the first to admit that I am horrible at taking medicine. I avoid taking everything from aspirin to cold medicine, to prescription medication. I'm not too sure of the reason, just not a fan. I do know that I need the medication to get my body leveled out and in it's best state. I only mention this because I am excited to go to the doctor and reveal all the progress I have made with my weight. This is a new doctor (since my old doctor transferred somewhere else) but it is the same office I used to go to. They will have all my records and will be able to tell me how much I weighed last time I was in. I used to blame my weight on PCOS since it is common that those with PCOS have a hard time losing weight. That might be true for some (and for me) but somehow I have managed to lose. It certainly has not been easy but I used to think that I needed to be on the medication in order for my body to allow me to lose weight. That is clearly not the case. The appointment is at the end of July so I am hoping to be at my goal weight of 135 by that time. I would be proud as a peacock to walk into that office at a healthy 135. The very first time I went into the office, I was probably at one of my heaviest weights. That was several years ago so I can't remember exactly what I weighed but I know it wasn't pretty. By my follow up appointment, several weeks later, I did manage to lose a few pounds but I'm not sure how much or what impact that had on my hormones. Anyway, bottom line is that I am hoping that this weight loss (and the rest of the weight I have to lose) has a large impact on the condition of my hormones because I am relying on that. Of course I want to be healthy and happy, but the hormone issue has been in the back of my head throughout this entire journey.

I am going through some challenges in my personal life at the moment so it is really important to me that I stick to the plan. Last night I was upset and I sent a text to my friend saying that if I had a package of cookies near me, would eat the entire thing. She responded that it's a good thing there aren't any cookies near me. I have done great so far turning to exercise to relieve my stress instead of turning to food. I need to keep that up because it is so much healthier for me. I know that food doesn't solve my problems (it actually makes the problems worse) so I just need to keep that in mind. I do think that my exercising and eating healthier has made it easier to deal with the stresses of life, and for that I am very grateful. It sure is an outlet and I will continue to use it in that way. I am hoping this week isn't as bad as I am anticipating it to be. The good thing is that exercise will be there for me no matter if it turns out good or bad. I can use it to celebrate, or I can use it to vent and get out my frustration. Not many things in life can pull double duty like that!

Anyway, enough venting... I need to get to work! I'm sure I will be checking in later with my tales of woe about being busy today. I NEED to make sure I get either a run in, or the gym. Otherwise, I might just go insane. Haven't had any formal exercise since Friday and my body is needing it. Have a great day everyone!
 
Chub rub is a cruel name for a cruel phenomenon... (They call it "wolf" here). Amazing work conquering it! Also: yay for supportive instructors and an awesome loss. You are doing amazing, girl!
 
Thank you, LaMaria. I think the 'real' word for chub rub is 'chaffing.' No matter what you call it, it is horrible and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It always puts a damper on a fun time so I am happy that it is decreasing in my life. Such a big deal now that it's summer and the heat and humidity will be way up for the next few months. Hoping to enjoy this summer, chub rub free!

The good thing about today was that my meeting at 6pm was canceled, which made it easier for me to get to the gym. I am not the biggest fan of cardio at the gym because I get slightly bored with the elliptical, stair master, etc. I will do them but it's not my favorite form of exercise. Since my meeting was canceled, I was able to make step class and didn't have to settle for a cardio machine! Before the step class, I also used some weight machines at the gym. Felt great to get some exercise in after not having any formal exercise over the weekend. I walked a good amount, but wasn't able to run or make it to the gym. I am happy to now be back to my normal routine. Step class felt great and it was a lot of fun.

I grabbed another pile of clothing from my attic. I have a big bin of summer clothes and clothes that I have not been able to fit into in some time. I am slowly going through them, keeping the clothes that fit (or will soon fit) and donating the clothes that are now too big for me. In this pile, I had a pair of green shorts that I was hoping to get into. Last time I tried them on, several months or so ago, they were too small. Happy to report that they are now too big and I will be donating them. I found a pair of jeans (size 8) that I loved. They are very low rise and are still too tight. I will be throwing them in the wash to be worn in hopefully a few weeks. Lastly, I found the dress that I wore to my first college graduation in 2011. It is a size 4. I had no idea that I was near a size 4 at that time, but I think I remember being surprised that it fit back then too. I do have pictures in the dress and do think that I looked good in it. I put that dress in the wash too and I am considering it my "goal dress." It'll give me something to look forward to fitting in again. When I wear it, I know I will be so proud to remember that I wore it 5 years ago and I can now fit into it again! I was able to get it on and zipped, just doesn't fit comfortably yet. Hopefully in a few weeks time I will be wearing it!

