Looking to lose an extra human I apparently picked up along the way

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I agree with Cate! We need you back Vee! I'm getting caught up on diaries and sad to see it's been so long since you've posted. I hope all is well with you.
 
171.5 this morning, so everything hasn't completely gone off the rails in my absence. I suppose it can be considered "good news" that these days my depression issues no longer mean gaining a bunch of weight while I try and deal with them.

Been a very busy month as March always is for me. All sorts of work friends and colleagues come pouring in for the month and I try and catch up with folks. There was a big conference last week and I spent Thursday through Sunday hanging with friends I see once or twice a year.

That was great and tons of fun, but it was a stark reminder how much I don't like being alone all the time, which is what things are like most of the year. It's not even a dating thing (though that's part of it), I simply have very rare opportunities to actually spend time with and talk to people. My only option is usually to go to a bar and talk to the bartenders, and that unfortunately necessitates beers.

I'm also acutely feeling like I'm simply running out of time to make any meaningful change in this situation. Took a picture of me yesterday and it looked like I've aged 10 years and gained 30 pounds since Xmas (though I've only aged 3 months and actually lost a pound or two). So I guess the solution is to stop backsliding and re-dedicate myself to being as truly exceptional as I can be: make as much money as I can and (more importantly) look as good as I can.

The good news: I'm under contract for another year at my job with a small raise. At a pound a week I'm only about 16 weeks away from a weight where I should be "shredded." And my lifts when I workout have mostly gone up slightly and have not gone down anywhere. These are things that i'm in position to capitalize on, so I better do so.

So anyway, sorry for being gone so long, and double sorry for coming back when I'm maybe not in the best of shape emotionally, but I'm nowhere close to giving up and I do have some optimism still that I can be better. So I'm gonna run with that for now.

Happy St. Patrick's Day.

--
V
 
Good to see you back V. Good news on not eating your feelings. I used to do that all the time. Happy- I ate- Depressed-I ate- Mad -I ate. Well you get the idea. The good thing is that you recognize the feeling and you are going to do something about it. I am not sure of your history but it sounds like you have the right idea. Being the best you can be can be hard some times, but it is worth it in the end. You will get through this and this forum and the people within will help - me included. You have come a long way and it isn't over yet. The best is still out there waiting for you!
 
MrVee said:
So anyway, sorry for being gone so long, and double sorry for coming back when I'm maybe not in the best of shape emotionally, but I'm nowhere close to giving up and I do have some optimism still that I can be better. So I'm gonna run with that for now.
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You never have to apologise to us Vee. (I must tell you that I was about 1 day off sending you a pm though). I guessed you were down & I have missed you. I have really been helped by your support with our son & I do understand why you have been absent. I wish I had some answers, other than the ones you already know. We like it when you're around & I feel that most of us have become good friends. Try not to hide when you do get down. As you say your job has you isolated as it is. Sharing your feelings I know is not seen as "manly", but here is safe.
It's good to have you back, xoxo
 
I haven´t been any good at keeping up with other people´s diaries lately but I´m very happy to see you back here. This place is somehow not the same when you´re not around.
 
I appreciate it, guys.

171 this morning. Some left over corned beef awaits for lunch. Not exactly the healthiest of meats, but tasty nonetheless.

Have the sniffles for some reason. Hopefully it's not the start of a cold and just some sort of allergy thing. Used to have allergies all the time, but like a lot of other minor health things, they seemed to go away after I dropped all the weight. Will take a benadryl and see what happens.
 
I think that not being in the best place emotionally is just when you need to be here.

Thanks for coming back Vee!
 
Thanks Q. And I know that the support here definitely helps in that regard. Oddly enough I feel a little embarrassed coming on here and complaining about my struggles when it's so obvious how far I've come. Feels like I'm being ungrateful or taking my success for granted or something like that. I want to provide support to others, and when I'm all messed up with my low self-worth, I don't feel like I can do that very well.

Anyway, 171 again today. A pound a week at 16 weeks gets me to 155 and likely a very lean weight. Possibly too lean, but we'll see. Being a little too lean doesn't really scare me, since if there's one thing I already know how to do, it's gain weight. To get there I have to stop having my emotional meltdowns and just focus; I am too damn close to mess this up.
 
Hey Vee, I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling some lately. Keep your chin up, yeah? Have you considered trying to joi some kind of social club or doing some kind of volunteer work? I just moved to a new area and realized I have no idea how to actually make new friends, considering I've had the same ones since I was about 14 and I'm hoping to do some volunteer work at the animal shelter or something. That'd be a good way to meet some people, not have it be in a bar setting, and do some good work at the same time. Either way, what you've accomplished is amazing and don't get down over a little backslide.
 
MrVee said:
Feels like I'm being ungrateful or taking my success for granted or something like that. I want to provide support to others, and when I'm all messed up with my low self-worth, I don't feel like I can do that very well.
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Get those thoughts right out of your head Vee. I don't see anyone in the forum who is not here for the mutual support. Just being here helps us all. Please stop giving yourself such a hard time.
 
:seeya:Welcome Back!

I hope you feel better in every area! :)

RE: Sniffles/Possible Allergy/Sinus Issues - We are loving our new Vicks Cool Mist Humidifier.
What a difference!
View attachment 23627 $39 at Wal-Mart.
It is even reducing hubby's snoring!
:party::beerchug: *TeeHee!*

When you can wake up and breathe, that always starts the day off better. lol :)
 
Yeah, I know Cate. Ultimately my self-flagellation does come from a good spot (I try to set a high standard for myself) , but I do need to cut myself a little slack from time to time.

172 This morning. Got my cardio workout in and getting my housework done. Been so busy this month I've neglected my grocery shopping, so will have to do that today as well. Work sent me a laptop to use for when I'm out and about (and away on work) which is a nifty little perk. going to get it all squared away in the next few days so it will be ready to do my bidding.
 
I'm really kind of excited, because one of my complaints has been that being stuck in my house all day everyday kinda makes me stir crazy. Now I can head to a coffee shop a couple times a week to do some work and just be out and about. At $10-$15 a week (at most) in coffee, that's not much and probably worth it to my mental health. Plus it may help me dedicate more focus on work without all of the distractions of home.
 
Sounds good to me :) I'm looking at doing volunteer work in the woods or gardens of Vienna in order to combine forcing myself to go outside with getting to know new people who may not get on my nerves too much.
Seeing you struggle - though I'm pretty sure we'd all wish easier stuff and more self-love on you - reminds me that I don't have to be superhuman to accomplish major things. Normal people patiently chipping away at their goals can actually get there, too.
Also: a big box full of hugs for use in emergencies is on its way to you right now.
 
With work paying for the laptop you're recouping the cost of coffee for at least a year. The obvious downside is the limited options for pants optional coffee shops.
 
Thanks for the hugs, LaMa. Much appreciated.

My first coffee shop attempt yesterday had disco BLARING on the outdoor patio the whole time. Seriously, people?

Anyway 170 this morning. Getting back into the groove.

Weather has been and continues to be just wonderful. Trying to get a lot of outdoor walking in just to enjoy it all. Will help me drop weight too.
 
Disco blaring? :eek:
170 is excellent Vee. It's good that you feel that you are back in the groove. Wonderful weather & walking- what could be wrong with that?
 
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