Unfortunately, the weather tomorrow is going to be rainy. I am disappointed because I really want to go for a run. I haven't been able to go since last Thursday! I will most likely end up at the gym. Wednesday is step class. Thursday looks promising for a run so I am really looking forward to that. I was talking to someone earlier about running and got to thinking about my goals. I really want to run a 5k (and eventually a 10k) race. The 5k I think I can do no problem since I regularly run 4 miles. The 10k, on the other hand, will be a challenge since I've only ever ran a 10k once. My BIG goal is that I want to run a half marathon someday. I really am not sure when I will aim to do that but I do know that it is going to be on my radar. I think the smaller races are a great place to start to really build up my endurance and confidence in myself.
 
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Congrats on the weight loss and a successful, AND what seems like a very fun weekend in NYC Kakes!!

I can relate to the "no medicines" policy...I'm like that as well...unless it's strictly necessary, and a health reason I cannot control through my own means, then I avoid taking a medicine/vitamin/shakes at all costs. That being said, since for you it's an hormone issue, then I would really listen to your doctors...do whatever treatments are deemed necessary, while also asking doctors what would you have to do in order to be "OFF" of the medication ASAP. It's important to trust the professionals/physicians who take care of you - you mentioned that you are also dealing with other personal struggles, and don't forget that you are in the process of building a healthier relationship with food, listening to these professionals may be an important step stone in your ability to achieve goals for a BETTER YOU!! ;-)

I love reading about all the progress and achievements you've had in the past few weeks...YOU CAN TOTALLY DO A RACE GIRL...believe in yourself, continue training...set some small goals (trying to improve time/or running an extra half mile every new week) and then sooner than you know you will be doing that 10k and a half marathon. The only person standing between you and your dreams is YOURSELF, and I have a feeling you are tired of just standing...so get to it and go on jogging, WE ARE HERE TO CHEER ON YOU EVERY STEP OF THE WAY!

XOXOX
 
Kakes- You are doing so well! I just caught up with the last couple of days & you made me smile :D No more chub rub :D Awesome! I think you can now do anything you set your mind to do xoxo Cate
 
CaliGirl, your words of encouragement mean so much! I agree with you about the medication... I have to listen to the doctor and become more informed on what this particular medication will do for my body. I think that will make me more apt to want to take it, knowing why specifically I need it. The best part of the situation is that the part that IS in my control (my weight) is improving. That's the positive piece in all this. I will certainly continue with my running and continue to push myself. I have been focusing on the distance for now (although slowing decreasing my times as well) so I think I will continue to do that until I really find myself in a groove. I think I can also mix it up and work on decreasing my 5k time, as I feel comfortable running those. I love having a goal and a plan. Makes a world of difference for me!

And I'm glad I could give you a laugh Cate! :)

Today is definitely not my day. I'm not sure what it is about Tuesdays but they are almost always very tough. Maybe I woke up on the wrong side of the bed or something... I'm not sure. I do know that I have a lot of stress on me currently, so that has something to do with it. Generally I am a positive person but this week I am finding it hard to be. The good news is that I am headed off to the gym in a few minutes. I hope to get in a good workout and let off some steam. I think I could benefit from running today but unfortunately it is too hot outside right now and then it is going to rain by the time it will be starting to cool off. I also don't want to even attempt to run on the treadmill, so cardio at the gym will have to do.
 
I kept my grumpiness under control and managed a good workout at the gym. 30 minutes on the elliptical, 15 minutes on the stair master, 15 minutes rowing machine, and some abs. Felt like a solid workout for me. Scale gave me 147.5 this morning and I'm a little surprised because I feel bloated and gross today.

I am itching to run but the weather has not been cooperating with me. Again it is supposed to rain this afternoon! Tonight is step class anyway so it kind of works out for the best. I will run tomorrow, which will make it a week since I last ran. Hoping that my body is charged up and I can get a good run in.

Anyway, when I shed a half pound more, I will have lost 25 pounds! That is so amazing and I am so excited! After that, I still want to lose 12 more pounds but I think of it this way... 25 pounds down, only 12 more to go! I am 2/3 of the way there.

Slightly nervous about what this summer will hold in terms of cookouts, drinking alcohol, going out, and not being home as much to make my own meals. It makes me nervous because I don't want to ruin the progress that I have made and I certainly don't want to get off track. That happened to me the last time. I was doing so well and then summer came and I slowly reverted back to my old ways and gained all of the weight back. I am not going to let that happen. I think I just need to take it one step at a time and keep my goals in my mind at all times. I also think I will allow myself to have some fun this summer (within reason) because if I am too hard on myself, I will probably just snap and throw in the towel,
 
Well something great just happened to me that I wanted to share while I am waiting for my class to start at the gym. I was at Target and I ran into someone I haven't seen in probably close to 9 months or so. The first thing she said to me was, "Damn! You've lost a lot of weight!" I could not contain my smile after that. Totally made my day. It came at the right time because I haven't been feeling the best today. I am constantly second guessing everything and driving myself crazy. I don't know why I am so unsure... I am seeing some great results so far. I just need to relax and keep it moving.

I decided to step my game up and attend two classes at the gym tonight, back to back. The first one is a "pump" class so it will be using some weights and focusing more on strength than cardio. I think I need to incorporate more strength into my workouts, so it'll be perfect. Then right after that I will be doing my normal step class. The good thing is that the instructor is the same for both. Looking forward to getting a really good sweat in tonight!!!
 
Kakes2 said:
I ran into someone I haven't seen in probably close to 9 months or so. The first thing she said to me was, "Damn! You've lost a lot of weight!" I could not contain my smile after that. Totally made my day.
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Well meant kindness. It can't possibly be over-rated! :D
So happy for you, honey. You deserve that!
You know, I have faith in you & really feel that you can make better choices over Summer. You can still have fun & I think you know that feeling healthy is much better than the alternative. I think I had similar misgivings & uncertainty when I lost my weight back in 2007. You expect everything to be better when you lose weight, but if you had self-doubts before, they don't just disappear instantly.
Find the time to be kind to yourself & give yourself credit for everything you have achieved & are still achieving. The world is your oyster Kakes & you can make plans & work towards them. There is lots of room in there for fun & enjoying life.
I think you are going great! xoxo Cate
 
Cate, you are so right. It is going to be interesting for me to find the balance between having fun and also sticking to my goals. My goals are my goals and I won't stray from them, summer just adds another element since there is more temptation. I am not going to let cookouts and day trips ruin everything that I have worked so hard to achieve these past few months. I have only begun to lay the foundation for my new healthy life and there is still a lot of work to do. Of course I celebrate lots of small victories, but the biggest victory to me will be maintaining my best, healthiest body. I'm certainly one step closer to that (and one more step away from my old unhealthy self) but I realize that every single day counts. I will have lots of fun this summer, there is no doubt. However, I am not equating "fun" with "unhealthy eating and lack of exercise." Healthy eating and exercising are a huge part of my life now, and I want to keep it that way!

Next Friday is my last day of work (I'm a teacher). I will then have 3 whole weeks off! I am sure I will be spending lots of time exercising to fill my time... hopefully swimming in the pool or at the beach! July 5th I will start teaching summer school, half days, 730am - 1130am. It'll be great because I will be up and moving nice and early and will allow me to create a good schedule for during the week. I don't have any concerns with sticking to my healthy food choices during the week. I think I have found myself in a groove that is working so I will stick to it. The temptation will be friends wanting to go out to eat on the weekends. I simply will deal with those occasions one at a time. Not going to stress myself out now. I have control over the food I eat and the drinks I drink so I will figure it out and not ruin my progress!

A lot of what I write on here is positive, and for the most part, this experience has been very positive. I have had a good amount of success in both my weight loss and my overall health. This morning, however, it was not positive. It was quite the opposite. I was trying to get dressed for work and I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. I was searching my closet for something, anything to wear. I could not find one single thing that I felt comfortable in. Now I must say, the main problem is that a lot of my clothing is now too big. I have started to clean out my summer clothes from my attic, but had not had the chance to clean my actual closet. While I am so happy that a lot of clothing is too big, that did not solve my problem. I still needed to get dressed for the day. I was not upset that I was smaller. In fact, I'm not exactly sure what I was upset about. I tried on a few things that actually still do fit, but even those clothes weren't doing it for me either. Looking back now, I think I was just angry and frustrated. I realize that I have never looked in the mirror as frequently as I do now. I feel very vain because I am constantly looking at different parts of my body. Sometimes I am happy with what I see and sometimes I am very unhappy. This morning, I was unhappy! I finally settled on a dress that is a tad too big, but I felt comfortable in it. Besides, I was running super late and was practically sprinting out the door! Tonight I actually cleaned out a good amount of clothing from my closet in order to avoid another ordeal like that. I have a huge stack of clothing that I am going to donate to others. Of course I'm not left with a ton of options but that will be a problem for another day. I have seven days of school left, so surely I can scrounge up enough clothing to make it work.

Like I said in my earlier post, I decided to take two classes at the gym tonight, back to back. The first was a pump class and I really liked it. A lot different than any other class I've taken. Up until a few weeks ago, I was afraid of anything to do with weights. Now I am embracing them and realizing how important it is to lift weights in addition to cardio. I think I will be sore tomorrow but I am excited for it. Then I had my usual step class. I was afraid I was going to be dead after doing another class but it was quite the opposite. I had a burst of energy and had a lot of fun.

Tomorrow I am running, come hell or high water! These past few days, there was been rain on the forecast but we have barely gotten any rain. In other words, I probably could have squeezed in a run. It's okay though because I've done other exercise and it's been good. Tomorrow I am hoping for a really solid run, especially since I haven't run in a week. Have to keep in mind my goal of entering a few races in the future and work toward those. Never thought I would see the day when I was excited to go for a run. I've come so far and don't intend to stop anytime soon!
 
Kakes, you have made SO MUCH improvement over the last few months...you know that and you need to start believing in yourself girl. This aspect is just as important as the weight loss in itself...you need to gain confidence that you are in control of things like "exercise" and "food intake (how you choose to nourish your body)". Let me tell you a little story about myself...I used to be bullied a lot when I was little, and the only reason why that never hurt me to the point of causing any damage it was because NOT FOR 1 SEC. I believed what people were saying about me...to this day I still do what I did when I was little, I wake up every day and tell myself how beautiful am I inside and out and that I can achieve anything I want as long as I work hard for it...and no one can tell me otherwise. I don't know if this would work for you, it may sound silly for a lot of people, but do this (forcibly) for 30 days in a row...look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself a pep-talk on how wonderful you are every day for the next 30 days!! ;-) YOU DESERVE IT!!!

Re. summer...keep setting goals and making plans and sticking to them...for example, whenever I am on vacation I do work-out less and am less cautious about my food choices, but I stick to making good food choices at least 4 days a week and doing planned work-outs (like the ones I do at my gym but with modifications) a minimum of 3 days a week. On the days I don't make it to the gym/do planned work-outs, I am OBLIGATED to do an outside activity that will keep my body moving (whether it's 30min./1hr or whatever) - the important thing is to move your body out of old sedentary ways EVERY SINGLE DAY, even if just for a bit.

Sending you a big hug.

Xoxox
 
CaliGirl, you give some awesome advice! Your story about bullying is a perfect example of 'mind over matter' and I hope I can get myself to a place where I can really listen to myself. About the summer and vacations, I think your suggestion of modifying things will work perfect for me when I am not home. I don't think I will be taking any extended vacations this summer, just some day trips and weekend trips I think. I will be sure to do some outside activities if I can't make it to the gym or on a run. I have to be flexible with my routine but not willing to let myself slip. That will be the key.

And thank you, LaMaria!!

Thankfully this morning I was able to get dressed without a mental breakdown. Again I wore clothes that are too big for me, but whatever. At least I was dressed. Had two hardboiled egg and some blueberries for breakfast. Watermelon for a snack. I bought some habanero salsa yesterday so I am excited to try that on something.

It is quite windy outside today so I hope I don't blow over on my run! It's nearly 2pm right now, so I will probably hit the pavement around 4pm. In the meantime, I might try to sort through some more clothing. I want to figure out exactly what fits and what doesn't so that I don't have extra stuff hanging around. It's a bit frustrating because I need to buy new clothes but I plan on losing more weight so that probably isn't the best idea. I suppose I have enough to get me through the next week or so and then I have 3 weeks off where I can wear whatever I choose. When I start my summer job on July 5th, I will certainly need to purchase some work-appropriate attire. Hopefully it'll be in a smaller size :)
 
Just got back from my run and I am happy to say that I ran a true 10K for the first time! The last time I came really close, I walked a half mile in the middle. This time, I ran the WHOLE time!!! So stinking proud of myself. I don't even care about how long it took me. I am just happy that I did it. I was hoping to get 4 miles today, then I pushed myself to 5, then I figured I would just run the last one so that I could come on here and say I ran a 10K! Haha, kind of kidding about that last part. Maybe... :)

My left knee is hurting a tad but the pain wasn't as bad, so I could keep running. I am thinking it might have something to do with the fact that some sidewalks are slanted. I might be imagining this but I tried to run on the side of the street instead of the sidewalk as much as I could. It was a flatter surface. Either that or it could be the way that I run that is hurting my knee. It just strange that it's only one of my knees.

Aside from that, I was feeling great during the whole run. My breathing was steady, I wasn't too hot, it was smooth sailing. SO happy that I ran today!
 
Sounds great! Over here sidewalks have to be slightly slanted to avoid puddles from forming. Which is hell on folks with wheelchairs/walkers, but I can definitely feel it in my weaker knee, too.
 
Thank you Cate! And LaMaria, thank you for saying that because I wasn't sure if I was imagining that the sidewalks are slanted. I wonder if I am not supposed to run on the side of the street but I am going to do that as much as I can to avoid the slanted sidewalks. It is just the slightest slant but I swear it must be what is bothering my knee.

147.0 on the scale today and that marks 25 pounds lost since the beginning of this journey! Yay! My starting weight of 172 was actually at the end of January when I went to the doctors so I am not sure how much I weighed when I started my healthier life on March 28. I actually assume I might have weighed slightly more than that, but nonetheless, I am using 172 to make my life easy. Any way you slice it, I have lost 25 pounds and I am so happy. I think back and I cannot imagine carrying another 25 pounds around on this frame. I feel much healthier now, so it only motivates me more to wonder how great I will feel in another few months!

My main goal is to get down to 135 and I know that I can do that this summer. No idea about the timeline of that, but I'll take it as it comes. My next mini goal will be getting down to 142 (that'll be 30 pounds lost!) and I think I can make that happen before the end of June. It's 5 more pounds that I would be thrilled to get rid of forever! No matter what, I am continuing on with my plan of healthy eating and working out as much as I can. I am not letting ANYTHING get in the way of my goals.

Today I came home from work, applied to some jobs, and got my butt to the gym. I did 30 minutes on the stair master, stretching and abs, then 6 different arm/leg machines. What I have been doing is either an hour of cardio (no weights) OR 30 minutes of cardio with weights. I'm not sure what other people do for workouts in terms of intensity and duration but it seems to be working for me. Then of course I go for runs and walks and now pump or step classes. I have several options of workouts and I think the combination is giving me a great balance. For example, I made sure to do weights today so that I could go for a long walk outside tomorrow and not have to step foot in the gym. I do like the gym but I also like a break from it once in a while.

Tonight I am off to my cousin's graduation. I am going to make sure to eat dinner before I go and I will bring some carrots as a snack. Lately I have been more inclined to eat fruit and have found myself not so excited about vegetables. I may need to hit up the grocery store tomorrow and get some fresh ones to motivate me a little. The rest of this weekend, I'm not sure what I will be up to but I will be sure to keep my eating under control. I have goals and I can't let anything get me off track!

Happy weekend everyone!

PS- Last week I was talking about how I wanted ice cream. Happy to report that I haven't had any yet. I'm saving that for a very special occasion. :)
 
Your posts are an amazing reminder of how great it is to feel in control!

Just what I need these days :) so thank you!

You're doing amazingly well on all fronts and a massive well done to you1!!
 
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